2021 Recap

More me time....finally. This was the year of stepping out and seeing what is possible.  Not relying on others to provide for me.  Self-indulgence, throwing things at a wall, trying to make it work. That was 2021 for me.

I left my job in March.  Actually, in a way, it was before that.  I had not been happy for awhile. I tried to make it work but struggled.  I knew that I wanted more for me.  However, working for others is always easier.  It was what I was taught at home, in school, even college.  Why break out on your hold when all you know is how to work for others?

I figured that I would figure it out.  In some ways, I did.  I could get clients and retain them. It was more of the administration that I did not enjoy.  Looking back, I should have had better systems in place.  I did not know it at the time.  I went with what I was familiar with.   As time went on, I realized that I wanted to become better.  I worked at a restaurant to supplement my income and meet new people. That is the beauty of the service industry.  It is interactive and there are ample ways to meet people, discuss goals and potentially, new clients.  

I continued to grow my business and think about how to become more permanent with it.  I realized that this year was more safe than I intended to be.  I pushed boundaries but within the comfort of what I know.  I wasn't risking.   I was complacent.

Now I am considering how to build better habits.  I think I have a decent base after the last month. I have been consistent in blogging.  My Monday Motivation posts were consistent, weekly.  In the last two weeks, I have been reading more.  I see how I can benefit from small steps.  

I keep seeing repeating numbers. I believe in my situation and the person I will end up with.  This break has given me insight to work on myself which is important.  I suppose I never thought about this in the past.  

I had intended to walk today. Instead, I cleaned my house and planned for my night.  Took a leisurely lunch and am currently, chilling.  I need it.  Tonight will be long.

I hope you celebrate the conclusion of 2021.  If nothing else, reflect on things that went well.  Maybe consider how to improve your 2022. I am saddened by the news of Betty White's passing.  Still, she had a wonderful, rich life.  She made choices, helped others and there was a ton of laughter in her life.  What a way to live!

Enjoy tonight and the promise of tomorrow. Cheers to 2022~

More to ponder

In addition to cooking more, I also want to learn a language.  I have ample time to add another activity to my life and I want to.  Instead of streaming a new series, I want to decrease my time watching anything.  I got rid of cable four months ago since I was tired of paying almost $200 a month for cable and internet.  I scaled back but still utilize hulu, amazon and netflix.  Too much.  It is too easy.  I like the noise while I am decompressing and it is convenient.  However, it is a time suck.  I could be reading, learning or writing.

My favorite success this year was the addition of group classes.  I never thought I would enjoy teaching a big class.  It was terrifying to me.  I wasn't afraid of the sequence factor.  More about making it approachable to different people. Yet, I found when I was forced to do it, I truly enjoyed it.  I loved adding music to the mix and watching the energy grow and spread.  

I can trace this desire to teach back to being in Phoenix in 2011.  I was attending classes, regularly, til it became stagnant.  Some of the teachers were recycling sequences and I was uninspired.  There were a handful of teachers that always kept it fresh.  I tried to frequent their classes whenever possible.  I considered a certification but didn't make it happen until I relocated to Santa Fe in 2014.  Each city has a different style of yoga.  In Santa Fe, it was more spiritual than Phoenix.  Fewer teachers were into sequencing and I was forced to do more chanting which also was terrifying.  (Ironically, now I enjoy chanting and even have a client where we do chant).  

I digress.  I found myself in a situation where I wanted to do more with my life.  I thought about where I had enjoyed yoga the most and that was in Phoenix. And the majority of teachers that I respected and followed all had been certified at the same school. I reached out to the owners to inquire about their program.  Their studio offered a quarterly immersion program to bulk up on hours and complete the certification within a year.  I completed my certification in 2015 before moving back to Denver.  

I still felt the pull to the service industry and put this dream on the back burner.  I started teaching friends.  Classes were small and it was now and again.  Then the pandemic hit where I couldn't work for two months.  Suddenly, that was the spark that pushed me into full time teaching.  

That evolved into wanting to do more and thinking of ways to do it.  At one point, Maghan and I were discussing how to open our own spot (pre-pandemic) and he knew how important yoga was to me.  He wanted to ensure that I would be able to teach in our space.  I think the happy hours became what they were because of our collective backgrounds in the service industry.  

2022 presents many new opportunities for growth, travel and pushing boundaries.  I will continue on this path that started in 2011. Actually, it started in 2005 when I began practicing regularly.  Yoga changed my life.  It provided a way to do my own thing which has been beautiful.

Some things to consider before heading into 2022

Recently, I found this amazing podcast.  I don't know how I have not stumbled upon it before. I am familiar with the gentleman who hosts it.  He always provides thoughtful relationship advice.  As I scrolled through available episodes, one stood out.  Questions to consider when heading into 2022.

The first question to consider was what made you feel the most happy in 2021.  He suggested using your photo app from the beginning of 2021 til the current day.  It was effective.  As I scrolled though my year, I was most happy when I was sharing things I love.  For example, there is a photo from a Detox to Retox session where I am standing next to Maghan and I look ecstatic. I can feel the happiness from the photo.  We both look happy and we make a good team.  He always inspired me to do more, aim higher and increase my effort.  It was our first happy hour and epic. Nine of my clients attended and I was thankful for their support.  I was proud of Maghan for designing a fantastic appetizer menu. We offered avocado deviled eggs, tuna poke, and a vegetable tray with hummos.  I think there was one more appetizer. I cannot remember. I just remember how blessed I felt that day.  He always provided levity to offset my chaotic energy.  (Yes, sometimes, I am a little unsettled and all over the place.  I truly want everything to be perfect.  I can be intense, lol).

There were other happy hours.  We offered new and different food and each session was a treat.  New people, different energy and opportunity to expand community.  I loved that!  The remainder of the question was how would you plan on doing more of this in 2022?  More happy hours.  New locations and expanding my client base.  I need to continue to water that aspect of my life.  Cultivate what is important to me and watch it grow.

The next question was--what took energy away from your happiness?  Hmmmm....overanalyzing.  Falling into doubt, fear, shame.  Thinking about if I was doing the right thing by venturing out on my own.  That all created a bad spot for me.  There were days when I would be in a funk.  I doubted my decision and thought about returning to the service industry since I felt more comfortable working for someone else. Ultimately, I knew that area of my life was done.  I could do it temporarily but I didn't want to work for anyone else again.   That is one of my why's.  I want to be my own boss.  It is not the easiest path and I struggle.  Yet, I am committed to staying on this path.  I think the doubts reinforce that I must focus and continue.

I learned a lesson of letting go this year.  Letting go of expectations. Making time for what is important to me.  It is okay to say no and set boundaries. It is more than okay to respect what feels right to yourself.  Not force things.  Not apologize just so someone else feels okay.  I think I recognized how much I could see both sides of situations.  Taking things personally.  Rarely does it even have to do with you.  People are consumed by their own reality and not really thinking about you or your feelings.  That was a big one.  We all address things from the scope of our own perspective.

Next year, I want to make more time to eat clean.  In the last month, I have been terrible. It is so much easier to order take out as opposed to cook at home.  I want to be more aware of what I am putting in my body.  January 2-23, I am participating in sober January.  I haven't done it in a few years but I am excited to be productive and see how my sleep improves.  I also intend to spend more time journaling and blogging. I have missed that aspect of my life.  Some of it was fear to put myself out there.  Yet, I need to be doing that to grow my business.  I was consistent with my Monday Motivations (thankfully).  I need to put myself out there a little bit more.  I think it will make a difference.

Long post.  Sorry.  There were other things to consider but I want to conclude this for now.   I can reflect on the rest later or tomorrow.  Happy Wednesday!

question for the day

I figured I should write another post since the last few days I have been absent.  Frantically shopping (unlikely).  More likely, trying to plan the solstice sessions and set goals for 2022.

I cannot believe that we are nearing the end of this year.  And, believe me, I am ready.  This year was challenging.  More so than 2020 from my perspective. I struggled with a funk and I suppose I needed to go through it.  I needed to lose some things in order to find myself.  I needed to figure out how to do things on my own.  

Ironically, the question I selected today--is how have I become me?  What am I like?

From necessity.  I have become more capable.  I spent the majority of my life doing what is right and working for other people.  I have benefitted from this arrangement.  The pandemic changed things for me.  No longer did I feel compelled to what I thought I was supposed to do.  Instead, I considered how I could improve my situation by working for myself.  How could I incorporate yoga into my daily life?  How could I offer it to others?

I am evolving.  Aren't we supposed to continue to grow in life?  Otherwise, you start to die or so they say.  Some days, I am productive, confident, networking and busy.  Other times, I rest, reflect, consider.  I try to remain on the productive side but sometimes, I want to rest.  I want to replenish and not get jammed up with overthinking.  Seriously, I tend to overanalyze everything.  Maybe I should meditate more.  It could help.

I try to focus on being the best version of me daily.  If I have "off" days, I can do better tomorrow.  I make it sound easier than it is.  There are days of pure struggle.  Months of feeling off.  All I can do is try.

I hope you have a wonderful holiday weekend.  The weather in Denver is unusual and not christmas like.  I am inspired to get outside and enjoy sunshine.  I love it but it is scary to think that if this continues what the summer will be like.  Summer could be awful!

Solstice

Tuesday was a big day!  Started out with 36 sun salutations with Jenipher at 7 am.  We had arranged a session to honor the solstice.  A little ambitious as she wanted to attempt 108 sun salutations.  Achieving thirty-six was fantastic especially for her.  When we were practicing together we focused mostly on breathwork and creating strength.  She has improved her practice and 36 was a huge feat.  We celebrated with a little Veuve.

Afterwards, I had set up a 5 pm session where we would do 108 salutations. I knew that this group would hold me to it.  There would be no way to avoid doing the flow.  Even if it took us all night. We would do one hundred and eight sun A's.  One hour and twenty minutes later, we did it!

All, in all, one hundred and forty-four salutations.  It was awesome! I felt honored to lead the sessions and participate.  I offered dragon fruit, pineapple and strawberries to cleanse the palette before sharing kitchari.  It worked well.  I figured that we would want to replenish and kitchari is the best way.  Incredibly good for the gut and healthy.  I learned how to make it while doing yoga with Paige in Santa Fe.  She wanted me to eat kitchari two to three times a week.  It has been a minute since I made it.  Thankfully, I have my pressure cooker and a better blender.

I slept so well the last few days.  Something about that repetitive movement and breathwork.  And, I treated myself to a body scrub yesterday.  My last one for awhile.  It seems like every time I enter the facility they have a new rules and regulations.  It is stressful.  Plus, I have my infrared sauna now that I am enjoying in the mornings.  I have managed to wake up, daily, grab a hot lemon water and meditate for 30 minutes.  My skin feels incredible and I am seeing benefits from this purchase.  I bought books to inspire more learning and a vision board to utilize for 2022.  Fully embracing the energy of the solstice.  I feel that the last few months, I have been planting seeds for growth and working on myself.  Things are now coming to fruition.

A little late...

 What does "being" mean to me?

All of these recent questions have a common thread. Seems like they are asking the same thing in five different ways, lol.  It seems like the universe really wants me to be clear with my intentions.  Pushing me further out of my comfort zone.

I had an appointment with my accountant this morning to discuss quarterly taxes and all of that fun administration. It motivated me to delete some emails.  I have so many junk emails that I receive on a daily basis.  I have been better about unsubscribing to some of the things I have bought once.  And, I a over receiving political asks for donations.  So, imagine my surprise when I find an email from October where a contact had offered to meet to discuss utilizing a building for yoga.  I met this man in August who remembered me from working at the Palm  We caught up and I mentioned that I was teaching yoga, full time and trying to build my business. He had a space that was not being utilized and offered to discuss options.  We corresponded a few times and I never heard anything back from him after my last email in September.  Or, so I thought.  He emailed me a month after and apologized for not following through with our conversation.  I feel like a jackass for being lazy.  How did I miss this?
Possibly since I have multiple email accounts.  It does not excuse my lack of correspondence.  

Getting clarity on my goals and how I want to start 2022.  Sober January or at least three weeks of it.  I agreed to support the Goddess in her quest to complete sober January.  Andrea told me today that she also intends to do sober January.  I think a few more people will be participating.  It feels like a shift is happening.  More transitions.  Speaking of...the winter solstice is Tuesday, December 21st.  I will be hosting two yoga sessions to commemorate the occasion.  I cannot wait!  I think it will help me embrace what I am wanting to do.  

Have a wonderful rest of your day!

some advice

What kind of advice on life would my old self give to my current self?

I think my old self would tell my current self to follow the rules.  I know that seems simplistic but I have always followed the rules.  This was ingrained in me at a very young. The difference between right and wrong.  Paying bills before they are due.  Following systems in play.  I remember, vividly, making a budget for Brian and expecting him to follow it.  Granted, I was older than him and felt I had a better approach to getting out of debt.  We were on the verge of making a lifelong commitment to each other and I didn't want to take on his debt.  I made him pay his credit card bill before it was due and two days later, he died.  Paying that bill made no difference.  It didn't bring him back.  

I think that was the first time I questioned how I operated under the guise of doing what is right.  Sometimes, you do what is best.  You create what you want.  You are above fear.  I forget this though and almost always default to doing what is right.  I am fantastic at being accountable for things I do.  Ironically, other people in my life are never held accountable. Mostly, work related.  And it isn't specific to one job.  It's been this way most of my life.

I don't even argue. I just agree and try to do better. Until recently that is. I don't think doing what is right is always correct. And it doesn't work if you are the only one playing by these arbitrary rules.  All I can do is do better, daily.  

I picked up an infrared sauna blanket. I am still on the fence if I like it or not.  I want to make sure that it will heat up and make me sweat.  I hope to pick up a vision board for 2022.  There are a few options with cork board which I like.  I could set monthly goals instead of an annual focus.  

I do believe in avoiding debt.  I am just not so concerned about making early payments anymore. I wait til the day they are due and make a payment.  It fits my mood.  

I guess I am growing up, lol.