Name associations and reflections

I have been thinking about this all week.  Ironically, I cannot even remember who said this to me.  

Let me back up.  Recently, I went into a situation where I had to introduce myself.  I said my name.  The person responded that it was quite the name to live up to....who says that?  I remember feeling uncertain with how to respond.  What response is acceptable in this case?  You are making me defend my name and I don't even know you.

When I was a kid, sure, I did not love my name.  I wanted a more normal name like some of my classmates.  Although, not Jaime, Jenny, or Amy. Those names were already saturated in my age group.  As I got older, though, I loved that my name was unique.  Actually, all of my sisters and I all had nontraditional names when we were named.  Now, Michaela and Jasmin are definitely more mainstream.  Perhaps, Jade is still atypical.  

And, I consider my partner's name, too, when thinking about names I want to be associated with.  I am that weird.  I reflect on that from watching something recently where the father asks his daughter the name of her date.  She tells him Chad.  The dad, is like--what kind of normal name is that?  I don't know.  I am overthinking.

From not drinking, I am productive.  Overanalyzing.  Reflecting.  Contemplating.  Reading a little more and listening to a slew of podcasts.  I am a fan of the wondery series but am finding that I have listened to a fair amount of their offerings.  I attempted one today that dealt with cancer and sex. I just couldn't get into it.  

Discouraged, I returned to my love of music.  Lately, I have been listening to Leon Bridges.  Soulful, sexy and easy to listen to.  Sara Jo introduced me to him when I was in Florida.  Sara Jo always has great music and book recommendations.  She confers with her brothers and I have benefitted greatly from their taste in both music and books.

I walked City Park this morning and had a little bit of time this afternoon to do another small loop. It was a gorgeous day in Denver and I wanted to absorb more vitamin D. I dropped off flyers for the upcoming Saturday morning sessions.  We will alternate between the bar and City Park.  It is all weather dependent.  And, timing wise, I know that my clients are wanting to start closer to 9 then 9:30.  A few times this has happened.  Damn, that Jordan!  I kid.  Jordan has been wonderful to me.  Faithfully, getting up early on Saturday mornings to open up and bar so that I can teach yoga.  He's a young man and has Friday nights off.  I know he has an active social life and yet, he still manages to show up and allow us to do yoga where he bartends.  

It has been fantastic.  I was able to transition from the outdoor space to a spot that was incredibly welcoming.  Meeting a few new people from my association with that bar.  All, in all, very positive.  So, maybe it is time to return to the park.  

I embrace my name and how I choose to live up to it.  Still, makes me laugh the assumption that I need to illustrate to someone that I do not know that I am worthy of my name.  

Day Six takeaways

So far, so good. I manage to get up, make celery juice, maybe have a smoothie and then lunch--soup (homemade mostly) and salad for dinner.  Last night, I made blackened salmon and it was successful.  I used my cast iron skillet that I never use.  It was Brian's and has moved with me from Denver to Phoenix to Santa Fe and back to Denver.  I have never used it.  Maghan would.  He made delicious steaks for us early on during the pandemic. I let him do the clean up, too. 

I suppose that has been my resistance to using it.  The clean up factor.  Last night, I overlooked my fears and made a delicious blackened salmon filet that I will have for dinner again tonight. I bring this up since I recognize how much I am enjoying cooking for myself. Whereas in the past, I would have relied on take out for that particular protein, last night, I decided to cook.  I hoped that I would not over cook it as I have done to halibut many, many times.  Nope, last night was perfection.

I feel better and have more clarity.  I see my path and want I what I would like to accomplish.  It is only a matter of deciding to do it.  Simple.

Create the life that you want.  Saturday, I was gifted the night off.  I hesitated to take it off. Yet, realistically, I want to watch the KU game.  Any time the games fall on a day I am working, I become frustrated since I cannot watch the game.  I can catch scores and glimpses of plays.  If they are losing, then I am further irritated.  It can be a vicious cycle.  

So, I took the night off with the promise of watching basketball.  My conflict now, is do I break my cleanse to enjoy a beverage with the game? With the celebration? I have been making steady progress and hope to continue.  I guess that is what will motivate me to refrain from imbibing.  The progress I have made.  Even when I do take a break from the cleanse, I plan on returning to cleaner eating to reign in how I am feeling currently.  I do not like feeling bloated or unhealthy.  The accountability--knowing a few of my other friends intend to detox, too--is helping.  Although, a few people have found ways to avoid starting.

Tomorrow, I will make plans to enjoy a healthy meal for dinner.  I may need to restock some items.  For the most part, the only item that I seem to purchase frequently is celery.  Otherwise, I have mainly fruits and vegetables in my house to sustain.  I should be journaling a little bit more.  I am more productive and have clarity with what I would like to achieve.  Again, simple.  Choose what you want and make it happen.  Create the life you want.

Maybe that should be my new mantra.  Create the life you want or that of which you desire.  Make it a great night.  Reflect on how you want to spend April.  This year is already a quarter of the way over.  Where did the time go?

Reset

Day number four of ten is complete.  It is easy to fall into a rhythm when you prepare for the cleanse and decide to do it.  I worked on Saturday night and while the others were enjoying a mini beverage, they made the comment--oh you are not drinking tonight, right?  I was not even remotely interested in joining.  I think making the decision to spend the next ten days--eating clean and no drinking--has been easier than I anticipated.  I'll be honest, I have put together cleanses in the past.  Varying from five to ten days. The first ones always went well. I was committed to the decision.  However, as I became more accustomed to these cleanses and not altering the cleanses, I was less motivated to stay true to it.  I would drink half and half until I found better plant based alternatives.  Drinking wine, well, that would happen at least one day out of the cleanse.  I was going through the motions but not committed to my decision.

This year, something feels different.  I want to form new habits.  Maybe that is it. If I say I am going to do something, I truly want to do it.  Not half-ass it.  But, really truly, try it out.  

I planned out some of my meals tomorrow.  Begin with celery juice and lemon water.  Then an almond strawberry smoothie.  Lunch will be roasted broccoli soup and dinner is a salad.  I have had the option of baking chicken or salmon for dinner.  Only, I have not felt like putting in that much effort.  A salad has been more than filling and delicious.  Overall, my energy is rising and I am more productive.  I taught at my apartment tonight which I believe, will become a thing on Monday nights.  We had been meeting in Green Valley Ranch.  My client rented out her place and has relocated to Littleton to be closer to her daughter's school.  It was fantastic to not deal with rush hour traffic and instead of driving to them, they drove to me.  I was able to read.  I waited on the front porch and enjoyed a little me time.  No music to distract me.

The only issue I think I will have is that I must keep my house clean.  Each week, I will have to be consistent.  Sweep and mop, clean the bathroom, have candles lit, my diffuser going and fresh flowers.  I cannot not take care of my living space when clients are over.

The ten day cleanse is a great reset.  And, I want more.  I want to slim down and be serious about my health journey.  When the pandemic first started, I was teaching multiple classes, daily, and doing all of the chatarangas.  Then, I started skipping some of the chatarangas to save my arms.  First non-negotiable.  Never again skipping that aspect of my day.

I stopped paying attention to what I was eating.  I leaned into what felt good.  I kept thinking, I can start again tomorrow.  Or next Monday.  Or a few days before I see my trainer.

While in Florida, Brianne and I spoke about our respective health and wellness journeys.  She brought up the juice detox cleanse and I glommed on.  I knew it would be my way to reset.  Til the reset, I kept on digging a deeper hole for myself.  Eating pizza, bread, late night food....all things I have managed to cut out in the last six years.

Looking back, I think I have been heading this direction for awhile.  First with purchasing the metal butterfly. Illustrating a transformation.  Figuring out how to make it my own.  I will expand on this later.  I must retire to bed.

Juice detox

Somehow, I managed to do a massive backslide into not taking care of myself.  It didn't just happen.  I kept pushing the boundary as to what I felt would be acceptable.  

I did feel pretty amazing when I was able to eat clean and maintain a certain weight. I think that I started fluctuating after a few years.  It just didn't seem as important to stick to the rules I had had in place.  I could go to lunch and order take out later.  I had cut dairy out.  Way easier than I thought it would be.  I stopped eating sandwiches, too.  I wanted to be able to drink wine and not feel guilty for the calories.

Yet, over time, making poor decisions happened.  Parmesan cheese on a caesar salad, some bread with the italian take-out. Instead of having spaghetti and meatballs, I like to order a side of meatballs, side of spinach and create a mini sandwich.  It started out slowly and turned into being normal.  Slowly, I noticed that my jeans did not fit as loosely as they once had. I told myself that I could manage it and kept it moving.  

I disregarded being accountable with my trainer.  I had excuses as to why I was steadily backsliding.  Stress.  Eating poorly.  Socializing.  I would eat clean anywhere from five to ten days which would clean up my act, temporarily.  That worked for about three months until I found reasons to not eat as clean on the cleanse.  

This cycle has continued.  Until now.  I want to feel better.

When I was in Florida on vacation, I leaned into the bad decisions.  Then, Brie and I spoke about the need for a detox.  She had a book and that would provide a road map for how to adequately tackle this  We met for coffee on Wednesday and I started my cleanse on Friday.  Wake up, enjoy a lemon water, fresh celery juice and then a shake composed of berries and a little avocado, chia seeds, pumpkin seeds and two walnuts.  There are a few other juice smoothies to choose from.  

For lunch, they have soup suggestions or salad.  Today, I altered the cauliflower soup.  I added a few additional spices and vegetables--made it more ayurvedic.  I think tomorrow it will be even better.  I feel better.  Less bloated.  More clarity and overall, productive.  Today, I meditated after my celery juice.  Read a little.  Listened to a podcast while walking the park.  Stopped by the store to pick up a few items.  Made soup.  Watched the KU game (RCJH!--sweet victory). Taught yoga, cleaned my apartment and then had an hour conversation with Sara Jo.  We are plotting a trip to Louisville in September. A few years back, we talked about checking out the bourbon trail.  I think we are actually going to do it this year.  I am currently researching things to do in Louisville.  Any suggestions are appreciated!  I am sure there will be an abundance of bourbon.

In the meantime, I will continue to participate in the juice cleanse and track how I am feeling.  I have been taking photos, daily; journaling, and observing how I feel.  I think tonight will be a fantastic night of sleep.

Clarity has led to more opportunities for growth and how to expand the business.  I love this aspect, too.  I wake up, energized and excited to conquer the day.  

Rejuvenating or feeling human again

Day off #3...well, not truly.  I have been teaching yoga and ultimately, pursuing that passion.  I mean, day off from the service industry. I feel like it took a few days to recover from service.  When, I was in my 20's, I was able to bounce back with little effort.  

I could even go out drinking and not feel that after-effect.  Now, if I don't take care of myself--hydrate, clean food, sleep--I feel it.  Maybe not immediately, but I see my energy dwindle as well as my immunity.  I see that I feel sickness coming on. 

Thankfully, recognizing that encourages me to stop whatever I have been doing.  No wine.  Eating cleaner and making sure I am hydrating.  That was my Sunday.  As much as I wanted a glass of wine that night there was no way that I would be able to sustain my immunity.  I could feel the sickness on the edge of my body.

Monday, I woke up and scheduled a thai massage.  I felt this would help me recover.  I drank an abundance of water and started my week in the best possible way.  The thai massage was spectacular.  Something that normally I wouldn't say.  I set up the appointment and realized that I would be seeing a therapist that was new to me.  Of course, I had reservations but I went ahead with it since I wanted to relax.  

I arrive and a woman greets me. She mentions that she had spoken to the owner and was aware of what I preferred.  I reiterated that I enjoyed reflexology.  She agrees that she will incorporate reflexology.  

We begin with her walking on my back.  Intuitively, I knew I was in good hands.  She would back off when I expressed discomfort.  Not all therapists do this. Some expect you to breathe through it and relax.  I wish I could do that but sometimes, it is too much.  

She worked her way down my shoulders, back, thighs.  Making her way to my toes, she added a tool to replace traditional reflexology.  It felt like a chop stick.  It was effective and not as intrusive as some reflexology.

I lost track of time.  I hoped my experience would extend but had no idea what was going on.  The reflexology, massage, etc. Eventually, she advised me to flip over and began working on my arms and legs.  At some point, she asked me to sit up.  She tied the sheet around my torso (new technique) and had me place my hands behind my head and look down.  At this point, I have no idea what she did, but she was able to pop my sternum and rib cage.  INCREDIBLE.  I have never experienced anything like this before.  

I felt so much ease.  A lightness.  

Blissful and able to rejuvenate.  I return to my current state of being.  Prepping for yoga, making plans and things happen.  No longer waiting for everything to be in place.  Knowing it is okay.  

Why wait for everything to be perfect?  This happens, what, once in ten attempts?  Live life fully and celebrate.   

House plant aka my current state of mind

Working.  We all do it.  

It's sort of required unless you are independently wealthy.  Or, came from money.  If neither of things are true--you work for yourself or someone else. For the majority of my life, I have worked for other people.  It has worked in my favor.  Flexibility, being nourished (fed, depending on the restaurant) and having access to cash daily.  (That changed in the last ten years.  Many restaurants have changed to a two week paycheck which always seems so odd considering the cash factor)

Still it has always been beneficial  Work equates to money.  

When I chose to work for myself, I still wanted supplemental income. Working in a restaurant is natural to me.  I thrive in this environment.  It's all food, wine, talking.  Sure, I can be salty.  And, as I age, that is part of my charm.  And, I always pour bottles of wine.  It is part of the service.  A few times, during the pandemic, I noticed that servers were no longer partaking in that service.  

I love opening bottles of wine.  It is something that I look forward to in all actuality. 

Last week was Restaurant Week.  In the last sixteen years, I have managed to avoid this particular week.  Typically, it falls at the end of February which is my holiday.  I won't work 2/28 ever again.  In all of my jobs, they have given me this date off. 

Then, the week is moved and I have no excuse not to work. Of course, I want to help them out. I do.  And it is hard work.  I took two days off and still managed to sleep the majority of my last two days off.  

I felt like a house plant.  I needed water, sunshine, nourishment.  I wanted energy and the ability to shine.  

Initially, I felt fine staying, indoors, all day.  I could rejuvenate on my couch and listen to a podcast or stream something.  

Then, I recognized that I wanted more pure energy.  Sunshine, nutrients, movement.  Maybe, massage.  Totally, a massage.  This chick popped my sternum.  Actually, it felt like she popped my entire rib cage.  It was incredible.  I had never experienced that before.

I recognize I need more grounding, time to rest, and saturate myself with goodness.  Totally like a houseplant.  Writing, too, provides nourishment and an outlet for me.  We all need outlets.

Enjoy your night.  Keep doing you!

Equinox and other thoughts

Create.  Visualize.  Make it happen.

The Spring Equinox happened yesterday morning. I looked at it as an opportunity for a few things. Introduce my clients to performing sun salutations in the purest sense of a moving meditation. And, potentially, attempting the 108 sequence myself for my own practice.

Saturday, I led five students in a mix of salutations.  We did twenty sun A's and then nine sun B's.  I varied the sun b's to keep it interesting.  Supersizing the sun salutations wore us all down. Still, I believe that everyone enjoyed this particular class. I had a new student which keeps me hopeful that I am on the right path.  As noted, sometimes, I struggle with this decision to embark on this entrepreneurial path.  It can be scary!

For my own practice, I wanted to challenge myself to the 108.  There is a studio that I join in zoom classes and benefit greatly.  They were offering an equinox sequence on Sunday morning. I signed up and when I received the confirmation, I saw that we would be finishing the 108 within an hour. I did not know how that would work out. Typically, I have done 108 short of one hour and fifteen minutes.  Holding down dog for three breaths before completing the sequence.  The instructor broke down the class for us.  We would do the salutations in blocks of thirty-six.  He said not to count. Instead we would have fifteen minutes to do the first 36. 

I wasn't prepared to count the salutations.  And, I was pretty exhausted from Restaurant Week.  The previous night wore me down.  I ended up eating pizza at 11 pm.  Long story but not exactly ideal.  Waking up, Sunday, I considered skipping the class.  I knew I would regret it and that my body truly needed it.  The initial block we were told to focus on celebration.  Many things to consider in my life.  It kept me centered as I attempted the first 36.  I made it to 28 before the time expired.  I was distracted by my choice of yoga pants. They were long pants instead of the capri yoga pants that I prefer.  In our first break, I changed my clothes instead of chilling in child's pose.

We started the next 36 but I had prepared. I grabbed nine pens to move to track my progress.  I couldn't help it. I had to know how many I was doing. Counting in my head eventually, I trip up and lose track.  We were instructed to focus on what we were hoping to manifest during this block.  I have meditating to this focal point the last few weeks.  It seemed fitting.

The last block, we were told to consider what we could let go of.  For me, it was almost immediate. I knew what I wanted to let go of.  There is this version of myself that no longer exists.  I wanted to let go of her and some of those relationships.  Tying into that, is releasing some of the emotions--hurt, fear, anger.  Letting go of the fear of this path.  

The instructor mentioned the last part would be the most difficult.  Working through the exhaustion and getting to the end.  For me, I think, I did the best in that phase. I had energy reserves and the determination to complete the task.  The letting go aspect resonated the most with me.  Fear, hurt, anger have all managed to keep me stagnant.  I am ready for a new chapter.  Maybe even a new story.

I hope you enjoy your Monday.  I had the most incredible Thai massage this morning.  The therapist popped my sternum somehow.  Amazing!  I felt that entire area pop/adjust/release.  I look forward to arranging more sessions with this studio.

The importance of refueling with good food

It's Restaurant Week.  Ten days to check out restaurants at a discounted price.  It started out as dinner for two costing $52.80.  Cute reflection of the mile high city.  And it worked.  Drawing people to experience high end restaurants at a fraction of the cost.  Originally, I believe it was three courses, too.

Due to evolving, eventually, it became a three tiered system. The pricing reflective of $25, $35 and $45. And there are ways to add on more to the price.  Wine pairings, discounted bottles of wine, etc. It still is challenging to dine without spending the minimum of a $100 for the experience.  I think that is a more honest reflection of what dining out is.  Sure, it would be fantastic to have a three course meal for $52.80--especially now.  However, you will not be able to achieve this anywhere unless you are frequenting fast food chains and not drinking.  Drinking alone maximizes the price.  

It was always at the end of February.  I could rely on missing the majority of it since that is the only day I recognize as a mandatory day off for me.  I never work February 28th.  I haven't in sixteen years and do not plan on changing it.

Then the pandemic happened.  I was in Barcelona and missed the majority of the promotion week.  2021 it shifted to April which was odd but manageable. This year, instead of returning to the original time frame it moved a few weeks.  Making me available to work.  

It is fast paced and you meet many new people.  If I were younger, I think I could recover easier.  I am struggling to get ample sleep and the refueling factor that is being offered is hurting me, too.  I acknowledge that everyone is tired and wanting to leave when the shift is over.  The kitchen does as much, if not more, of the work.  They prep for the shift, constantly are cleaning, than service begins and they are plating food, cleaning dishes, keeping things moving.  Three courses is demanding for them as well.  

After the shift, I am famished.  I wish they would make a salad, maybe grilled chicken.  Something that is fresh and healthy.  I understand their desire to put up what is fast.  One night we tried to order pizza but waited too long to make this happen. My co-worker was on hold for 6-8 minutes before they informed her that they would not honor our order.  

Discouraged but not defeated, another co-worker asked her husband to pick up pizza for us on Tuesday night.  It tastes great to have something hearty. But, I do not eat pizza anymore.  Very infrequent desire.  So, I eat that, and it tastes phenomenal since I am starving and then the next day, my stomach is upset and I feel like I have a food coma.  Not a hangover, a food coma.  I felt sluggish and lacked energy.  Instead of leaning into that, I met Roxanne for lunch.  We ordered ramen and the soup was delicious.  It reinvigorated me.

In addition, I have been juicing which is helping me recover.  I recognize from past experience if I sleep poorly and refuel with food that I typically do not eat, that I break down my immune system and either get sick or experience laryngitis. Not a fan of that. Especially the laryngitis.

I'll quit being a baby.  Truly, I am thankful for the work and opportunity to supplement my income.  I want to do more pop ups and this definitely helps me accomplish this.  I will do better at ensuring that I am properly refueling.  I must drink a few bottles of water during the shift. I know that that would improve my sleep and bounce back factor.

They do their best with what they have.  And, I am atypical.  I know what my body needs to recover.  When asked what foods I would like to see being made and answered honestly--fruits and vegetables.  Something that is fresh, one of the kitchen guys laughed at me.  I know that I would need to eat many vegetables to fill full but I was being honest.  Having something fresh sounds way better than eating pizza at 10:30 pm.

It is sustainable and an affirmation that I am getting better at knowing what tastes good and is fuel for the body.  I see a juice detox in my future!

stagnation and moving forward

I realized that I have been a little restless lately.  Indecisive about pursuing goals and remaining still.  Remaining stagnant with the status quo.  Until I was woken up at 6:30 a.m. with my landlord entering my apartment.  Abruptly woken up, disheveled and trying to figure out what was going on. She seemed intent on checking my toilet. After assessing the situation she determined that it was okay.  I was still grasping the reality of what was going on.

I called her around 9:30 to follow up and see when the plumber would be arriving.  I cleaned out my bathroom so he would have easy access to the toilet.  Then, I had to leave my apartment since I had appointments already arranged.  I tried to not obsess over what this could mean.  When I first moved into this apartment almost five years ago, I had a memorable plumbing situation.  I want to avoid having a repeat of that situation at all costs.  Basically, I had to move in with Sara for a week while they fixed the toilet.  At one point, I was offered a camping porta potty as a possible solution.  It was insanity!  There is more to that story but I will spare you.  

I met Brie for lunch and when I returned home, I knew that the plumber had not been to my apartment. I call my landlord again to see what was happening. At this point, she said she had not called the plumber since everything seemed fine.  Yet, at 6:30 a.m. it was an emergency and she entered my apartment without my consent.  

There seems to be a disconnect in her reasoning.  

The on premise handyman entered my apartment to assess the situation.  I expressed to him my unease with my landlord entering my apartment and that I believe the plumber should be called. There is some sort of issue.  My toilet is constantly running. And, on Sunday, I woke up to a plethora of water from the toilet overflowing.  There was no indication that I would wake up to this when I went to bed on Saturday.  So as much as my landlord wants to avoid calling the plumber, there is a need.  And, I believe that since she entered my apartment causing me a ton of distress and lack of trust, she should find out what is going on. 

This leads me back to this feeling of stagnation. I pondered what options I had.  Could I buy my own place?  Am I ready to do this?  Should I stay where I am and endure more situations that are out of my control?  Could I use Brie as my realtor when I am ready?  What else should I be considering? Relocating?  And, if so, where would I go?  Could I go abroad?

I can teach remotely. I could be teaching in exotic places.  I could be living fully every day.  So as much as I was irritated with the situation of my landlord, maybe it is time to make a change.  

I have been happy in this home.  I love the bay windows, hardwood floors and location.  There are many positives in my living situation.  I live within walking distance to multiple grocery stores, liquor, stores and restaurants. I am within three blocks of a beautiful park where I spend the majority of my time listening to podcasts, absorbing sunshine and getting movement.  

Then, something like this happens to remind me that I could be in a better situation.  I have been fine renting all of these years.  Is it time for me to invest in real estate?  Can I make it happen somewhere in Denver? Do I want this to be my permanent home? What are my limiting beliefs that are keeping me in this situation?

I am about to get outside. I have been waiting for the plumber for almost 40 minutes. I need to get some sort of activity before going into work.  I need movement, alignment and time to ponder. I feel this pull to make a change.  Maybe not within the next few months, but soon. It is time.

Mexican food and lack of souvenirs....

A week ago, I was driving from Pensacola to Dallas.  Attempting to stay in bed, I hit my snooze button a few additional times which proved to be a mistake in the long run.  That drive was pretty insurmountable. I kept looking at how much longer it would take for me to arrive.  Essentially it was eleven plus hours.  I left at 4:45 ish and arrived around 4 pm in Dallas.  I knew that Melanie had to pick up her son from school and so I lingered making my way into the city. I cannot remember which podcast I was listening to, but I was wanting to conclude the episode.

I found a market to peruse.  I did not want to show up empty handed.  Uncertain about stocking up on wine or food, I picked up some flowers. I think flowers are always a safe bet to express gratitude. They are beautiful and brighten people's days.

Moreover, I did not know if we were making dinner at her home or going out to dinner.  All I knew was that I was exhausted and ready to settle in for the night.  She suggested a nearby mexican restaurant which if you know me is definitely in my wheel house.  Mexican food is one thing that is almost nonexistent in Florida.  Sure, they say they have mexican restaurants but they are lackluster.  I prefer a more robust salsa and diverse flavors.  I am very grateful for what I am exposed to in Denver and the southwest.

We did try one spot in St. Petersburg due to being hungover.  Chips and salsa are always a fantastic way to refuel.  The decor was lovely and lively.  Our server overshared his lifestyle which was surprising.  He actually told us how much money he made the day before which seemed odd since we had not even ordered our beverages.  He was an entertaining guy.  Seemed at ease with all of his tables which was refreshing.  The chips and salsa were fine. The guacamole came out of a bag (this is not a great representation of what guacamole can be).  I wanted soup which they did not offer to reserve space for brunch items and I was not hungry enough to commit to a taco plate.  Instead, I decided to try the avocado toast with over easy eggs. I visualized beautiful avocado slices, perfectly cooked over easy eggs and pico de gallo.

What I received--the bagged guacamole smeared on cuban toast with overcooked eggs and some pico de gallo. Visually unattractive.  All of my friends commented on it, lol  The best part was receiving the bill and realizing that the mimosa with grapefruit juice became a glass of grapefruit juice.  No bubbles.  Looking back, it was odd to receive a pint glass filled with ice and mimosa. In my defense,  I have been places where this is how they serve brunch mimosas.  Oh well, it was a fun time.

I eat a lot of mexican food in my diet.  I love the availability of it in Denver and truly enjoy it.  So, trying out a spot in Dallas seemed like a fantastic idea to me.  They offered a trio of mini frozen margaritas which Melanie enjoyed.  I thought I would be overloaded on the mix.  I chose a chambord margarita and eventually a glass of wine. The tableside guacamole was  lovely.  

I regret not picking up souvenirs from my road trip.  Every time I thought about it, the gas station did not offer them.  Finally, I picked up postcards from Colorado to send to my friends that joined me on the trip.  Ironic to send it from my home state. I wanted to do something to commemorate the adventure.  Next time, I will do better.  

I could have picked up souvenirs in Tarpon Springs, Florida.  It was a heavily trafficked tourist area and I was itching to get back on the road.  Plus, the thought of forcing my friends to walk through the souvenir shop also stopped that desire.  I was ready to get on the road.  In hindsight, I should have made it happen.

There are so many experiences and memories that I hope to reflect on.  It helps me with focus, clarity and creating content. I have been meditating, reading and transitioning my focus. Reflecting on my life is a huge part of the process.  Maybe you are entertained?  Maybe not?  At any rate, I need to make this a habit and continue on my path.

Enjoy your Friday.  I am off to teach and then work at the restaurant.  Life is grand!

Moving forward

Another day of reflection.  I feel bad that I did not suss through my thoughts while traveling or spend more time on the beach.  I am envious of Shari for taking ten additional days to check out the country.  I was in a rush to arrive in Florida and a mad dash to return.  Perhaps, I should have factored in a few more days exploring the south. I do not know the next time I will have that opportunity.

Next month, I am hoping to arrange a pop up in Santa Fe.  Yoga, maybe a soak day and time at Ojo Caliente. And, La Choza. Multiple stops at that restaurant.  I need to restock my green chile and overindulge on the posole.  Last year, I did not travel much. When I did, it was all trips to Santa Fe!  Always an opportunity for me to reset/rejuvenate.  I think I need it and it enables me to consider goals and habits.  Although, from reading Atomic Habits, I think I prefer habits over setting goals.  I was doing great at the beginning of year.  Every day, I would wake up, perform sun salutations (even increasing them by five each week), meditating, and using my infrared dry sauna. I was committed to this goal/habit.

Then, I started my road trip. I chose to leave the dry sauna at home to make space in my car for other essential items.  I brought my lap top, ledger, yoga planner, day planner, journal, juicer for breakfast, coffee hack with coffee, clothes, four yoga mats and blocks.  I was already overloaded with things in the car.  Not to mention a few coats, a bag for swimming/robe and other items.  My car looked like I was on the verge of living in it.  The dry sauna would have been too much. 

I left the dry sauna at home and released that habit.  It was easy.  Staying in a room with someone else also limits opportunities.  I didn't want to wake Shari up to do sun salutations or so I told myself.

I returned to Denver with the knowledge that I needed to detox and increase the juice in my life. I had been decadent.  Leaning into making poor choices. Not caring if I ate too much or what I was putting in my body.  Normally, it's not that I am restrictive, per se, but aware of how the food affects my body.  I have minimized the dairy and so it was stressful.  I may or may not have been on the verge of hives due to excess.  

I feel better with the decisions I have made since I returned. More juicing, some smoothies and stirfry for lunch yesterday.  I meal prepped which is new to me and have a plan on how to take care of myself through the weekend.  I think I have been too reliant on restaurants and take out through my life.  It's too convenient especially after working in a restaurant. Food is always available for purchase and it's preferable to going home to cook for yourself. 

I realize how food is affecting me. I choose to make better decisions for my health.  That being said, I see sushi in my future today. My friend, Roxanne, mentioned it the other day and I have been thinking about it ever since.  Doesn't sushi sound amazing on a cold day?  Miso or spicy edamame to warm up.  I hope to watch the Jayhawks after my acupuncture appointment. A friend from high school recently visited Lawrence to see her daughter.  She remarked on how great of a town, campus, KU is....I was tempted to say--it is the BEST! I refrained since I haven't spoken to this classmate since she graduated a few years before me.  Still, I am a proud alum of KU. It is a beautiful campus and fantastic school.  Plus, I love this time of year. Surrounded by basketball and amazing energy!

Enjoy your day.  I might reflect later on my trip. I barely spoke of NOLA or my drive across the states. It was interesting.

Road trip 2022

I returned from Florida on Monday.  Took me about three days to make my way back west to Colorado. One night in Pensacola, one night in Dallas and two nights in Kansas.  Originally, one day in Kansas was sufficient.  The weather had a different idea.  

Plus, the opportunity to spend time with niece and nephew was too much to pass up.  They are nearby but that drive is pretty awful.  I manage to make it there with little resistance but the return to Denver always frustrates me.  

Sunday, I woke up with the intention of enjoying breakfast before heading home.  I decided to look at the weather report which is rare for me.  The potential for rain was listed in Kansas and snow in eastern Colorado. I figured I could handle rain but didn't want to deal with the snow.  I asked Jasmin if it would be okay to stay an additional day.  I called my mom to see if she would be able to spend time with us. She agreed to drive into Manhattan, have lunch, and then we would accompany the kids to a bounce house party.  The event center was huge and loud.  There was a large trampoline and an area to jump into foam balls.  Of course, we wanted to watch the kids and ensure that they were safe and not getting hurt.  There was an overhead ladder and additional swings.  The swings had this terrible sound as kids swung on them. Think hamster wheel that needs some oil.  I was sort of going crazy due to that. I think I may have been the only person affected by it.  Perhaps it was white noise for everyone else.

As we sat there, it started to snow.  Of course, it did! Definitely solidifying my decision to stay and cutting my mom's visit short.  Hurriedly, she left but I knew she would be fine.  My mom always drove in Iowa in rain and snowstorms.  I knew it would be like muscle memory for her.  No issue.  While, on the other hand, I had anxiety just thinking about it. I was thankful to have opted to stay in Kansas instead of getting stuck somewhere along 1-70.   

That night, we made guacamole and watched a hideous show on Netflix. Hideous due to content but addictive.  Highly addictive as I put it on last night as I sorted through mail.  It is awful!

While driving across country, I listened to oodles of podcasts. Talk about addictive.  That was my first time traveling that way.  Normally, I listen to music, sing along, and then find myself fighting sleep. The podcast is a fantastic way to drive and stay alert.  I listened to a few about cat fishing. con artists, and true crime.  I found myself listening to these while driving between cities. The travel time between Pensacola and Dallas seemed easy minus the hip pain.  

If you want a compelling podcast, check out Sweet Bobby. Talk about crazy catfishing and I am still curious to the why this person chose to do this to another person.  I could not stop listening.  I enjoyed the narrator's description of the events that unfolded.  

Or there was another one--Do you know Mordecai?  This man has duped many women into dating him. Never asking for money but convincing them to give him a second chance when he would disappear to pursue another woman.  There would be cancer, his dead wife or a slew of other excuses that kept women letting him back in.  

I listened to a podcast about election fraud (no, not the 2020 election just to be clear.  It was a local election), education, and a man who was accused of murder.  That one stayed with me, too.  He was in jail for ten years before his case was initially a mistrial and then acquitted.  He cannot get that time back and in order for the case to be reopened, they would have to pursue the other strains of DNA found on the victim.  

Insanity.  

The trip was awesome.  Soulful, reflective and community building. I neglected my blogging, journaling and updating my ledger.  Instead, I was present with my friends as much as I could be. I could have taken time to write while in NOLA or the night in Pensacola.  Yet, I didn't feel up to the task.  Especially, in Pensacola. My motel was seedy. As I delved into the negative aspects of traveling solo, I had to remind myself that I was okay.  That I would be okay and not to create an unnecessary situation.  I arrived, asked the clerk where I could eat nearby and he mentioned waffle house.  I knew that I would not be able to do that.  So, I googled local restaurants and found a sweet local spot. Immediately, I felt better and back in control.

I will update more later.  I have other tasks to attend to.