definition of success

I listened to a podcast earlier and the guy was questioning how people define their success.  He laid out ten principles that made him feel successful.  Financially, family, health and wellness, etc...I can maybe think of five.  Perhaps more, but definitely five.  

It sparked inspiration.  How do I define success?  
I do not lead a conventional lifestyle. I suppose that would be a tenet for me.  The ability to navigate life without adhering to the traditional garb--marriage, kids, white picket fence.  Upon reflection, I realize that my first belief of success relates to being able to purchase a beverage with a meal.  I grew up in a family of six.  Rarely did we go out to lunch or dinner.  If we did, we could order water.  More often than not, we would share items (for example, chinese food) and our choice of beverage was limited to water.  Dining out was the treat. We didn't need to spoil it by having a soda.

When I went to college and was able to order a glass of wine with lunch ***when I was 21*** I felt like I had arrived.  I was successful.  I could rely on myself.

Second tenet of success--my health.  I have good health and can enjoy it.  I am fortunate in this arena and I work at it.  I wake up, hydrate massive amounts of water and try to eat clean food.  Of course, I have cheat days and meals.  I drink wine.  It doesn't contribute to my success but it helps with my stress level and overall well-being.  Drinking wine is social, connecting people and enjoyable.

The ability to travel has always been a way I measure success.  Travel has been and will continue to be essential in my life.  I have slowed down due to the pandemic.  I haven't flown since March of 2020 which seems strange.  Just haven't been that inspired to go fly somewhere and encounter restrictions of where to go or where to eat.

I am successful (I think) with my friends and family.  I try to communicate as effectively as possible.  Most of the time, it isn't easy.  Hard conversations have to be had though if you truly want a friendship and/or relationship.  You cannot gloss over things that are important to you.  

Financially, I am healthy.  I could be better.  I know this.  Still, I have the flexibility to choose the path I am on.  Currently, a touch of struggle due to the uncertainty of where this leads.  But isn't that what makes it exciting?

I listened to another podcast and the guy mentioned that we all limit ourselves when we allow doubt to filter in.  It is so true and difficult to not let it filter in.  It starts small and sort of festers.  This pertains to my financial health.  I need to recognize that I am in a good place and can get better.

I believe in giving back to the community.  It is more rewarding to give anonymously or so I think.  Doing it with no tit for tat.  

How do you define success?  What inspires you?  How are your tenets of success unique to you and your lifestyle?  I could think more on it.  I am a tad bit distracted by my event this evening.  I wanted to write.  My morning was incredibly productive and then it slowed down at lunch.  I have tasks to manage before hosting a happy hour.  I need to focus on that!

Happy Tuesday.  As always--celebrate, enjoy and taste life~

Gratitude and other reflections

 I love November.  I always have. To me, it represents gratitude and a reason to express gratitude.  Maybe even be kinder, nicer, more gracious.  

I wrote about consistency the other day.  In one area of my life, I have been consistent with my Monday Motivation posts.  I started them during the pandemic as a way to hold myself accountable for pursuing being my own boss.  I could share stories, ideas and thoughts every Monday.  As that has evolved, it has taken on a life of its own.  This month, for example, I am posting about things I am grateful for--friendships, my new metal butterfly and wine lunches with friends.  I feel I am finding my voice and feel more comfortable sharing it.  I am not so concerned about what other people think or what they will say.  I am trying to be honest with where I am at in life.

Sometimes it feels like one step forward, two steps back.  Why is it so much easier to self-sabotage than to keep momentum going?  Is it all related to fear?  Or doubt?  Or guilt?  I really don't know. I do see some patterns emerging currently.  I need to set healthy limits so that I do focus on what is important to me.  And I need to continue to be positive and honest about what I want.  If I need to say no to a lunch date because I don't feel going, I need to do it. Or, if I pick up a book and know that it isn't for me, I need to put it down instead of forcing myself to read it.  This current book I was gifted is awful.  Run on sentences.  Run on sentences and I still cannot get into the story.  I think I have slogged through forty pages.  I need to release it to one of free libraries in my neighborhood.  I just don't think I can do it.

I have gratitude to realizing my boundaries. Better yet, my need to establish boundaries.  Save my energy and focus.  I have my final yoga happy hour tomorrow and I cannot wait!   I went shopping for supplies this morning and will be able to do the prep work tomorrow.  I am relying a little more on dips and charcuterie than I had in the past.  I also had a partner that was creative and mindful about dishes he prepared.  

I am learning to be more confident in this arena.  The group yoga does not terrify me like it once did. I hope to teach more group classes as a matter of fact.  Something to focus on for 2021.  Finding a space to offer groups classes and happy hour.

 Now, I am worried about the appetizers I bring.  I am bringing foods that I think are tasty and a little diverse.  More cheese than I would like to offer but just because I don't enjoy dairy doesn't mean that other people do not.  I have my standard veggie tray and a few other easy creations.  Wine and tequila to distract if the food is not adequate.

Only time will tell.  Tomorrow will be fantastic. I am thankful for the place that I am in right now.  Thankful for the opportunity to reflect and be tranquil.  What are you thankful for today?

Sunday reflections

Each day, we choose how to spend it.  Positively or passively. For me, positively translates to being active, productive and mindful.  Passively isn't necessarily negative but it is more of an existence setting.  I tend to do an in between mix of the two some days.  This morning, for example.  I woke up with the intention of meditating, reading and reflecting.  I got sidetracked while making making my smoothie.  New smoothie combination--pineapple, blackberry, pear, cucumber, beet, kale, turmeric and yogurt.  Not the prettiest color but tasty.  

In the last few weeks, I have been utilizing my blender. I feel healthier when I begin my day with a smoothie as opposed to eggs.  I go through phases where I make the same things for breakfast.  For some time, I have been relying on scrambled eggs, corn tortillas and salsa or chile of sorts. I do love green chile!  However, I am trying to change up my routines and alter my caloric intake.  I have felt sluggish since my birthday.  Perhaps due to wine lunches or eating things I had cut out of my diet in an attempt to maintain my weight.  Almost five years ago, I found a trainer that I adore.  She is a great balance of nutrition and working out.  She inquired about eating habits by having me journal for five days.  I was surprised by how crappy I was eating.  I would make a salad with avocado, blue cheese crumbles and dressing.  I wasn't really concerned about the amount of cheese or oil I was putting in the salad either.  Courtney suggested being moderate and eating clean.  She also always harps on me about drinking wine.  I am unwilling to give that up so I made modifications with food.  I decreased dairy.  Initially, I thought it would be difficult to give up cheese but found it easy, surprisingly.  I hesitated to cut out half and half for my coffee.  I didn't like rice milk.  Soy milk was tolerable and I was having difficulty embracing coconut milk.  After a time, I found I enjoy almond milk and the combination of coconut and oat or almond.  

Cutting out cheese was easy.  I could make modifications while dining out with others.  If they wanted a cheese tray, I could graze on the almonds, fruits or whatever else was included with it.  Don't get me wrong, I still do eat cheese at times.  I like caesar salads--so there is that.  I cut out my love of lobster mac and cheese and other comfort food driven sides.  I feel better and do not feel guilty drinking wine.

I was making progress until the last few months.  I have eaten pizza, scalloped potatoes, mashed potatoes, etc. recently since that is what is being offered at the restaurant.  It is more convenient to eat what is made after working a shift then go home and try a healthier option.  Typically, I am tired and just need some fuel. The pizza last weekend was a huge mistake.  I woke up to a food coma!  I will not make that mistake again.  I will force myself to abstain.   Choosing a smoothie to start my day offsets (a little) if I do eat something that I normally wouldn't choose due to convenience.  And not every day does the restaurant make foods I don't want to eat.  Many nights, they will make a salad with salmon for me.  I love that!

I have some show on in the back ground and am uninspired to read.  My friend, Adriana, gifted me a book that she had read.  When I asked if if was good, she hesitated. I suppose that is all I needed to know.  As much as I want a new book to delve into if the writing isn't good, than I struggle to finish it.  I picked it up to read a few pages and I think I am not going to be a fan.

I am trying to reflect (be consistent, so far, so good.  day #4).  I think it is helping me reset my mindset and keep my energy up.  Keep moving forward and avoid being stagnant.  Money will always be there.  I cannot get back time.

Have a wonderful day!  Maybe do a mix of positive and passive.  It is Sunday!

Saturday musings

Good morning!  Happy Saturday.  Looks like it is shaping up to be a wonderful day to get outside and enjoy some sunshine.  I have about 45 minutes before I will be teaching yoga at a park. I am so thankful for this opportunity to teach group classes.  When I started teaching, I was hesitant to teach more than one person at a time.  It seemed easier to assess what the client was looking for.  I didn't have to meld styles or make too many modifications if I focused on one client at a time.

Over time, friends want to introduce you to other people that might be interested in yoga and so I expanded my classes.  I incorporated more people and got comfortable with that setting.  I enjoyed it and making it work for each individual.

My first group class of five people made me nervous.  I didn't know any of these ladies and I was terrified!  What if they didn't like me?  What if that I didn't like my music selection or style?  I was so nervous when I entered the classroom.  

It all worked out and I find myself here. I find myself looking forward to my Saturday session and have loved that I can teach outside.  There is something about laying on the earth during savasana.  That connection and absorbing energy.  Truly rejuvenating!  

This morning will be a small class.  One of my clients just texted that her new puppy woke up at 4:30 and they have been unable to sleep since then.  I am bummed on a few levels but I do understand how important sleep is.  I had a horrible night of sleep on Tuesday.  I woke up around 12:30 and was restless until I forced myself up at 5:30. I didn't want to miss another sunrise yoga session.  The opportunity to be outside and get movement is what I am bummed about for her.  It will be til next year that I am able to offer classes outside.

The class went well.  3/4 of the way through the wind picked up and made it a little challenging to balance. Instead of forcing something, I altered the sun C to make it more approachable.  

Since then, I am trying to be reflective and present.  I could have picked up lunch.  Ramen sounded good or posole.  I remembered that I have red and green chile from Santa Fe.  I should enjoy that!  

I keep seeing posts about being creative, singing, dancing or expressing yourself in ways that we sometimes forget.  We forget how to be joyful or youthful, almost, it seems.  Cutting loose without using a substance.  Listening to music and adding movement sounds amazing.  Yesterday, I had a personal training session.  This was the first time in over a year that multiple trainers were on site offering sessions.  The trainer with a different session was playing the worst music.  I really couldn't handle it.  Rage music.  Pure yelling with no beat or rhythm. Thankfully, it was only fifteen minutes of hell.  

I need to cut this short.  Get outside and enjoy the sun before working tonight.  May you have an excellent day~

Reading, making changes and reflecting

 My friend, Lindsay, gave me a book for my birthday.  Natural Causes, by Barbara Ehrenreich, and although I was intrigued by the title, I stuck it under a stack of clutter on my coffee table.  Folders, yoga prep, yoga journals, other books, etc. scattered around my work space.  I tried to get into a finance book but couldn't do it.  I think I am actually going to have to take a timer and force myself to focus on that task.  

I prefer reading fiction or subjects that interest me.  Finance should be of interest.  It is. Just not something that I set aside time to read about.  I struggled to get interested and considered my other options.  What other books do I have lying around?  I picked up Natural Causes and did not want to put it down.  It is interesting and most of it did resonate with my thoughts regarding health, the medical industry and pharmaceuticals. I am still reading it so I won't say much more on the topic.  Outside of the fact that I am enjoying it.  And it is helping me focus on some of the changes I hope to make.  Less watching, more doing. 

I recognized last week, I rarely walked City Park. The weather was not awful so there was no reason to not walk.  I think I was in a funk.  It was easier to be social to avoid dealing with some of the internal stuff.  I could meet up for a wine lunch to distract myself from being sad.  I hope to rectify a situation with a certain someone soon (as noted in an earlier post. However, I cannot rush this.)  Instead of reaching out to him, I tried to not think about it.  I believe that we will talk soon.  Patience is becoming a virtue.  

This break also allows me time to focus on my goals.  Health, wellness, investing, having a positive mindset, writing, doing more, thinking less.  I know my patterns.  It is always easy to return to what is known.  I have my entire life.  I can revert to this pattern of working for other people and take time off for me.  Rinse.  Recycle.  Repeat.  

I have benefitted from this, too.  The flexibility of my schedule enabled a life well traveled until the last year and a half.  But the service industry is hard on the body.  At least for me it is.  I am so thankful for my health and I continue to work on it.  

Ironically, the Natural Causes book eventually addresses smoking.  I have never been a smoker.  I know people find it relaxing.  It never appealed to me.  And I have worked with hundreds of people who never missed a smoke break, lol. The most apparent irritation with that aspect of that was when I worked at the airport. I would be done, ready to clock out and bounce but a few co-workers needed a smoke break before I was able to leave.  Always a 20 minute endeavor, at least.  I think I was probably the most resentful of smokers at that job.  

It is a beautiful day in Denver.  I am thankful to be outside, reflect and plan.  Making small changes daily does help. Day #3 of blogging.

Consistency

Consistency is essential.  I keep reminding myself of this.  So, here is to building a foundation and continuing to write, focus, reflect.  Day #2 of letting my thoughts flow.

Yesterday, I found out that a friend of mine from childhood passed away.  I was a little overwhelmed.  I had not seen her in years but it opened up so many memories.  I worked alongside Sally when I was in high school.  Her mother in law, Carol, was my boss and lifelong friend.  Carol passed away a few years ago and that is what was reopened.  The sadness of someone dying too soon.  

My last lunch with Carol was at the Swedish Crown in Lindsborg, Kansas.  I had arranged a meet up on my way to visit my niece and nephew.  I picked her up at the facility she had chosen to live at.  Up until that point, she lived by herself at this cute home in Salina.  She chose to relocate when she was unable to get into the bath tub.  Always a practical woman who refused to be a burden to anyone in her life.  I miss her.  And I will miss Sally, too.  Similar to Carol and how she lived her life.  Kind, gracious and practical.  She would share Mary Engelbreit sayings frequently on social media.  That artist was one I became familiar with while working for Carol and Sally.  

Losing friends is a reminder that I want to make peace with certain people in my life.  I don't want to regret waiting too long.  I need it for me.  In the last week, I have heard about two people that have passed away.  They were older but provided support and care for me in times of need.  Brian's grandmother passed away.  It had been years since I had seen Rita.  I believe it had been over ten years. She had retired and would travel to Minnesota to visit her family.  I believed I would arrange a trip.  There was always next year.   

So cherish the people in your life.  Reach out to someone that you have lost contact with or have allowed a misunderstanding to widen into a disconnect.  I am trying to make peace with a certain someone.  I remain hopeful.  

All I can do is try.  And hope, believe and remain on my path.  Refuse to return to the comfort of what I know.  I believe in choosing me and where this path is leading.  Make it a great day!

Current state of affairs. Am I on the right path and other reflections

Wow, it can be challenging to turn off the subconscious mind.  Last night was a doozy.  I woke up at 12:30 and struggled to calm my mind until I finally forced myself up at 5:55.  I had an early yoga session that I refused to sleep though again.  Typically, I am an early riser and have little issue with waking up.   Last Friday that was not happening.  I woke up 15 minutes after our scheduled session.  I didn't beat myself up too much.  This had been the third attempt at that particular session that kept getting pushed to another day due to migraines, children's schedules, etc.  Sometimes, your body needs a break!

That being said, I did manage to get up.  I reflected on what I was struggling with...am I doing the right thing?   Should I continue to grind, hustle--is it worth it?  Would it be easier to return to working for other people?  What should I be doing more of?  Am I annoying people?  

It was this nonstop stream.  I would wake, flip to my other side, and try to relax.  I think I attempted to count sheep which did not work.  

It reminded me of some of my past decisions.  Especially in college.  I had the opportunity to complete a thorough synopsis of an issue to Latin America that I was interested in.  I had a year to complete my thesis and it would be an honor.  We met once a week to discuss ideas and how our progress was coming along.  Early on, I knew that I wasn't too vested in it.  I found reasons to skip the session with the intention of making it up.  I barely completed the task and at the end of it, the instructor was disappointed in my lack of effort.  It was easier to fail then succeed.   I remember feeling that way back then.  I wasn't too broke up by it since I hadn't planned on going to graduate school.  It was a lesson.  

I see myself trying to repeat it.  Subconsciously I see doubts creeping in and it's hard to smother them.  It is hard to not acknowledge them.  I know that I want to continue on this path. That I am learning a ton of new skills that I never thought I would enjoy.  I actually don't mind putting together flyers, newsletters or other graphics. The admin aspect is something that I am still not loving.  I am trying to embrace that aspect and improve.  All of the financials are something that I tend to avoid, too.  I think it is due to the fact of how I raised.  With a limiting or negative idea about money.  I see that my parents did the best with what they knew.  Still, being told money doesn't grow on trees is hard to get past or consider an abundant lifestyle.  Or always being told pay things in cash or do not buy things you cannot afford is limiting.  I think I would be more comfortable had I had a better relationship with money when I was younger. 

 I want to journal more.  Hence, returning to blogging.  I have never been as disconnected with a situation than I feel right now.  I have support and friends who continue to encourage and assist me.  Still, sometimes, that is not enough.  There is still that doubt.  The dreams.  The indecision.  

It would be much easier to fail.  I now see how important finding your WHY is...because, truly, it would be fantastic to return to the comfort of what is known.  That does not aid me in doing my own thing.  I must work past my own limiting beliefs and choose to succeed this time.  Not take the easier path and disappoint not only myself, but others.  

Sorry for all of the reflection.  I needed to get it out, somewhere.  Out of my head and reflect.  I hope you have a wonderful day.  It is a gorgeous day in Denver!