Washington D.C.

Enamored...in awe...adoration, pure adoration of a wonderful city.
Minus the smoking. True, people smoke in Denver, but it seemed like more people smoked in D.C.
I enjoyed the subway. It was user friendly and quick.
I enjoyed the neighborhood feel of it and wished that Denver felt more like this. Instead, there are parts of it (Denver) that feel small, cowtownish and normal. D.C. had neighborhoods, true neighborhoods. My friends lived in Adams Morgan. Apparently in the 80's, early 90's, it was latin based. Now it is trendy, somewhat latin--in terms of restaurants--salvadoran,peruvian, mexican, and full of cute coffee shops and fun bars. We checked out Tryst, Cashion's, and the Reef Bar. Marc and Megan's neighbors own Room 11, which was a small local restaurant. The wine list was lame, but we checked out a few different panini's, sides and appetizers.
There are suits walking around, senators, lobbyists, foodies, smokers and tourists. Yes, it was a great city.
I wish that I had had more time in Georgetown. We walked there and went to Pizzeria Paradiso. I loved the bottled beer selection and the food was enticing, too. Plus, the Dupont Circle was fantastic as well. Megan and I went there in hopes of surprising her brother, Pierce, at his job. It was a local bookshop/restaurant. In some ways, it reminded me of the 4th Story, but the food wasn't as high end. And, I found the latest James Ellroy novel which was pretty freaking fantastic! I love James Ellroy.
That night, I met Casey at City Zen. The food was excellent, but the wine service lacked. I wasn't overly impressed with the list, itself, either. It went from $50-$300. I believe in lists that appeal to several consumers, not just elitists. And, I had hoped to drink two bottles of wine during the 6 course meal. However, the bottle wasn't near the table and so we were reliant on the servers.
The following night, we went to Penn STation to dine at Proof. If you are heading to D.C., this is the place to dine. The food was intesting, dynamic and great. The wine list was friendly and the service rocked. I loved the ambiance and felt extremely comfortable there. I had seen online reviews. I knew it had potential. In hind sight, I would have preferred dining here and an Ethiopian restaurant or a Jose Andreas place. Megan and I did dine at his Greek restaurant. They had this olive oil with pomegranate as opposed to balsamic vinaigrette that was quite tasty. We shared roasted cauliflower and "flat bread" that was really a cheese pizza. I was a little disappointed with the flat bread, but the cauliflower rocked.
Yes, D.C. enticed me. I loved it. I would love to go back to explore more. I suppose next year.

need to detox....post birthday celebrations....

Four days in D.C. led to the beginning of an excessive week.
Granted, I ran 21 miles on Saturday. I felt that helped counterbalance some of the excessive behavior that I had been displaying while in Washington D.C.
I didn't stop there. Nope, I had to celebrate at the Rockies game and Sunday was my birthday and so no birthday of mine is complete without a glass of wine and a nice rich meal. Thankfully, I have wonderful friends. I went to Fruition with Dave and Tiffany.
Originally, a group of my friends had agreed to dine with me. I forgot that the beer fest was in town prior to my birthday and that my friends would be exhausted from dealing with the masses. Pocketsize wanted to go and I know that she would have to support me. However, I also wanted her to enjoy herself, not fall over from lack of sleep.
Next weekend, I am celebrating with them. I believe in the drawn out birthday.
So, the group of 8 dwindled to three of us. I loved it. We dined at Fruition, one of my favorite restaurants in Denver. I have met the host/owner on previous occasions and my friend, Jean, in Maine, went to high school with Paul, as well. Immediately, we were seated and drinking a rose sparkling wine, compliments of the house, for my birthday. I recognized our waiter from my last visit with Sara Jo and was dismayed to see that his service had not improved. I am tempted to say something to Paul about it, because normally, the service at Fruition is stellar. This one guy severely lacks. He poured the champagne and then disappeared for a half hour. Seriously, we sat there with our drinks (which we were thankful for), but no way of ordering an apppetizer. When he returned from doing who knows what, we ordered the appetizers and entrees to ensure food would soon be arriving.
We started with oysters rockefeller and beef carpaccio. Both were fantastic and next we shared a New Zealand sea bass, a pork chop--because I wanted haricort vert, and beef culotte for the duck fat fries.
The meal was tantalizing and the company was lovely. I always enjoy dining with Dave and Tiffany. Each have interesting conversations to bring to the table and Dave has an excellent palette.
We drank a bottle of merlot since I wasn't wowed by the wine list. They do offer a reserve list, but I didn't think it was that special. I know that they change it up, frequently, and they could add to it, in my opinion.
Afterwards, we headed to the Falling Rock for chimay. I felt it was the best way to end a lovely day.
As you can see...the excess did not stop in D.C. Instead, it found a way to continue in Denver. Next weekend I will dine with Steve and Sarah, and my dad will be here as well. They are visiting to do the Race for the Cure, next Sunday morning and we will dine at Elway's, Saturday night, so that we can celebrate father's day. Again, as I get older, I prefer dining experiences to gifts. Plus, I know that my dad will love the steak at Elway's and be intrigued by all of the cougars/silver foxes that frequent the place. It should prove to be an interesting night.
After next weekend, I must detox and prepare for the marathon. 3 weeks and counting...thanks for listening.

Happy Birthday Brian....

I know that I wanted to post this yesterday, 9/26, since that was Brian's birthday. However, today is mine and they sort of interchanged one another. It was always a two day celebration for us and so although, technically, I am late, in practice, I am fine.
Brian would have been 27 years old.
I look back over the past year and know that I began marathon training as a way to celebrate his "golden" birtday. You know, celebrating your age on the day you were born, for that year. Shari got a tattoo on the day last year. It was a wonderful way to remember him, his beauty, essence and spirit of life.
I thought about it and initially, considered travel, but felt it was a cop-out since I will always travel. It wasn't extravagant enough. I wanted my gift to him to mean something.
Yesterday, it did. I ran my longest run, pre-marathon. We ran 21 miles and the entire time, I thought of him. He loved running and always encouraged me to run with him. I had other ideas...I didn't like it, the pace, how early we would go, excuse, excuse, excuse.
Yesterday, the run went smooth. Actually, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I ran by myself since the Goddess ran with another girl and truly, I wanted to go. I didn't enjoy their pace and so I took off. The first 16 miles were cake. Then with 5 left, I fixated on how long it was taking to get to the next water stop and yearned for my ipod or some distraction. I did it and it was a lovely way to start Brian's birthday.
Afterwards, the Goddess and I went to Goosetown for chips and salsa. She had a bloody mary and I had a Mirror Pond Pale Ale. She insisted on bringing the cupcakes and I let her. She is very sweet.
I walked downtown since the GABF is here and the Rockies are in playoff contention. Downtown had a beautiful energy about it, but I was tired. My body was over the whole walk thing.
We lost the game and I convinced my friend, Andy, to drop me off at home. I was exhausted. I now know that post marathon I am not going to want to be doing much of anything. And, I realize how powerful my mind is. With 5 miles left, I wanted to be done. I started realizing how far I had went and the negativity turned on. For the marathon I need to prepare to run 31 miles. Maybe that would help delay the wall or the negativity.
Yesterday was a wonderful day and today I might just watch Veronica Mars on Hulu. I am beat up! The run, the game, everything about last week that I haven't written about yet--made for an excellent birthday this year. Thank you to all of my friends and all of you for listening, encouraging and supporting me in the golden year endeavor.

Upcoming adventure

Tomorrow, I am heading to Washington D.C. I cannot wait.
I have been there, one other time. I went when I was 16 with a family that I used to babysit for in Kansas. They had relocated to Pennsylvania and invited me to spend spring break with them. It was my first and only time, skiing, and yes, we went to D.C. I loved the grittiness, then, and hope to explore more now. I feel that I will be able to appreciate its offerings more as an adult. I want to check out the food and bar scene.
I have reservations at City Zen on Wednesday. I hope to check out Bistro du Coin for french onion soup, Ebbitt's for a cocktail or oyster or two, and I am sure that I can find ample places worth checking out in Georgetown.
I am staying in the Dupont Circle for part of the time. If you have any suggestions on worthy places, please let me know. I love local pubs, dive bars, and of course, wine establishments. I like enjoying a glass of red wine, accompanied by bread and cheese and good conversation.
I am staying with Marc and Megan, tomorrow night, and we will either check out their neighbor's wine bar or maybe have home-cooked meal. I don't know. I am up for anything and both of them are skilled in the kitchen. It will be nice to catch up and explore the city.
Megan is going running with me on Wednesday morning. The prospect of running at sea level is awesome. I wish that I was doing the Nike Full Marathon in San Francisco, partially because it is at sea level and because I could run with the Goddess. She inspires me to keep going. I like that she sees potential in my running.
This week will be filled with wine, conversation and food. I have to run. I must. I will. I return on Friday, rest, and Saturday morning will be my longest run before the Denver Marathon, October 18th. We are scheduled to run 4 hours and we plan on accomplishing 21 miles. Yikes!?!?! But, I can do it and I will.
Have a lovely day. Again, if you have any recommendations for food in DC, please let me know.

Exhausted....

3 hour run...awesome...so tired now.
Last night, I prepared for my long run. I ate, like an early bird, had a salt bath, watched a movie, Heart and Souls--cheesy, but light hearted, was in bed by 10:30. The Goddess had contacted me about beginning at 7:30 instead of 7 am and I was agreeable. I can always use an extra half hour of rest.
At 7:30, she texted me to let me know that she was running late.
Our ran started at 8 am. We headed to Cheesman Park, did half a loop, left and made our way to City Park. There was some traffic, but all in all, a perfect day for running. About a quarter into the park, we realize that a race is going on. We continued on their course, since they weren't wearing numbers and most of the people were walking. We crashed the Memory Walk, for about a mile and a half. It was brief and kinda funny, at the time. I knew, from experience, that if there was a race, than the potties would be open. They were, thankfully.
Last time, I did a loop around City Park, the porta potties were locked and I was devastated. I carried cash on me today, to make sure that I had a little something extra to give the clerk if we needed to stop for a bathroom break.
According to our training schedule, we should have run at Goodsen Athletic Club. I like the trail, but we have run that particular trail 6 weeks in a row. I am over it! Plus, there are not potties along the route. Three of us opted to create our own long run and I think it worked out fine. We saw plenty of the metro area and we had multiple places to stop to potty, if need be.
The run, itself, went well. I am exhausted now...dreaming of a burger--yes, I said it--burger, loaded with mushrooms, cheese, avocado, onions. Sounds delightful; yet, I am headed to Elway's and so something else will have to suffice. Next week, the burger might be a reality. I have 4 hours to look forward to. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it....is my latest mantra.
Yes, I am exhausted, but I feel fantastic. Today is a great day. Enjoy yours!

Doing more with less....change the world wednesday....

This is something that I have been thinking about for some time. I want to simplify my life. I do not need a new car, new shoes or new luggage for my next trip. I have this wonderful bag that is suitable as a carry-on, or is easily packed into a checked bag for souvenirs. I probably will not be investing in luggage anytime soon.
And, I remember being able to pack my car when I wanted to move. No U-Haul or moving truck was necessary. It was me, the Nissan and my belongings.
Of course, with time, I have accumulated stuff and need to downsize. I will be moving into a one bedroom apartment in a month. Yes, I love my rental--location, eclectic space--but, do I really need all of the space? No. I could do more less.
I could travel more, find new restaurants around Denver and readapt to having less.
Yesterday, they posted the Change the World Wednesday Challenge. It suggested posting less use of paper towels. Specifically, not using paper towels for a week. Or, if you already do not use paper towels, write about it and how it is positive in your life.
I rarely use paper towels is what I found out. My old roommate, Chichi, was a huge fan of papertowels. We always had them. She wouldn't restock toilet paper or clean, much of anything, but we always had paper towels.
I'll be honest, I used them when they were here. She moved in January.
Since then, I have been fine without the extra clean-up product. I believe in wash clothes and sponges and seem to get a long just dandy.
I propose, also, to experiment, for a week, without the handy-dandy paper towel. There is less waste, removal of trash and odor. I believe that we can do it. What is the harm in downsizing or finding that we don't need all of this stuff? I know that paper towels do not take up a lot of counter space, but why not try an alternative to this product for a week? You might like it:)
Have a great week and enjoy the challenge.

no work today---YEA~~~

Yep, that's right, no work today.
I try to work the a.m. shift, most Tuesday mornings, but this week it didn't work out and I am okay with it.
Yesterday, I celebrated with an amazing bottle of wine, after having many conversations with friends, co-workers and acquaintances. I realize that I am a social person. I do not like to isolate myself from others. Meaning, I don't sit in one chair and wait for people to approach me. I flit from person to person. No, I am not the center of attention sort of gal. I am more one on one. And, there were several people in the Bull that I wanted to talk to yesterday. It was a pleasant, uneventful day. It wasn't filled with drunken drama. I feel that it was a lovely tribute to Dale.
It was a long day. I was hydrated, fully, and decided to make dinner at home, instead of stopping by Elway's. Tempted to go, but knew that the walk home in heels would be too much for me. Yes, I wore heels yesterday since my sandals pull on my tendon in an uncomfortable way. 6 hours is a long time to wear heels. How do most women do it? Seriously, my arches ache today and I have small blisters on feet. I know, with certainty, that I prefer sneakers and being on my feet all day, instead of a heeling wearing office type.
Because of the feet hurting, I am motivated to have a couch day. I know that I won't because I have many things that I need to accomplish before my trip to Washington next week. Plus the sun is shining and the weather is perfect for a mid-afternoon run. I took a few days off to rest my tendon. I am running the marathon and I have time to heal. My foot feels better and I want to spend time outside.
I could go shopping for late birthday gifts or trying to find another new Mexican Restaurant in Denver. A few months ago, while in Phoenix, I had a homemade tortilla and now I crave them. I found a place in Denver, last week, and think that I might return today, for another tortilla and some salsa. I liked the green chile and figure/hope that they will be skilled with salsa, too. The place is La Loma on 26th/Clay. I ordered take-out and so I have no descriptions of the ambiance or service, but the burrito was awesome. Definitely, going back for seconds, thirds, fourths.
I need to get off of the couch and back in the beautiful day. Hope you enjoy yours, too!

Celebrate today, 9/14/09

Happy Birthday, my friend, Marcee.
I knew it was her birthday. Last year, I sent a card. This year, I have been consumed by the training, travel and food. I did call her. In some ways, I suppose that counts, too, right. It isn't like I just facebooked her. I have her contact info and I contacted her. That works, right?
Today, they had a memorial for my boss, Dale. He passed away on 8/29.
I arrived from Boston on a food high. Guacamole at Todd English's place had been consumed and life was good. How could it not be? I had spent 5 days on the East coast, full of wine, food and possibility for more travel.
I got a text with the news. Perhaps I shouldn't focus on the delivery method, but I knew, within hours of is passing, that it had happened.
I called Dave.
I called Erik.
I left messages.
I remember being overwhelmed by people and knew that when they wanted to reach out to me, they would. Each of them, Dave and Erik, individually, were rocks during my grieving period. Dave is the captain of stoicism and with Erik, I knew that he never judged me or questioned my emotions. He just let me be and he told me about his mom. I could count on him for a meal, too. Lonely attracts lonely and he has a nice palette.
Anyways, today, they had the memorial for Dale and I attended as a guest, not an employee, but a friend. I feel that it was appropriate.
Dale attended Brian's celebration of life and the fundraiser. In the last 3 years, he had been kind to me, understanding and a friend. Today, I was able to honor that in him.
It was a lovely gathering. Several stood up and spoke in his honor. I was surprised at the amount of people that wanted to talk about their relationship to him. Of course, I knew that Dean, Dave and Erik would speak. I expected that.
I had forgotten how difficult it is, personally, to speak of a loved one. Very exposed, vulnerable and yes, revealing. It started out, innocently enough, with friends talking of poker games, golf and of course restaurants.
Than, Erik spoke.
I was proud of him for being able to tell a story of his dad, in his own way. He didn't break down. He did it.
I remember my speech about Brian. I was terrified. I drank water and prayed that I wouldn't break down in front of all of those people. I focused on my story and got through it...as did Erik.
Next, went Dave...super stoic and witty...gotta love Dave'e antecdotes.
The last person to go was Dean. They say that soul mates come in every form. It just isn't lover, but friend, teacher, sibling. It's the lesson learned and I was sad when Dean spoke about losing his twin brother.
The event reminded me of the importance of living in the present moment. It is essential to be happy in the now and not take things for granted. So, celebrate today. Raise your glass and enjoy! Salud~

Bringing the cupcakes....

I will be in Washington D.C. next week. I cannot wait.
I will see my friends, Marc and Megan, and Casey. He is going to meet me there to do a tour of the city, before he relocates to the midwest.
I haven't been to DC since I was 15. Back then, I dreamed of going to check out Georgetown and eating in the city.
Instead, I was with a family that I babysat for and although it was a legitimate vacation, I had little control over our trip plans. We walked by the White House, went to the Smithsonian and went to the Lincoln Monument. It was nice, but seriously lacked in what I would consider a vacation for me, now. I prefer dining, finding "the" wine bar and running.
I hope to go with Marc and Megan to a fun ethnic restaurant. I enjoyed them as neighbors and am looking forward to spending time with them, again.
Since I am trying to be a "foodie" or feel that I am in some respects, I told Casey that we would be dining in a nice restaurant of a certain caliber since it's my birthday and this is what I do.
For example, a few years ago, my girlfriends--the 3 Sarah's, Pocketsize, Sara Jo and Castello--and Michaela met me in Napa to celebrate my 30th birthday. We spent a whole day winery hopping and I had made reservations at Bouchon. Of course, I wanted to go to the French Laundry. I knew that no one would enjoy it the way that I would. Actually, I envisioned Michaela drinking water and eating pieces of bread. She doesn't enjoy food the way that I do and I wanted to fully enjoy that restaurant.
So, I made reservations at Bouchon and it was lovely. We had a wonderful meal with wine, chicken, fries, conversation and I will forever be grateful to those ladies for making my 30th birthday special.
Saying that, I paid for the dinner. I brought the cupcakes.
The Goddess explained to me that when you are younger and celebrating your birthday, you don't expect your friends to bring cupcakes, you provide them.
This makes sense. And, I enjoy it. This is how I prefer spending my birthday, eating food and creating a sensory experience.
Next week, I will bring the cupcakes to City Zen in DC. It looks amazing and again, I cannot wait for this food experience.
I don't know where I will be next year, but I am sure that I will figure it out and that again, I will be surrounded by friends, food and wine.

A.M. running

My coach told me that I could take some time off.
I wanted to. I did.
But, then I thought about it and realized that the likelihood of me running 3.5 hours on October 3rd were unlikely. It isn't as if I couldn't do it, but I don't want to. I would prefer running with my group.
I called Lindsay and suggested that she bring her ipod since my run would be short. Actually, I had no expectation of my run. All I knew was that I didn't want to disappoint her.
She wasn't feeling well, either. She said that she felt clammy and that she was coming down with something.
We were the running wounded. Although, my spirits were great and mentally, I was there. Physically, my left foot was tight. My coach told me that if I had a sharp pain in my foot, than I should stop. No if's and's or but's--just stop.
Thankfully, the run was smooth, conversation flowed and we completed 2 hours. I felt it was a respecttable amount of time considering that my tendon was bruised. I was so thankful that Lindsay went running with me and I recognized that yes, I do, in fact, enjoy running.
It wasn't a struggle to get out of bed. Well, it was cold and my bed was super inviting, but I wanted to go and so I did. I am relieved to have "stayed the course" and am currently, couch surfing and icing my foot.
Tomorrow is a new day. Running might be in my future...who is to say?

another minor injury

I went running with the Goddess yesterday. It was a lovely run, feeling it, deciding to take an alternate route on Saturday, as opposed to our group run at the High line Trail system. It is a nice trail, but there are no potties and it's boring to run the same area ad nauseum.
We opted for an urban run and I was stoked.
Just as we opted to end our run, I stepped down, funny, and twisted the top of my foot. It hurt! But, I was able to walk it off and continue running.
Or so I thought.
5 hours laters, at work, I can barely walk. It is a struggle to move my left foot and so I take my shoe off to see how bad it is. It wasn't purple and so I knew that I hadn't broke it.
I iced it and continued working.
I returned home, thankfully, after a few ibuprofen/ice, was able to walk better. I called my aunt and Shari to inform them of my injury. Both of them are massage therapists and I feel comfortable assessing my injuries with both of them.
Shari asked me if I would be able to run the marathon. I had been thinking about that, too. How could I not? Of course, it is all I think about. I believe that I have created some anxiety and this is the reaction.
I will run. I am determined to do it.
I remembered that they have track on Thursday nights and so I headed to Wash Park to see my coach. He felt the injury and told me that it was a minor tendon strain or big bruise. He said---ICE, ICE, ICE and rest it. If you want to run on Saturday, than do. Otherwise, take a few days off and you'll be fine. He made me feel confident in my training and yes, that I can do it.
So, this is on my left foot. It is balancing from the other minor injuries that have occurred from running. I am happy with my training, with my comfort level of stretching and the decision to embark on this endeavor.
I am a thinker. Always have been and probably always will be. I think I allowed myself too much time to think--what if and what will happen? This occurred to show me that yes, I can overcome it and yes, I will be running on October 18th.
Have a great day.

Alcohol--alternative to feeling like yourself....Barenaked Ladies....

I worked tonight, but asked Jimmy to close for me. I wasn't feeling it.
I wanted to head to Elway's with Tiffany, to drink wine and catch up. It's a holiday weekend and I had forgotten what this means for most bars/restaurants. People camp Friday/Saturday. Sunday, however, they are ready to party. They aren't staying in and so they rush the restaurant. Plus, it was the CU/CSU football game--another reason to celebrate and drink--and so my plans were foiled. Instead of leaving at 9 pm, I left at 11.
In that two hour period, I watched how alcohol really does induce random hook-ups. I was embaressed for some of these people and amused by others. You could see it coming a mile away and we were betting on the timing factor. Every few minutes, Jimmy and I would comment to each other--10 minutes out of within a half hour, Tiffany will be punching someone.
Yes, Tiffany gets punch happy after a few glasses of wine. Tonight, I thought we would be able to escape the craziness, but not together. Plus, by the time I was able to clock out and leave, Elway's was a distant memory.
I ran into my friend, Troy, who works for Canondale Bikes. He is a great friend, and I see him rarely. I wish that I wanted to stay and drink at the Bull.
He asked me why I was leaving and I said--well, I drink too much here.
Dave and I Erik both laughed.
I will blame it on that, instead of saying--I don't want to have two glasses of wine and yell at someone that needs to be yelled at. I have been able to make a clean break with a toxic person, but if I were to drink wine there, I might do something that would break the fragile balance. It sucks, in a way, because I miss laughing with him.
Overall, I know that I did the right thing. It would have become a He said-She said thing and it doesn't deserve that much power. And, I know exactly what happened and I shouldn't have to justify myself or my present actions. And, I know he knows that I know he was inappropriate. There really isn't anything left to say.
Oh, alcohol how you intice people to make poor choices! I am certain that there are still potential hook-ups occuring, fights breaking out and people behaving badly because they chose to do another shot or chose to keep drinking.
I do like that song. I have always been a Bare Naked Ladies fan.
Enjoy your night. Happy Labor Day!
I hope to sleep in, go for a run and enjoy the day.

Rambling post-run and post bloody at Lucille's

There is something about running.
In the past, it was a road block...I was one of those....I could never run a 1/2 marathon unless someone was chasing me. You know, the annoying negative people that continue to be stagnant in their lives. I was definitely one of those when it came to running.
I would run, for about 3 weeks, work up to 4o minutes and then go on vacation. Of course, I would find a reason to not run, today or tomorrow, and then a week would pass. I would be a non-runner yet again.
Or, when I was in Chile, I was running, consistently and enjoying it, but my ipod was stolen and so, again, I became a non-runner.
I spoke to one of my friends, today, and he said--please, promise me one thing---you will finish the marathon regardless of your time or how you are feeling...you will cross the line--I gave him a confident yes.
Now, I am wondering why I had no hesitation when he asked me about the marathon and I realize it is because I enjoy running and this is a goal of mine. I want to complete it. I don't want to fail this. I AM NOT GOING TO FAIL THIS....I see the finish line, I see myself crossing it and I see myself crying, yes, crying. I am okay with it!
Earlier, I mentioned to the Goddess--never in my life did I think I would be running 2 1/2 hours at a stretch and that it would be getting easier. I know that I was being honest with how I felt. It was more than just the standard, I run to maintain my weight, eat carrot cake, or whatever. I truly am enjoying this and look forward to competing in other events.
Maybe I have found another purpose in my life. I know that I never saw it coming from this arena of life. But, I embrace it. I like being surprised.
I need to sleep, ice, rest, relax....enjoy your day and contemplate your purpose.

Principles, running, and other issues...

TGIF...well, all that means for me, is hydrating, rest, possibly ice, no fried foods and a nap. Long run day is tomorrow and so instead of partaking in normal debauchery associated with Friday nights, I rest and dream of running. I visualize crossing the finish lines. I figure the more frequently I run around Wash Park, the more likely I will delay my wall at the 20 mile marker. I hope it will be that familiar and I will be able to push on, make it up Logan to the hill back to Civic Center Park. Oh, the marathon. My life has changed.
It's positive. I think. Or, I would like to think. I am completely responsible/capable of/for my life changes.
For instance, I am moving from my ideal rental. Ideal in the sense that I have an off-street parking space, the location is amazing and the space is eclectic. My landlord refuses to maintain the place. He wants to do everything himself, to cut costs, but instead of fixing the problem, he creates yet, another phone call, a month or two down the road. The last straw was the locks. I know that he didn't change them when Marc and Megan moved out. He never gave me the new front door key. He insisted that he wouldn't change the locks, after the break-in, since it wasn't his responsility. He faulted the new tenants for the break-in. What kind of property owner does this? One that shouldn't be renting out his spaces.
I believe in principle.
Yes, he did change the locks, but reluctantly. If I lived in a broken down, cheap, place, it would be expected. But, our rent isn't cheap and I am capable of changing my location. I figure it is less rent for me, which equates to more food, wine and travel. Watch out world!
In other areas, I realize it is time to do with my mom. It is beyond ridiculous how much time has passed, but I know that as I continue to stubbornly wait for her apology, she is talking to my sisters and making them feel like it is my fault for the distance. It isn't. It's simple--apologize, mean it, understand that what you said was completely irrational and let's move on...I am tired of feeling at odds with her and the strain it is creating for my sisters, too. I love my mom, and I know that she knows this. In my life, she has never been wrong. As an adult, I am finding my voice. I am finding what I will manage and what I refuse to deal with--manipulation, guilt--and because of this, we aren't talking. It is sad, but again, I am principled. And, every time I overlook what happened, she hurts me, again...and the cycle restarts.
I know this is normal. I have many girlfriends that have interesting relationships with their parents, specifically, their moms. It isn't about lack or love, or a bad childhood, it's just our issues that continue to separate us...

The continuining beauty of night...

I have a friend whose daughter died. She was 18 months old.
There is no way to justify why this happened outside of their daycare provider was negligent and only in it for the money. She was licensed for 6 kids, but was caring for 15 at the time of Ava's passing.
I want to understand this loss, I do.
I want to be comforting to my friend, but know that my loss was different. I cannot identify with what she is going through, nor her me. Our losses are different. It doesn't mean that one is more significant than the other. It just means, that loss is loss, and that we both ache for the people we love.
Every now and then I check up on her. I want to.
Again, I don't know 100% or even 20% of what to say. But, I know that it is important to let her know that she isn't alone in this.
Today, I sent her an update of my trip to Maine and how fantastic it was to be able to talk about Brian with someone that understood my pain. I encouraged Alecia to keep running, in spite of her on-going injuries and inquired about her day.
She wrote me back and it broke me heart.
Of course, she has siblings that are pregnant.
She has nieces and nephews.
She has all of these visible reminders in her home of her life with Ava.
I wrote her back with what I knew to be true...Breathe...go outside and look at the moon.
For whatever reason, the moon and the sun, both, are very calming to me. The moon, more so, because I envision that Brian, too, is enjoying the tranquility and beauty that is projected by the moon. I feel better when I am in the moment, able to visualize him in my life, as it is now, not before, but presently. The moon enables peace of mind and of heart.
So, yes, I told Alecia to breathe, be and go outside. I hope this brings her peace.

Rambling to justify why I delayed my run....

Yesterdays run with the Goddess was fantastic.
Initially, I struggled with the heat, the pace and just knowing that it was noon, and we were in fact, running. At Cheesman Park, I hit my stride and our conversation continued to flow. I was updating her on my recent trip to Maine and Boston. I think that I do most of the talking on the long days. I have ample material, normally, because of work, upcoming travel and food. I dream of new restaurants to check out, mac and cheese and wine.
Anyways, we left Cheesman and ran up to Alameda. Somehow I had forgotten the back to back hill factor from University heading west on Alameda. Yuck! It was a water break, the second one,that is.
From there, we did a loop around Wash Park and finished heading north on Logan. All in all it was great. I felt good. I felt calm and ready for October. We decided that next time, we will skip Alameda and run west on the bike path to eventually head to Wash Park. I believe in changing things up and I really detest doing an out and back style of run. Saturday's run will be like that. We will run on the High line Canal Trail, which is lovely, but in order to complete our time, we run one way and turn around at the midway point. There are no potties along the way and I get bored looking at the same stuff. I like to mix it up--a little urban, sidewalk friendly, more of life run.
Gadget loathes running on concrete. Somehow I think she has blocked out that the Denver Marathon is solely on concrete with the exception of brief breaks at City, Cheesman and Wash Park. The heart of that race is on cement.
Today is different. I slept in. I contemplated the whole--should I run now conversation or later? If later, on a treadmill or outside? Realistically, will I run after having wine with my tarot reader? Probably not...so, it looks like I will be doing a short, easy run tomorrow morning, since I have a long one to look forward to on Saturday.
The Goddess and I are heading to Lucille's, after that, to celebrate the completion of 3 hours--I think. Or, really, I just want a bloody mary and it's nice to have something to look forward to after such a long run. The marathon is right around the corner--October 18th...I am trying to train, work and travel until then. It is going to be a great next few months...

Anxiety....

I think as I get closer to the marathon, I am overwhelmed by how little time I have left.
I have 48 days.
I am scared.
I am nervous.
I am excited.
I feel that I can/will/am going to be able to do it.
I have to tell myself this to get through the training. I am committed to this goal. I keep talking about it, in a way, forcing myself to really do it. I mean, at this point, I would be completely foolish to back out. I raised the money, I have training friends/partners and I enjoy running.
Yet, there is this voice that tells me--You are tired. You haven't trained enough. You could hurt yourself.
I read Morgan's post this morning---Caution Redhead Running--and was relieved to see that other people experience doubt too. Morgan is a Run-Runner in my book. She just completed 22 miles last weekend which is amazing. I am not at that point in my training. I vacation too often.
But, I know that I will do this. Yes, there are physical aches/pains associated with a marathon. But, it's almost more mental for me. I need to shut off that voice that tells me--STOP, YOU WILL FEEL BETTER.
No, it's not there all of the time either. I have great runs. I enjoy running. But, there are days where I wonder if I will get through it.
I will.
Last night, I messaged back and forth with a friend about upcoming events. KNowing this propels my desire to run the Denver Marathon. It isn't idle chatter...it is the real thing.
Have a wonderful day. I have an afternoon run to look forward to since my morning run was interrupted by doubt...