Speaking up more & correcting bad habits

Today I walked into my landlord's bank.  I am required to deposit my rent at her bank instead of dropping a check off to her.  Keep in mind she lives in the unit above me and so that would be the preferred option.  In all of my years of renting from her, I have paid her directly only during my first month of renting and Covid.  Even during Covid, it was only a few months where she allowed us to pay her directly.

At any rate, I walk into her credit union and there are two tellers working.  Four people in line.  The parking lot was full and so I wasn't that surprised at the line.  Another teller jumped in to manage the line and I was patiently waiting.  I know Nora's account number and the requirements of the transaction.  Waiting in line was not a deterrent.

An older gentleman emerged from the back of the bank.  He passed by me to go to the bathroom.  I didn't think much of him.  I figured he had finished his business and wanted to use the bathroom before departing.  However, when my turn to approach the available teller, this man reappears and hijacks my spot.  He had another question for the teller.

I did not interrupt him.  I was surprised that he felt he could do that.  And perhaps, I relied on that he was elderly.  Honestly, I don't know why I didn't say anything to him.  In hindsight, I should have.  He could have waited in line like the rest of us were.  Behind me was an even older (elderly) guy who needed to sit down while he was waiting to check in.  This entitled man felt comfortable making himself a priority.  

The teller assisting him rolled her eyes when he approached but didn't say anything to prohibit it.  I made a comment to the gal that helped me and she apologized.  Still, no one said anything to this entitled man.  I want to stop deferring to people who feel entitled.  Start calling people out for their terrible behavior.  I need to unlearn this polite behavior.  If someone jumps the queue or is an asshole, I want to say something.  I am tired of enabling this crappy behavior.  

In addition, I am surprised at the amount of people who continue to talk while eating.  It is such a disgusting habit.  I do not want to watch you chew your food and talk at me.  I feel like it is occurring more frequently.  How have we, collectively, forgotten how to exist in society?  No one wants to watch people consume their food while talking.  It is deplorable.  

Do better.  That is all I am suggesting.  

I would not behave that way.  Why is it that some people feel it is okay to only focus on their needs and wants?  It was really irritating.  I feel like I have been taught to defer to elderly people or men.  The tellers were mostly female.  As irritated as they were with this guy, they didn't correct him either.  We must do better.

No more dimming your light or making yourself smaller to accommodate a mediocre person.  

Gratitude and reminders

Every day I am reminded the importance of connection and community.  I did not have a cell phone until 2006.  I was very resistant to attain one.  All of my friends had them, but I was determined to let people call my land line and leave a message if they needed to contact me.   I suppose that was somewhat arrogant, but I didn't care.  I did not want to be available to people at all times.  

Then Brian died.  It was terrible and I was trying to figure out how to navigate it.  What made sense to me probably wouldn't speak to most people.  I refused to go to grief counseling.  Instead, I chose to take a couple road trips.  At that point, I knew I would want a cell phone to ensure that I could contact my people and feel comfortable.  So I bought some random flip phone (yes, I am that old).  I signed up with T-Mobile since Tiffany and Jimmy both used that service.  

Eventually I added data and felt more comfortable using the phone.  I upgraded to an android but have never felt it necessary to consider an I-phone or the latest model of an android.  I have opted to find a phone that isn't too expensive and that is reliable.  I use it for my business and keeping in contact with friends.  It tracks my steps, takes photos, allows for texts.  I use it often.  Too much if I am being honest.  It is not at all where I thought I would end up.  

Technology has enabled some good things.  The opportunity to book cars to get to and from.  Booking airline tickets, looking at reviews, enhancing photos...And opened us up to a ton of vile things.  Surveillance, tracking, paying more for receiving less.  Cutting out the human connection.  As much as some people want to promote AI, I would prefer speaking to a human being.  Hearing the emotions in their voice and being able to discern what the issue is.  There are issues with being technologically reliant.  It becomes more apparent when people become angry, depressed, afraid, ashamed, embarrassed.  A machine cannot correct that.  You need human connection.  

I was reminded today about compassion.  We need connection and interaction.  Someone we trust and that we know is in our corner.  AI cannot achieve that.  

I am thankful for my community and how it is expanding and evolving.  That is all I am going to reflect on.  And I will listen to my radio more and eliminate using my phone.  I must break up with the surveillance tracking and monopolization of my time.  There is a reason for human interaction.

Celebrate, enjoy and taste life~

Habits

When July started, I signed up for this tai chi walking challenge.  Figuring, why not?  What do I have to lose to try out this guided walking challenge?  Multiple ads had found their way to my social media.  I was inundated on instagram, facebook and youtube.  In route to a much-needed pedicure, I signed up.  Of course, doing this while driving is not the smartest or safest thing to do.  I can be impulsive and midway through the process I was doubting myself.  Yet, committed to the process with the promise of a discount.  The discount is also the hook that reels me in.

I have been struggling with the change, stress, cortisol build up and overall, not feeling great in my body.  I attempted an ayruvedic approach (which I stand by).  The main issue with this approach is the elimination of caffeine, alcohol, dairy, sugar, night shade vegetables.  Basically, anything that inflames your body.  For me, specifically, I identify as a Pitta.  I was given a recommended diet of cooked vegetables and spices.  Had I fully tried this approach, I believe, I would have been successful.  I see the benefits of eating warm food and slowing down while eating.  Creating specific times to eat and focus on the digestion.  It did not align with my life.  I work for a catering company and cannot tell them I need to sit down to focus on my digestion during service.  Ironically, I was able to cut out caffeine with ease.  I did not drink coffee for eight months of 2025.  I flirted with eliminating wine and tequila from my daily livelihood.  It didn't really stick.

I tried cutting out processed foods.  But I love chips and salsa.  And I want joy in my life.  I shifted my focus to manageable things that would make me feel better.  In that regard, the tai chi walking is a better fit.  Could I do more?  Yes.  I could minimize the said dairy, processed foods, wine.  I am working on the stress component.  Some days are better than others.  The most recent news of the disappearance of Nolan Wells is making that difficult.  There still are so many unanswered questions to what happened to that kid.  And so many inconsistencies that lead me to think that there is a cover up.  They do not want to be transparent about what happened on July 4th to that young man.  I feel terrible for his parents.  The lack of knowing what happened in his final hours would be heart breaking.  I remember when I was called and told that something had happened to Brian.  That there had been an accident and Brian was hurt.  The guy who called me had no other information and it was so frustrating to not be able to contact Brian or anyone who knew what happened outside of that there had been an accident.  I remember calling hospitals to see if he had been admitted.  Calling the police to see if they had him or knew what had happened.  It is horrifying to not be able to contact someone you love.

I cannot stop thinking about how his mother is feeling losing her child.  I feel that there is independent media following the story and a bunch of people who are making it visible.  They will not be able to cover up what happened.  The truth will come out.  And, regardless of if no foul play was a factor, his friends still left him on the island.  That is negligent to me.   Or that they do not appear that concerned that he was missing.  Why wouldn't they reach out to his family and say, we have his phone and car keys?  There is no reason to have his belongings and not let his family know.  I reiterate, when I was notified that my boyfriend had an accident, all I wanted to know was that he was okay.  That he would be coming home.  I remember trying to barter with God that I would be better if he would let Brian come home.  Completely irrational.  But I was grasping at anything to make sure he was okay.

So, back to the tai chi walking.  They suggest a number of steps to walk daily and offer multiple guided workouts to supplement some of the steps.  Lymphatic draining, walking indoors, boxing, light strength training.  I have been committed to the program with one exception.  My weekend in Aspen derailed since I did not have cell service at the Ranch.  I was unable to track my steps and so it looked like I was a couch potato for a few days, lol.  

The best outcome is that I am walking daily four to six miles.  I feel lighter in general.  No longer bogged down physically or emotionally.  So there is that.  

I am not perfect and I barely have answers for myself.  Yet, I want to continue moving forward with trial and error with the change.  I am finding more confidence in saying no, that doesn't work for me.  I like that factor.

Do what feels right to you.  Until later.....

Do what feels right to you

I am navigating this new stage of life for me.  Somewhere between perimenopause and hanging out to the normalcy of being a woman.  Translation, I am still experiencing my period regularly.  It varies a little and I am experiencing some of the side effects of the joyful change.  Night sweats, gluteal tendinopathy, some stubborn cortisol build up.  (Sexy things to consider, I know.  It is only where I am at in my life currently).  Trying to figure out the best way to maneuver this is challenging.  Some friends have relied on birth control, hormone replacement therapy, other medications, supplements, creams.  There is no defined course of action as not only is it not researched that much, people do not talk about it.  It is an awkward topic, yet it affects all women at some point.  

Knowing that, I was surprised when I met a nurse practitioner the other day.  She was confident and loved what she does.  Truly, I love that for her.  I love that she is passionate about helping people on the journey of womanhood and menopause.  She wanted to be helpful to me, but was dismissive when I told her I have been using a yam cream to counter the night sweats.  It is a topical cream that has been a game changer for me.  Definitely decreased the night sweats that had been waking me up nightly.  She sort of scoffed when I mentioned what I had been doing.  Immediately she suggested using a low dose birth control.  Even suggested a brand and that I could take it for a few years and then switch to a hormone replacement therapy.  

My takeaway was that it was unsolicited advice.  And that she didn't value treatments that did not include hormones or pills.  Not everyone responds to birth control.  It doesn't decrease some of the symptoms and makes life more difficult.  I realized that I should do what speaks to me.  In most things, I should do what makes sense to me.  I have never followed the "right way" to be successful.  I will not start now.

There is trial and error with this process.  I am reading more about it and trying to come to terms with where I am at.  I think, for some women, it feels like you are being put out to pasture since you are no longer valued.  Others, it is an awakening.  A time to focus on your needs and say no to what doesn't speak to you any longer.  I keep seeing stories on Threads about break up, divorce, loneliness (supposed/projected).  But is it lonely to be alone?  

I have friends with kids.  I have friends, like me, who chose not to have kids.  My friends with kids love their kids.  Some have a solid balance of being a good parent raising human beings while retaining their own identity.  In most of those cases, they have good co-parents or new partners who also understand the importance of raising human beings, providing boundaries and love.  One of my yoga clients attended a recent session.  Her husband had taken the kids on a day trip and she was like--I have no idea what to do today.  It is liberating to not have concrete plans.  Maybe I will go to the farmer's market?  Or go home and read on my couch.  She seemed a little unprepared to do whatever she wanted.

I, however, do not have that issue.  I love knowing that if I want to drive to Santa Fe to visit Tom, I can.  If I want to check out a new restaurant by myself, I can, at any time.  I am not thinking of someone else's wants, needs or schedule.  I am not lonely.  I think there are other women who are discovering that freedom.  Choosing what they want instead of what the other people in their lives need.  Instead of putting themselves last, they are able to do what they want.  

Only something I am pondering on a Sunday afternoon.  Trying to stay cooler.  It has been hot the last month.  My morning walks have been consistent and mandatory in the a.m.  Otherwise the heat is a deterrent and distraction.

Here is to a chill afternoon, reflection and peppermint hot tea~

Recovering

Recovery days are rough.  

I will say it again.  Recovery days are rough.  I work multiple jobs and for myself.  Keeps it fresh and interesting.  Sometimes, I have an opportunity to do an overnight event which is what occurred this past weekend.  I was hesitant at first.  I did not think I would be able to make it work.  I teach yoga every Saturday and have since 2020.  The class occurs at City Park and is consistently attended.  I love it.  It is something I look forward to each week.

I signed up for the long catering knowing it would be an 11:30 am in time and a return by 4 am.  They convinced me that a pre-set might be a better option.  I could stay overnight Friday and Saturday night.  I knew some of the other people going up for the weekend.  I was excited and agreed to the circumstances.  Foolishly.

It is never a correct itinerary or timeline.  I thought I could rally and escape unscathed.  Silly.  I woke up this morning and felt exhausted.  I had no desire to get out of bed.  I canceled my yoga class.  I had to reschedule.  There was no way that that class was going to happen.

There is something to be said about working 13-17 hours.  Constantly on and never relaxing.  I did manage to hydrate somewhat.  Yet, it takes its toll.  We returned to the accommodations at 4:45 am. I showered {absolutely needed it} and met up with folks afterwards.  Drank some wine.  There is a window of decompression time.  It is necessary.  Went to bed around 7:30 am?  Woke up at 11, startled.  Threw my stuff into the bag and headed out to the shuttle.  At this point, I am delirious.  Lack of sleep, proper fuel, hydration.  I couldn't tell you if I retrieved all of my belongings.  

Today was rough.  I think tomorrow will be better, but it is taxing on the body to do these events.  I didn't fuel properly or sleep enough.  I did manage a walk today and a few tasks.  Yet, I know that in the future, I will reconsider these choices.  My time is more important to me than making money.  I cannot get those 72 hours back.  Or the amount of crap my body incurred.  Taking care of myself is paramount to making money.  Money will always be there.  Time cannot return.

Make better choices.  Follow better people.  Spread kindness.

I am invested in this mysterious death and how horrible it is.  Leaving a friend to die alone is not what I envision for anyone.  There is speculation and rumors.  However, it does not change the fact that he died. This young man was a son to parents.  He had dreams, habits, goals.  His life was discarded for no other reason that he was inconvenient.  His parents deserve answers and the truth.  

When my boyfriend died, I was devastated.  I fell into this empty hole of crap trying to understand why he died.  Why (if there was a god) that this would happen.  Brian's death was accidental.  I knew it immediately.  Anger destroys people.  

This young man with the unknown death creates anger.  Anger at his supposed friends for leaving him at the island if that is the case.  Or anger for their rage in his demise.  I am disgusted at the notion that they beat him to death and then pissed on his body.  I do not understand that rage or entitlement.  We are all human beings.  I believe in the principles of pursuit of life, liberty and happiness.  I want to believe that this man was not killed because he was different.  

They are still determining what happened.  I vy on the side of there are many things that do not add up.  The truth needs to be revealed, and it will.

Still, I won't dismiss that he drowned.  There is more to know.  More details to learn.  Either way, he was alone.  They did not call his loved ones to let them know something had happened.  That is the chilling disrespectful part.  Not knowing where your loved is or how to contact them.  

Again, when Brian died, I would have done anything to ensure that he was safe.  I was trying to barter with the higher being about protection.  

Losing someone is devastating.  There is no path forward when you lose your child, your partner, your parent.  It is a constant gut punch.  It doesn't leave.  It just transitions.  I will carry my loss for the remainder of my life.  

I know I need to sleep and let some of this go.  Please spread kindness.  Be curious, not comfortable.  Many thanks

Random recent thoughts

Is it only Tuesday?  Doesn't it feel like Thursday?  I don't know.  Perhaps it is the weather.  I feel lazy, uninspired, unmotivated.  I do not know where to start.  There is so much to be uninspired by.  The current state of the world.  And even there what are the top three things that are making you crazy?  I think there are possibly 30 things that are making me crazy.  I am finding it difficult to narrow it down.  My anger shifts day to day as I learn of new things.

For instance, the gutting of the voting rights truly pissed me off.  It incenses me that the supreme court lied again and did whatever they wanted.  In 2022 when they gutted Roe v Wade, I spit out my water and almost choked on it.  I couldn't believe that they would want to roll back women's rights.  And it didn't end there.  Of course, it didn't.  They continue to move the goal posts.  Same with the voter's rights.  They kicked over that domino and will continue to take away all rights of everyone that they feel do not deserve to be represented.

So there is that.  Then I started to see more information on the data centers that are popping up all over the states.  How are they even being approved?  The effect on the environment is devastating.  But politicians do not care.  They do not care if you have limited access to water.  If you lose your home to the data center.  It is appalling.  And they are rushing to put them all over.  Why?  What will they do for us?  Kill the environment, take water, eliminate jobs and screw people over.  What are we even doing?

The detention centers and forced labor of the inhibits also dire and ridiculous.  I read that in order to use the phone a person is required to work five days to make one phone call.  How is that even possible?  Not to mention the increase in racist attacks.  Just the blatant hatred that is exposed.  I suppose I have lived in a bubble that I created.  I was unaware or unwilling (if I am honest) to see how much people in my generation were hiding their racism.  I thought we had changed.  I grew up in the 80's and 90's.  My school was mostly white but there was a large vietnamese population, some mexican and black kids in my class.  Yes, they were the minority, but it didn't feel that forced hatred of someone that was different than me.  When I went to college, of course, I was exposed to more people that did not look like me.  Choosing to work in the service industry has always reflected an assortment of people, cultures and outlooks on life.  I am grateful for the melting pot.  I do not understand how people are still so hateful of other races.  I truly do not understand it, and it makes me furious that some people are spewing their hatred at other races to make themselves feel better?  We are all human beings first and foremost.  Instead of hating other races, we should be looking upward at the elite class that continues to pick our pockets and steal from us.  I do not want to work until I die.  I do not know anyone else that wants that either.  However, the pathway we are currently on, we are going to force 95% of the population to do that.  Living in a world where we are sicker, have less pathways out of poverty and less living the dream we were sold.  

Still I am hopeful as people wake up (finally).  The corruption is over the top!  Everyday some new story about our taxes being taken to fund a small group of people.  No oversight, accountability or proposed end in sight.  It is WILD!

It is my intention to speak to my tribe about the importance of voting and recognizing that we are human beings and in this together.  I want to live in a world where we can all thrive and enjoy the resources--clean water, food, travel, nature.  Am I naive to want this?

Recent thoughts

Happy Hump Day!  This year has flown by in some respects and in others it is stagnant.  We are inching closer to the midterms which is optimism overload (thankfully).  The nonstop daily barrage of bullshit is wearing me down.  It is exhausting and frustrating to see all of the headlines that are front and center and then be updated on things that are happening behind closed doors.  For instance, the recent Supreme Court ruling gutting the voting rights.  I had not been aware that that was even happening.  What do they say--focus on one thing so you are not overwhelmed.  I think that is why I was not paying attention to current cases in front of the court.

Check your voter registration.  If you are not registered, register to vote.  It is imperative to use your right to vote.  I am devastated by the court's decision to gut the voter rights.  I know that they will not stop by limiting the representation of people of color.  They want to return the voting rights where only white men are voting.  They do not value anyone but that component of society.  However, we are a multi-cultural society.  

We all deserve representation.  We are taxed and should have representation to reflect our individual rights.  Personally, as a woman, I should not have the government dictating what I can or cannot do with my body.  I shouldn't be told I have to have kids.  And there should be research into what menopause is.  There is so much unknown about that process.  Right now, almost every woman in my life, is struggling with changes in her body.  And it is all different.  I prefer to not take pills or medication to regulate myself.  I do take supplements--Magnesium, Vitamin C, Fish oil, black cohosh and Vitamin D.  I am still learning and trying to navigate this upcoming phase of my life.  The gluteal tendinopathy is a real thing.  It is forcing me to stretch out my hips, daily, or risk the dull achy pain that will not go away. 

Randomly over the course of two weeks, I encountered two people over 30 years old, who have never voted.  I was shocked!  The first one I thought I was being punked.  Truly.  I couldn't believe that this man would not vote.  He said it wouldn't matter as it didn't affect his lifestyle.  He was happy attending raves.  I understand that I do.  But things are progressing and it will affect everyone.  It already is.  The cost of fuel, groceries, travel, health insurance, car insurance, home insurance, rent.  When does it stop?  What is the end game?  

I alter between survival and elevating my life.  It is an odd balance.  I see the survival mode in some of my decisions and beliefs.  I am planning a yoga retreat, and I hesitate to book the accommodations.  I know that I can put it together and host another successful retreat.  I believe that.  Yet, somewhere in the back of my mind, I want to stay in the comfort of survival.  I don't want to see myself as capable.  It is the unknown and risky.  Everything is unknown and risky right now.  I know there are resources.  I believe in abundance.  I want to break up with the news but I cannot look away.  

What is the solution?  

Saturdays are the best

Some days, I know I could be more productive.  That I should be more productive.  I should do my administrative work instead of putting it off until the absolute last minute.  I start off with the best intentions and then derail it.  For instance, this morning, I taught yoga, took a walk and researched potential recipes for my upcoming happy hour.  Yoga was fantastic. I returned home and considered the remainder of my day.  Walking more seemed imperative.  I managed that after lunch and felt good about that decision.

I prepped a grocery list and headed to Postino.  A glass of wine before shopping on a Saturday at Trader Joe's is necessary.  I tend to want to dart in and out of the store.  I avoid using shopping carts and instead rely on the basket to do my shopping.  I feel that I am able to navigate the store easier without the bulkiness of the cart.  I really despise shopping carts.  I will make multiple trips to the market to avoid using a cart.  I hate wasting food.  I prefer shopping more times to avoid that factor.

I had a book to read and settled in at Postino.  Midway through my visit, a lady sat down next to me.  She seemed a little gruff and so I continued to read my book and glance around the surroundings.  I enjoy reading the vibes and watching people interact.

One of the server assistants broke glassware, loudly, twice.  Noticeably loud.  Stopped conversation.  I paid my tab and the lady asked me what I was reading and if I liked it.  We started chatting books--Wally Lamb.  I love Wally Lamb.  I have read multiple books by him.  He is a master of character development in my opinion.  Then moved into other territory.  Occupation, travel, family...I learned more about her situation than anticipated.  A reminder that as difficult as my family situation can be, I am mostly normal compared to other people.  From that encounter, I feel like people like to confide in me.  I do not know my exact purpose in life but after the last few days, I think part of my purpose is to listen and allow people to chat.  To discard the loneliness.  The gruffness dissolved and she seemed approachable unlike she had when she sat down.  

A guy I know from former days strolled through before heading to his current bar gig.  He gave me a hug and reminded me of when he works at this particular bar.  I walked to Trader Joe's and regretted it immediately.  Too many people with carts, lol.  I picked up a few items knowing that I would return at another time.  I do not have the patience to withstand the amount of people wandering around.  I really despise carts and how much room they take up.  

Returning home and intending to return to the task list.  I will do better.  I must do better.  I reflect on the day and am hopeful for more community and interaction.  The divineness of the chaos of today is not all encompassing.  There is hope and time.  Next time you are in a situation you are unfamiliar with, embrace it.  See where the conversation leads.  Allow it to move organically.

Finding balance

Every day is more chaos.  Challenging.  I recognize that it designed this way to inhibit resistance.  Distraction after distraction after distraction.  For instance, the recent video reminding us of the Epstein files.  Is it a distraction from the war?  

I thought there was a ceasefire, but it seemed to have been violated within hours of it being stated.  I do not understand how the continual bombing of Lebanon is supported.  Or Gaza for that matter.  Why are civilians being targeted?  Universities, hospitals, structures?  It is insanity.

It takes a lot out of me in spite of the knowledge.  Trying to sift through the b.s. and move forward.  Some days are easier than others.  I have been relishing the lego videos that are surfacing on social media.  They make me chuckle and sigh.  Specifically, the one regarding our secretary.  They do not hold back.  Call out some of my favorite words.  CS--IYKYK.... Seriously, I do love that word.  And it sums up his behavior handily.  Many of my friends are unaware of the videos which makes me think I am in a silo.  I see so much and am familiar with many moving parts.  If only I could walk away and place my head in the sand.  I cannot.  I will not.

Striking that balance is imperative.

Planning yoga is helping.  I feel more productive and capable.  I ran into a friend that is going through a divorce.  It has been a while in the making but it is happening.  Typically, this friend does not confide about his personal life.  In a way, I feel that he feels uplifted being able to discuss it.  He can sort through his relationship and what he would like to move forward.  Listening to him made me reflect on my relationship with Tom.  I could be more vested in his interests.  I, tend to get caught up in the politics, my stressors and work.  I cannot help myself (or so I convince myself).  However, listening to my friend was a gentle reminder that I should listen to Tom's needs.  I should show Tom that I love him not just say it.  Actions matter.

I utilized the library through Kanopy (streaming service) and placed a bunch of books on hold.  Some fiction.  Others non-fiction.  I picked up a mix and started a fiction one that was recommended.  Immediately, I knew it was not speaking to me.  I read a review and it was confirmed that it might not be approachable.  But the content of the location did happen in real life.  Girls were placed in correctional institutions and the conditions were terrible.  I read on to see that.  Unstable conditions, abuse, lack of cleanliness, poor nutrition, medicating people.  I do not agree with any of this to house people.  Girls were placed within these facilities with no structure, opportunity to rehabilitate or leave.  They were punished for being undesirable or unwanted.  

I do not love the book after 150 pages.  I will return it to the library with some knowledge of how women were treated and continue to be.  There is a better reflection of this specific situation with The Woman they could not Silence.  That book is incredible.  I should remember to place a book on hold for the author's other book--Radium Girls.  Rambling slightly.  It has been a day.  I need to decompress so I can shut off my mind.  Find balance and navigate the chaos.

Salud to Thursday~

Lentil soup

In an attempt to cook more at home, I have made lentil soup twice in the last week.  The first time I followed the recipe that I found.  It is based on a Greek grandmother's recipe (or so they say).  I found it on social media.  I am all for it and believe it is based on a grandmother's recipe.  The result was good, but I wanted a few tweaks.  More garlic, add some Greek oregano and maybe more onion.  I tested out my theory yesterday and I am pleased with the new results.  Still, I think I could improve it.  It is savory, wholesome and delicious.  And I enjoy taking the time to make it.

Isn't that what it is all about?  Enjoying what you are doing and not make it feel like a chore or job.  I believe I would have been more invested in preparing food had I felt more confident in my skills at an earlier age.  Instead, I relied on the restaurants that I worked in to feed more.  Or make it more convenient, lol.  I enjoy grocery shopping but tend to shop frequently and not doing the weekly trip.  I break it up into smaller runs.  This makes more sense to me.  Eliminates food waste which I despise.

For example, I bought eggs.  You know, the more expensive ones.  Organic, farm raised good life of the chicken.  My refrigerator opted to freeze 7 of the 18.  I was devastated.  I was not that surprised.  My refrigerator tends to do that. I have tried to manually alter the temperature to no avail.  Finally, I grabbed a screwdriver to adjust the settings.  Eureka!  It happened.  I could avoid freezing the interior of my fridge.

Super irritated.  Scrambling to avoid more waste, I boiled them and hoped for the best.  I had bought avocados on sale (I am a sucker for avocados).  I do not want to waste those, so I created an egg salad with the avocados, eggs, dill and mayonnaise I had curated a few weeks ago.  It is time to use food in house and minimize waste.  I am too reliant on what is convenient, unfortunately.

Six of the eggs remain in the carton.   4 of them are broken.  Two remain, intact.  But they do not want to budge out of the container.  It is frustrating.  I want to avoid the waste.  

My mind wanders.  Overwhelmed.  Overstimulated.  Distracted.  I say that knowing that I can still perform required tasks.  I might be exhausted but if I show up for a job, I do it.  Physically, I show up.  I perform and make the best of the situation.  Small reflection.

Focus on the good and what you can control.  Silence the distractions that do not do anything to elevate you as a person.  Make lentil soup.

Happy Hump Day!

Happy Hump Day!  What have you accomplished today?  This week?  This month?  

Are you creating new habits?  They say that small habits lead to life changes.  Or maybe you have heard that if you spend time with five idiots, you are the sixth.  I should not be negative.  If you spend time with five entrepreneurs, you are the sixth.  Truly, it is who we choose to spend time with that helps decide how successful we are in accomplishing tasks.  Energy takers and energy givers.

I need to strike a balance with some people.   And minimize my social media scrolling.  It's all war.  Ice.  Politics.  Random bull shit.  Dystopian futures.  I keep seeing things about the energy crisis and shut down and where it can lead.  I am trying to remain calm, but it is not easy.  The energy crisis where there will be energy rations and another shut down.  It is too much.  There will be no benefit to another shutdown.  People barely survived that last one which was not too long ago.  

Bad husbands or boyfriends seem to be on my feed on threads.  Some of the stories are comical.  Others remind me how grateful I am for Tom.  He is calm, patient and supportive.  I get frustrated when he doesn't take care of himself.  His hip, for example, took forever to address.  Before we began dating, he had hip pain.  Refused to go to a chiropractor or doctor to have it assessed.  In his mind, it would go away.

Til it didn't.  Which was a domino effect of health issues that he could have avoided had he went to the doctor when the symptoms presented.  Now, he has some Achilles tendon irritation.  I told him to buy some kinesiology tape and stabilize his ankle.  He said he has but I do not know if I believe him.  He tends to avoid health concerns which is so weird to me.  Currently, I have a shoulder tweak from a soft tissue injury.  I have been rolling it out with my lacrosse ball.  It is improving.  It feels a little out of place and I have popped it doing yoga.  I suppose there is that, too.

Mid-week, check in, for me.  My taxes are completed.  I taught a yoga happy hour last night.  Tested out new recipes and realized that recipes are good but adding your own flair makes sense (unless you are baking.  I would not recommend adding or subtracting from the measurements.  Baking is more precise).  I prefer a more flavorful fava bean dip.  The recipe I followed was too bland.  I added garlic powder, smoked paprika and capers as a topper.  Next time, I will adjust the yellow split peas and garlic ratio.  I think that will be more successful.  

Daily morning meditation number two.  Five minutes is doable.  I will increase my times eventually.  I hope this will benefit my overall day and sleeping habits.  It has been rough recently to sleep through the night.  I foresee more nidra in my daily life.  I need relief, rest and relaxation.  Enjoy the remainder of your week.

Tuesday thoughts

I woke up and did a five-minute meditation.  Repeated a mantra that made sense to me.  I think I will attempt to do this moving forward.  Perhaps build up to 20 or 30 minutes at some point.  Baby steps build a habit.  Habits lead to success.  

In the same fashion, 2026 I have been oil pulling, tongue scraping and then brushing teeth.  Listening to podcasts and stretching.  Increasing the time, I am capable of holding a yogi squat.  Juicing, hot lemon water and then starting my day.

It is time to be thankful and minimize the chaos.  That is my realization that I am too wrapped up in this.  Too far into my own echo chamber.  I spoke to my older sister yesterday and could tell that she couldn't wait to get off of the phone once I brought up the SAVE act. We were reflecting on our past weeks, and she was doing the being the older sister bit (truly, she is the best.  Always takes care of me).  After we exhausted the Greek trip, I brought up recent events.  Including the SAVE Act, War in Iran, genocide.  She concluded with--I need to go since I am walking into work or something to that effect.  Reminded me of how I conclude conversations with my parents at times, lol.  

I get it.  I do.  I know that I am overwhelmed by the crazy.  The fact that ICE is at the airports.  For what purpose?  They are unable to screen travelers.  They are being paid to intimidate people.  Meanwhile, TSA agents are working without pay.  Make it Make Sense.  We have unmasked agents (finally) but they are armed and known for their tactics.  How are they speeding up security?  We are pawns in this latest tactic of the regime.  They want to pass the SAVE act which will disenfranchise female voters.  It is a poll tax on voters.  It isn't about voter I.D.  We already provide either a driver's license or military ID to be able to vote.  Those are no longer enough.  It is a restrictive act that.  Why?  Because the majority of people do not agree with Project 2025, the Republican agenda or their proposed policies.  Not when you actually look into what they want to achieve.  The BBB which taxes everyone but the ultra-elites and corporations is not popular.  When you break down how people are taxed to death, they aren't happy.  In addition, fuel prices are increasing.  Groceries are increasing.  Housing.  Health insurance.  On and on and on.  

We are being taxed for policies that do nothing for us.  And everything around us is increasing.  At what point do people push back?  I do not know why people pay taxes.  Our roads are not improving.  Travel is becoming difficult.  Why do they think existence is enough?

Rambling but trying to process.  Heading to a happy hour which will be beneficial and wonderful.  Have a good day!

Fava bean dip

I loved Greece.  All of it.  Especially the food.  Not going to lie there is a huge difference when food tastes like it hasted been genetically modified or full of preservatives.  Simple, pedestrian food and I ate it up.  Greek salads, tzatziki and especially the fava bean dip.  I could not get enough of it.  Shari and I dined at the same lunch spot in Naxos for two days.  One day we sampled the octopus (exquisite) and the second day we chose a beet salad (equally delicious).  And, again, simple.

Due to that inspiration, I am attempting a fava bean dip for my yoga happy hour tomorrow night.  I did not realize that you can use yellow split peas instead of fava beans.  I headed to Sprout's Market as they have a great bulk food and spice section.  For everything else, I search out Kroger, Trader Joe's and Natural Grocers.  Primarily, I shop at Trader Joe's.  I like their objectives, employees and always have a good experience when shopping.  It can be somewhat limited on some things; hence, why I shop at Kroger and Natural Grocers.  At any rate, I did not find yellow split peas yesterday at Sprout's.  Natural Grocer's has a superior bulk aisle of dried goods and spices.

I used one recipe and will borrow from another.  A few ingredients--red onion, garlic, olive oil, water with the peas as a base.  Immersion blender to combine the ingredients.  Topping with capers, scallions, parsley and some paprika or cumin.  I have yet to decide.  In addition, I am making the crowd favorite, Kerp dip.  It is Tom's mother's recipe and has yet to disappoint my students.  I think each time I make it it varies a little.  I like to experiment with the amount of bacon and scallions.  I think I minimize the mayo since I do not love mayo, but it is a necessary component in this dish.  

I bought tzatziki from the Greek market.  I could have tried to make my own, but I know that I enjoy their offering.  Another time.  I found some Greek wine that Shari and I enjoyed in Naxos and Santorini.  All, in all, at great Sunday.  I watched basketball and my team broke my heart again.  I think it was especially difficult this year.  They came back ensuring that it would not be a blow out.  They had a good strategy on how to get to overtime.  They could utilize the time out to work the clock.  They did that but then it appeared they got ahead of the game.  Instead of defending the play, they watched it happen with 3 seconds left.  I watched in awe at the conclusion of the game.  It was unbelievable. I realize that things happen and of course, that was not their intent to lost like that.  Yet, they did and it was heartbreaking.  Kudos to St. John's for crushing 3's all game and advancing to the next round.  

For the happy hour, I will offer the tzatziki dip, Kerp dip, fava bean dip and a greek salad.  Some additional vegetables and an assortment of crackers.  Truly, I believe it will be a nice homage to my trip to Greece and way to honor the Spring Equinox.  Lighter fare, white wine and community.

Stay safe out there.  Protect your energy.  Stand up for what you believe it and share kindness.  Thank you!

More thoughts on becoming grateful and community centered

Trying to unplug from the current world events, I listened to music for 90 minutes yesterday afternoon.  It was pleasant and a reminder how soothing music can be.  Not only soothing but creates memories and associations.  I allowed Qobuz to make suggestions and found a plethora of cool new songs.  Artists that I am unfamiliar with that have some quality music.  I should dive deep into that rabbit hole instead of listening to political podcasts.  Only to update my post from yesterday, the other Heather that I follow is Heather Delaney Reese.  She also offers daily synopsis of the news of the day.  It is overwhelming how much is happening.  I know it is designed to exhaust and overwhelm us.  Try to carve out some joy in your life.  Do not let them win.

I have another yoga class at the Jazzercise Studio this morning.  I love the Studio and am very grateful for the space.  The owner is kind, gracious and accommodating.  Still, I could have returned to outdoor yoga late last month.  It has been that nice in Denver.  Today we will hit 88 degrees in March.  Normally, March is the snowiest month of the year.  Not this year.  We have had a lame winter and for that I am concerned about upcoming wildfires and how hot the summer will be.  Thankfully, my landlady finally got air conditioning for the building after six years of suffering.  It was a struggle each year to sustain those months.  And sorta ridiculous as she had air conditioning but refused to let me use my window unit.  Not to rock the boat, I didn't.  In hindsight, I absolutely should have.  Sometimes, I question my complicit nature of going along to get along.  Seriously, Midwest upbringing sometimes bites me in the ass.  

And other times mostly, I am thankful for my roots.  I recognize when people count money back to me.  Younger kids do not break down change.  If a beverage is $13.78 and you hand them a twenty-dollar bill, most people will hand you a five, a one and a quarter.  This makes me crazy.  Let me choose what I want to tip and no, I am not giving you a $5 tip for a drink.  Not all young kids do this, I know.  But a majority of them seem to do this.  Or going to the bank and withdrawing money.  Typically, they hand you a mixed bag of cash that is not faced.  In the past, it would all be faced.  When you deposited money, it was customary to face it.  Honestly, it is much easier to count when the cash is faced.  One of the tellers at my bank handed me my withdrawal and it was all faced.  I asked him where he was from and he said--California.  I responded with, wow, based on how you handed me my money, I thought you were Midwestern.  

He looks at me and said--actually, I grew up in Minnesota.....loved it.  Loved that I could recognize that wholesome quality.  

My yoga class was small but soulful.  I changed up my normal sequence to accommodate a new student.  I know that she has some physical limitations.  She doesn't complain about the chatarangas and modifies to make them make sense to her.  I love that she is showing up and doing what she can.  Instead of the physical emphasis it was stretchier and holding poses.  A reminder that it is good to change it up and curate classes for folks.

Take some time for you this weekend.  Read a book.  Drink some hot tea.  Soak in your tub.  Buy some flowers.  Take a walk outdoors.  Disconnect with the chaos.  It is worthwhile.

Gratitude

Trying to balance the nonstop fear mongering and chaos with a little gratitude.  I know I have struggled with this in the past and probably will continue to do so.  It is hard to remove myself from the algorithm of chaos.  I like listening to podcasts, daily.  I rotate between the Daily Beans, I've Had it, Pod Save America, The Rational Boomer, Fast times with Molly Jong Fast and the Bulwark.  Oh, and Joy Reid.  I do love her show.  

Typically, I listen to the Daily Beans.  I find it somewhat uplifting with their good news segment that they offer daily.  That inspires me and makes me hopeful that there are people out there that are just as pissed off at what is happening in the world. Plus, they offer creative solutions for resistance or finding joy.  In addition, I read Heather Cox Richardson, Jess Craven of Chop Wood, Carry Water and another Heather on facebook.  She also offers a daily synopsis of the barrage of shit being flung at us.  Unfortunately, I cannot remember her full name.  Recently, I found her and have read what she has posted due to it offering optimism and lack of bias.  She reports the news.  I listen to IHIP news, daily.  Those two gals are witty and do not give a fuck about cussing or telling it like it is.  Refreshing.  

In an attempt to balance out the nonstop chaos and fear, I am wanting to write more.  Journal.  Express gratitude for the beauty in life.  Practice grounding as well.  Getting outside and walking at a park is essential.  That connection with nature to calm the nervous system and decrease the stress/cortisol spike.  As I am navigating the early stages of the change, I need to decrease stress.  I can feel how my body is absorbing this.  I have a naggy shoulder and my hips are experiencing achiness due to the lack of estrogen.  Sexy topics, I know.  But we, as women, should be talking about the change and how we are experiencing it.  There is a definite lack of knowledge/research and how to maneuver this.  Dealing with aching hips is not sustainable.  I know this.  It affects my sleep and comfort.  Moreover, there are so many women in my life that are experiencing the same things.  But we have been taught to not talk about it.  We need to talk about this awakening and encourage openness.

In other news, I am concerned about the lack of awareness of the SAVE Act and what it is attempting to achieve.  Disenfranchising women.  Creating a poll tax and hoops to jump through in order to be able to vote.  It is voter suppression and aimed at eliminating women's voices.  Saying that, I know that I will have the right to vote.  I have not married so my legal name is reflected on my birth certificate.  I know where my birth certificate is and I have a passport.  I have had a passport since I was fifteen years old as traveling as always been in my blood.  

I spoke to one of my sisters and asked her if she was aware of the SAVE act.  She said no.  I told her to research it and what it means to women and girls.  I sent a video because I couldn't help myself, but I don't think she watched it.  I think she thinks I am being a conspiracy theorist like my mom has been at times.  My mother likes to send random messages which I ignore.  I am not going to apologize for it.  Some of the things that she has sent or believes, I do not agree with.  I question where she receives her news but then remember that she lives in a small town.  And I acknowledge that I am in my own echo chamber currently.  I am being propagandized, too.  And thrown a ton of fear, instability and lack of resources.  

I realize that we should all be curious and questioning decisions that this administration is making.  Specifically with the SAVE Act.  How is this beneficial to citizens?  We already have to show proof of identity to vote.  Why now the extra layers of security to prove citizenship?  A driver's license will no longer be adequate if your name changed due to marriage, divorce.  

I am trying to have more of my community seek out answers.  I posted a few items on facebook and apparently it irritated someone that I have known for almost thirty years.  He and I do not agree politically.  Nor have we ever.  I am not surprised by his stance only that why does he feel the need to comment on my page?  This isn't the first time he has made some jackass comment either.  I cannot remember the first one, but it was derogatory towards women.  It felt directed at me and choices that I have made in my life.  And it felt like he believed he should be able to tell me how to live.  Very dismissive and totally out of line with how I live my life.  I cannot change his perspective.  I know this from experience, but I will not engage with him either.  It is pointless.  I am never going to agree with minimizing women's rights or forcing women back into the kitchen.  For far too long, we have been expected to provide emotional support, raise children and dim our lights.  No more!

So I will journal, meditate and try to turn off the hyper focusing of the shit show of what is happening in the world.  Find some joy.  Hug your pet if have one.  Love your life.

More of the same

I was so hopeful for 2026.  In some ways, I still am.  There are cracks in the hold of the administration.  

I see them and sense it.  However, there is more violence and a ramp up of attacks on women.  I knew in 2016 that this would be a disaster for women.  When he was re-elected, I told my friends how terrible this would be.  I remember saying--they are coming for women.  These conservative men hate us.  They hate that there are independent women who are self-reliant, capable and autonomous.

I was told to calm down that I was overreacting.

While the daily chaos ensues, they are promoting some return to family values bull shit.  Their idea of family values is where a woman should be married and with children by the age of 30.  They are penalizing women who do not follow their game plan.  Taxing us for choosing to not have children or be married.  It is insanity and yet, here we are. I do not think people are paying attention.  Women are under attack.

There is resistance all over the world.  And I am seeing more people step into the game.  I encourage everyone to get involved.  Stand up for your rights and communities.  2026 started with a continuation of the absolute shit of 2025.  Only rapidly increasing.  The shooting of Renee Good and Alex Pretti is finally displaying the cruelness of the current administration.  They are now shooting American citizens in broad daylight.  More people are recognizing the callousness of anyone who doesn't support their ideology.  

Of course, it has always been this way.  They have executed and disappeared people of color for many years. It should have been stopped before now.  We should be standing up for all communities not only paying attention because it is happening to us now.  

There is awakening and hope.  I will continue to do what I can.  I have been calling representatives, donating to a food pantry and continuing to develop community.  Keeping it as local as possible.  I have been taking breaks too.  It is a lot to process and unbelievable that this is happening.  

I wish I had a barrel sauna or bathtub.  Seriously, I could use a place to decompress and submerge or sweat out my toxins.  

Try to stay hopeful.  Knowing there are more of us that are likeminded who do not support this madness.