Happy Tuesday

Good morning!  I keep hearing about situations of injury, loss or break ups.  It is an odd time, and I am focusing on how to better myself instead of leaning into the chaos.  

Seriously.  Since I received my news about a close friend, being hurt, I spiraled for a couple days.  Unable to eat, experiencing crying jags and feeling empty.  It is a time of finding self-medicating easy to accomplish.  I remember when Brian died, I think I was able to drink until 4:30 (without eating.  I didn't feel like it).  I was supposed to be at work by 9 and so I would wake up without trying at 8 to be ready to work a day shift at a bar.  Looking back, I have no idea how I was able to sustain that for as long as I did.  Honestly, I think it was a solid six months before realizing that I was not helping myself.  That not eating was counterproductive especially since my partner had been a chef.  He would have mortified in my lack of eating.  Disappointed in my dealing with grief.

This go, I recognized the triggers, and I am in a different place now.  I am involved in a loving relationship.  My energy is focused on cultivating that relationship and continuing to grow and flourish.  Additionally, my friend has a vast support network and is being visited and assisted.  I did what I needed to do for me.  And I was thankful that I was contacted to let me know he was hurt.  Sometimes, we fall out of alignment with people and move in different directions.  It is natural and can be a blessing. In this case, I always wanted the best for him.  Still do.  

It was devastating to hear, and I am thankful he is recovering.  I hope to observe from a distance.  If he needs assistance, I will do what I can.  

My group of people have all checked in on me and been available to listen.  For example, Lindsay met me for coffee, Brie accompanied me to the hospital and distracted me by playing darts, Sara Jo called me, and my sisters have all been amazing.  I feel very loved by my friends.  And, then there is the other side of this.  News that was kept from me since friends knew I was navigating my own grief.  They did not know if I could handle it or not.  In some regard, I am not able to be that helpful.  I can listen.  I can be supportive, but I am unable to travel to be present with my one friend.  Thankfully, she has other people that are able to be with her currently.

There is so much brewing right now, energetically.  I do not know what it is or why it is evolving this way--grief, obstacles, death.  Maybe a time of breaking up obstacles?  I do not know enough about it.  Only that I want to connect with nature, refill my cup and focus on being kind.  I keep seeing things about the importance of community.  Maybe that is the underlying message.  I need to strengthen and build my tribe.

Yesterday, I repurposed a bed sheet by hand sewing a tote bag.  Considering I didn't measure anything (which is recommended) I feel okay with it.  I might shorten the straps today.  I am trying to organically fill my cup.  Learning new skills and being positive.

However you choose to be kind to yourself, lean in.  Happy Tuesday!

A reminder

This year is flying by.  I cannot believe it is already May and I missed celebrating cinco de mayo, lol.  Actually, I did have a few margaritas last week with Brie at Machete.  I had received some unsettling news about a friend and Brie accompanied me to the hospital and chose to spend the evening with me.  Margaritas, chips and salsa, eventually darts set the tone for our evening.  I do enjoy exploring spots in my neighborhood.  Machete is consistent.  Actually, the other night better than normal.  Our server was great!  I had met Jasmyn at the St. Paul Tavern in early April.  She took great care of us.

I wish I could say that I loved the new addition to Colfax, Bad Habits.  It was ok.  I loved playing darts with Brie and there were a few other games to choose from.  The tequila soda I ordered was one of the weakest drinks I have been served in my life.  First off, it the glassware was all wrong.  I didn't order a single in a pint glass.  I would have preferred a normal drink.  Short glass with a decent shot.  Most restaurants I have worked at pour an ounce and a half for a tequila soda.  I think the guy poured less than an ounce.  It was that weak.  To counter the shitty drink, Brie ordered an additional shot to make it palatable.  I ordered the next round and inquired about the price of a double.  I was told it would be twice the price of the single.  I know there are places that follow that system.  I questioned if it would be a healthy pour or a weak double.  I think she got my gist and made a proper drink.  I wasn't trying to be cheap.  I wanted a fair price for a decent cocktail.  Thankfully, the female bartender poured a better drink.

Since then, I have been figuring out how I am feeling.  I mean, I think back to when my I found out that my neighbor died in April.  Unsettling and reminded me to celebrate my life.  Hearing the news about my friend was like a punch to the stomach.  He has been in my life since 2008.  Supported me through moving to Phoenix, relocating to Santa Fe, and returning to Denver.  We have traveled together, and he helped me with my business when I started developing the Detox to Retox classes.  

Truly, I was unprepared to receive the news that he was hurt.  Immediately, I thought about Brian and that period of my life that was full of grief, parallel universes and haze.  

He is recovering and doing much better.  Still, I was unprepared for the news.  He is improving and I know that he has a vast support network.  I am so grateful that he is better.  Ironically, I have had some serendipitous interactions, too.  Two couples dined at the restaurant last night and casually mentioned the Brooks Tower.  It stopped me in my tracks.  My association with that building is not great.  I couldn't resist inquiring about how long they had lived there after their meal.  They moved in post 2006.  They asked me why I wanted to know.  When I mentioned that my boyfriend had died there, it became incredibly awkward.  Awkward apologies and I found it difficult it to maneuver.  My intention was not to bring it up for them to feel sorry for me.  It is an odd time.

I suppose my message is to fully live life in the present.  Tell people you love them.  Take photos of moments.  Use the special wine glasses.  Enjoy your life.  Do not wait for tomorrow.  We are not promised that.  

I will continue to be curate routines and ideas that support my livelihood.  I cannot change other people.  I can only improve myself.

New season, allergies and opportunities

Happy Spring!  I am thankful for the change in the weather.  Truly, I am.  I can walk whenever I choose to and have been trying to walk more frequently.  The allergies that accompany it are not welcome or desirable.  

I have been sporting my glasses for the last week.  Sneezing all week, congested and feeling foggy.  I am unable to wear my contacts or even attempt to wear them.  Flonase is sort of working but not really.  I realize, from experience, that claritin and zyrtec are ineffective for the spring allergies.  And now, it seems that I will be looking for a replacement for flonase.  At some point, I would enjoy wearing my contacts again.

One of my clients suggested trying a homeopathic approach.  I tried that when I first experienced allergies.  They did not work.  Only prolonged the inevitable that I would be purchasing some over the counter medication.  I wish I could avoid taking any allergy medication, but I cannot.  I must buy something for relief.  

Yoga has been great, and I am hopeful for more opportunities.  Here and in Santa Fe.  The season compels outdoor yoga.  We have been able to practice on Saturday mornings at City Park.  It is intermittent as it is Colorado.  March and April both present possibility of snow.  This Saturday is overcast and about 25 degrees cooler than today.  Still, I intend to host a session at 17th and Fillmore.

Last year, I hosted park yoga in Santa Fe.  We tried out a few parks and I am hopeful that Rose Park will be just as accommodating.  Donation based yoga is a great way to check out a class and meet people.  I like the opportunity to build community in both places.

I even have a space to work out of moving forward.  28th and Madison a little north of City Park.  New year.  New space. 

Working for yourself is challenging.  Daily, there are distractions.  Lunches with friends, procrastination, trying to do too many things at once.  Still, I am committed to making it work and expanding.  There is a constant ebb and flow.  I cannot get upset.  I can only continue to offer classes, host opportunities and meet people.  Or admit defeat and return to working for someone else.  Which isn't an option.  I do not intend to pursue that option.  I want to stay the course.

I know that I need to be focusing more on blogging, too.  Tomorrow is a new day, and I will do better.  

Thankful Thursday

Sunshine.  Sesame noodles.  My health.  

On Tuesday, I made my way to the restaurant and realized that I had only brought a hoodie as I was walking into the door.  I knew that it might snow but I spaced it out when I left for work.  As the afternoon turned into night the temperatures dropped.  Snow began and I ran to my car.

Wednesday brought more snow and cooler temperatures.  I hibernated and assessed my pantry situation.  Canned tuna, sardines, corn tortillas, a handful of tomatoes and eggs.  If snow continued thru Friday, I would be screwed.  I definitely was unprepared for the weather.  

I follow a few IG accounts that are food driven.  These accounts have helped me prepare foods for my yoga happy hours and expand my culinary skills.  Recently, I kept seeing recipes for garlic noodles.  I almost always have garlic and ginger on hand.  Ginger is juiced, daily.  Or most days.  On a rare occasion, I do not use my juicer.  I have been incorporating sesame seeds, soy seeds and a chili sauce in my rotation of items that I am purchasing from the market.  Tom loves H Mart.  I think I have been more adventurous knowing how much he enjoys shopping at an Asian Market.  I do like H Mart for the produce, amazing amounts of sauces, and porcelain goods.  I prefer the Great Wall Market for the prepared sushi.  Better selection and awesome quality.  

I decided to look into testing out a recipe.  I think I went overboard on the garlic cloves.  I composed a sauce of soy, sesame oil, honey, red chile flakes.  I have been playing with the recipes and adding in leftovers and mustard.  I am sure the recommended recipes are superior to my hodgepodge, but it is fun to play around with.  

Since last Friday, my commitment to my daily walking has been inconsistent.  Saturday was a complete loss.  I taught yoga at the St. Paul and had a few new participants.  Of course, I had to bring more bubbly.  Then there was the basketball game I needed to finish.  I convinced Jordan to join me for brunch.  Afterwards, I chose a nap over walking.  Epic fail.  Basketball games always entice me to keep watching and cheering for my team.

Sunday, I did a short walk with Roxanne.  Initially, we had planned on walking to and from Postino to maximize the walking factor.  We sort of got out of hand with the catching up and enjoying wine.  I do not regret meeting her only that I opted to receive a ride back to her house instead of walking.  

I had a short walk on Monday between yoga clients.  I had a few errands and a mandatory house cleaning to prep for clients.  I should have done better.  Especially in light of the weather the rest of the week.

Tuesday, I met Brie and we did complete a full loop of the park.  Successful day and fun lunch.  Wednesday, I hibernated.  It looked warm but they said it felt like one degree.  Yikes!  I taught a few classes, made dinner and was in bed by 10:30.  

Today, I forced myself to take a walk midafternoon. Tomorrow I will make time to walk.  Next week, there is Santa Fe with Shari.  I believe I will finally make the walk to Museum Hill.  Tom is not a huge fan of this idea of mine.  I think he knows his hip will bother him one of the directions.  

I have many things to be incredibly thankful for.  I want to honor my decision to be happier, more positive and in the gratitude state.  Some Thursdays I might skip this post.  Unintentionally, but it could happen.

What are you thankful for today?  Share your light with your world.  Be happy!

yoga sessions, frustrations and gratitude

First Detox to Retox yoga session was successful!  Somehow, I managed to fit five people into my apartment without too much stress.  I think I could potentially add more person.  It would be mat to mat but isn't that how yoga classes used to be?  I remember attending numerous classes in Phoenix where this was the case.  To avoid too much Claus trophic anxiety, I would try to arrive early and place my mat in one of the corners of the room.  Or sometimes near the entry way to avoid having too many people around me.  The doorway was strategic.  The class was heated and typically the instructor would open the door to release some of the heat which was welcomed by all.  I know some people did not love this practice but for me, I loved it.  I needed a little reprieve from the heated classroom with the increased humidity.  

After the session, we noshed on a few snacks--seven-layer Mediterranean dip, chickpea salad and cucumbers with cream cheese, avocado and everything seasoning (surprisingly really good).  Some wine.  Tequila.  Great conversation.  I believe I will host two sessions next month.  One will be the equinox session to honor the spring equinox while the other will be a freestyle flow.  I should have offered my apartment months ago.  Or my friend, Roxie, has hosted a few happy hours at her old apartment.  She has offered to host in her home which would be pretty great.  It is in a different area of Denver, and she has way more space than I do.

Outside of the yoga, I have been walking more frequently.  I handled my car tags (finally).  I definitely have anxiety about going to any DMV.  I envision long waits and being frustrated.  My first attempt to get my tags occurred in December before my temp tags expired.  I waited for the title which didn't arrive, and I really didn't know how to proceed.

The gentleman that assisted me was quite kind and helpful.  He noted that I could obtain another temp tag at no charge if I returned to where I purchased the vehicle.  Easy peasy.  The next day, I received notification that the DMV had my title.  I could have handled the car tags in December, but I had updated the temp tags through February 2023.  Why not wait?

I returned to the DMV on Wednesday, mid-afternoon.  I realized that that was not the ideal time to take care of this task.  They were backed up and wanted people to check in before 2:30 to ensure assistance.  Otherwise, there was no guarantee of being seen that day.  I had ten minutes to check in and it seemed highly unlikely to be helped.  I chose to return a different day.

Yesterday, no line and friendly older man manning the door.  I was seen within three minutes of arriving.  I even wrote a check, lol.  

I am so thankful for today.  There was a podcast clip, earlier, that the host kept saying you can change your life within 30 days if you are thankful.  Yet, most people listening to this will forget about saying thank you by this evening.  Another thirty percent will forget to practice this by tomorrow morning.  Such a simple habit.  Say thank you.  He suggested expressing gratitude when you are stopped at a red light.  Be thankful instead of frustrated.  You are alive.  

Only a reminder as I learned today of a friend's passing.  A young woman.  Honestly, I do not know her exact age.  Only that she had two small daughters and had relocated to Kansas last year to be closer to her family and support.  She passed in her sleep.  It is tragic, sad and difficult to process.  

I am planning on trying out the habit of saying thank you.  Discover how my life changes in positive ways.  

Saturday thoughts

Happy Saturday!  It is a gorgeous day in Denver.  Sun is shining bright.  So many people are outdoors, walking and basking in the sunshine.

Yoga was fire!  A few people but great energy and flow.  Afterwards, we chitchatted, enjoyed mimosas and watched the KU game.  Well.  That was brief.  The game was shitty, and I knew from experience of being a fan that they were likely taking an L today.  I stopped watching and was present for the conversation that was unfolding around me.  We tried to avoid the rabbit hole, but it isn't easy.  Current events, politics, tv shows, a balloon.... we kept returning to the negative conspiracy driven space.  

The conversation evolved into potential new zodiac signs.  What?  I have not heard anything of that particular discussion.  And it doesn't make much sense.  The time periods are all over the place.  Perhaps they are more indicative of characteristics of people.  I need to research more before I commit to being a Virgo for the time period of six weeks.  

I returned home and reheated my garlic noodles.  This dish is going into my rotation of what I feel confident preparing for myself.  I almost always have ginger, garlic, honey, soy sauce on hand.  Scallions have found a way into my daily juice (I juice daily. The juicer is the best gift I have received in the last year) and I have purple cabbage in my fridge currently.  Delightful dish and easy to put together.  I am trying to expand my culinary familiarity.  The convenience of dining out or ordering take out is too easy.  Reliable.  However, the quality is no longer that great.  I know what I am sacrificing for convenience.  Quality.  Being in control of what I put in my body.  

When is the last time you have dined our and the server or bartender actually pours your bottle of wine the entirety of your experience?  What happened to suggest that wine pouring was no longer a part of the experience?

Some might argue covid-19 happened.  Yet, we have been recovering from that the last year and a half.  Restaurants re-opened, wearing masks lessened, touching people increased.  Humanity, kindness, gratitude returned.  

Let's all try to be kinder to our fellow humans.  Stop.  Take a breath before reacting to inconveniences.  Smile.  I suppose I am writing this month for myself to make this a habit for me.  Take a beat before reacting.  Always operate from kindness/positivity.  And recognize the bull shit that is making its way into your life.  More on that later.

However, you choose, enjoy this beautiful day.  It is awesome outside!

Routines, commitment and gratitude

Be kind.  Gratitude post.  Opportunity to promote kindness, graciousness, sharing.  

What are you thankful for today?  I managed a walk around City Park which I have been successfully neglecting the last week.  The snow has not helped.  It's been a huge nuisance and motivator to keep me indoors.  Tuesday, I ventured out to put up fliers and handle some upcoming yoga classes. Walking out of my alleyway and was aware of the snow.  Out of nowhere, I ended up flat on my ass!  Infuriating!  I sat up, confused and incredulous.  

Thankfully, the temperatures are increasing and enabling snow melt.  I intend to return to my routine of walking City Park.  It gives me time to listen to podcasts, reflect on things that are working in my life and consider how I can improve daily.  Movement is medicine.  And your health is your number one asset.  Some people might argue that finances are more important.  Yet, think about it this way--you can have mountains of money but if you aren't healthy, you cannot enjoy it.  

I listened to a podcast, earlier, about routine and habit.  The guest speaker noted that he was up, daily by 5 am.  At which point, he would get movement and mindfulness.  Mindfulness wasn't necessary guided meditation.  Rather, the opportunity to go inwards while running or enjoying his coffee.  I thought about my morning rituals.  Wake up.  Lemon water, use my juicer and make coffee.  I always make my bed and clean the juicer before sitting down to enjoy the juice.  I also take vitamins/supplements.  I have been spacing them out through the day to avoid the vitamin overload.  You know?  That slightly nauseous feeling that takes time to shake.  I am not a huge fan of feeling yucky.  Spacing out the vitamins throughout the day has helped.  

There are other things in my life that I could improve on.  I hope to create more of that balance in my life.  I tend to be excessive with friends or when I go to Santa Fe.  My routine could definitely improve.  More to-do lists established at night.  Setting me up for the most success instead of floundering or choosing to play hooky.  It is way too easy.

My bathroom door is finally getting fixed.  It's only been eight and a half months.  I am patient about most things when it comes to my apartment.  I find it easier to avoid then talk to my landlord.  She means well (I want to believe this) but is not the best executor of plans.  I have several examples.  When I first moved in and she entered my apartment without my permission, proceeded to take my toilet apart and tell me that I could ask my neighbors if I could use their bathroom when I needed to go.  It took a week for them to replace the toilet.  I stayed with Sara Jo during that chaotic time.  Or the time she entered my apartment at 6 am on a Monday since she couldn't sleep.  My downstairs neighbor had called her about a leak in his apartment on Sunday.  Instead of contacting me on Sunday, she took it upon herself to walk into my apartment at 6 a.m.  It totally violated my privacy and freaked me out. I still have visions of what that could have been.

I am thankful it is getting fixed.  Along with the washer, the front door and a few other projects.  I think she lacks the desire to stay with the upkeep required of being a building manager.  Still, thankful for today.

As mentioned above, I need to get back on a better routine.  Walking daily.  Or running.  Journaling.  Meditating.  Taking time for reflection and opportunities to improve.  Truly making it my best life.

Day number one of walking city park.  I am determined to keep it going.  In spite of choices, I make.  I am committed to my health and gratitude.  Make it a great day and beginning to your weekend~