Gratitude

Trying to balance the nonstop fear mongering and chaos with a little gratitude.  I know I have struggled with this in the past and probably will continue to do so.  It is hard to remove myself from the algorithm of chaos.  I like listening to podcasts, daily.  I rotate between the Daily Beans, I've Had it, Pod Save America, The Rational Boomer, Fast times with Molly Jong Fast and the Bulwark.  Oh, and Joy Reid.  I do love her show.  

Typically, I listen to the Daily Beans.  I find it somewhat uplifting with their good news segment that they offer daily.  That inspires me and makes me hopeful that there are people out there that are just as pissed off at what is happening in the world. Plus, they offer creative solutions for resistance or finding joy.  In addition, I read Heather Cox Richardson, Jess Craven of Chop Wood, Carry Water and another Heather on facebook.  She also offers a daily synopsis of the barrage of shit being flung at us.  Unfortunately, I cannot remember her full name.  Recently, I found her and have read what she has posted due to it offering optimism and lack of bias.  She reports the news.  I listen to IHIP news, daily.  Those two gals are witty and do not give a fuck about cussing or telling it like it is.  Refreshing.  

In an attempt to balance out the nonstop chaos and fear, I am wanting to write more.  Journal.  Express gratitude for the beauty in life.  Practice grounding as well.  Getting outside and walking at a park is essential.  That connection with nature to calm the nervous system and decrease the stress/cortisol spike.  As I am navigating the early stages of the change, I need to decrease stress.  I can feel how my body is absorbing this.  I have a naggy shoulder and my hips are experiencing achiness due to the lack of estrogen.  Sexy topics, I know.  But we, as women, should be talking about the change and how we are experiencing it.  There is a definite lack of knowledge/research and how to maneuver this.  Dealing with aching hips is not sustainable.  I know this.  It affects my sleep and comfort.  Moreover, there are so many women in my life that are experiencing the same things.  But we have been taught to not talk about it.  We need to talk about this awakening and encourage openness.

In other news, I am concerned about the lack of awareness of the SAVE Act and what it is attempting to achieve.  Disenfranchising women.  Creating a poll tax and hoops to jump through in order to be able to vote.  It is voter suppression and aimed at eliminating women's voices.  Saying that, I know that I will have the right to vote.  I have not married so my legal name is reflected on my birth certificate.  I know where my birth certificate is and I have a passport.  I have had a passport since I was fifteen years old as traveling as always been in my blood.  

I spoke to one of my sisters and asked her if she was aware of the SAVE act.  She said no.  I told her to research it and what it means to women and girls.  I sent a video because I couldn't help myself, but I don't think she watched it.  I think she thinks I am being a conspiracy theorist like my mom has been at times.  My mother likes to send random messages which I ignore.  I am not going to apologize for it.  Some of the things that she has sent or believes, I do not agree with.  I question where she receives her news but then remember that she lives in a small town.  And I acknowledge that I am in my own echo chamber currently.  I am being propagandized, too.  And thrown a ton of fear, instability and lack of resources.  

I realize that we should all be curious and questioning decisions that this administration is making.  Specifically with the SAVE Act.  How is this beneficial to citizens?  We already have to show proof of identity to vote.  Why now the extra layers of security to prove citizenship?  A driver's license will no longer be adequate if your name changed due to marriage, divorce.  

I am trying to have more of my community seek out answers.  I posted a few items on facebook and apparently it irritated someone that I have known for almost thirty years.  He and I do not agree politically.  Nor have we ever.  I am not surprised by his stance only that why does he feel the need to comment on my page?  This isn't the first time he has made some jackass comment either.  I cannot remember the first one, but it was derogatory towards women.  It felt directed at me and choices that I have made in my life.  And it felt like he believed he should be able to tell me how to live.  Very dismissive and totally out of line with how I live my life.  I cannot change his perspective.  I know this from experience, but I will not engage with him either.  It is pointless.  I am never going to agree with minimizing women's rights or forcing women back into the kitchen.  For far too long, we have been expected to provide emotional support, raise children and dim our lights.  No more!

So I will journal, meditate and try to turn off the hyper focusing of the shit show of what is happening in the world.  Find some joy.  Hug your pet if have one.  Love your life.

More of the same

I was so hopeful for 2026.  In some ways, I still am.  There are cracks in the hold of the administration.  

I see them and sense it.  However, there is more violence and a ramp up of attacks on women.  I knew in 2016 that this would be a disaster for women.  When he was re-elected, I told my friends how terrible this would be.  I remember saying--they are coming for women.  These conservative men hate us.  They hate that there are independent women who are self-reliant, capable and autonomous.

I was told to calm down that I was overreacting.

While the daily chaos ensues, they are promoting some return to family values bull shit.  Their idea of family values is where a woman should be married and with children by the age of 30.  They are penalizing women who do not follow their game plan.  Taxing us for choosing to not have children or be married.  It is insanity and yet, here we are. I do not think people are paying attention.  Women are under attack.

There is resistance all over the world.  And I am seeing more people step into the game.  I encourage everyone to get involved.  Stand up for your rights and communities.  2026 started with a continuation of the absolute shit of 2025.  Only rapidly increasing.  The shooting of Renee Good and Alex Pretti is finally displaying the cruelness of the current administration.  They are now shooting American citizens in broad daylight.  More people are recognizing the callousness of anyone who doesn't support their ideology.  

Of course, it has always been this way.  They have executed and disappeared people of color for many years. It should have been stopped before now.  We should be standing up for all communities not only paying attention because it is happening to us now.  

There is awakening and hope.  I will continue to do what I can.  I have been calling representatives, donating to a food pantry and continuing to develop community.  Keeping it as local as possible.  I have been taking breaks too.  It is a lot to process and unbelievable that this is happening.  

I wish I had a barrel sauna or bathtub.  Seriously, I could use a place to decompress and submerge or sweat out my toxins.  

Try to stay hopeful.  Knowing there are more of us that are likeminded who do not support this madness.  

2025 Recap

What a shit year.  Disappointing and eye opening.  Recognizing that there are people in my life who support ICE raids.  Disgusting.  And their defense is that the people they are deporting or placing in alligator alcatraz are criminals.  

They are not deporting mostly criminals.  Instead, they are antagonizing immigrants that have sought asylum or are citizens.  Tackling pregnant women to separate them from their children.  Yes.  That is what this country should be known for.  Having masked men randomly discriminate against black and brown people.  Oh and somali's because they are antagonizing the streets of Minneapolis.  This year has sucked in so many ways.

The passing of the Big Beautiful Bill is yet to be understood how it will affect you and people within your community.  There is nothing good about this bill outside of giving tax cuts to the .000001--people who do not need a tax cut.  These people should pay taxes for their companies that utilize public services--streets, public transportation, etc.  For example, why is it okay that Bezos tried to pay the city of Venice to host his wedding back in the summer?  I feel like he paid an exorbitant amount thinking people would applaud him.  Instead, locals boycotted and had signs to illustrate how disgusting his decision was.  People do not applaud that abuse of wealth.   In addition, losing regulations and not feeling bad about it.  The amount of water it takes to cool down an AI center is out of control.  Instead of AI companies pay for the water, they are pushing these rising costs to consumers.  Why are these policies not being challenged?

In happier times, I have been more interested in my community.  I know all of my neighbor's names.  (not that I like them all, but I know who they are).  A few of them are genuine friends.  I share food with Lee and Courtney routinely.  I have connected with a few colleagues.  I take the bus.  I frequent my coffee shop with my reuseable cup.  I support small businesses along Colfax.  

I acknowledged things I can no longer control in regard to my family.  Instead of doing what I would normally do, I chose my own well-being.  I do not need to hurt myself in order to make my family feel better.  This has taken me years to understand.

I taught a yoga retreat in Santa Fe.  I was scared.  Again.  2023/2024, I wanted to host a retreat.  This year, I did.  It was great.  I recognize ways to improve and be a better host.  Isn't that what life is all about?

I feel better about my relationship with Tom.  More grounded, honest and open.  I cannot wait for tomorrow.  I don't know if it will be better.  Probably more bull shit from this administration.  It is nonstop.  However, I know I made it through another year.  

And that I wasn't wrong in 2015 when he won and how terrible he would be.  I never forgot the Grab them by the Pussy.  That should have been the red line for everyone.  Instead, the goal posts moved.  Again.  Again.  Again.

It made me lose so much respect for people that support him.  Support the narcissism.  The bulling.  The racism.  Misogyny.  Tout the religious line.  

I grew up Catholic.  In no way, shape or form would my priest promote what they are doing.  Or profit off this.  

This year has been crap.  Let's move forward an embrace community and togetherness.

Moving forward

Focus on your health.  Mental, emotional or physical.  Last night hearing that the healthcare subsidies will not be extended was a gut punch.  There was no reason to vote to fund the government without having any concessions.  I do not understand why we are paying taxes.  Taxes for what?  We are currently losing rights and services that benefit everyone.  Yes, we should be taxed to secure infrastructure.  But this healthcare loss is huge.  People will lose coverage and die.

As a result, my sleep was basically nonexistent last night.  All of this year I have struggled with sleep.  I realized today that I need to shift my perspective.  These people will do nothing to help us.  They are only interested in funding their own lives.  I cannot rely on them to do the right thing.  Clearly, they choose self-interest over community good each time.  Taking away SNAP benefits from states that have released them is ridiculous.  Truly, they hate poor people.  

I love the hypocrisy of being pro-life.  Pro-life to save every child.  But then you strip away food benefits, childcare, healthcare.  What is the point?  Setting up people for a life of servitude that only benefits the oligarchs.  It is gross.

I need to find a way to wrap my head around what will be coming.  I am healthy, physically.  Mentally, I need to make some changes.  I need to sleep and heal my body.  More meditation since I do not think I can sustain much longer.  Lack of sleep is a real thing.

There have been some positives this year.  I am more connected to my neighbors.  I know more than just their names.  I have shared food with several of them and next week I am co-hosting a dinner.  I have ways to give back to the community that keep me accountable.  I am matching funds from wine lunches and contributing them to the food bank this month.  Supporting local restaurants, coffee shops and walking along Colfax.  If you live in Denver, you know how difficult it is to drive on this street currently.  They are building a bus line in the middle of the road.  They keep changing lanes to build the lines.  I think the project will take two and a half years.  

The road construction is killing local businesses.  There are a few that seem to be thriving--a liquor store and take out Thai spot.  Due to proximity to corner lots and some parking.  I am thankful for the businesses that are open.  A few coffee shops, pizza parlors, sushi.  Support your local spot.  Build your community.  Stop funding convenience.  Be it data, chain restaurants or big stores.  They do not care about you or your needs.  They want your money.  Stop buying into the system that continues to screw you over.

Hope

Finally feeling a little better about life.  Yesterday was more than a glimmer.  It displayed that there are many people who do not agree with this administration or supporting the oligarchy.  That working class people want the government to represent their needs not only tax them to fund tax cuts for the billionaires.  I have attended a few protests in the last year and saw a rupture in the belief in the mandate of November 2024.  

I watched Mamdani's speech last night.  What an incredible human being.  Gifted orator and represents everyone.  I am thrilled that he won his mayoral race.  He will face many challenges, and it will be an uphill battle.  Still, I think he accomplishes more than is anticipated.  

Something about him and learning from other people's mistakes and inability to push through legislation.  I remember in 2008 when Obama won.  Where I was watching the election results and how hopeful I was for his presidency.  I voted for him twice and if he were to run, again, I would support him.  I think he would be able to achieve more now.  I don't know.  I am rambling but hopeful.  Hopeful for all of the women that were elected.  All of the diversity that is visible.  We need representation from each group of people, not only white men.  I am horrified by the number of white women who continue to vote against their own interests.  Not only their interests, but their daughters and granddaughters.  It makes no sense.  Still, my generation doesn't waiver.  There is still 45-49% support for this dipshittery.  The promotion of the Handmaid's Tale.  It doesn't make any sense to me.  Why would you promote stripping rights you have enjoyed from future generations or you moving forward?  Do women not understand the end game?  Putting us back in the home without any financial autonomy?  

Yesterday displayed that people are paying attention.  Denver voted to tax the rich to provide free breakfast and lunch to all students.  We should all be supporting this measure.  In every town and city.  We voted for a new direction.  Not more of the same by electing Zohran Mamdani.  By electing women to lead states.  Times are changing and people are willing to support different ideas.  It is not business as usual.  Finally, people are listening to AOC and Bernie.

I had the opportunity to attend their meet up in Denver.  30,000-35,000 attended.  It was amazing.  

Let's build on this.  Make politicians accountable for their votes.  Stop enabling tax cuts for the wealthy because you are afraid of someone you don't understand or know.  They pit us against each other.  They laugh at us for not pushing back.

Why is it that suddenly there is compassion if it affects you directly?  Let's build and be hopeful.

Gratitude

This is the month of gratitude in my opinion.  If you are able to donate to a food bank, please do.  If you are able to share with your neighbors, that is an option as well.  We should be building community instead of trying to remain individualistic.  

I forget that I am not alone.  This past year has proven that.  More and more recently.  There are more like-minded people who do not agree with this current administration or what they are trying to achieve.  Pushing a religious agenda on people.  Taxing the working class and not providing anything that supports the tax.  Why are we being taxed to fund billionaire tax cuts?  What is the end game?  People will stop buying stuff.  How do businesses make money when no one is purchasing?

Better yet, AI is the future, and it is overusing water and electricity.  Taxing the grid but these companies are not confronting this.  Instead, individual consumers are feeling that overuse.  Lack of water, rise of costs and no end in sight.  Who is benefitting from these decisions?  At what point do we stop?  Do we push back and say no?

Why are we allowing these tone-deaf people to continue to rub our faces in it?  Throwing a Gatsby style party while SNAP benefits are cut?  Demolishing the East Wing of the White House when no plans have been approved?  Doing things and not expecting any sort of push back?  When do people push back?  That there isn't support for this corruption.  That not everyone embraces white supremacy.  That diversity isn't rejected.  I drive through small towns that have a church, a post office and depression.  There is no livelihood in these places.  No accepting other cultures or unknowns.  In some ways, I want to be sympathetic.  Maybe you don't know because you don't know any other way.  But, why is that?  Why are you opposed to considering a different perspective, culture, religion?  Why do you think your way is the only way?  

Returning to gratitude, take time to consider how you can be thankful.  I am planning on matching my dining out this month and making a contribution to my local food bank.  Might keep me honest.  Definitely will keep me thankful.

Successful retreat

Yoga retreat was a success!  As much as I could have planned it better, in hindsight, there is never the ideal time to host a retreat.  Some of the feedback I was given was to wait to confirm a place until people have committed.

In theory, that is legit.  I do understand the reasoning, and I tried to do that last year.  However, if I waited for people to commit to it and watched the numbers, I would have convinced myself to wait, again.  I would not have offered the retreat. I do not know how to explain that to someone or justify it.  It only makes sense when you are in it.

Regardless, successful retreat.  Four ladies, Japanese spa, six yoga sessions.  All beneficial.  Terrific food prepared by Chef Tom.  I am so thankful for his presence in my life.  He made breakfast burritos, lox and bagels, sesame crusted tuna, frito pie and individual omelets for the ladies.  I changed up the yoga, offered some adjustments, breathwork and more core.  I think I will offer inversions in future workshops.  I am grateful for the yoga community that supports me.

More later.