Trust

I don't know if I should call it trust, being naive, loss of innocence or gullibility.
There is a person that I am ex-communicating from my life.
I knew that he had a crush on me.
I told him that it would NEVER HAPPEN, on more than one occasion. For awhile I felt guilty that I had to be so blunt. Then I realized that he didn't understand it. Any possible vulnerability on my part, and he was taking a mile from me. This past year, I have been more communicative about my interest in men, or feeling again. Most people are happy for me. They want me to feel again.
Never once, have I indicated that it would be okay to date him or even think of him as anything but a friend.
True, I know that his intentions were not pure. I thought we had gotten beyond the awkwardness of him liking me. I thought he understood that we were friends, only, and that would be all that was possible.
I am stupid. Instead of confronting him, when he says this to me--One day, you will let me kiss you and think why didn't I do this before now--I ignore it, hoping that it will go away.
I quit hanging out with him for awhile and then, somehow, find myself having wine with him at Elway's.
Last night, was the end.
I trusted him because we were friends.
He took advantage of me. I won't go into details, but I won't allow it to happen, either, ever again. If I can't trust you, you are not my friend.
I think of all of the people that I have encountered in my life. The times when I have said no to another drink or no to a dance, or no to a conversation. No means no and for the most part, it is respected.
From a friend, you would think your boundaries would be appreciated and taken into account. Not violated and for what purpose?
Lack of integrity is not easily forgiven. Trust, is earned and respected. I no longer trust or respect or value this person in my life.

13.1

ELUSIVE.
We show up. I had yet to sleep.
No excuses, but really you eluded me.
We waited for 1 hour 15 minutes.
I stretched.
I waited.
Stretched my hamstrings....stretch.
8 A M.
I thought we were starting.
We wait.
We wait.
We wait.
8:08 am. Race begins.
I didn't want to go fast. I weave in/out of people to create space for my training parthers.
Mile 3...Jamie takes off.
The Goddess sees it, but doesn't follow. I keep going, but hate the running factor.
Mile 4--WATER--AWESOME.
Mile 5, strenuous, knowing how fast we are going.
Mile 6--good timing...feeling it. Water break.
Mile 7-9--wooded area--love it. Conversation pace, trail running.
Mile 10--water break.
Mile 11--knowing how far it is. When does this end?
Mile 12--water--awesome. Break. Tell the Goddess...she goes. I follow.
Mile 13.1--Black Eyed Peas--lovely--finish line. Out of nowhere, able to sprint. --2Finish 2 hours, 10 minutes.
Wow. I know that it could be better, but for my 1st attempt, I feel righteous. Full marathon here i come~~~~
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Georgetown-Idaho Springs 1/2 Marathon....

Today is the day.
I did everything right, in preparation.
I ate before 7 pm.
I ate fish, rice and broccoli. It was bland and filling. My running friend, Margo, told me to avoid salads. In her words--do not learn the hard way like I did. Long comical story entailed...Margo is running the Provo 1/2 this morning, too.
I drank so much water that I thought I might pop from excess. My friend, Dana, just did a sprint TRI and she said, this is my only advice---drink more water. I got sick following the event, that night, since I was dehydrated. I am still drinking water, this morning.
I watched Rescue Me, on HULU, trying to unwind. That show is amazing, for those of you who haven't seen it. It is so funny and the dialogue is cutting, real and entertaining.
I tried to go to bed at 8:45. Didn't work. I tossed from my right side, to diagonal (hoping to feel the coolness of the fan) to my back, to begin the cycle again.
I counted sheep...according to one of my friends--now that is dedication. Didn't work.
At 3:30, I got up. I know that I rested, but sleep eluded me. Tonight will be a much deserved night of sleep.
I know that I was unable to sleep because I am excited about completing my first 1/2 marathon. I am nervous about the event and afraid that I would oversleep. Hence, no sleep.
On Thursday, though, I went to Elements and got a massage. I have had better massages, but the girl did this thing, at the end while I was on my back that was new to me. She lifted my right shoulder over to the left and it popped...awesome. Of course, she did the same thing on the left, but I knew it was coming and so the desired effect did not happen.
That being said, I am ready. I cannot wait to cross the finish line.
Have a great day...get some sleep.

Change the World Wednesday

My vision board rocked, or so I would like to think.
It is subjective and I focused on my current attractions--running, yoga, travel, wine, and food. Not too many surprises, but I was able to fill up the board with a lot of running. I found an advertisement for the Denver Marathon and that is now on my refrigerator to remind me of my current goal. I am doing it. I will do it. I can do it.
This week, the challenge is to be a vegetarian for a day. Or, if you already practice this lifestyle, try being a vegan. Better yet, write about why being a vegan is suitable/preferable to being a carnivore.
For me, it isn't that challenging. I love vegetables. I love the summer and all of the farmer's markets that are in Denver. The Cherry Creek Farmer's Market is awesome and is held, twice a week--Wednesday and Saturday.
Ironically, yesterday I posted on facebook that I wanted recommendations for a meal in Boston. Some guy from high school wrote--you should talk to my brother, Chris. His wife is a vegetarian.
My response was--I am not a vegetarian. I know it appears that way since I have photos of salads and sides. I enjoy trying as many different things in a sitting with friends and so I prefer sides to steaks. I do eat/enjoy steak on occasion.
I am from the midwest.
I grew up on meat and potatoes. My dad prefers this option to crazy sushi or veggies. Brian's dad, also, prefers steak and potatoes to fusion food that I seek out, a lot. It's funny how demographics mold our eating habits/patterns.
Nevertheless, try being a vegetarian for a day. If you have an excellent recipe, post it on my site. I appreciate it. Do something different---why not? Vegetables are dominant in the summer. Enjoy them and the color. I know that I do!

Generosity

Some people surprise me.
They are the quiet, the unassauming, to some extent-the wall flowers. You know the ones I am talking about...the observers. They enjoy the ride of life and rarely do anything to rock the boat or draw attention to themselves.
I have a friend that frequents my job. He is a nice man, courteous, pleasant and a safe person to seek out when surrounded by the typical drunk that is a regular. He is a safe venue when you want to enjoy a glass of wine.
Saying this, he is a marathoner and volunteers at Races and has for years. I sent him a donation request when we put together the fundraiser for the Brian Thompson Scholarship Foundation. Some of the other people on my board felt that their "high rollers" were the people to target. I know that they didn't understand why I sent letters to my friends and family. Who did I know? Why waste paper on them?
Funny, I had a lot of responses and generated the initial start up for it. I have genereous people in my life and people that wanted to help in any way they could. It isn't about money. It's about giving back to something or someone that you believe in.
Anyways, this man, a few years ago, completely surprised me with his donation. Further, he brought people to the fundraiser to support us and enjoyed it.
When I sent out letters for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, I included him, hoping that he would donate to my cause.
For a while he didn't say anything. He didn't say that he received the request. It was all business as usual. Then one day, he asked me about my training and I knew that he had gotten it. He offered some advice and continued to be supportive.
A few weeks ago, I told him that my fundraising was finished and so I could focus completely, on the training. He offered to make a donation and asked if I would be willing to give it to one of my training partners, since he had met the Goddess at the Bull.
Of course.
I was happy to accept his donation and give it to the Goddess.
Last night, he stopped in and had my letter. Apparently, the post office decided that I wasn't living in my house anymore. I waited until I was alone and then opened the letter.
He gave me $500 and said that I could use it or give it to my partner as we had discussed. This goes above and beyond generosity. I don't want to name him, because, again, he is unassuming and gives because he can and wants to.
Currently, I am trying to decide if I should give it all to the Goddess or split it up with Gadget too. I need to find out if it possible.
People continue to surprise me. I love it.
I enjoy being able to assist my friends, too. It feels nice to help the LLS as well as people that I just met, but that have become dear to me. They listen to my rants about pain, suffering, mental blocks. Oh, and about everything else that is pertinent in my life--work, travel, food, famiy....running does inspire interesting connections and conversations.
Enjoy your day and consider how you are generous to yourself and others.

Etiquette, again....

Yesterday, I went for a run, by myself, and it sucked.
I can write about that, all day, but I think it shouldn't take too much explanation. It was hot. It was later in the day and I wasn't feeling it. Still, I went and did 3 miles. I figure that it was 3 miles that I normally wouldn't do, alone, and so although it was an ideal run, I did it and I did it alone.
While running at Wash Park, which is Runner's Central Station, I thought about etiquette and people's lack of it. On Saturday, I was running, with my group, around Cheesman Park. At this point, I was running solo and so as I encountered other people on the track, I was always confused when people would take up the whole track and not move over to encounter other people. There was a group of 5 people, like a mass of people, that refused to make way for other runners, bikers of walkers. I had my ipod on, but I know that I made some comment, like, SERIOUSLY....you can't move?
Yesterday I had a similar situation where these two women were walking, and having a conversation. Great, I am all for it. Just move to single file when someone is running or walking toward you. Remember this is the United States, not Australia or Europe. We run, drive, walk, bike to the right. Pay attention and be courteous. This is all I am asking.
In other areas of etiquette...when you dine out with others.
Typically, your check will be one per table. Not just yours. Not just you and your boyfriend. If you dine out with 4 people, the check will be one, for the table. If your salad is $10, then there will be tax, plus tip, that you are accountable for. I don't understand how people do not understand this. Last week, I waited on a table of 4. Granted, they were pleasant and willing to hand me 3 cards and some cash. I asked them how much they wanted on each card. This woman looks at me and goes--$15--that should cover the tip, too.
Her friend interjected and goes--no, it doesn't.
I concurred and pointed out, if you put $15 on the card, that factors against the total of the bill. You think you are tipping me a few dollars, when in actuality, none of you tip, and I walk with a 10% tip, or sometimes less, because the cash is not adequate. See, you still are responsible for the difference which yes, you paid, some, but there is no tip accounted for.
This is frustrating and happens all of the time.
If you order a burger and it costs $10. Factor in the tax and tip accordingly. Do not assume that your friends will cover portion of the tip. Most times people want their own check becuase they have been burned by their friends. They know they are cheap. This is not my problem. If your friends are cheap and you don't want to be associated with them, don't go out with them. Karma is a factor in life.
Just some things to think about. Etiquette does make a difference. Really, I am done with fundraising. I know I have awesome friends. I feel that my letter writing aided my quest and I followed through with the necessary thank you card. I enjoy doing it and will continue to do so.
Enjoy your day and Happy August. This is the beginning of a bunch of birthdays....

Mental madness...

Yesterday, our group met at the Cherry Creek Bike Path, near Colorado Blvd. We were supposed to run for 2 hours. The course was simple--run west through Cherry Creek to Cheesman Park, do a loop, and then head back.
I knew it wouldn't take two hours to do this.
I was trying to figure out how to incorporate more running, instead of hanging out near Colorado Blvd. I think it took me 45 minutes to get to Cheesman, do the loop and take a water break. I started out strong. I lost my running partners and was leading the pack. Of course, I knew this wouldn't last, forever, since my endurance normally falters toward the end.
So, at the water station, I am deciding to either do another loop, around Cheesman, or head to Wash Park. My running partners--Goddess and Jamie--meet up with me. I ask them what they would like to do. The Goddess suggests running up to Logan, then down Speer, up to Wash Park and then back to the orignal meeting place.
At this point, I should have pointed out that it was a straight shot to Wash Park and that we didn't need to head up to Logan to eat more time. I knew that I would be waivering in the park and I was.
It was my first ever, gotta stop at the porta patty with the group. I had my water belt, which was making me crazy the first half of the run. I ran with the bottle in my hand. I didn't enjoy the bobbing on my back. I chafed, a little, from the water belt keeping my shorts in place. It sucked and the last mile was super uncomfortable.
But we ran for 2 hours and 5 minutes.
It felt amazing, afterwards, but the last 1/2 hour was trying. We ran up Alameda to catch the bike path from there. When we got to the mall, we were done with time, and I knew that it was an additional mile to get to Colorado Blvd. I told my training partners that I was finished and Jamie kept going. Later she told me that she thought the stop was right around the corner. I walk that way home, often, and know how long it takes to get from work to home. I didn't want to point that out, though.
I know that physically I can do this, but mentally, I want to be able to have rest or relief. I apologized to my partners for wanting to stop. Jamie told me that the last marathon she did, was a lot of walking, and that is why she is working so hard on continuing to run and not start the habit. I know she is right.
I know that I am up for the challenge and that yes, it will feel fantastic when it is done. I need to shut my ego off and focus on completing the task. I CAN do this. I WILL do this. I AM doing this---my new mantra....
Later, I went to Old Navy to utilize a 30% discount we could use through Team in Training. I was bummed that I don't like any of their clothes. The shorts are gone and their shirts have random ruffles or ties--not my style. Instead, I bought another running bra and a pair of running shorts. Aren't I stylish? But, I need them and figure that it enables me to really accomplish the marathon. 26.2 miles for Brian's golden year. Something different,challenging and memorable.