Question for Tuesday

What would I do if I had enough time?  What do I do when I have time?

If I had enough time, I would travel more.  I should just make it work.  I can work remotely.  I spoke to Shari last night about our upcoming trip to Florida.  We are celebrating Brian's life in St. Petersburg with Sara Jo.  Originally, we had discussed Puerto Rico.  Puerto Rico would be great but with the uncertainties associated with what is going on right now, Florida seemed like a safer bet.

Shari is considering an extended road trip.  It inspired me to consider doing that myself.  I could travel east as long as the weather holds.  Yesterday was our first glimpse of winter in Denver.  I think it was 27 degrees.  So cold!  I am fine driving as long as there is no snow, sleet or intermittent weather.  More than likely, I will fly to Tampa and figure it out from there.

Still, the possibility of a road trip sounds amazing.  I tend to head west or southwest typically.  I do make it to Kansas to visit the Littles but rarely, do I head south or east.  Maybe it would be fun to drive to Florida.  I think it is 28 hours.  A little daunting.  Even if I broke it up over three days, they would still be nine hour days.  Not fantastic.

I will think more on it within the next few weeks.  It could work.  I would love to return to NOLA.  I could potentially make a stop in Dallas and see Hailey and her family.  The last stop would be St. Petersburg.  I would have to stay five days, minimally, before the return trip.  

When I have time, I daydream.  I hike, walk the park, listen to podcasts, do yoga, meet friends for lunch.  I wish I took more time to cook. I should.  I enjoy cooking and have a few tools to make it easier.  I purchased a pressure cooker a few years ago so that I could make kitchari--this delightful ayruvedic dish that is beneficial for gut health.  It utilizes turmeric, ginger, coriander, mustard seed, ginger.  I would add a jalapeno chutney to smooth it out.

I go in spurts of reading.  I need a new book to delve into.  A co-worker gifted me a book that I could not get into, at all. The writing was terrible and from the first paragraph I struggled.  It was awful.  Somehow, she managed to finish it.  I picked it up, many times, but just couldn't do it.  Since then, I have not found anything.  I stop by random free libraries, hopeful to find something.  Maybe today I will be lucky!

Maybe I should learn a language.  I could take 30 minutes a day or replace listening to podcasts with learning something new.  I do have time.  I can make time.

Tomorrow, I might just free write as opposed to the question method. It is helpful.  

Monday's question and a lazy day

What advice on life would I give to myself, if I was a mother and wished nothing but happiness for my child?  

Hmmmm....maybe, be kind always.  Do what makes you happy.  Resist the urge to please others and set off on your own path.  That one resonates the most.  Do the unconventional thing.

I do not know that we are supposed to do what we are told to do.  If I listened to what I am supposed to do I would be married, raising a family and putting most of my energy into providing a family.  For many people, that works.  For me, it never spoke to me.  I am thankful for my parents, my siblings and my nieces and nephews.  Motherhood just was not for me.   

I knew when I left for college that I wanted to travel.  I would not return to my hometown and make a life.  In fact, I had planned to travel for six months in 2001 after I graduated from college.  I had everything set up.  First stop, Athens and from there I would take the eurorail wherever I chose. I think I had arranged a hotel for the first few nights.  From there, the world was wide open.  

That trip sort of went sideways after 9/11.  I ended up in Denver as a result which is a whole other story.  Talk about the road not taken.  I do not regret one minute of the choices I have made.  I have incredible experiences as a result.  Or incredible to me.  I should clarify that.  Had I gotten married young, I honestly, have no idea where I would be.  I still believe I would have wanted to move out of the midwest.  My fantasy world would suggest ending up in Europe or Asia.  I loved spending time in Vietnam a few years ago.  I could see myself there.

Currently, I am in Denver.  And, I do love it.  Great support network and it has been home to me for the last 20 years, off and on.  If I leave, I always yearn to return.  I think I am projecting some sort of wanderlust vibe though. In the last week, four people have asked me if I am returning to Santa Fe.  

I am not.  Maybe later in life.  I do find refuge in Santa Fe.  It has always been an oasis for me.  A place to reset, reflect, rejuvenate.  When I lived there, it was a little too small for me at this point in my life.  I lived there for a year and a half before returning to Denver.  I knew that I would make my way home.

I would continue to recommend the unconventional life.  I am so thankful for where it has lead me.  I don't know that I would have traveled to South Africa, Cambodia, Cuba or Australia had I been more traditional.

That is all for now.  I figure I should move on to my next task.

Question of the day

What is everything is as it should be?  How would that make me feel?

Uncertain.  I am still sussing it out.  November was a challenging month.  I felt conflicted about my direction and that remained the entire month. I questioned why I chose this path, if I should remain on it and if I could do it alone.  

I had someone that had been helping me with the happy hours.  I enjoyed his energy and willingness to be creative with the food.  Plus, he is charismatic and can be incredibly charming.  It added some levity to the situation.  Then, I found that I would be doing it solo.  And it made sense.  I started on this journey on my own and committed to continue.  I would not be derailed without his support.  I would only be derailed if I self-imploded.  And, believe me, I am good at destructing my life.  

December has been more positive and feels lighter.  I feel I recognize my boundaries and how to navigate what I am trying to achieve.  I am getting better.  So in a roundabout way, reflection leads to clarity and moving forward.  I will continue to learn new skills and blog.  Some days maybe mundane and even oversharing.  I cannot feel bad about what I am putting out there.  It would limit my creativity and kill my momentum.  I have done this often in the past and with what result?  Repeating the same pattern. 

I want to move outside of this.  That is what I am realizing and feeling.  It is easy to remain comfortable.  To remain in a space that has already been navigated and established.  But it does not encourage growth.  I want to continue to learn new skills and challenge myself.  I am inspired to create and focus on my logo.  Perhaps have stickers, note cards and t-shirts made.  Maybe even dally with a utube channel.  Fully put myself out there and do yoga.  

I guess I am where I am supposed to be.  And it feels great!  This morning the weather is overcast which is a change. Still warm and manageable to get outside and enjoy the park.  I hope to do that after I have my headlight replaced.  Of course the low beam went out last night.  It is always something, lol.

Here is to consistency and continuing to build. Cheers!

Reshuffle

 I returned home. I am attempting to be as consistent as possible with blogging and figured I could use the deck of cards to aid me in the process.  I shuffled the cards and chose a new question for today.

What are you thankful for?  Too funny as I just drew this card in the last week.  Still it is fitting.  I am thankful for this beautiful weather in Denver. It is uncanny.  I think it will be 68 degrees today. Reminds me of my time in Phoenix. This time of year was always a blessing from the intense heat of the summer.  Some people will tell you Phoenix is only bad for four  months. I disagree. The minute it hits triple digits it is intense til November.  

I look at this as a blessing.  I love this extension to fall or mild winter. Although, it will eventually snow or get cold.  There is no way around it.

Today was a great day.  I met a client for lunch and am inspired by our conversation. This woman is amazing.  A lawyer, yogi, wellness practitioner, mother, wife, daughter, friend.  She always has about four projects going on in addition to a full time job.  I met her through her husband.  We started practicing yoga together and became friends.  I am motivated to begin a few projects myself.  I need to have some note cards made, my logo arranged, maybe some t-shirts/stickers.  I dream of these ideas but have not made much of an effort to make it happen.

I want to do this.  I just get distracted.  Wine lunches with girl friends, trips to Santa Fe, watching Netflix (not the best excuse or justification).  Still I know this is something that will help me improve my business.

I am thankful for opportunities to be inspired.  Thankful for Saturday and hopeful to enjoy the next 20 minutes before heading to work.  

Life is grand!

Is there something in my life that makes me forget time while I'm doing it? What is it?

I don't know if there is anything that makes me forget time when I am doing it.  Perhaps travel.  I suppose that would qualify.  Or planning travel would be more likely.  I definitely get in a zone where time doesn't stop, exactly, I just am not paying attention to it.  

Yesterday was a great day.  Taught yoga, live, with Carmen and then had lunch at Vinaigrette and dinner at the Compound.  Neither place ever disappoints.  I prefer the patio at Vinaigrette. Their inside dining room is sterile and lacks ambiance.  I didn't feel like doing take out so I sat inside after finding a parking spot. That parking lot is terrible!  I found a spot, thankfully.  

Carmen met me for dinner at the Compound.  We worked there, briefly, together.  It was a treat to dine a the bar and hang out with Mike. I have been enjoying myself and able to relax. I think I needed a break from what I have going on. I overanalyze--shocking, I know.  It can be overwhelming at times.  I just needed time and space to reflect, rejuvenate, relax.  Maybe gain a little perspective on what I want to be achieving.  

I always fare better when I have travel to look forward to.  This last year has been challenging.  It's been almost two years since I have flown anywhere.  I am so thankful for my trip to Barcelona with Shari.  It was fantastic!  I have remained in Denver. I think I have been uninspired to travel if that makes sense.  

In the spring, I hope to visit Sara Jo a few times.  Or, meet up with her somewhere if it is possible.  I need that for myself.  

I hope you have a lovely day.  I am about to leave for Ojo Caliente.  Day of soaking, relaxing and enjoying life.  It is stunning in Santa Fe today!  Make it a great day.

What is my instinct telling me to do?

Be patient.

Sometimes, things fall into place.  Or they seem serendipitous.  Kismet.  This question is ideal for my mindfulness today.  

Be patient.  

I heard from my mentor earlier. We had texted recently since I would be in Santa Fe and we could meet up for a yoga class.  I had hoped that Paige would attend my live class.  Life got in the way.  You know...family, work, etc...still we connected today to catch up.   

It's been a few years.  Still we were able to begin again from where we left off. Such a skill.  And she knows me and my concerns.  

Patience is essential.  As much as I want to rush things, I know that this is right.  I know that I need to be patient.  Be kind.  Focus on me and not rush interactions.

I feel rejuvenated here.  Santa Fe always does that for me.  It is a great reset.  Something about the quality of air and openness.  It is amazing.  I return here and feel at peace. And November sucked.  What a waste of a month for me.  Constantly showing me what I don't want or want to choose.

If you listen to your gut instinct, you are always right.  It speaks to you.  Mine, right now, is preaching about patience.   Everything else will fall into place.  I do believe this.  I feel it.  

Enjoy your day.  I will continue to live it up!

 Another question from the journal rolodex....who am I when I'm alone?

Hmmm....many things.  Currently, reflective and a tad bit sad.  Happy, getting better, feeling healthy.  Excited, anxious, stressed.  Is it okay to be all of these things?  I might be more.

I am traveling tomorrow.  I have most of it packed and have a few more items to put together.  I am taking a lot this time.  Food, my blender, swim suit, stuff for Ojo Caliente, things to read, yoga planner, clothes and a few other items.  Oh, and wine.  I picked up some wine this evening so that I could focus on arriving, going directly to La Choza and then teaching Melanie at 4 pm.  I am excited for this mini adventure and already planning my next one.  I feel drawn to flying to Florida.  I miss my friend, Sara Jo.  

I am expressive, creative, vibrant, crazy, intense, extreme.  All of these things make me who I am.  I remember buying a plane ticket to Greece.  My plan was to travel for six months and then figure out what I wanted to do.  Be it, stay abroad, or return stateside. Then, 9/11 happened and my life altered its course.  I ended up in Denver where I have been off and of since 2001.  I met Brian which encouraged me to stay here.  He died in 2006.  Another wrench in my life plans.  I traveled for 5 months hoping to find myself.  Maybe I found a piece of me during that time.  I was pretty okay with whatever happened.  Sort of melancholy and I think I freaked out the majority of my family.  I was not drawn to death but I was okay if I was done.  Grief does that.  I had no inspiration.  I was always sad about what I had lost.

Then, eventually, I grew out of that and found myself back in Denver.  Motivated to do something new and find a way to travel.  I started running which opened me up to a new friend group.  In some ways, I feel that I always find a new opportunity.  

Currently, I feel a little stuck.  Or maybe I think I am stuck because I am not seeing enough results.  As you can see, I am all over the place with this question.  Extremely reflective