Saturdays are the best

Some days, I know I could be more productive.  That I should be more productive.  I should do my administrative work instead of putting it off until the absolute last minute.  I start off with the best intentions and then derail it.  For instance, this morning, I taught yoga, took a walk and researched potential recipes for my upcoming happy hour.  Yoga was fantastic. I returned home and considered the remainder of my day.  Walking more seemed imperative.  I managed that after lunch and felt good about that decision.

I prepped a grocery list and headed to Postino.  A glass of wine before shopping on a Saturday at Trader Joe's is necessary.  I tend to want to dart in and out of the store.  I avoid using shopping carts and instead rely on the basket to do my shopping.  I feel that I am able to navigate the store easier without the bulkiness of the cart.  I really despise shopping carts.  I will make multiple trips to the market to avoid using a cart.  I hate wasting food.  I prefer shopping more times to avoid that factor.

I had a book to read and settled in at Postino.  Midway through my visit, a lady sat down next to me.  She seemed a little gruff and so I continued to read my book and glance around the surroundings.  I enjoy reading the vibes and watching people interact.

One of the server assistants broke glassware, loudly, twice.  Noticeably loud.  Stopped conversation.  I paid my tab and the lady asked me what I was reading and if I liked it.  We started chatting books--Wally Lamb.  I love Wally Lamb.  I have read multiple books by him.  He is a master of character development in my opinion.  Then moved into other territory.  Occupation, travel, family...I learned more about her situation than anticipated.  A reminder that as difficult as my family situation can be, I am mostly normal compared to other people.  From that encounter, I feel like people like to confide in me.  I do not know my exact purpose in life but after the last few days, I think part of my purpose is to listen and allow people to chat.  To discard the loneliness.  The gruffness dissolved and she seemed approachable unlike she had when she sat down.  

A guy I know from former days strolled through before heading to his current bar gig.  He gave me a hug and reminded me of when he works at this particular bar.  I walked to Trader Joe's and regretted it immediately.  Too many people with carts, lol.  I picked up a few items knowing that I would return at another time.  I do not have the patience to withstand the amount of people wandering around.  I really despise carts and how much room they take up.  

Returning home and intending to return to the task list.  I will do better.  I must do better.  I reflect on the day and am hopeful for more community and interaction.  The divineness of the chaos of today is not all encompassing.  There is hope and time.  Next time you are in a situation you are unfamiliar with, embrace it.  See where the conversation leads.  Allow it to move organically.

Finding balance

Every day is more chaos.  Challenging.  I recognize that it designed this way to inhibit resistance.  Distraction after distraction after distraction.  For instance, the recent video reminding us of the Epstein files.  Is it a distraction from the war?  

I thought there was a ceasefire, but it seemed to have been violated within hours of it being stated.  I do not understand how the continual bombing of Lebanon is supported.  Or Gaza for that matter.  Why are civilians being targeted?  Universities, hospitals, structures?  It is insanity.

It takes a lot out of me in spite of the knowledge.  Trying to sift through the b.s. and move forward.  Some days are easier than others.  I have been relishing the lego videos that are surfacing on social media.  They make me chuckle and sigh.  Specifically, the one regarding our secretary.  They do not hold back.  Call out some of my favorite words.  CS--IYKYK.... Seriously, I do love that word.  And it sums up his behavior handily.  Many of my friends are unaware of the videos which makes me think I am in a silo.  I see so much and am familiar with many moving parts.  If only I could walk away and place my head in the sand.  I cannot.  I will not.

Striking that balance is imperative.

Planning yoga is helping.  I feel more productive and capable.  I ran into a friend that is going through a divorce.  It has been a while in the making but it is happening.  Typically, this friend does not confide about his personal life.  In a way, I feel that he feels uplifted being able to discuss it.  He can sort through his relationship and what he would like to move forward.  Listening to him made me reflect on my relationship with Tom.  I could be more vested in his interests.  I, tend to get caught up in the politics, my stressors and work.  I cannot help myself (or so I convince myself).  However, listening to my friend was a gentle reminder that I should listen to Tom's needs.  I should show Tom that I love him not just say it.  Actions matter.

I utilized the library through Kanopy (streaming service) and placed a bunch of books on hold.  Some fiction.  Others non-fiction.  I picked up a mix and started a fiction one that was recommended.  Immediately, I knew it was not speaking to me.  I read a review and it was confirmed that it might not be approachable.  But the content of the location did happen in real life.  Girls were placed in correctional institutions and the conditions were terrible.  I read on to see that.  Unstable conditions, abuse, lack of cleanliness, poor nutrition, medicating people.  I do not agree with any of this to house people.  Girls were placed within these facilities with no structure, opportunity to rehabilitate or leave.  They were punished for being undesirable or unwanted.  

I do not love the book after 150 pages.  I will return it to the library with some knowledge of how women were treated and continue to be.  There is a better reflection of this specific situation with The Woman they could not Silence.  That book is incredible.  I should remember to place a book on hold for the author's other book--Radium Girls.  Rambling slightly.  It has been a day.  I need to decompress so I can shut off my mind.  Find balance and navigate the chaos.

Salud to Thursday~

Lentil soup

In an attempt to cook more at home, I have made lentil soup twice in the last week.  The first time I followed the recipe that I found.  It is based on a Greek grandmother's recipe (or so they say).  I found it on social media.  I am all for it and believe it is based on a grandmother's recipe.  The result was good, but I wanted a few tweaks.  More garlic, add some Greek oregano and maybe more onion.  I tested out my theory yesterday and I am pleased with the new results.  Still, I think I could improve it.  It is savory, wholesome and delicious.  And I enjoy taking the time to make it.

Isn't that what it is all about?  Enjoying what you are doing and not make it feel like a chore or job.  I believe I would have been more invested in preparing food had I felt more confident in my skills at an earlier age.  Instead, I relied on the restaurants that I worked in to feed more.  Or make it more convenient, lol.  I enjoy grocery shopping but tend to shop frequently and not doing the weekly trip.  I break it up into smaller runs.  This makes more sense to me.  Eliminates food waste which I despise.

For example, I bought eggs.  You know, the more expensive ones.  Organic, farm raised good life of the chicken.  My refrigerator opted to freeze 7 of the 18.  I was devastated.  I was not that surprised.  My refrigerator tends to do that. I have tried to manually alter the temperature to no avail.  Finally, I grabbed a screwdriver to adjust the settings.  Eureka!  It happened.  I could avoid freezing the interior of my fridge.

Super irritated.  Scrambling to avoid more waste, I boiled them and hoped for the best.  I had bought avocados on sale (I am a sucker for avocados).  I do not want to waste those, so I created an egg salad with the avocados, eggs, dill and mayonnaise I had curated a few weeks ago.  It is time to use food in house and minimize waste.  I am too reliant on what is convenient, unfortunately.

Six of the eggs remain in the carton.   4 of them are broken.  Two remain, intact.  But they do not want to budge out of the container.  It is frustrating.  I want to avoid the waste.  

My mind wanders.  Overwhelmed.  Overstimulated.  Distracted.  I say that knowing that I can still perform required tasks.  I might be exhausted but if I show up for a job, I do it.  Physically, I show up.  I perform and make the best of the situation.  Small reflection.

Focus on the good and what you can control.  Silence the distractions that do not do anything to elevate you as a person.  Make lentil soup.