some personal thoughts of today

I remember waking up to the news. Disoriented, as I was in my childhood home, visiting my mom on a mini-departure tour since I was planning on embarking on a backpacking trip in Europe beginning 9/18. Holy run-on sentence. Sorry. My thoughts are a little garbled when I reflect back on what 9/11 represents to me.
Tragedy. Loss. Unbelievable sadness for all of the lives lost. How this could happen seemed so unlikely to me. It took awhile to absorb the fact that there is a lot of hatred in the world. I remember opportunists trying to cash in on the tragedy while others exerted themselves in the recovery. How we came together to grieve, to love, to help each other.
I remember being dazed and filled with uncertainty. Personally, I knew (somewhere in my head) that a backpacking trip was out of the question. Stubbornly, I held to that belief though. I continued my going away tour until I returned to Lawrence, KS, and had coffee with my mentor. He said--you should wait. You can delay your trip, reschedule and go at a more secure time. Even if you wait 6 months, it's only six months. Cotten succeeded where all of my family failed. My parents, aunts/uncles, sisters, friends, even, shook their heads in frustration to me as I held on to the notion that I would go to Europe. Yes, i can be a stubborn fool. I think this comes from my mom's side of the family.
At this point, I had no idea what to do. I didn't have any plans of returning to Phoenix. I had submited a leave of absence and wanted to take the opportunity to travel. I drove back to Kansas, dropped off my car, and then 9/11 disrupted the plans.
I thought of staying in Kansas and almost choked on that fact. Actually, Lawrence has always had a soft spot in my heart. Yet, I was no longer a college student. I knew way too many locals and felt if I stayed there, it was likely that I would fall into a bottle (or two) of vodka. I did give it some thought, though. I would be closer to my sisters and maybe able to watch my goddaughter grow up, in person. I think Mackenzie was three at the time.
No, staying in Kansas was not desireable or going to happen. I bid adieu, again, to my sisters and parents and traveled around the states for about a month. It was eerie to fly. Most flights were partially filled. I think I got checked every time I went through security. Not a fan of that, either.
I returned to Phoenix, visited a friend from college in Santa Barbara, took the Amtrak to the most awesome city in my world--San Francisco and considered my options. I watched the playoffs and became a fan of specific players on the Athletics, Cardinals and Diamondbacks. I think I found an Irish Pub in every area of the city. It was time of trying to find peace within the world and understanding. I watched baseball with a group of older men and felt safe in that realm. Safe enough to accept a ride back to my hostel from one of the regulars. And, I bumped into my old boss from Phoenix while drinking in the Mission. That, too, was comical especially when I saw him a few weeks later and he had no recollection of our meeting in San Fran. Oh, alcohol....
Still, i had no idea what direction my life was heading. It just felt that I needed to stay in the States. Since I have always had an affinity for beer, it seemed natural to check out the Great American Beer Festival. I had connections from Phoenix where I could get free passes to the convention and my aunt, Bryn, lived in Denver. I called her and arranged to stay at her house for a few nights.
My friend, Jan, flew out to Kansas to meet my family. One night in Lawrence with Michaela, Jeremy and their crazy little terriers before spending one day with my mom, Jade, & Jasmin. Thankfully, it wasn't too overwhelming and we made it safely to Denver.
That was it. I knew my next city. Denver embraced me with lifelong friends, wonderful restaurants to explore, beer/wine (naturally), hiking, a love for running and Brian.
So, to me, inspite of how terrible 9/11 is...the tragedy that occurred, the lives lost, the hatred, I met my soulmate. For me, my course completely altered. Instead of exploring Greece or finding a prince to marry--yes, some of my friends actually thought this--I relocated to Denver and started a new life. A life where I pushed my limitations regarding relationships and love. I am so thankful for the time I had with Brian.
Isn't there a saying out of tragedy comes possibility? I don't know. I am a little emotional right now for the loss of life, the love of love and all of the emotions tied to today on a universal level.
I plan on taking time, for myself, to breathe, reflect and later, meet a childhood friend for lunch. Looking back on life, helps me balance where I want to be heading.
Find a way to enjoy the people in your life. This anniversary illustrates how precious each day truly is.

currently

Grilling went well. Too well, almost. Absolutely love grilled asparagus, pineapple and shrimp. My friends bought a lot of shrimp. Some of which was deveined and others, well, we had to devein it. Yuck! Thankfully, Jan liked to strip the vein out more than I did.
I think Tom went overconsumption since he invited one of his friends over for dinner. It worked out, better, too. We needed the additional shrimp. I prepped the skewers and blackened the rest of the shrimp. I figured, why not? Blackened shrimp is lovely.
I opened some wine after a margarita at one of my favorite restaurants. They put a limit on the chambord margaritas available on a visit to their restaurant. Three is the limit. Had we not had grill plans, I think I could have been convinced to eat the guacamole and dip trio. Yay, for queso!
Yet, we had Sunday night plans and so I limited my consumption of the chambord delight.
Prepped the shrimp, vegetables and listened to music. Perfect way to enjoy a meal. Another example of a ideal homecooked meal.
Since then, I have been thinking about running and future trips. No progress on either front. Running returned to the wayside and traveling, well, a little uncertain of the next venture. Although, I do have a few upcoming visitors that are interested in exploring the southwest. Maybe a trip to Cali is in the future.
On the running front, I have signed up for two more 1/2 Marathons in the fall. Stoked to be returning to Las Vegas for a 1/2 this time and that I convinced several others that they, too, should sign up for this event. Shari, my friend, Jenn from middle school and another college friend, also named Jen. Maybe this is the trip of Jen's and not Sara's as my 30th birthday displayed. Michaela and I with three Sara's en tow. Awesome adventure, that time, and I believe, this 1/2 Marathon trip will be just as fun. It is Vegas and who doesn't enjoy a mini trip there?
Also, today, I discovered that a friend of mine from grade school lived 20 minutes from me. I cannot wait to meet Josh for a glass of wine. While in college, he was friends with one of my neighbors. Several times, we would make dinner, cocktail and finish with a cordial. Those were the days of decandence and excess. Then, we sort of lost touch. However, with the help of a certain social network, we have reconnected. Josh has always been a good friend and I am grateful to have this opportunity to meet again. I am sure that the lunch will be full of entertaining catch up type of stories.
Today was more productive than yesterday. I retrieved my bike and actually rode it home. In a way, I felt like a kid, again, enjoying the last moments of summer before school started. What a feeling! I am envious of my niece and nephew who will, soon, begin school in Oregon.
Life is grand...enjoy your night!

I feel like chicken tonight....maybe, not chicken, but dinner, for sure....

Tonight, in the spirit of the holiday (dreaming of camping), we are going to grill. Seems fitting, too. Not only due to the holiday aspect but also to the closing of the full circle of 2011 thus far. Looking around my friend's house, I see that some things have changed and others are regressing. The island that I proudly convinced them to clear off to make it easier to cook in their kitchen has stuff on it. Water bottles, dog food and other items that have taken residence of the beautiful counter.
The island also has collected a few items. Note pads, new gizmo's and other things. The dining room table remains clear of clutter. There are some dried flowers but that fits the decor. I am glad that we are still able to use the table and will continue to do so.
The first time we made a Sunday night meal was Easter. We grilled ham, pineapple, corn on the cob and I think asparagus. I believe it was the first time, this year, that my friends actually used their table. It offered hope and promise that we would have several meals there. And, they go all out. They have dried flowers (like previously noted), candles, place mats, an array of plates, dishware and napkins. Yes, they know how to host meals. Sure, it took an effort to clear the table, but, once done, it has remained useable for us to dine at. Beautiful.
Tonight, I think, we are either making shrimp skewers or fish. I lean towards fish. But, I know Jan prefers the idea of shrimp skewers. And, we can grill vegetables which is truly what I am interested in. Grilled tomatoes, peppers, asparagus...yummy!
I must shop and figure out what works best. Actually, I think I will wine shop. We can work out the rest of the details later. My focus is the wine factor. Must find wine that is drinkable and lovely for tonight. This could be my last Sunday night meal for awhile.
Looking forward to the outcome of tonight. Grilling sounds fantastic. I am ready for a margarita in the meantime....

dining in Sedona

Last Sunday, I celebrated

the 28th of August by exploring Sedona. Like I mentioned in the previous post, I encountered a tarantula, went wine tasting in Cornville, lounged by the pool and had a lovely meal at a resort. We sat, creekside. Stunning spot to enjoy a spectacular meal. Initially, we drank a cocktail while I perused the wine list. We discussed our options--foodwise and I chose a wine. I settled on an Aglianico. Lately, I have been appreciating Italian wines with food. It complimented the meal nicely.

Plus, the wine list was overwhelming. So many choices and it covered most of the world regions. Of course, being that we were in a resort, it fared to the more spendy side. Not that I don't appreciate a fine bottle of wine, I just don't want to pay $200 for a bottle.

So, after I knew what wine I wanted, we moved on to the entree choices. I like trying as many items as possible. Immediately, the heirloom tomato and melon salad stood out. I knew that it would be delightful. I like scallops and since I knew that Jonny was uninterested in fish as an entree, I thought this would be the best way to get my fish fix. The scallops were okay. Honestly, I have had better. I was a little disappointed.

After the scallops, the next course was duck with cherries and confit. I considered the venison. I think it had huckleberries. However, in the spirit of the day and what it signified to me, I knew the confit was the way to go. Brian would have definitely approved.

Delicious, too. The server suggested trying the succotash with the duck. The duck was dropped at the table, but no succotash. I mentioned to the server when she came by to inquire our thoughts on the duck. Her response--oh, I forgot to order it. One second, I will be back.

When she returns, though, she tells us that the succotash is no longer available. She suggests the asparagus or fingerling potatoes. I had already had some asparagus with the duck and so I said, we would try the potatoes.

In hindsight, we should have skipped the starch. Completely flavorless and lackluster. Onward to dessert, a cheese course. I love cheese for dessert. Plus, they didn't offer any carrot cake or enticing chocolate volcano, so, dessert was my choice.

This is my sixth celebration of August 28th. I didn't have any expectation of how it would go outside of that I would find spectacular food and wine. I did and we toasted Brian. The following day, I walked the labyrinth which I had no idea was at the bed and breakfast until we checked in. Perfect way to complete the celebration. A moment to step back, breathe, celebrate and remember. Yes, this year was a successful celebration, too.

First ever sighting

This is what greeted me when I stepped out of the hotel in Sedona. My first, ever, up close and personal tarantula sighting.

I think I jumped. Gasped. Tried to run out of the way. Wearing heels, of course, and thankfully managed to not trip and fall in my attempt to get as far away as possible. However, that would have made for a great story/blog recount. Instead, I watched it and recoiled as it crept towards us. I moved a few steps, farther, and then thought to find my camera.

This is the best I could do. I would not move closer to capture a more pure photo of this creature that invokes fear in me. Unadalterated fear. Irrational. For instance, I imagine this creature trying to jump on my leg even though, somewhere in the back of my mind, I know that this will not occur. Still, I cannot get any closer.

If I could return to that moment, I would have moved closer to see what would happen. Embrace my fear and see what could happen. No. I am not saying that I hope this recurs any time soon. Only, that I should have taken a deep breath, relaxed, and moved closer.

I suppose it is forcing me to reassess my lack of creativity lately. Spider crossings inspire creativity, for me. What inspires you to be creative?

fond memory

Inspired by this. Love the red sunsets in the southwest.
I think this was captured before enjoying a meal at an eatery in Santa Fe. Our original plan was to dine at Mu Du Noodles. My friend, Melody, loves this place. We drove over to find that they had opted to close that particular Sunday. Bummer.
Still, love the sunset and memory of that night in January.

Unmotivated

Pretty much sums it up. I should go running tonight; but, I have no interest in that activity. Consider for a moment what it would feel like. I think, last night, at 7:30, it was still 105 degrees. Sounds like perfection, right? Feels like a blowdryer with a touch of wind and of course, the sting of humidity. Ideal for a 6 mile loop...well, sometimes, it is or that is what I convince myself. Today, I am unmotivated. No amount of internal dialogue is going to change that fact. I have corresponded with my running partner, too. I haven't seen him in a few weeks due to other priorities dictating me skipping runs or purely, unmotivated, like tonight. I feel that I will be back on track soon.
I thought about running on the treadmill. I could watch Rescue Me and run--two activities that I enjoy combining when forced to run indoors. I stretched and then got sidetracked by a book. I finished the book and then told myself that I should run with the Thursday night group. I wasn't feeling the treadmill action today. Still, watched Rescue Me, though. I am bummed that that show is ending in a week. Sad episode, last night, for those of you that also watch this fantastic show.
Yesterday, I had plans to run, with said partner, but I had to pick Veronica up from the shop. My beloved Volvo had been dropped off a week ago for a routine tune up. Little did I know that I would be sacrificing most of my birthday budget to make sure that my car would continue to be part of my life. I know how this sounds. It is how I look at it, though. I have had Veronica for six years, almost. Brian picked her out and part of my love for this car is due to that fact. Plus, volvo's are fantastic cars and I try to keep the maintenance up, religiously. Sometimes, when I receive news like I did last Friday, I question my desire to keep the car. Basically, the mechanic told me that my alternator belt broke, my radiator was leaking, possibly a head gasket, oh, and the 180,000 service (tune up) needed to be done. I could understand the belts and possibly the radiator, but him, telling me that I needed a tune up really made me question if they did, in fact, know what was going on with my car. I made the original appointment to have the work done and was very aware of the tune up issue.
Since I was in route to Tucson to explore that gem of a town, I was distracted and told the guy to do everything but the head gasket. I let it go and thought--it's just money and you love this car. Plus, you are going to get it fixed in spite of the ridiculous amount of money.
I spoke to a few people about the quandry and they were all like--don't fix the radiator. Definitely the head gasket is b.s. Call them and tell them to only do the belts and tune up. And, why don't you buy a new car? This one guy said--how old are you? I bet you have decent credit and you could buy a new car--Honda or Toyota--and not have to deal with this.
That is a valid question. This is how I think about it. I love my car. I do not have car payments. My insurance is reasonable and why would I do anything to tie me, responsibility wise, where I am unable to travel? Purchasing a new car is foolish for my type of life. I don't want to be tied down to anything.
Also while walking around the Botannic Gardens in Denver with my friend, Sara, we had a similar conversation. She is hoping to purchase a vehicle and uncertain if she wants an older vehicle that she can pay for on the spot or a new vehicle with payments. Her mom (lovely woman) said--look at Harmony. She knows what she is doing. She doesn't have debt to tie her to a place or situation. But a car that you can afford when you buy it.
Clearly, I love this woman and statement. Very true to my way of life. I like having the opportunity to travel, taste life and explore.
I picked Veronica up yesterday. Paying for the service, sucked, and like I mentioned before limited my birthday plans. Now, I must decide what I can do that is fun and somewhat practical. I mean, I am going to want to do something next month, too. Then, there is the Phoenix 1/2 Marathon and trip to Rocky Point followed by the Las Vegas Half. Must not forget christmas. I always try to spend it elsewhere. Last year, I went to Key West. Delightful color, memories and friends. I met this couple on a wind and wine sail. I ended up having dinner with them. Awesome.
Sorry for the tangent. My running plans, last night, got altered when I decided to day drink to celebrate that my car was back and safe. One beer led to one more and eventually, my day was over. Fun way to spend a Thursday, though.
I remain unmotivated tonight. No running, but I can make dinner or something. There is always tomorrow for the running.....