figuring it out

Still reeling from November 5th.  

I have been a hot mess of wow--how did this happen?  Am I an elite?  How are there so many stupid people voting against their interests?  White women, why?  Gen X women, why?  Why do you hate your rights as a woman?  Do you think you still have a seat at the kids' table?  Why do you think your man should choose your vote?  

Great, get deported for voting this regime in.  My initial response was, yea, fuck around and find out.  Do you think you are safe when they start deporting immigrants?  

How did they call this election almost immediately?  Why did this happen?  How did this happen?  Stupid people.  Fear.  

Nick Fuentes bragging about men winning again.  And then cowering at his mother's house when he was confronted for being a prick.  Typical.  Hide behind a woman.  That video he released, almost immediately on 11/5, was so gross.  So vile.  Repulsive.  Then, I think why people chose to overlook what they were saying all along?  Project 2025.  Mass Deportations.  Tariffs.  

What does this mean for me?  For other women?  Will I have control over my finances?  Will I have a job in 2025?  Insomnia.  Should I be buying canned goods to avoid leaving my apartment in January?  How did this happen?  Fuck around and find out.  All is lost.  This is worse than 2016.  Why?  How?  Is this a mandate?  Do people truly think 45 is better with the economy?  How is the tax cut for the 1% going to help me?  Or others? 

Did I mention that I haven't been sleeping?  That my mind races and considers all of the worst-case scenarios.  Ending up in a field, laboring for others since I am no longer viable as a vessel.  I mean, I am.  I still am ovulating but the chance of carrying to a full term is .000001.  Or something along those numbers.  Yes, I am experiencing the awesomeness of ovulation (weeklong cycles which is not what I experienced as a child).  Feeling like crap before and during the period.  Sounds amazing, I know.  

I have been deep in the rabbit hole of fear.  Until today.

I refuse to give in or give up.  I have choices.  I can do things to resist and push back.  As can you.  Do not fold and allow them to steam roll you.

I will continue to support local businesses.  I will discover new authors and share them with friends.  One of my sisters recently confided in me that she was unaware of the term white fragility.  I didn't even know how to respond to it.  I suppose I have been fortunate to live in a city, meet other cultures and travel.  I do know that I have a privileged life.  I have been offered opportunities because of the color of my skin.  I thought she saw that, too.  

I offered to send her books and recommend authors.  She can suss it out.  Instead of me telling her what I have seen.  Isn't that how we all learn?  Through our experiences.  Thru rose colored glasses.  Thru choosing to consider an alternative to what we think we know.

As such, I am leaning into what I know.  What I can offer and contribute.  No more fear, but what I can do to counter this chaos.  And it will be chaos.  Why consider Matt Gaetz, RFK, jr. or the other sexual predators that are currently be considered for the cabinet?  Shock and awe?  

They want a response.  They want to rile you up.  Instead of governing, they want you to be outraged to their choices.  Move beyond it.  Resist.  Resist.  Resist.  Do not roll over and take this.  I encourage you to seek out your community, find your niche, and build.  I will be writing more, building others up and planting seeds.  Do more of the same, please.