true beauty

Restart

Continuing with the domesticity in my life, I chose to make dinner tonight. I knew we had ground turkey as my friend is trying the vegetarian lifestyle for now. I support her decision and it isn't typically that difficult, for me, to omit meat from meals.
As such, tonight, would be penne pasta tossed with a ground turkey based sauce. Last week while I was taking a break from domestic bliss, they made turkey burgers. My friend mentioned that the turkey was awful. She hated it.
I thought, maybe it wasn't seasoned properly. I could work with it.
WRONG.
However, I didn't know this until I had already prepared the mirepoix and added garlic, spices, tomatoes. The turkey was overpowering. It smelled bad. Yet, I thought, add more chili pepper or cayenne--anything to kill the stench.
Eventually, I gave up. Began again. I had plenty of onions, carrots and celery. I could make another base and add pasta sauce that they had stocked in the pantry. I think there were five options. I found one from 2004 and knew that I needed to make sure that I located the date on the label. Thankfully, the rest were fine.
Take two--create mirepoix and wait. Hope that this will suffice. This is the first meal that I have been disappointed in. Damn that ground turkey! I should have listened to my friend. She wasn't kidding. It really was terrible.
I almost don't want to tell her that I didn't believe her. However, I will be honest and admit that I thought I would be able to work with it. It was inferior for sure.
So, penne pasta with store bought sauce, doctored up to make more homemade appearing. Bread, wine and conversation!
Salud!
Also, today is a lovely day. Some of my other dear friends are celebrating their bar being open for 14 years. Kudos to Steve, Chris and Alan on your continued success!

practicing

Everyday, I wake up and know that I should be journaling. First thing. However, I end up, brushing my teeth and already my mind is racing. My mind is screaming coffee and so I make my way to the kitchen, hoping, that my friend has already began that process. Sometimes, she has. Other times, not. Either way, the mandatory morning coffee takes precendence over everything else.
Again, I remember that I should be journaling. It helps tap into creativity which I can always utilize. Or, taking the censorship off of my blogging. I should free write but this rarely occurs. The unaccustomed initial thing in the morning would help me let go of some of my inhibitions. Tomorrow, maybe, I will get around to it. I will sleep with the journal next to my pillow, refuse the coffee and attempt three pages of nonsense. I wonder if I could actually accomplish this for a week.
I have a slight cold from my brief stint in Mexico. Typically, my immune system is in good shape. I am healthy, I drink tons of water and sleep a lot. When I returned to the States, I took a brief departure from my normal health regime. Less sleep, more wine and was unable to kick the cold. A massage helped bring everything to the surface and now I am waiting for it to leave. More olive of oregano, garlic and water. No wine for the time being. Sad. Very sad, but necessary.
Last night we had a smorgasborg of leftovers and salad. I feel so domestic and it reminds me of my childhood. My mom or dad would prepare a meal and we would gnaw on the leftovers until they were no more. I remember hating some of their creations and unhappy with this practice. They were relentless and unwilling to change their beliefs. Goulash would be our dinner for up to three nights and no, it didn't get better with age. I think my mom still does this. My sister, Jade, mentioned that her kids found this practice unfair, too. Last summer they spent five weeks with grandma and realized they were not fans of her meal plans.
Still, I have utilized some of this in my domestic bliss. Preparing a meal takes time. I am not interested in throwing out the leftovers after one sit down. Especially if it is awesome. My friends are on the fence with it. For instance, tonight, I am trying to incorporate ground turkey into a pasta dish. Last week, they grilled turkey burgers and my friend said the turkey was awful. In her mind, that is it. She didn't like it, she won't like it, why make something with it? I told her I would doctor it up and see. Her response, I will bring home take-out.
I do not doubt this. However, I am determined to give it a go. Why not? What is there to lose? One meal, perhaps, but I might as well try it out.
Tomorrow, I will begin, again, and hopefully, incorporate the first thing journaling into my routing. Also, hoping that my cold is kicked and that I can seek out wine again. I miss it~

musing

Today is a new beginning. Mondays inspire me. To be productive, be active, reflect on my current situation.
I am blessed and am reminded of it daily. I just read a blog about gratitude and it made me remember to be thankful for my present moment. This morning, I called my friend that has an appointment where she will either be relieved or unhappy. The not knowing is troublesome. I called her to offer my support and remind her that she is loved. I told her to smile, take a deep breath and laugh. Find something to be positive about. I mentioned that I would treat her to dip duo in the near future. I want her to know that I am here to listen.
Another friend is beginning a new job today with her dad. He will groom her to be part of the company business and I am thrilled for her. She is such an asset and a ray of positivity. For years, she worked with a coffee production facility where I benefitted from free coffee. Yes, I miss that factor, but know that it is time for her to bloom in a different area of life. She was becoming stagnant in her previous position. She deserves upward mobility.
I walked to the library, called my sister, and spoke to a few other friends. Something about Monday motivates me to reach out to my people. I suppose making it a priority feels natural at the beginning of the week.
I thought about my friend who lost her daughter. All of the newness of what it means for her. Trying to be present for her other daughter but so stuck with what happened. Being unable to truly function. It reminded me to be thankful for all of the moments in my life. I have so much gratitude for where I am right now. How far I have come and where I am going. I am fortunate, for sure.
Next month, I have the opportunity to spend some time in Oregon, dogsitting, my running buddy, Pete. I am still coordinating the trip and hoping to spend an adequate amount of time with Jade and her family, too. Plus, the weather should finally be lovely. No jeans necessary.
Each day is a gift. Make use of it and enjoy!

no judgments, please

Yesterday, I was catching up on my correspondence via e-mail, blog and facebook. I needed to organize my thoughts since I had a brief departure from the internet.
Something caught my eye about a former childhood friend experiencing a loss. I read through some of the well wishes trying to figure out how her daughter died. There were many people that commented on facebook about how sorry they were and how they could only imagine what she was going through. Based on my own experience with loss, I continued to read her wall, hoping to discover what happened. I knew that I would reach out to her, but not by posting something on her wall. That isn't me or my way. I feel that loss is very personal and I don't know how she is feeling. My loss was traumatic, awful, extreme, but it was mine. I cannot explain to anyone how it felt to lose the love of my life. Why should I try to suggest to her that I understand her loss?
I will reach out to her the old-fashioned way with a card. I messaged her and requested having her address. She complied. When I have gathered my thoughts, I will send her a card.
Nevertheless, as I was considering these things, I finally figured out what happened. Her daughter was in a horrific car accident. There were four girls in the car when it flipped and she was the only casualty. I saw the photos of the car and am amazed that anyone survived. It was awful. I read the article online and noticed that people had commented about what happened. I was disgusted by some of the comments--why were these girls out at 4 am? Where were the parents? How was excessive speed not a factor?
On and on it went. All I could think was--someone died and it is awful! Why are people judging the situation that really they have no part of? Plus, I am sure that these thoughts are rampant in this mother's head. She doesn't need to explain or justify to anyone why or why not her daughter was out at 4 am.
I remember people trying to console me when Brian died and saying stupid things about what happened. Believe me, I was consumed by what happened and angry and in no way did I feel it necessary to discuss what happened with people. I was sad and missed Brian.
In that regard, I do understand loss. Loss, any loss, is awful. It robs you of time, love, life. Commenting on the situation is mean and unnecessary. Time stops for you while everyone else's life continues. I think I lived in a parallel reality for two years.
I feel very strongly about this. There are some things that you will never know your reaction until you go through it yourself. Judgments should not be made.

Saturday night dinner

Domestic bliss. I returned and it was established that we would continue with the normal routine. I create meals based on their likes and my whims. Sometimes I wish I could be more creative, but it will happen.
Last night, I made salad and used some items that were about to expire. I had bell peppers, onions, celery, feta cheese, tomatoes, avocados and three different types of lettuce--bib, spinach and mixed greens. I pulled all of it out of the refrigerator and sorted through what would work. The mixed greens were done. I didn't even attempt to sort through that mess of green. The spinach would suffice.
The peppers, onions and celery were all in good shape. I found a different salad recipe and opted to make that specific dressing with some additions. It was balsamic, feta and orange. Sounded interesting. I decided to give it a go and not focus on whether or not my friends would like it. The avocados were unuseable as components of the salad. I looked for chips and opted to make guacamole with the ripe avocados and tomatoes. Perfect. We had limes and garlic which would add to the flavor of the guacamole. I figured if they didn't like the salad, at least, we would have guacamole. I knew that they enjoyed my guacamole.
I set the table, drank a glass of pinot grigio and told them that dinner was ready. I think we all had our reservations about the dressing. Thankfully, it was great. In the future, I believe a mix of oranges/tangerines would be preferable.
It was nice to be back and have a conversation around a table. While in Mexico, I offered to make dinner for my friends and they had little interest. I would have made enchiladas or something that could showcase my strengths. Next time. Maybe, I guess?
Yes, it is great to be back and be productive. I am ready to expand my culinary knowledge, too. I am ready to be inspired.

back finally.......

I took a few days off. For whatever reason, I was experiencing difficulty logging into this account. Due to that fact, I stopped trying until last night.
A few people were concerned about my lack of updating, too. In all honesty, I didn't have my lap top with me and my friend's computer access was limited. I could use their computer but only if it didn't conflict with their needs. As such, I checked my e-mail and avoided the blog.
Regardless, I am back and need to update. Where to start? The run factor, beach, productivity, food or absence of wine? Yes, I was in a place without accessible wine. Rum beckoned. Actually, I opted to not drink for the majority of my stay. My friends were busy and that left me ample time to reflect, contemplate life and enjoy the beach. Wine could be revisited when I returned to a place that had a selection.
The food factor. I discovered a new eatery that was notable. I think it was combo taco or something. I tried a yellow pepper and enjoyed it. I think it could have been temperature warmer, but the selection of salsas, limes and onions were excellent. And, the tacos were gigantic. My dining companion convinced me to take the additional tortilla for all of the stuff. It was huge.
I tried to go to Padilla, on my own, found it and discovered it was closed. Seriously, disappointed. Thankfully, I had one more day and suggested going there with my friend, Jonny. He complied and I got my burrito fix. Love that place.
I dined at their restaurant or became domestic. I cooked for myself, a few times, as well. Sometimes it is necessary.
The beach. Well, it is amazing and I wish that I had had more time to wander. Tranquil, beautiful, and the water was perfect. For once, the temperature was ideal. I managed to completely use a tube of sunblock. I needed it. My one friend said, "Just get one bad burn and you will be fine."
That isn't really my thing. I burn enough as is. I prefer to protect my skin. I did spend three hours reading, swimming and hoping to not burn under the overcast sky. Of course, that didn't go as planned. I missed some spots on my back. Excellent.
I did go running a few times. Must work on the solo run factor. Next time, I will make more of an effort to do it. Commit to the goal. There is a 1/2 marathon upcoming and so, yes, I need to begin running again. The Goddess e-mailed me and mentioned that she hadn't been running as frequently as we normally go. That is something, but I want to improve on my overall performance. I want to do it for myself. I will go begin a training cycle tomorrow.
Truly, I had a wonderful opportunity to run. No drinking, great sleep and I should have went. Should have, could have, but didn't. Lame.
I reflected on life and have more to contemplate. Later. Need to return to being productive....