To cut or not...

I need a hair cut. I know it.
I had a guy in Denver who is brilliant and creative with color, but he doesn't listen to my needs. Instead, he envisions what I should be sporting, creates it and yes, it looks awesome for the two days that I don't wash it. Then, it goes back to being pulled back since I am a low maintenance type of girl. I am super unmotivated to style my hair or spend more time in the bathroom trying to fix it.
I did explain it to him. Still, twice, he did exactly what he wanted.
I found a girl in Tempe and I loved her. I enjoy flying to Phoenix, spending time with friends, eating at Los Dos Molinos, chambord margaritas at Z Tejas and yes, a hair cut. I liked my girl and she did a good color job, too. One time, she complained to me about what her tips were and I felt it was inappropriate since I flew down there to see her and tipped well. I felt uncomfortable as she was finishing my hair and so I quit going to her, too.
I saw Jan's stylist last year and was happy, but I feel that I should be realistic and find someone in Denver. I tried to do the walk in thing, but the older lady styled my hair like a 60's debutante. I left, fuming and trying to pull my hair flat.
I am low maintenance and feel secure with what works for me. I have moderately curly hair and do not like it enhanced. I don't like it made big either.
I guess I am confronting the hair cut need as it equates to my life. When Brian passed, I chopped my hair off, colored it and wanted to make a change. I wanted to feel different in my life or I felt that I had to.
As the years have passed, I am reaching the length of hair that I once had. I feel that I should cut it because I should, but then I feel that I shouldn't because I am beginning to feel better about myself. I don't feel as guilty as being attracted to someone. Perhaps, I feel ready to date or not since I am on the fence with the hair issue.
I do know that I like my color. When it is darkened, I look like my sisters. I think I prefer the recessive gene look that I have always had.
I don't know. I know that I don't have to know everything right now. I am okay with the present and also about lingering in this moment. Eventually, everything will work out, the planets will realign and I will get a hair cut.