Reflections and reading

I have been reading a book, Thinking in Bets, and am finding that I truly enjoy it.  Based on the title, I thought it would be a poker driven book. I am not a gambler but I am trying to improve my relationship with money.  It was one of the suggested books to purchase to familiarize yourself with course material for the finance class I signed up for.  In addition to this book, there were three others and a bunch of course material. The first two modules were brief and I almost felt cheated for the amount of money I paid for the course.  Then, I started module three.  It is overwhelming the amount of information in this module.  Therefore, it has been on the backburner for me as I choose other areas to focus on. Hence, picking up this book to read.

The author equates all of life with bets and if you put it like that--for sure, it is.  For example, for years, I have been trying to leave the service industry.  Not because I do not enjoy it.  I am actually quite good at this industry.  Every time I have tried to leave, I always return.  The flexibility, daily cash (this was early on in my career.  Now mostly, it is delivered on a paycheck or pay card.  It is a rarity to be given tips in cash nightly.), social interaction, exposure to food, being fed (especially essential when in college. I did not live on ramen noodles, lol), etc. There are many benefits to the industry.  And, like I said, I excel in it.  I enjoy anticipating people's needs.

Still, in the back of my head, I have wanted to be my own boss.  I just didn't know how to do it.  While in Melbourne, Australia, in 2008, I sat with a tarot card reader and she insisted that I would be finished with service within three years. That I would embrace my calling of teaching and/or healing.  I remember scoffing at the idea.  I did like this reader and it was my first time having my tarot cards read. There were other readers in the vicinity.  I sized them up.  I remember one of the readers had a McDonald's bag in front of them and that was a no-no for me.  Energetically, I sought out this woman.  Resistant to this change, I stayed with what was familiar.  Weighing the pro's and con's of my decision like placing any bet.  

I relocated to Phoenix at one point and enhanced my skills in the restaurant industry and elevated my overall skill set by embarking on a yoga certification.  Slowly, I turned more to that industry when I returned to Denver.  It has been a slow transition, but, it is right for me.  And, this book, is perfect right now.  Hedging bets with uncertain outcomes.  Instead of stacking my weekend with serving shifts, I am driving cross country to Florida.  I want that experience and time off. I know, intuitively, that I am making a smart decision for myself regardless of how it pans out.  

I have spoken to a few salon owners and envision pop-ups this year.  The one in Santa Fe will likely be the first one.  I was listening to a manifestation podcast when I received a text from Carmen and it felt serendipitous.  Having an opportunity present itself while listening to a podcast about abundance and manifestation.  It feels right.

And I feel great about my decision to venture out on my own.  Sometimes, I get bogged down with how I will make it work which is extremely counterproductive.  It will work.

I hope you have a wonderful rest of your evening.  I have a few chapters to read, classes to prep and some relaxation in my night.

Wednesday musings

Happy Hump Day!  It is almost over. Still, I wanted to return to writing and being consistent.  Seriously, I go in phases and then I completely get distracted with life.  Lunch dates, happy hour meet ups, work, zoom calls.  All of these things contribute to me delaying writing, journaling or meditating.

Speaking of zoom calls, last night I had a meet up with my sisters and two of my cousins that I have not seen or spoken to in thirty years. It is incredible to note that amount of time with no contact and the ease with seeing them on line.  I hope we can connect and create some sort of relationship. One of my cousins lives in Vietnam, ironically.  She moved there in 2016.  The year that I visited.  Shari and I spent time in Hanoi and Hoi An and my cousin lives in Saigon.  I have wanted to return to explore more of Vietnam.  Maybe this could work out.

Originally, I had planned on teaching a live class on IG today but chose against it when the time arrived.  I wanted to meditate on it and see how I felt.  It has been building traction up until last week.  I waited for people to join and after fifteen minutes, I closed out the class. I know I am on the right path and will continue.  Sometimes, I only need a break to assess my options.  

I tamped down my desire to get sushi after last week.  I had walked into the nearby spot in the middle of the afternoon. I walked in and the staff was all seated, enjoying their lunch. I didn't want to interrupt that day and so I left.  Today, I could have made lunch but sushi sounded too good to pass up.  A little unagi, philadelphia roll and black pepper tuna.  I returned home to read part of my finance mindset book and cleaned my apartment.  That is another task that I tend to delay.  As much as I despise cleaning, I still refuse to pay someone else to do it.  I think I have always been that way.  Determined to handle tasks that I should instead of paying someone.  I remember Brian always having his clothes laundered and I thought it was a waste of money.  He felt different.  His time was valuable and instead of cleaning his clothes, he would pay someone and it saved him time.  In that regard, that makes sense.  It truly does.  I will continue to clean my apartment.

I leave for the southeast in a week.  Epic adventure 2022!  I am excited to take a much needed road trip, gain perspective and see friends.  It has been too long since I have traveled anywhere besides Kansas and Santa Fe.  It is time to change that.

I hope you have a lovely rest of your Wednesday.  Cheers!

Fridays and some finance anxieties

Slowly getting things organized and figured out.  I procrastinate way too much.  I excel at this.  It is kind of scary. 

This morning, I woke up, meditated, did fifteen sun salutations before walking a nearby park. Thankfully, I opted to walk this morning instead of trying to squeeze it in this afternoon.  For one thing, it's much colder.  Oh, and it's snowing. This morning I snuck in a walk before my first session of the day.  In addition to the walk, I listened to a podcast about manifestation and angel numbers.  Do you even find yourself looking at your cell phone and it is 11:11?  Or 1:11?  4:44?  Recurring numbers.  I am constantly stimulated by sequences and how I am feeling when I see the number.  The podcast had a little guidance as to why I am seeing these numbers.  

As I process that, I realize that it allows me to delay some of the admin stuff I am hoping to achieve.  I did give myself a hard boundary to have it completed by.  What do they say--give yourself a month to clean your house and it take a month. Give yourself 3 days and it will take three days.  I am hoping that this is true.  I need to get some information back to my accountant. It is hanging over my head.

In addition, I am trying to assess my mindset about money.  I think it is improving and then wake up in the middle of the night to stress dreams.  I forced myself to pay my credit card hoping to alleviate some of that unnecessary anxiety.  The subconscious mind is incredibly powerful.  Some guided meditations are helping.  I listened to one, specifically last night, about manifesting abundance and money.  I think I heard five minutes of it before falling asleep.  Maybe something helped?  More than likely I will need to try it again.  

I have reached out to several of my friends regarding investing and finance. I have been embarrassed by my lack of knowledge but realize that I am not alone in this. Why are we not teaching finance in schools?  Or being in control of your finances and having a healthy relationship with money?  I am taking steps to get better acquainted and confident in my choices.  I am considering investing in robinhood--I like the idea of fractional shares.  Definitely would help with diversification.  Or there are other platforms that are worth checking out.  I need to decide what my best course of action is.  I cannot be forced into making a rash decision.  I will definitely have anxiety dreams!

It is snowing in Denver. What a way to quick start this holiday weekend?  Staying inside and on the couch, lol.  I agreed to work tonight so I will be venturing outside shortly. I am thankful for whatever opportunity arises tonight.  I feel lucky!

Upcoming road trip

Ten days til my big adventure.  I looked at the weather and it seems promising that I should be able to drive east or south without much difficulty. I can shave an hour off of my trip if I head east through Kansas.  Still, I prefer driving south through New Mexico. I need to give it some thought.  

The best part of leaving on the 22nd and staying with Hailey & Cory is the opportunity to watch KU basketball. Ironically, they have a game that night and it will be fantastic!  Hailey, Cory and I all went to KU.  They have shared their love of basketball with their kids and are bigger fanatics than I am.  I have been friends with Hailey since we were ten years old.  Played softball together, in the high school band and both went to Lawrence for college. Of course, at that point, I lost touch with many people from my childhood.  Except for a handful of people.  Hailey has always been a friend and a great supporter of my life.  I am so thankful that we cultivated our friendship and continue to talk and remain in each other's lives.  I remember meeting her first son, Andrew, in 2006.  I was in a unique place, emotionally, and spent a day with them in Dallas before driving to San Angelo to celebrate a birthday.  

From that visit, I remember the drive that I am about to repeat in ten days. Unless, I choose to drive through Kansas.  Driving through Amarillo and the small towns in Texas is charming.  And, I know that I can do it.  The twelve hours is going to be a stretch. After talking with Sara Jo about her cross country trip from Palm Springs to Florida, she mentioned stopping after six or seven hours daily.  I want to make more of a dent into the trip.  I need to.  That first day will be the worst! I am already thinking about how to make it manageable.  Looking forward to watching a basketball game will inspire me to drive faster, lol.

I am still figuring out how much I will teach remotely while on the road.  Some of the classes are easy to arrange while others will prove to be difficult.  I want to be available and realistic.  I know that when I am in Florida I will be enjoying wine lunches.  It would be naive of me to think I will teach afternoon classes and not consume wine at lunch.  I value my time as well as my client's time.  I do not want to promise a class and then regret setting it up.

And, I haven't really taken time off for me since 2020.  Sure, I have flexibility with my schedule (if I choose) but if I don't hustle, I only have myself to blame.  I have altered my schedule to be accommodating to clients.  Most coaches say to set boundaries. Take definite days off for yourself.  I still haven't stuck to that advice.  For example, my trainer never works on Sundays.  She doesn't respond to email, text, etc.  I don't have a hard boundary like that.  Maybe I need to? I don't know.  

I am excited, inspired and motivated to do more.  I am so thankful for the opportunities that are presenting.  And that I chose to pursue this.  Today is an absolutely gorgeous day.  It is time to get outside and enjoy sunshine!   Cheers!

figuring it out

My live class today was a practice session.  No one joined and I opted to stop after fifteen minutes.  Normally, I would have continued, regardless; but today I was interested in the playback.  I could watch part of it and it would be a quicker upload than the typical 45 minutes.  I want to see how I come across to people.  Intimidating to do more but necessary.

I know I need to purchase a microphone for a youtube channel.  As much as I have hesitated to be on camera, I think it is a way to put myself out there more.  It is the true way to grow.  I am sure that I can start out without a microphone but the sound will be a challenge.  I know that from zoom classes. A few of my friends have mentioned it to me in passing.  

My finance class is going well.  I need to commit more to the reading and hold myself accountable.  I signed up for an additional service that I regret. It is a simulation of how to trade which is helpful but as a result, I receive messages, nonstop of people with questions that are part of this group.  It is never ending.  And until I fix how I feel about money, I do not want to trade.  I am unwilling to get caught up in the emotions of it.

I am not ready to trade. I still need to wrap my mind around the more positive mindset for money.  Initially, I thought it was a situation that I was only experiencing.  Yet, after speaking to a couple close friends, I realize this is more common than I thought.  We are not taught about investing, trading, finance in school.  Why in the hell not?  This is the skill that should be mandatory.  After speaking to the Goddess tonight, I commanded that she speaks to her boys about the importance of understanding how to handle your money.  She agreed.

I am ready to make a difference and take control of my situation. No more waiting or being fearful. Small habits lead to epic shit!  I am no longer afraid of putting myself out there. Recently, an acquaintance friended me on social media (her choice).  She was interested in yoga and so my friend, Roxanne, connected us.  Instead of waiting for an invitation to meet up, I reached out to her today. Initially, I hesitated but then I remembered that she friended me.  Clearly she knew that I taught yoga. I was not going to feel bad about inviting her to a session.

Thankfully, it was well received and who knows where it will lead?  If you do not take risks, you never grow. Tomorrow will be a better day.  

Monday Motivation

Monday Motivation--inhale gratitude, exhale negativity.  I found that one of my classmates died yesterday. A little shocking since it came out of nowhere and then triggers (for me) an introspection of my life.  Am I where I want to be right now?  Should I be doing more?  

Then I remember to relax.  I do not need to be creating stories in my head.  My mind wanders off in a thousand directions and then I have to focus on what is important.  Gratitude and not focusing on things I cannot control.  

The death of a classmate was hard.  Puts mortality into perspective.  Although, I do know that people die every day and I lost my soul mate when we were very young.  Things happen and people die unexpectedly.  Reinforces the need to communicate and forgive certain situations for me.  I believe in communication (always have).  And, I believe, things happen organically.  I do not need to apply pressure in some situations.  Just let things be.

I was definitely more introspective this morning when I applied the post to my instagram account.  I think I was able to put more thought into what I wanted to say.  Now, midafternoon, I am a little distracted and less involved in that mindset.  More things occurred in my day.  Meditated, listened to a podcast and had a conversation with my sister, Michaela.  

Then, I sort of let this go and finished my evening.  I meant to post something yesterday.  It is sort of crazy the direction I am moving in currently.  I feel like I am right where I am supposed to be.  I tried to arrange dinner in St. Petersburg.  Apparently, the restaurant of choice does not accept reservations.  Last thing I want is to wait for two hours with four plus people.  It is much easier to set up a table and have everything figured out. I think I will return to a spot Sara recommended. It is charcuterie driven and so I suppose we will fill up on cheese and cured meats, lol.  I wanted tapas and know that we will find a spot while I am in Florida.  

Tonight, I am heading to a friend's house for take out.  Our mutual friend is relocating to North Carolina.  We are co-hosting a send up for our friend, Andrea.  I will miss her but know that this is the best option for Andrea. She wanted to return to Denver and make it her home.  There was something holding her back from fully committing to being here.  I get it. I do. I remember breaking up with Denver in 2011, knowing, that I would return eventually.  It was easy to go to Phoenix and make it a life.  Then, Santa Fe was an adventure.  Yet, I knew in my heart, that I wanted to be in Denver.  Denver will always be home.  My friends, family and support network.  

Enjoy your night.  I need to figure a few things out!

More thoughts

More notifications that I should turn to writing more.  So here goes.  January was constructive and this month has been shaky.  It began with motivation and the belief that I would continue with habits I formed last month.  Waking up with sun salutations, dry sauna meditating and reading.  I have been consistent with the dry sauna, semi-consistent with the sun salutations and terrible with the reading. 

Today sort of got away from me.  I woke up, intent, on teaching a 9 am class.  I set up the zoom, turned on the video and waited.  I try to wait five minutes before ending the video.  Sometimes the Sunday classes are a bust. A few weeks ago, I decided to add an a.m. class in addition to my afternoon session.  I figure I am planting seeds to grow and I am seeing progress.  The live class on Wednesdays keep me honest, too.  I get in a solid class without skipping the chatarangas which I manage to do when I teach.  

The afternoon session has been consistent until today. My client that I set it up for texted me a few days ago to let me know that they would not be joining.  Her stepdaughter is turning thirteen and so they would be celebrating.  Completely understandable. Still, I set up the class hoping that a few people would attend.  

Yesterday, my class turned into a one on one.  I owed it to Jordan to do it, too. He has been wonderful in opening the bar up for me on Saturday mornings.  All he gets out of it is time out of his day and some yoga when he practices.  He is a young man with an active social life.  I know that it cuts into his Friday nights.  He mentioned that last Friday he was planning on attending a warehouse party that would have ended at 6 a.m.  It can be hard to excuse yourself when you are having fun.

Since it was just the two of us yesterday, I tried out a few things on him.  He is athletic and has great core strength.  I loved going upside down and doing jump backs and jump forwards.  It actually improved my mood and reminded me of why I wanted to learn to teach.

I keep allowing my practice to evolve. And when I am available to teach, too.  I need to have firmer boundaries with that.  I know I am on the right path and sometimes, I get impatient.  Impatience leads to anxiety and lousy sleep.  Some poor decisions, too.  Then, I get a sign or a reminder to stay the course and not give up.  

I intend to put more effort into my writing, journaling and taking time for me.  I cannot distract myself by choosing to be social 70% of the time.  This is going to require more effort on my part and more discipline it seems.  I am committed to making my dream a reality.

Happy February

Happy Friday!  I have many projects, ongoing, and have avoided tending to this.  The week has gotten away from me without much effort.  Yoga, planning road trip to Florida and dealing with the cold. I hibernated for a few days.  Looking back, that would have been the ideal time to blog.  I cannot remember how I became derailed that day.  Yet, I did.

Today, I am midway through my classes.  Taught three and have two to finish.  It has been a lovely day.  Sure, I should be focusing on some of my own administration things I am avoiding.  Instead, I have been texting friends to find someone (ANYONE) that is familiar at applying for grants.  It isn't like I have not thought about it.  It has been suggested to me a few times and would make my life easier.  I wish I enjoyed the detailed stuff. I don't.  It is tedious and challenging.  I get distracted by all of the requirements.  I signed up for a finance class and spent money on it.  I am disappointed in how I am faring. I have done minimal work in this and I paid for it.  It is ridiculous.  I will continue to read the material and figure out my best approach. I cannot be rushed with parting with money.  All goes back to mindset.  Even how I just said that--parting with money.  Clearly, negative.  I need to reconsider how I think about money.

It is so easy for me to avoid a task that I do not want to commit to.  Eventually, I do achieve it but on my own timeline.  I suppose it is what I am most familiar with. In college, there is a glaring reminder of avoidance.  I still regret my decision.  I must make a change.

I have one more class this afternoon.  It has been a productive/effective day.  Not efficient.  Effective.  I intend to have five plus days of effectiveness.  I would feel better and have more structure.  I need those boundaries for myself.  Otherwise, I can play hooky and socialize.  Not the best decision for starting up a business.

I make plans. I really make plans and then I allow myself to get distracted.  I must be stronger.  On that note, I will conclude this for now with the decision to clear time for blogging tomorrow.  Choose to do better every day.