Taking a few days off from the social aspect (day drinking with friends) inspires me to return to my roots. Reflection, writing, being mindful. My sleep quality increases, and I wake up, energized.
I think I get this way during this time of year. Looking back at things that worked, didn't work and how to improve. I can wallow in the complacency of the familiar or continue to evolve. I feel so much more reflective, this year. Truer to how things are instead of creating situations that make me appear better. Does that make sense?
I keep returning to the conversation with the mechanic. I wanted to choke him out but knew it would not accomplish anything. I wanted to reason with him and give him the opportunity to do right by his product, ultimately me. I was prepared to work with him on future projects and knew that if I could take the emotion out of it, I would be ok.
As he sat across from me with his arms tightly crossed, it was apparent that not only was he defensive (emotional) but unwilling to see the fault in his work. He could not separate the emotions. Instead of continuing to deal with him, I left. I didn't flip out. Cuss him out or kick anything. In the past, I think I could have reacted in that manner. Maybe not kicking anything but lowering myself into the attack realm. I am known to drop the CS frequently. If you know, you know.
I think I am mellowing with age. And no longer caring what other people think. Why does it take years to recognize that? That the majority of people are not thinking about you. Instead, they are thinking about their own situation and issues. Do not take things personally. Isn't that one of the four agreements? I try to stay in that zone. Recognize that people's reactions are about them. It does not reflect on what they think of me or what I am doing.
I keep seeing posts on IG about frequencies, astrology, energy. I allowed myself to follow a link that resonated somewhat with me. It mentioned a shadow energy and how I can get caught up on thinking I know what other people are thinking if they are not responding to me. I must stop doing this. Truly. They are absorbed with their own reality. They are unconcerned with how things are affecting me.
Moving forward, I want to think about improving daily. Even if it is .000001%. Compounding that enables change and progress. A resolution in the making. If you need a little more motivation to do this, read Atomic Habits. I think I may re-read it in the next few weeks. It reinforces that habits are easier to build as opposed to pursuing goals. I had never considered it that way. I can strive to attain a goal. I achieve it and then I am let down about what to focus on next. Ultimately, I return to poor habits after I achieve a goal.
Building habits=a routine. Waking up and drinking lemon water or juicing. Allowing the natural detox to rid yourself of toxins. Meditating or moving. A man that I listened to on a podcast wakes up, daily at 4 am. From here, he meditates for an hour (minimally), then does 111 burpees and completes his routine with sun salutations. Eventually, he turns on his devices but not until he has centered himself. I am not that disciplined. Slowly, I am building and attempting a purer start to my day. Less technology/distraction and more focus. I am all for sun salutations. I even attempted to teach a sunrise class this morning via zoom. No bites, yet. But it will happen. Next Thursday, I will roll out another video and opportunity to flow. Hopefully, I will gain confidence with putting myself out there.
I am heading to see my trainer and continue this positive energy. Make it a great day!
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