Saturday musings

Good morning!  Happy Saturday.  Looks like it is shaping up to be a wonderful day to get outside and enjoy some sunshine.  I have about 45 minutes before I will be teaching yoga at a park. I am so thankful for this opportunity to teach group classes.  When I started teaching, I was hesitant to teach more than one person at a time.  It seemed easier to assess what the client was looking for.  I didn't have to meld styles or make too many modifications if I focused on one client at a time.

Over time, friends want to introduce you to other people that might be interested in yoga and so I expanded my classes.  I incorporated more people and got comfortable with that setting.  I enjoyed it and making it work for each individual.

My first group class of five people made me nervous.  I didn't know any of these ladies and I was terrified!  What if they didn't like me?  What if that I didn't like my music selection or style?  I was so nervous when I entered the classroom.  

It all worked out and I find myself here. I find myself looking forward to my Saturday session and have loved that I can teach outside.  There is something about laying on the earth during savasana.  That connection and absorbing energy.  Truly rejuvenating!  

This morning will be a small class.  One of my clients just texted that her new puppy woke up at 4:30 and they have been unable to sleep since then.  I am bummed on a few levels but I do understand how important sleep is.  I had a horrible night of sleep on Tuesday.  I woke up around 12:30 and was restless until I forced myself up at 5:30. I didn't want to miss another sunrise yoga session.  The opportunity to be outside and get movement is what I am bummed about for her.  It will be til next year that I am able to offer classes outside.

The class went well.  3/4 of the way through the wind picked up and made it a little challenging to balance. Instead of forcing something, I altered the sun C to make it more approachable.  

Since then, I am trying to be reflective and present.  I could have picked up lunch.  Ramen sounded good or posole.  I remembered that I have red and green chile from Santa Fe.  I should enjoy that!  

I keep seeing posts about being creative, singing, dancing or expressing yourself in ways that we sometimes forget.  We forget how to be joyful or youthful, almost, it seems.  Cutting loose without using a substance.  Listening to music and adding movement sounds amazing.  Yesterday, I had a personal training session.  This was the first time in over a year that multiple trainers were on site offering sessions.  The trainer with a different session was playing the worst music.  I really couldn't handle it.  Rage music.  Pure yelling with no beat or rhythm. Thankfully, it was only fifteen minutes of hell.  

I need to cut this short.  Get outside and enjoy the sun before working tonight.  May you have an excellent day~

Reading, making changes and reflecting

 My friend, Lindsay, gave me a book for my birthday.  Natural Causes, by Barbara Ehrenreich, and although I was intrigued by the title, I stuck it under a stack of clutter on my coffee table.  Folders, yoga prep, yoga journals, other books, etc. scattered around my work space.  I tried to get into a finance book but couldn't do it.  I think I am actually going to have to take a timer and force myself to focus on that task.  

I prefer reading fiction or subjects that interest me.  Finance should be of interest.  It is. Just not something that I set aside time to read about.  I struggled to get interested and considered my other options.  What other books do I have lying around?  I picked up Natural Causes and did not want to put it down.  It is interesting and most of it did resonate with my thoughts regarding health, the medical industry and pharmaceuticals. I am still reading it so I won't say much more on the topic.  Outside of the fact that I am enjoying it.  And it is helping me focus on some of the changes I hope to make.  Less watching, more doing. 

I recognized last week, I rarely walked City Park. The weather was not awful so there was no reason to not walk.  I think I was in a funk.  It was easier to be social to avoid dealing with some of the internal stuff.  I could meet up for a wine lunch to distract myself from being sad.  I hope to rectify a situation with a certain someone soon (as noted in an earlier post. However, I cannot rush this.)  Instead of reaching out to him, I tried to not think about it.  I believe that we will talk soon.  Patience is becoming a virtue.  

This break also allows me time to focus on my goals.  Health, wellness, investing, having a positive mindset, writing, doing more, thinking less.  I know my patterns.  It is always easy to return to what is known.  I have my entire life.  I can revert to this pattern of working for other people and take time off for me.  Rinse.  Recycle.  Repeat.  

I have benefitted from this, too.  The flexibility of my schedule enabled a life well traveled until the last year and a half.  But the service industry is hard on the body.  At least for me it is.  I am so thankful for my health and I continue to work on it.  

Ironically, the Natural Causes book eventually addresses smoking.  I have never been a smoker.  I know people find it relaxing.  It never appealed to me.  And I have worked with hundreds of people who never missed a smoke break, lol. The most apparent irritation with that aspect of that was when I worked at the airport. I would be done, ready to clock out and bounce but a few co-workers needed a smoke break before I was able to leave.  Always a 20 minute endeavor, at least.  I think I was probably the most resentful of smokers at that job.  

It is a beautiful day in Denver.  I am thankful to be outside, reflect and plan.  Making small changes daily does help. Day #3 of blogging.

Consistency

Consistency is essential.  I keep reminding myself of this.  So, here is to building a foundation and continuing to write, focus, reflect.  Day #2 of letting my thoughts flow.

Yesterday, I found out that a friend of mine from childhood passed away.  I was a little overwhelmed.  I had not seen her in years but it opened up so many memories.  I worked alongside Sally when I was in high school.  Her mother in law, Carol, was my boss and lifelong friend.  Carol passed away a few years ago and that is what was reopened.  The sadness of someone dying too soon.  

My last lunch with Carol was at the Swedish Crown in Lindsborg, Kansas.  I had arranged a meet up on my way to visit my niece and nephew.  I picked her up at the facility she had chosen to live at.  Up until that point, she lived by herself at this cute home in Salina.  She chose to relocate when she was unable to get into the bath tub.  Always a practical woman who refused to be a burden to anyone in her life.  I miss her.  And I will miss Sally, too.  Similar to Carol and how she lived her life.  Kind, gracious and practical.  She would share Mary Engelbreit sayings frequently on social media.  That artist was one I became familiar with while working for Carol and Sally.  

Losing friends is a reminder that I want to make peace with certain people in my life.  I don't want to regret waiting too long.  I need it for me.  In the last week, I have heard about two people that have passed away.  They were older but provided support and care for me in times of need.  Brian's grandmother passed away.  It had been years since I had seen Rita.  I believe it had been over ten years. She had retired and would travel to Minnesota to visit her family.  I believed I would arrange a trip.  There was always next year.   

So cherish the people in your life.  Reach out to someone that you have lost contact with or have allowed a misunderstanding to widen into a disconnect.  I am trying to make peace with a certain someone.  I remain hopeful.  

All I can do is try.  And hope, believe and remain on my path.  Refuse to return to the comfort of what I know.  I believe in choosing me and where this path is leading.  Make it a great day!

Current state of affairs. Am I on the right path and other reflections

Wow, it can be challenging to turn off the subconscious mind.  Last night was a doozy.  I woke up at 12:30 and struggled to calm my mind until I finally forced myself up at 5:55.  I had an early yoga session that I refused to sleep though again.  Typically, I am an early riser and have little issue with waking up.   Last Friday that was not happening.  I woke up 15 minutes after our scheduled session.  I didn't beat myself up too much.  This had been the third attempt at that particular session that kept getting pushed to another day due to migraines, children's schedules, etc.  Sometimes, your body needs a break!

That being said, I did manage to get up.  I reflected on what I was struggling with...am I doing the right thing?   Should I continue to grind, hustle--is it worth it?  Would it be easier to return to working for other people?  What should I be doing more of?  Am I annoying people?  

It was this nonstop stream.  I would wake, flip to my other side, and try to relax.  I think I attempted to count sheep which did not work.  

It reminded me of some of my past decisions.  Especially in college.  I had the opportunity to complete a thorough synopsis of an issue to Latin America that I was interested in.  I had a year to complete my thesis and it would be an honor.  We met once a week to discuss ideas and how our progress was coming along.  Early on, I knew that I wasn't too vested in it.  I found reasons to skip the session with the intention of making it up.  I barely completed the task and at the end of it, the instructor was disappointed in my lack of effort.  It was easier to fail then succeed.   I remember feeling that way back then.  I wasn't too broke up by it since I hadn't planned on going to graduate school.  It was a lesson.  

I see myself trying to repeat it.  Subconsciously I see doubts creeping in and it's hard to smother them.  It is hard to not acknowledge them.  I know that I want to continue on this path. That I am learning a ton of new skills that I never thought I would enjoy.  I actually don't mind putting together flyers, newsletters or other graphics. The admin aspect is something that I am still not loving.  I am trying to embrace that aspect and improve.  All of the financials are something that I tend to avoid, too.  I think it is due to the fact of how I raised.  With a limiting or negative idea about money.  I see that my parents did the best with what they knew.  Still, being told money doesn't grow on trees is hard to get past or consider an abundant lifestyle.  Or always being told pay things in cash or do not buy things you cannot afford is limiting.  I think I would be more comfortable had I had a better relationship with money when I was younger. 

 I want to journal more.  Hence, returning to blogging.  I have never been as disconnected with a situation than I feel right now.  I have support and friends who continue to encourage and assist me.  Still, sometimes, that is not enough.  There is still that doubt.  The dreams.  The indecision.  

It would be much easier to fail.  I now see how important finding your WHY is...because, truly, it would be fantastic to return to the comfort of what is known.  That does not aid me in doing my own thing.  I must work past my own limiting beliefs and choose to succeed this time.  Not take the easier path and disappoint not only myself, but others.  

Sorry for all of the reflection.  I needed to get it out, somewhere.  Out of my head and reflect.  I hope you have a wonderful day.  It is a gorgeous day in Denver!

The present and what the future looks like

2020 was the year of the visor. Not lying. Every photo of me has a visor or a glass of wine. Actually, most photos had both of those things.  Wearing a mask with sunglasses or glasses created a situation where I couldn't see. I am not a fan of visibility issues.  Hence the visor.  I had three that I would rotate.  I lost multiple pairs of sunglasses, too.

2021 is the year of the ultimate pivot.  Working for myself and trying out new things. I curated few events and then would delay executing them.  Until, one day, it's like--you gotta start somewhere. You cannot prolong any longer.

Yoga in the Park was excellent! Three students. Two new. The opportunity to think on my feet and arrange a flow that made sense to everyone involved.  Being able to relax in corpse pose and be supported by mother earth. It was truly grounding.

Afterwards, we toasted our health, wellness and fitness.  Katerina brought chardonnay and I had a few bottles of cava. I intend on offering cava at every yoga in the park. It is a spectacular way to conclude the practice and falls under the umbrella of tasting life.  So thankful!

We are considering yoga happy hours and how to make them work. It is a work in progress. I don't want to say too much about it as we are still figuring out how to make them work.  In the meantime, my focus is teaching, being authentic and responsible.  I think about how much money I have spent dining out.  It always seemed accessible and convenient until Covid.  Then, it felt awkward and takeout driven. I 100% supported restaurants and enjoyed take out.  I have a few spots in my neighborhood that will always be in my rotation.
When restaurants were full service, the service lacked.  It seems like this is the new normal.  I cannot speak for every restaurant.  Nor will I even attempt to.  I will only say that service seems to have changed across the board.

I am more than happy to dine at home. Actually, I am happier to convince others to cook for me.(the Warrior Prince) But, I am becoming more confident in my skills and knowledge.  Plus, I like it. More vegetables, some roasting and a tone of lentils, eggs and salad. One day, I will tackle cast iron steak.

Was last year challenging?  Of course!

Did I learn something from it?  Extend my tool box and utilize the takeaway....100% .  Now it is about execution and planning events. I am grateful for my present and what the future holds.  So many blessings, opportunities and possibilities.

Consider your present. What are you doing differently?  What does your future look like?  Are you surrounded by people vested in building, developing, growing?  Or are you still focusing on things out of your control? 

I am focusing on growth and surrounding myself with similar outlooks.  Thankful, grateful and beyond blessed.  Here is to a healthy 2021!

2021 the year of pursuing passions

2021.  Gratitude for this year and seeing my path cleared of obstacles and obstructions.  Last year was the year of the visor.  Every time I left my house, I would grab one of my three visors and head out.  The mask with sunglasses and/or glasses just wasn't conducive.  Immediately, my glasses would fog up making it challenging to not only see but function.  The visor was a great solution while walking around with a mask.  I loosened up my desire to walk the park with a visor in the last month.  I felt confident that I can walk away from people that are running or in my pathway.  I was diligent about this until I went to Santa Fe with Maghan last week.  Many folks down there were sporting their masks in the Plaza and around town.  I felt compelled to put mine back in place while exploring the city.

Of course, 2021 did not see the end of the pandemic.  Perhaps it eased up a little and provided more opportunity for hope.  I have many friends that have been vaccinated or in the process of it currently.  State restrictions are lifting and some states have gotten rid of their mandatory quarantines if you cross state lines.  There is hope.

Personally, I have flirted with the idea of being my own boss for some time.  I always found reasons to stay in the service industry.  It's flexible.  I am exposed to amazing food frequently.  I meet interesting people. I have life long friendships from people I have waited on and worked with.  There are several positives to working in the industry in spite of the challenges of 2020.  The pandemic forced that industry to nonstop pivot, update and adapt.  Doing more with less seemed to be the theme of last year.  There is this energy that can be amazing and I have always enjoyed being part of it.  That was why leaving it became difficult for me.  

I could work thru the next holiday season and then be done.  Or, perhaps, I could wait an additional year before taking the leap of faith.  All the while, I realized that there would never be an ideal time.  I couldn't put an end date on it.  I would find reasons to work through my deadline as I had in the past.  

But how does that assist me in working for myself?  Financially, sure, it helps.  But wanting to work for myself seemed distant.  I always had one foot in the industry and the other wanting to depart.  Until now.  I am ready.  I feel that I have been waiting for this time for awhile.  Visualizing, reading, creating, exploring and now I am excited!  And a little scared.  I believe I will be fine.  Actually, I truly believe I will be fine and that I made the right choice for me.  But, i am a little scared.  I think it is natural.  You leave something comfortable and that you know for the absolute unknown.  But if not now, when?  

Tonight, a former colleague of mine reached out to me to see if I was still teaching yoga.  I responded thinking he knew someone that was interested in my services.  Instead, he inquired if I worked at a studio or knew someone that was hiring.  A reminder that it is all about connections.  Maybe not the connection I thought I would be encountering but a connection.  And life is all about connections.  I have been chilling at my house, listening to podcasts, reading and taking care of me.  It feels great now.  But, I am a social being. I will want to meet with friends and check out new spots.  I think I will incorporate that in to my situation.

It is all about pursuing passions, living and tasting life.  Cheers!

Finding a balance

 Spreading kindness and positivity.  I was positive about making changes during the shut down.  I cooked daily, walked City Park and taught yoga.  I listened to multiple podcasts and was living a pretty clean eating type of life.  Slowly, as things reopened, I reverted back to what was normal to me.  Dining out or ordering take out.  I stopped making kitchari (the most complete protein and vegetarian inspired dish with curry spice, coriander, ginger and turmeric.  super good for your digestive system).  I still walk but have to make an effort to do it.  There was much more ease during the shutdown in that regard.

I suppose I acknowledge that as much as I enjoyed the forced changes, pivots, adaptations, I still feel comfort in what I had been doing.  Do I love cooking at home?  Not really.  It can be challenging to prep and cook for one person.  Having to do it made sense and now I have options.  I need to find a balance and prioritize it.  There is a balance between ordering take out and cooking at home. And, I was enjoying being creative.  I made cold summer pasta salad and slow cooked lentils from recipes that a friend posted on social media.  I loved seeing what Rick would present next. I have made lentils and pinto beans multiple times this summer.  On Tuesday, had I had onions, carrot and celery (mirepoix), I would have made a pot of something. It was the perfect day for it.  The temperatures dropped in Denver and I found myself sporting a hoodie and jeans.  This is atypical of early September.  I would have loved to have made a pot of lentils or green chile.

Speaking of green chile...I met the Goddess for dinner the other night and she wants to finally visit Santa Fe.  We are heading down in early October to explore the City Different.  I am excited since I have not visited since early June.  We will have dinner with Melody and potentially try the margarita trail or go hiking.  I was shown a spot on my last visit that was pretty great!  Or we can check out yoga and/or the Himalayan salt caves.  I am uncertain if Ojo Caliente is open again after their fires.  Or if they are open to people that are not staying at their hotel.  There is so much unknown still.  I considered going to hot springs in Colorado on my last staycation but it seems difficult to pin down a time where I would not be standing in line.  I frequent a korean spa in Denver and am so thankful they are open.  They have limited the soaking to two hours and number of people within the facility.  I know they are struggling to stay open.  Yesterday, I had arranged a body scrub and there were women walking around without a mask in spite of the notices saying that masks are required in every area.  It's frustrating to see that since I want the facility to stay open.  I do not want them to have to shut down since a few people will not follow a simple rule.  Is wearing a mask while receiving the body scrub comfortable?  No, it isn't.  It gets wet.  Yet, I do it to ensure that I have the opportunity to receive this service.

I want to find a balance in my life.  And, I choose to spread kindness and positivity as opposed to buying into fear.   There is an ample amount of that currently.  I choose kindness.  I hope to reach out to friends and family via letter or phone today.  I got out of that habit in my return march to what is normal as well.  I loved that I wrote letters during the shut down.  And, my little sister and her friend, Melanie, and I have been sending each other books.  I support this habit as well.

Celebrate today and spread some positivity!