For the last week, I have experienced shoulder pain. Specifically, irritation on my scapula/rhomboid region on the right side. At first, I chalked it up to sleeping on it wrong. I tend to sleep on my right side regardless of how I begin the night. Sleeping on my stomach is not really an option as it is not comfortable in my opinion. I have been trying to find comfort in this position for the last week, believe me.
In addition, I have taken salt baths, applied arnica cream, avoided yoga and instead did light stretching, complained about it and received some body work from my aunt. She is a massage therapist and last Sunday, I needed to have my shoulder worked on. She reiterated the importance of arnica cream, apple cider vinegar, salt baths and hydrating. This irritation has persisted and I believe that stress (returning to Denver, work, car problems) have added to this condition. I think about the emotions tied to the shoulder region and how I am carrying that stress on a daily basis. Ironically, I had arranged a reading with a medium prior to my shoulder getting all wonky. I wanted an idea of what the beginning of this journey would be like. I wanted confirmation that I had made the right decision in returning home. Of course, I felt confident that I had made the best decision for me in opting to move back to Denver as opposed to staying in Santa Fe or heading west.
Denver is where I became an adult. I found true love and it was a wonderful base for me to travel. I managed 10-12 mini trips annually and I always felt the rush of love when I returned to the city. I knew that I had made the right choice. Recognizing that it is important to identify the love aspect. I met the love of my life in 2002 while working at a catering company. I spent the next three and half years with this beautiful man who adored me and our life together. He was an old soul and always told me that he would die young. He was right. At 23 years old, he died and altered the course of my life. It's almost been ten years since that terrible night I received the news that Brian had died. I traveled and tried to grieve/heal in that way. Grief counseling did not seem like my way. I wanted to experience life and met many people along that time who had lost loved ones or directly dealt with sickness themselves. I was sad. Very sad for a long time. I missed my heart.
Eventually, I relocated to break up with Denver for awhile. Or that is how I like to look at it. I had become comfortable in my routine. Work, travel frequently, hang out with friends, repeat. I was not interested in dating in spite of the fact that time kept moving on and people questioned my decision to not date. I thought a new city would introduce me to something new, different and perhaps a desire to date. Or make myself available to date available men. I did go that route for some time. Seemed easier and protected my heart.
Santa Fe brought me closer to Denver if nothing else. It challenged me to grow and choose what I truly wanted out of life. Inspired me to learn more and get certified for yoga. Something that I had been thinking about for quite a while. It motivated me to identify what I think I am capable of doing. Which brings me back to Denver. I am home, thankfully. So grateful. But it brings back all of these emotions (sadness, hurt, grief) and I have managed to lock away.
Returning to Denver represents Brian, my life with him and the loss of him. It hurts and as a result I have this nagging pain in my shoulder blades. I do believe that is truly part of the equation. In addition to the sleeping on it wrong and work stress. Today is a new day and I will return to yoga and embrace life. I have a wonderful life and recently have been spending a fair amount of time with a great friend/companion. I am ready to be whole again.
Reiki might be in my future or some sort of yoga therapy. I brought up the medium as she touched on the grief aspect and suggested I speak to a counselor or someone. Since Tuesday, I have been reflecting on love, loss and seeing that there is some credence in what Paige suggested. From my yoga training, I sat through meditation, yoga therapy and chakra sessions. Energy work to be specific. I think I have been working towards this since choosing to become certified for yoga. I love the physical aspect of yoga and forced myself to attend some of the other classes dealing with other limbs of the yoga practice. I guess it is time to explore the energy work and meditative aspects associated with yoga.
Friday, November 13, 2015
Thursday, November 12, 2015
car emissions and frustrations
Happy Thursday! It's a beautiful day in Denver. Stunning. I arrived in October, flew to Phoenix to finish teacher training, returned to Denver to settle my driver's license, car issues, etc. The car overtook my life and livelihood. Of course, I recognized that I was neglecting other areas of my life. Fixing my laptop, finding a place to live, job in order to become a legal resident of Colorado again.
In my mind, it was easy. Take proof of address to dmv office that deals directly with driver's licenses. Check. Easy. Drive car to emissions. Pass test and proceed to tag office to retain the license plate. I had it all planned out. I had two weeks before my license plates expired which gave me plenty of time to deal with the car stuff. I booked a trip to Chicago to celebrate my decision to return to Denver and thank Maghan for letting me store my stuff at his place. Completely impulsive trip and again, worked into my time line. I could pass the emissions test with a few days to spare if there was an issue.
Let's just say I was naïve. I should have dealt with the car the minute I returned to Denver instead of gallivanting in Phoenix and Chicago. I went to the nearest emissions testing station and felt confident. I had warmed my car up (as told by my Santa Fe mechanic) and gotten to the station early. I waited in the designated area and paid when called to leave the station. The guy let me pay and then told me I had failed the test. He handed me some pamphlet with suggested mechanics and sent me on my way.
I had a plan. I would call my Denver mechanics and arrange a service. They were familiar with my car since they had worked on Veronica for six years. I even had their number in my phone still. I called them and connected with a no longer functioning phone. Crap!
At this point, I tried to calm down. There was a solution and I could find it. I would not have to seek out one of the mechanics on the pamphlet and be scammed. I called my guy in Santa Fe and explained that I could use a recommendation from him of a mechanic here if he knew of some one. He responded quickly with a name of a Volvo mechanic in Denver. I called this place on Tuesday to arrange a looksee the following Monday. I was positive it would be a quick fix and so I focused on my trip to Chicago.
Chicago was awesome. Foodie friendly and fantastic. And, I had managed to get a job prior to the trip that I would return home to. Everything was looking up. I drove to the mechanics the following Monday morning. Introduced myself and told them I would wait. My plan was to have them do some magic on my car and then I would drive to the nearest station, pass emissions and head directly to purchase license plates. I was armed with my phone, head phones and a book. Figured it would take an hour, maybe two.
I sat there with little interaction and waited. I tried to occupy my time by reading. I texted my friend, Jenn, that I would be needing to push our lunch date back. It was not going as planned. I sat at the mechanics for three plus hours before they offered me a loaner car. I took the car and headed back to my place. A few hours later, they contacted me that my car was done. They suggested going directly to emissions and having my test performed. I drove to the nearest station and watched the guys test my car. I felt good and still had time to get my license plate.
I paid the guy and he sold me my Vin verification that I knew I needed for the license plate. Then he told me that I failed the emissions test. I was furious. Why sell me Vin verification knowing that I would not be able to get a license plate without passing the emissions test?
I asked the guy. What do I do now as I just spent $300 on my car to prepare it for the emissions test? Smugly, he suggested that I return to the mechanics and have them fix it more. He made some comment that I would spend up to $800 before the state would waive the emissions test. Jerk.
I drove back to the mechanics and expressed my frustration with the emissions system. They agreed to look at my car the following morning and told me that they were at a loss. It should have passed. They also told me that a loaner car would not be available as they were all spoken for.
The following day I drove to their shop, hired an uber and waited to hear back from them. I opted to go to a yoga class to distract myself and the car problems. From yoga, I walked downtown to have lunch and wait to hear about my car. I picked my car up and returned to the original testing center. My mechanics told me to not turn the car off until I was told to. I was determined to get the emissions test passed and move on with my life.
The car failed and I almost cried. I had no idea what to do. I asked the technician what I could do at this point. My mechanics had had my car for almost 11 hours at this point and found nothing that would suggest not passing this test. The guy handed me a pamphlet and suggested I call the state to see what they recommended. I set up an appointment with a diagnostic for the following morning. I called the mechanics to inform them that the car had failed again. They were incredulous. Told me to let them know what the technician said. They felt confident that he would pass the car as it should have passed.
I drove to Lakewood to have my car assessed. Arrived promptly at 8:00 am and waited in their office while they tested my car. The man approached me with--it mostly passed. How long do you intend to have this car?
Then he proceeded to tell me he would not be passing the car. That I needed a catalytic converter in his opinion and that if I bought that, the car would pass. I told him that the mechanics had looked at the converter the minute I brought the car in and they ruled that out. He felt that they should reconsider and I told him that it was an expensive part that I wasn't interested in buying. I was irritated by the process and frustrated that there was such little sympathy for my situation. This technician told me that I could choose to direct my anger at him but I should remember that he had just conducted a free testing of my car. He walked away from me after saying this. I wanted to punch him in the throat.
I called my mechanics and we both spoke of how frustrating this had become. They suggested getting my car tagged in the mountains to avoid emissions. I considered it as I was at a loss as to how to proceed. My car had been tested four times and each time the carbon emissions had decreased. It wasn't the catalytic converter. I had a new oxygen sensor put on. It wasn't adding up.
I dropped my car off and waited. I knew they were super busy from sitting in their waiting room on Monday. Their phone had rung off the hook. I knew that my car would be at their shop the majority of the day.
I waited til about noon to see the progress of my car. I could have waited but I was impatient. Of course, they had not yet worked on my car and so I went to lunch. About 3 pm, I called the mechanic to see what my next step was. I knew that the loaner car was due back at 5. The guy I spoke to told me that the mechanic had taken my car to emissions to have it passed. Talk about going above and beyond. I was shocked at their graciousness and commitment to my car.
I dropped the car off at five. Hoping to hear that it had passed emissions. Instead, it failed again. The mechanic told me to ask for a waiver as I had surpassed the minimum repair limit of $715. I could qualify for a waiver if I met with a state guy. I called to arrange the appointment and expressed my frustration with this process. I had oodles of hours at the mechanics shop, five failed emissions tests, uber rides, not being able to work and wasted gas from trekking all over Denver trying to pass my test. The gentleman I spoke to did not care that I had spent time or money on this situation. He only wanted to verify that I had the repair work done and that it was valued at $715. Oh, and that the inspector would not be available to see the car until Monday. This was Friday in November. Meaning my car was now illegally driving in Denver. My plates had expired. I couldn't get a temp tag without emissions and I was screwed for the weekend.
I waited til Monday for the guy to contact me. Thankfully, he did, first thing. We arranged a meeting and I was thankful for his assistance. He saw my car, had all of my receipts and gave me a waiver. FINALLY.
I told him of my experience. All of the jerks that I had encountered along the way. He was empathetic and for that, he redeemed part of the bad taste I had in my mouth for the emissions process. At least he saw that I was trying to do the right thing and I had committed to getting my car tagged in the best possible way.
I did, too. I am now a legal resident of Colorado with the license plates to prove it. I have my license, insurance and can move forward with settling into life. I am thankful for my friends who have listened to me rant about this for the last two weeks.
And today, I will focus on work and establishing roots here. I am back!
In my mind, it was easy. Take proof of address to dmv office that deals directly with driver's licenses. Check. Easy. Drive car to emissions. Pass test and proceed to tag office to retain the license plate. I had it all planned out. I had two weeks before my license plates expired which gave me plenty of time to deal with the car stuff. I booked a trip to Chicago to celebrate my decision to return to Denver and thank Maghan for letting me store my stuff at his place. Completely impulsive trip and again, worked into my time line. I could pass the emissions test with a few days to spare if there was an issue.
Let's just say I was naïve. I should have dealt with the car the minute I returned to Denver instead of gallivanting in Phoenix and Chicago. I went to the nearest emissions testing station and felt confident. I had warmed my car up (as told by my Santa Fe mechanic) and gotten to the station early. I waited in the designated area and paid when called to leave the station. The guy let me pay and then told me I had failed the test. He handed me some pamphlet with suggested mechanics and sent me on my way.
I had a plan. I would call my Denver mechanics and arrange a service. They were familiar with my car since they had worked on Veronica for six years. I even had their number in my phone still. I called them and connected with a no longer functioning phone. Crap!
At this point, I tried to calm down. There was a solution and I could find it. I would not have to seek out one of the mechanics on the pamphlet and be scammed. I called my guy in Santa Fe and explained that I could use a recommendation from him of a mechanic here if he knew of some one. He responded quickly with a name of a Volvo mechanic in Denver. I called this place on Tuesday to arrange a looksee the following Monday. I was positive it would be a quick fix and so I focused on my trip to Chicago.
Chicago was awesome. Foodie friendly and fantastic. And, I had managed to get a job prior to the trip that I would return home to. Everything was looking up. I drove to the mechanics the following Monday morning. Introduced myself and told them I would wait. My plan was to have them do some magic on my car and then I would drive to the nearest station, pass emissions and head directly to purchase license plates. I was armed with my phone, head phones and a book. Figured it would take an hour, maybe two.
I sat there with little interaction and waited. I tried to occupy my time by reading. I texted my friend, Jenn, that I would be needing to push our lunch date back. It was not going as planned. I sat at the mechanics for three plus hours before they offered me a loaner car. I took the car and headed back to my place. A few hours later, they contacted me that my car was done. They suggested going directly to emissions and having my test performed. I drove to the nearest station and watched the guys test my car. I felt good and still had time to get my license plate.
I paid the guy and he sold me my Vin verification that I knew I needed for the license plate. Then he told me that I failed the emissions test. I was furious. Why sell me Vin verification knowing that I would not be able to get a license plate without passing the emissions test?
I asked the guy. What do I do now as I just spent $300 on my car to prepare it for the emissions test? Smugly, he suggested that I return to the mechanics and have them fix it more. He made some comment that I would spend up to $800 before the state would waive the emissions test. Jerk.
I drove back to the mechanics and expressed my frustration with the emissions system. They agreed to look at my car the following morning and told me that they were at a loss. It should have passed. They also told me that a loaner car would not be available as they were all spoken for.
The following day I drove to their shop, hired an uber and waited to hear back from them. I opted to go to a yoga class to distract myself and the car problems. From yoga, I walked downtown to have lunch and wait to hear about my car. I picked my car up and returned to the original testing center. My mechanics told me to not turn the car off until I was told to. I was determined to get the emissions test passed and move on with my life.
The car failed and I almost cried. I had no idea what to do. I asked the technician what I could do at this point. My mechanics had had my car for almost 11 hours at this point and found nothing that would suggest not passing this test. The guy handed me a pamphlet and suggested I call the state to see what they recommended. I set up an appointment with a diagnostic for the following morning. I called the mechanics to inform them that the car had failed again. They were incredulous. Told me to let them know what the technician said. They felt confident that he would pass the car as it should have passed.
I drove to Lakewood to have my car assessed. Arrived promptly at 8:00 am and waited in their office while they tested my car. The man approached me with--it mostly passed. How long do you intend to have this car?
Then he proceeded to tell me he would not be passing the car. That I needed a catalytic converter in his opinion and that if I bought that, the car would pass. I told him that the mechanics had looked at the converter the minute I brought the car in and they ruled that out. He felt that they should reconsider and I told him that it was an expensive part that I wasn't interested in buying. I was irritated by the process and frustrated that there was such little sympathy for my situation. This technician told me that I could choose to direct my anger at him but I should remember that he had just conducted a free testing of my car. He walked away from me after saying this. I wanted to punch him in the throat.
I called my mechanics and we both spoke of how frustrating this had become. They suggested getting my car tagged in the mountains to avoid emissions. I considered it as I was at a loss as to how to proceed. My car had been tested four times and each time the carbon emissions had decreased. It wasn't the catalytic converter. I had a new oxygen sensor put on. It wasn't adding up.
I dropped my car off and waited. I knew they were super busy from sitting in their waiting room on Monday. Their phone had rung off the hook. I knew that my car would be at their shop the majority of the day.
I waited til about noon to see the progress of my car. I could have waited but I was impatient. Of course, they had not yet worked on my car and so I went to lunch. About 3 pm, I called the mechanic to see what my next step was. I knew that the loaner car was due back at 5. The guy I spoke to told me that the mechanic had taken my car to emissions to have it passed. Talk about going above and beyond. I was shocked at their graciousness and commitment to my car.
I dropped the car off at five. Hoping to hear that it had passed emissions. Instead, it failed again. The mechanic told me to ask for a waiver as I had surpassed the minimum repair limit of $715. I could qualify for a waiver if I met with a state guy. I called to arrange the appointment and expressed my frustration with this process. I had oodles of hours at the mechanics shop, five failed emissions tests, uber rides, not being able to work and wasted gas from trekking all over Denver trying to pass my test. The gentleman I spoke to did not care that I had spent time or money on this situation. He only wanted to verify that I had the repair work done and that it was valued at $715. Oh, and that the inspector would not be available to see the car until Monday. This was Friday in November. Meaning my car was now illegally driving in Denver. My plates had expired. I couldn't get a temp tag without emissions and I was screwed for the weekend.
I waited til Monday for the guy to contact me. Thankfully, he did, first thing. We arranged a meeting and I was thankful for his assistance. He saw my car, had all of my receipts and gave me a waiver. FINALLY.
I told him of my experience. All of the jerks that I had encountered along the way. He was empathetic and for that, he redeemed part of the bad taste I had in my mouth for the emissions process. At least he saw that I was trying to do the right thing and I had committed to getting my car tagged in the best possible way.
I did, too. I am now a legal resident of Colorado with the license plates to prove it. I have my license, insurance and can move forward with settling into life. I am thankful for my friends who have listened to me rant about this for the last two weeks.
And today, I will focus on work and establishing roots here. I am back!
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Yoga fail
I chose to drive to Denver on Monday. I could have stayed in Santa Fe and spent time with friends. My departure tour could use some love. Yet, I wanted to drive up, drop some things off and see the city. I guess I wanted to remind myself of what I would be looking forward to. I want to be home.
I contacted Maghan that I would be heading up with a car load of my belongings. I researched some of the yoga studios in the city and found that I knew two instructors at a studio I was unfamiliar with. My goal was to surprise one of my old colleagues/friends by attending a noon vinyasa class on Tuesday. I remembered to pack my mat and clothes or so I thought.
Monday, I met Jenn for dip duo and wine. Lovely way to spend an afternoon in Denver. Overcast and patio dining. I returned to Maghan's house and picked up a few things for dinner. He was working and so my intention was to have a late light dinner with him.
The next morning, I found coffee at a local shop. Super cute space. They offer coffee, beer and whiskey. Semi-odd combination but works. I mean, did I want a whiskey shot at 9 am? I opted for the coffee.
I knew there was a noon class near the RiNo. I packed my bag and realized that I had forgotten yoga pants. Silly! I dumped all of the contents out of my bag, hoping, to find work out pants or shorts. I have other clothes at Maghan's since I am storing my stuff there til I find my own spot. I rummaged through those clothes as well. I had multiple yoga tops, bras, etc. But no pants.
At this point, it was 11:10 and the studio was downtown. I was too far east to make it to the target and the yoga studio. I figured the yoga studio would have pants for sale. Yet, do I want to spend $100 + on a pair of pants to attend a class? I thought about the time and the stress that I would be embarking on. Unnecessary traffic, parking, buying pants and attending a class.
So, I chose to skip the class. I figured we could walk around downtown to enjoy the day. Did I miss the yoga? Absolutely! I know that I would have benefitted, greatly, from attending the class. Plus, the surprise factor would have been epic. That will have to wait for another day.
Thankfully, I did manage to attend a class this morning. Tomorrow will be a mysore class and then Saturday, I will attend a vinyasa class. I recognize that I build so much more strength from ashtanga. My practice has solidified. However, I enjoy vinyasa classes with music. Always have. Probably always will. I can completely let go and find myself lost in the music, breath, movement. Especially, if the instructor is a talented sequencer. I found several instructors in Phoenix that I enjoyed. Thankfully, I will be in Phoenix in a few weeks to finish my teacher training and take in as many vinyasa classes as I can.
In two weeks, I will be home. I am excited for this new journey. Nervous, scared, happy and mostly excited. I enjoy starting over. But, this is returning to a place I have called home and beginning again. A little different. I am super excited to see friends and what the city has to offer. Definitely something new.
Yoga was an epic fail on Tuesday. In its place, I walked downtown, discovered new eateries that I will become a regular at and enjoyed the day. There is always tomorrow.
I contacted Maghan that I would be heading up with a car load of my belongings. I researched some of the yoga studios in the city and found that I knew two instructors at a studio I was unfamiliar with. My goal was to surprise one of my old colleagues/friends by attending a noon vinyasa class on Tuesday. I remembered to pack my mat and clothes or so I thought.
Monday, I met Jenn for dip duo and wine. Lovely way to spend an afternoon in Denver. Overcast and patio dining. I returned to Maghan's house and picked up a few things for dinner. He was working and so my intention was to have a late light dinner with him.
The next morning, I found coffee at a local shop. Super cute space. They offer coffee, beer and whiskey. Semi-odd combination but works. I mean, did I want a whiskey shot at 9 am? I opted for the coffee.
I knew there was a noon class near the RiNo. I packed my bag and realized that I had forgotten yoga pants. Silly! I dumped all of the contents out of my bag, hoping, to find work out pants or shorts. I have other clothes at Maghan's since I am storing my stuff there til I find my own spot. I rummaged through those clothes as well. I had multiple yoga tops, bras, etc. But no pants.
At this point, it was 11:10 and the studio was downtown. I was too far east to make it to the target and the yoga studio. I figured the yoga studio would have pants for sale. Yet, do I want to spend $100 + on a pair of pants to attend a class? I thought about the time and the stress that I would be embarking on. Unnecessary traffic, parking, buying pants and attending a class.
So, I chose to skip the class. I figured we could walk around downtown to enjoy the day. Did I miss the yoga? Absolutely! I know that I would have benefitted, greatly, from attending the class. Plus, the surprise factor would have been epic. That will have to wait for another day.
Thankfully, I did manage to attend a class this morning. Tomorrow will be a mysore class and then Saturday, I will attend a vinyasa class. I recognize that I build so much more strength from ashtanga. My practice has solidified. However, I enjoy vinyasa classes with music. Always have. Probably always will. I can completely let go and find myself lost in the music, breath, movement. Especially, if the instructor is a talented sequencer. I found several instructors in Phoenix that I enjoyed. Thankfully, I will be in Phoenix in a few weeks to finish my teacher training and take in as many vinyasa classes as I can.
In two weeks, I will be home. I am excited for this new journey. Nervous, scared, happy and mostly excited. I enjoy starting over. But, this is returning to a place I have called home and beginning again. A little different. I am super excited to see friends and what the city has to offer. Definitely something new.
Yoga was an epic fail on Tuesday. In its place, I walked downtown, discovered new eateries that I will become a regular at and enjoyed the day. There is always tomorrow.
Sunday, September 13, 2015
bike donation
Last month while in Denver, my friend, Troy, mentioned that he was heading up to Wheat Ridge to donate a few bikes to a shop there. Ironically, this shop is about two blocks from where I first lived in Colorado. Since he was in Denver, he met Shari, Sara and myself for dinner. Lovely occasion with three of my great friends. I had been waiting for Shari and Troy to meet for some time. It was fantastic.
I started thinking about some of the items that I carry from city to city with me. I have a bike that was Brian's. It was his mountain bike until he purchased a newer model that suited his skills. I gratefully accepted the mountain bike as my trek had definitely seen better days. I think if I remember correctly, that bike, made its way to my sister's house to retire.
At any rate, I wondered why I would take the mountain bike with me as I rarely ride it. It has some fundamental tire issues that I could not correct on my own or with assistance from handy bike landlords of the past. Believe me, I tried to have them fix the bike without me having to take it to a bike shop. And, I purchased a road bike in Phoenix which felt more like me. I brought both bikes with me to Santa Fe and the mountain bike has not moved since it arrived.
I went on-line and found a donation center in Santa Fe. I chose to go this route as the bike is still in good shape and I believe will make someone extremely happy to own. It's okay to let go of things. I finally understand that part of grief. For a long time, I wanted to keep his things with me, near me, close to me which kept his essence with me, I suppose. The physical reminders or associations as opposed to the inherent knowledge that I had a love that was special. Of course, when I left the bike with the center, I felt loss. I remembered and missed him immensely.
Still, I saw several hummingbirds this week as well as butterflies. I know this is the right thing to do. When I walked out of the center, this man, stopped me to thank me. It felt fantastic to give something to the community. I know that it will make its new owner extremely happy.
I asked the kid that helped me how long the center had been opened. Ten years was his response. I feel it is a great resource for any city. Not only do they accept bikes, they also show you how to fix them, make repairs and build bikes. Definitely something that Brian would understand. He loved riding his bike and tinkering with it. He had all of these tools and spent hours keeping his bike in good shape.
I am off to work to enjoy the rest of this day. Cheers!
I started thinking about some of the items that I carry from city to city with me. I have a bike that was Brian's. It was his mountain bike until he purchased a newer model that suited his skills. I gratefully accepted the mountain bike as my trek had definitely seen better days. I think if I remember correctly, that bike, made its way to my sister's house to retire.
At any rate, I wondered why I would take the mountain bike with me as I rarely ride it. It has some fundamental tire issues that I could not correct on my own or with assistance from handy bike landlords of the past. Believe me, I tried to have them fix the bike without me having to take it to a bike shop. And, I purchased a road bike in Phoenix which felt more like me. I brought both bikes with me to Santa Fe and the mountain bike has not moved since it arrived.
I went on-line and found a donation center in Santa Fe. I chose to go this route as the bike is still in good shape and I believe will make someone extremely happy to own. It's okay to let go of things. I finally understand that part of grief. For a long time, I wanted to keep his things with me, near me, close to me which kept his essence with me, I suppose. The physical reminders or associations as opposed to the inherent knowledge that I had a love that was special. Of course, when I left the bike with the center, I felt loss. I remembered and missed him immensely.
Still, I saw several hummingbirds this week as well as butterflies. I know this is the right thing to do. When I walked out of the center, this man, stopped me to thank me. It felt fantastic to give something to the community. I know that it will make its new owner extremely happy.
I asked the kid that helped me how long the center had been opened. Ten years was his response. I feel it is a great resource for any city. Not only do they accept bikes, they also show you how to fix them, make repairs and build bikes. Definitely something that Brian would understand. He loved riding his bike and tinkering with it. He had all of these tools and spent hours keeping his bike in good shape.
I am off to work to enjoy the rest of this day. Cheers!
Friday, September 11, 2015
Memories of today
Today is always a bittersweet memory for me. I did not personally lose anyone to 9/11. Still this day affects me profoundly. My plan was to head to Greece on September 18th. I had moved my belongings back to Kansas where they would remain for six months while I found myself. Or so I told my friends and family. I was restless in Phoenix and looking for adventure.
Graciously, my older sister and her husband let me store my stuff at their home in Lawrence. I was saying goodbye to my mom and my younger sisters in Salina on September 10th. I had already made the rounds of goodbyes to college friends, high school and family. Although, my family thought I was crazy to go abroad, they knew they would not be able to talk me out of it.
I remember waking up at my mom's house. Confused to what was being reported on the news. Captivated by the events and scared for people that I didn't know. In addition, my sister was stranded in Chicago and we were unable to contact her.
I remember being gouged trying to fill my car up with gasoline. I think it was $4.50/gallon. My little sister and I went to see Rockstar that night. It seemed like the most normal thing to do. Sit in the dark and try to watch a film. To distract from the reality that now was occurring. The heart break, tragedy, unknowing of what tomorrow would be like.
Suddenly, I had a choice. Go to Greece as planned or make a detour. My family at this point rallied to dissuade me from going abroad. I stood firm in my decision. I would be fine, I told them. Then, I visited my mentor who suggested the traveling in the first place. He was the only one that could reason with me. He reminded me that I could delay the trip and go some other time. The proximity of Greece to the Middle East might not be the smartest decision for a solo female traveler. I returned to my sister's house with the news. I would postpone my European adventure and remain in Kansas. That thought lasted about two days. I spent some time at local spots and knew that I had outgrown being a college student. That eventually I would turn into an alcoholic or something of that sort due to the fact that I knew way too many people in Lawrence. It would be too accessible to hang out on a daily basis. The thought of returning to Phoenix didn't really factor in. I had left and didn't want to return. Sure, I could have returned and worked at the pub. I told them I wanted a leave of absence and they believed me. I left on good terms so I knew I would have a position with them if I wanted it.
I found myself heading to Denver to check out a beer festival. My aunt lived in Denver and she told me I could stay with her while attending the festival. Jan flew to Kansas City and we drove to Denver for a weekend. It was great and before I left, I knew that I would be returning to Denver to make a life there.
A year later, I met Brian and my life completely changed. 9/11 is a bittersweet memory. Tragedy, loss, fear that turned into finding my soul mate in Denver.
For me, I have found that I definitely want to attend a yoga class on this day. A few years ago, I attended an extremely soulful class where the teacher chose the best songs to commemorate the day. It was very emotional and heartfelt. Last year, I attended a vinyasa class that also dedicated the music to NY style songs. Again, I was overwhelmed with gratitude for the beauty of that city, of life, of peace and kindness to all. Today, I attended a mysore class. Made myself get out of bed and practice ashtanga. Extremely thankful that I did this. I would have preferred a vinyasa with music class. It feels more ideal.
However you choose to remember, take a moment and breathe. Kindness and peace to all.
Graciously, my older sister and her husband let me store my stuff at their home in Lawrence. I was saying goodbye to my mom and my younger sisters in Salina on September 10th. I had already made the rounds of goodbyes to college friends, high school and family. Although, my family thought I was crazy to go abroad, they knew they would not be able to talk me out of it.
I remember waking up at my mom's house. Confused to what was being reported on the news. Captivated by the events and scared for people that I didn't know. In addition, my sister was stranded in Chicago and we were unable to contact her.
I remember being gouged trying to fill my car up with gasoline. I think it was $4.50/gallon. My little sister and I went to see Rockstar that night. It seemed like the most normal thing to do. Sit in the dark and try to watch a film. To distract from the reality that now was occurring. The heart break, tragedy, unknowing of what tomorrow would be like.
Suddenly, I had a choice. Go to Greece as planned or make a detour. My family at this point rallied to dissuade me from going abroad. I stood firm in my decision. I would be fine, I told them. Then, I visited my mentor who suggested the traveling in the first place. He was the only one that could reason with me. He reminded me that I could delay the trip and go some other time. The proximity of Greece to the Middle East might not be the smartest decision for a solo female traveler. I returned to my sister's house with the news. I would postpone my European adventure and remain in Kansas. That thought lasted about two days. I spent some time at local spots and knew that I had outgrown being a college student. That eventually I would turn into an alcoholic or something of that sort due to the fact that I knew way too many people in Lawrence. It would be too accessible to hang out on a daily basis. The thought of returning to Phoenix didn't really factor in. I had left and didn't want to return. Sure, I could have returned and worked at the pub. I told them I wanted a leave of absence and they believed me. I left on good terms so I knew I would have a position with them if I wanted it.
I found myself heading to Denver to check out a beer festival. My aunt lived in Denver and she told me I could stay with her while attending the festival. Jan flew to Kansas City and we drove to Denver for a weekend. It was great and before I left, I knew that I would be returning to Denver to make a life there.
A year later, I met Brian and my life completely changed. 9/11 is a bittersweet memory. Tragedy, loss, fear that turned into finding my soul mate in Denver.
For me, I have found that I definitely want to attend a yoga class on this day. A few years ago, I attended an extremely soulful class where the teacher chose the best songs to commemorate the day. It was very emotional and heartfelt. Last year, I attended a vinyasa class that also dedicated the music to NY style songs. Again, I was overwhelmed with gratitude for the beauty of that city, of life, of peace and kindness to all. Today, I attended a mysore class. Made myself get out of bed and practice ashtanga. Extremely thankful that I did this. I would have preferred a vinyasa with music class. It feels more ideal.
However you choose to remember, take a moment and breathe. Kindness and peace to all.
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
last few days
Yesterday was a loss. Complete waste of a day. That is what happens when I overindulge the previous day. Instead of enjoying both of my days off. I end up recovering in one of them.
I spent the morning at the yoga studio. I could not avoid that responsibility and so I drank coffee and counted the minutes down. I love the studio. I was just tired and in desperate need of rest. Not feeling like the most engaging person that is for sure.
Monday, I worked at the studio and followed that up with lunch with my friend, Lawrence and his wife. Thankfully, I managed to do my laundry before beginning wine lunch. We had a progressive lunch and continued on to a downtown establishment. I wanted Lawrence to see what it was like before dropping him off at a concert. I retired to my house and had a picnic dinner later that evening.
All, in all, a lovely day surrounded by friends, food and wine. I am realizing that I have a few weeks left before my new adventure begins. There is still a lot that I would like to do while in Santa Fe. I know there will be a return to Ojo since I absolutely adore that. And, there are a few core restaurants that I want to check out before departing. I call this time in my life, the departure tour. I probably will not have a going away party as I do not have the space to do it. The majority of my belongings are now in Denver. The picnic dinner the other night was interesting. Kitchy, charming, fun....but not something that I want to repeat on many occasions. A few of my friends here are interested in a party of sorts but I think I am running out of time. I believe my departure will have to be done on a one on one basis. I saw Lawrence and Jenn, Monday. I will more than likely see Melody at Ojo and Libby and I have an upcoming walk scheduled. I might see Scooby Snack or not. I haven't really decided.
I know that I am on the right path and that I am ready to be home. My time away has been lovely and eye opening. I do enjoy starting over and meeting new people. I thrive on it. I have expanded my social circle. When I visit, I will have more people to see and a few yoga instructors to hang out with. Hopefully, I will be able to do a sample class for Mira in the future. I started this journey to improve the quality of teaching here and realized that I wanted to deepen my practice first. Then, I will focus on teaching others. I have found that some of the recent graduates are not equipped to adjust students and I do not want to be that kind of teacher. I want to inspire others to deepen their own practice and feel comfortable approaching me with suggestions. I feel that I need more time as a student before taking the lead to teach. My training will conclude in a month. I am thankful for that. Work keeps me busy and productive. I am off~
I spent the morning at the yoga studio. I could not avoid that responsibility and so I drank coffee and counted the minutes down. I love the studio. I was just tired and in desperate need of rest. Not feeling like the most engaging person that is for sure.
Monday, I worked at the studio and followed that up with lunch with my friend, Lawrence and his wife. Thankfully, I managed to do my laundry before beginning wine lunch. We had a progressive lunch and continued on to a downtown establishment. I wanted Lawrence to see what it was like before dropping him off at a concert. I retired to my house and had a picnic dinner later that evening.
All, in all, a lovely day surrounded by friends, food and wine. I am realizing that I have a few weeks left before my new adventure begins. There is still a lot that I would like to do while in Santa Fe. I know there will be a return to Ojo since I absolutely adore that. And, there are a few core restaurants that I want to check out before departing. I call this time in my life, the departure tour. I probably will not have a going away party as I do not have the space to do it. The majority of my belongings are now in Denver. The picnic dinner the other night was interesting. Kitchy, charming, fun....but not something that I want to repeat on many occasions. A few of my friends here are interested in a party of sorts but I think I am running out of time. I believe my departure will have to be done on a one on one basis. I saw Lawrence and Jenn, Monday. I will more than likely see Melody at Ojo and Libby and I have an upcoming walk scheduled. I might see Scooby Snack or not. I haven't really decided.
I know that I am on the right path and that I am ready to be home. My time away has been lovely and eye opening. I do enjoy starting over and meeting new people. I thrive on it. I have expanded my social circle. When I visit, I will have more people to see and a few yoga instructors to hang out with. Hopefully, I will be able to do a sample class for Mira in the future. I started this journey to improve the quality of teaching here and realized that I wanted to deepen my practice first. Then, I will focus on teaching others. I have found that some of the recent graduates are not equipped to adjust students and I do not want to be that kind of teacher. I want to inspire others to deepen their own practice and feel comfortable approaching me with suggestions. I feel that I need more time as a student before taking the lead to teach. My training will conclude in a month. I am thankful for that. Work keeps me busy and productive. I am off~
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
Scooby Snack
Working at the yoga studio has been lovely. I have met a diverse group of people in addition to seeing people from the restaurants. It's interesting to see them outside of work and in a different light. Likewise, they see me in a very casual environment. No bowties or black slacks in the yoga studio.
I know the owners from attending her classes at a different studio. Of course, it is easiest to work alongside her as we already have an established rapport and friendship. The other girls I am getting to know. I've been bonding with some of the other girls as we have worked together. The office manager is a massage therapist by trade and organizing the studio in her free time. Detail organized, thrifty and kind. We have traded some dating debacles in the last few weeks. Mostly mine. There was the guy that took me to Ojo Caliente at night which is super romantic and couples are everywhere. This guy did not try to kiss me on either of the trips there. So, I kissed him and it was terrible! Huge mistake. No chemistry whatsoever.
Then there was the guy that seemed normal, intelligent, attractive, kind. Until he got super drunk and ranted that, don't I understand? He's a novelist....and there are so many women chasing him. Not exactly attractive in that moment. What woman is excited that a prospect has many, many options. At least according to the guy.
I walked into the studio yesterday and told her the latest. There is a younger guy that I work with who has a crush on me. One night at work, he told me that I had a dope vibe. (I agreed and liked this). He continued with...you are kind of hostile (what?) and then asked me if I was Russian. My response, no, I'm german. Then I thought about it. He praised and attacked me in one statement. Another time, he asked me if I was 31. With no context of speaking of age. Just flat out asked me if I was 31. I said no and that was that. The following day I asked him why he asked me about my age. He asked me if I was flattered that I asked him that. Again, I was like--what? Should I be?
At any rate, for the last six weeks, we have worked together and I am amused by his randomness.
I began the story with--this young guy that I work with is meeting me for wine and dinner later tonight. Her response, oh, a Scooby snack.
I loved it and it was pretty appropriate. This guy wears skinny jeans, dances by himself and calls in to work so that he can hacky sack in front of the restaurant. Random, yes, and older than I thought. I thought he was 22, maybe. (Definitely Scooby snack at this point) I found out the other night that he is older.
We did not meet for wine which gave my liver a much needed break. I've started my departure tour of the city. Meaning I have been seeing friends and saying goodbye. Translation, lots of wine is involved. Last night, I went to a yoga class and relaxed at home. No wine.
I don't know if it will go anywhere with the Scooby snack outside of giving this guy a nickname. I do like his wit in spite of his hackysacking at work and skinny jeans.
I know the owners from attending her classes at a different studio. Of course, it is easiest to work alongside her as we already have an established rapport and friendship. The other girls I am getting to know. I've been bonding with some of the other girls as we have worked together. The office manager is a massage therapist by trade and organizing the studio in her free time. Detail organized, thrifty and kind. We have traded some dating debacles in the last few weeks. Mostly mine. There was the guy that took me to Ojo Caliente at night which is super romantic and couples are everywhere. This guy did not try to kiss me on either of the trips there. So, I kissed him and it was terrible! Huge mistake. No chemistry whatsoever.
Then there was the guy that seemed normal, intelligent, attractive, kind. Until he got super drunk and ranted that, don't I understand? He's a novelist....and there are so many women chasing him. Not exactly attractive in that moment. What woman is excited that a prospect has many, many options. At least according to the guy.
I walked into the studio yesterday and told her the latest. There is a younger guy that I work with who has a crush on me. One night at work, he told me that I had a dope vibe. (I agreed and liked this). He continued with...you are kind of hostile (what?) and then asked me if I was Russian. My response, no, I'm german. Then I thought about it. He praised and attacked me in one statement. Another time, he asked me if I was 31. With no context of speaking of age. Just flat out asked me if I was 31. I said no and that was that. The following day I asked him why he asked me about my age. He asked me if I was flattered that I asked him that. Again, I was like--what? Should I be?
At any rate, for the last six weeks, we have worked together and I am amused by his randomness.
I began the story with--this young guy that I work with is meeting me for wine and dinner later tonight. Her response, oh, a Scooby snack.
I loved it and it was pretty appropriate. This guy wears skinny jeans, dances by himself and calls in to work so that he can hacky sack in front of the restaurant. Random, yes, and older than I thought. I thought he was 22, maybe. (Definitely Scooby snack at this point) I found out the other night that he is older.
We did not meet for wine which gave my liver a much needed break. I've started my departure tour of the city. Meaning I have been seeing friends and saying goodbye. Translation, lots of wine is involved. Last night, I went to a yoga class and relaxed at home. No wine.
I don't know if it will go anywhere with the Scooby snack outside of giving this guy a nickname. I do like his wit in spite of his hackysacking at work and skinny jeans.
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