Mental madness...

Yesterday, our group met at the Cherry Creek Bike Path, near Colorado Blvd. We were supposed to run for 2 hours. The course was simple--run west through Cherry Creek to Cheesman Park, do a loop, and then head back.
I knew it wouldn't take two hours to do this.
I was trying to figure out how to incorporate more running, instead of hanging out near Colorado Blvd. I think it took me 45 minutes to get to Cheesman, do the loop and take a water break. I started out strong. I lost my running partners and was leading the pack. Of course, I knew this wouldn't last, forever, since my endurance normally falters toward the end.
So, at the water station, I am deciding to either do another loop, around Cheesman, or head to Wash Park. My running partners--Goddess and Jamie--meet up with me. I ask them what they would like to do. The Goddess suggests running up to Logan, then down Speer, up to Wash Park and then back to the orignal meeting place.
At this point, I should have pointed out that it was a straight shot to Wash Park and that we didn't need to head up to Logan to eat more time. I knew that I would be waivering in the park and I was.
It was my first ever, gotta stop at the porta patty with the group. I had my water belt, which was making me crazy the first half of the run. I ran with the bottle in my hand. I didn't enjoy the bobbing on my back. I chafed, a little, from the water belt keeping my shorts in place. It sucked and the last mile was super uncomfortable.
But we ran for 2 hours and 5 minutes.
It felt amazing, afterwards, but the last 1/2 hour was trying. We ran up Alameda to catch the bike path from there. When we got to the mall, we were done with time, and I knew that it was an additional mile to get to Colorado Blvd. I told my training partners that I was finished and Jamie kept going. Later she told me that she thought the stop was right around the corner. I walk that way home, often, and know how long it takes to get from work to home. I didn't want to point that out, though.
I know that physically I can do this, but mentally, I want to be able to have rest or relief. I apologized to my partners for wanting to stop. Jamie told me that the last marathon she did, was a lot of walking, and that is why she is working so hard on continuing to run and not start the habit. I know she is right.
I know that I am up for the challenge and that yes, it will feel fantastic when it is done. I need to shut my ego off and focus on completing the task. I CAN do this. I WILL do this. I AM doing this---my new mantra....
Later, I went to Old Navy to utilize a 30% discount we could use through Team in Training. I was bummed that I don't like any of their clothes. The shorts are gone and their shirts have random ruffles or ties--not my style. Instead, I bought another running bra and a pair of running shorts. Aren't I stylish? But, I need them and figure that it enables me to really accomplish the marathon. 26.2 miles for Brian's golden year. Something different,challenging and memorable.