some advice

What kind of advice on life would my old self give to my current self?

I think my old self would tell my current self to follow the rules.  I know that seems simplistic but I have always followed the rules.  This was ingrained in me at a very young. The difference between right and wrong.  Paying bills before they are due.  Following systems in play.  I remember, vividly, making a budget for Brian and expecting him to follow it.  Granted, I was older than him and felt I had a better approach to getting out of debt.  We were on the verge of making a lifelong commitment to each other and I didn't want to take on his debt.  I made him pay his credit card bill before it was due and two days later, he died.  Paying that bill made no difference.  It didn't bring him back.  

I think that was the first time I questioned how I operated under the guise of doing what is right.  Sometimes, you do what is best.  You create what you want.  You are above fear.  I forget this though and almost always default to doing what is right.  I am fantastic at being accountable for things I do.  Ironically, other people in my life are never held accountable. Mostly, work related.  And it isn't specific to one job.  It's been this way most of my life.

I don't even argue. I just agree and try to do better. Until recently that is. I don't think doing what is right is always correct. And it doesn't work if you are the only one playing by these arbitrary rules.  All I can do is do better, daily.  

I picked up an infrared sauna blanket. I am still on the fence if I like it or not.  I want to make sure that it will heat up and make me sweat.  I hope to pick up a vision board for 2022.  There are a few options with cork board which I like.  I could set monthly goals instead of an annual focus.  

I do believe in avoiding debt.  I am just not so concerned about making early payments anymore. I wait til the day they are due and make a payment.  It fits my mood.  

I guess I am growing up, lol.

Hump Day

Happy Humpday!  Midweek check in.  Always a time to reflect and consider how you want to finish your week.  

I thought I would be preparing food at home this week.  Instead, I have been fairly social.  Take out on Monday from a greek restaurant after my in person session that night.  Yesterday, I met Brie for a walk around City Park.  Spontaneously, we went to lunch afterwards.  Impromptu sushi meet up.  I finally attempted to get my admin caught up and found myself distracted.  Uninspired to try to make dinner.  

Today, I was supposed to teach an in person session and then go to lunch.  The weather is not cooperating and so my client had to reschedule.  Again, I am uninspired to cook at home.  Is that terrible?

I find myself listening to a podcast while attempting to be consistent with blogging.  It has been consistent.  I don't know that the content is fantastic.  Still I want to continue on this path.  I want to pursue enlightenment and making changes in my life.

That being said, here is the question of the day--are there things I should let go of in order to move forward?  

Possibly. In terms of relationships/friendships, I know that I must forgive myself and move forward.  I cannot wait for a conversation or closure with some people.  Sometimes, energetically, you no longer align and that is okay.  What do they say--reason, season or lifetime?  

I have a few lifetime friends that I am incredibly thankful for.  But in order to achieve this, there has to be two people committed to cultivating the relationship.  Both have to agree to have the hard conversations.  There is so much forgiveness involved, too. If the expectation is that you are owed an apology without identifying your participation in it, you probably are falling out of alignment.

I have other friendships where I know I will talk to the person again.  I am confident that we will come to terms with the hurt and move forward.  Sometimes, I waiver due to impatience.  But, ultimately, when I look inside, I know that we will talk.  I believe it.

I need to let go of the judgment, fear, doubt that I have placed on myself.  I think I am supported by many friends and family.  And, perhaps, they think I am foolish but rarely, do they let on.  I place these limiting thoughts on myself.  I struggle, sometimes, to maneuver through them but I have to. Otherwise, I will be stagnant.

I truly believe I will be driving to Florida in February.  I need to figure out the timeline.  I could do it in three days but it would be painful. Instead, I would like to stop in Dallas for two days.  Drive to NOLA and spend two days and then head to St. Petersburg to spend five to six days.  Return to Denver a little quicker but essentially the same route.  Maybe stop in Santa Fe and soak at Ojo Caliente on my way back.  

I bring up the road trip because I want to do it but am afraid of requesting the time off.  However, I know that I need to let this go. This fear, doubt, uncertainty to keep moving forward.  I want to travel, experience life and continue to grow.

The pandemic helped me create a new life.  It also limited me in many ways. I have not traveled.  I have been to Santa Fe four times this year.  Last year, I went to Barcelona (thankfully) and a few times to Santa Fe.  Typically, I travel 12-14 times a year.  I miss it.  I am making a change for 2022.

Lengthy response today.  I think listening to the podcast while blogging inspired this.

Tuesday question

What does happiness mean to me?

Interesting question.  Sometimes it seems kismet how these questions occur.  I shuffle the deck a few times and then cut the cards in half.  Randomness at its best.  I have been watching Succession and was on the episode where they contemplate happiness.  When I chose this today, I felt it was appropriate.  Seemed serendipitous.

Happiness is being able to wake up and decide how I want to spend the day.  Meet a friend for a walk, do administration work, drink wine at lunch, plan a trip.  Do yoga. Bask in the sunshine.  Bond with nature.  Read a book.  Communicate with friends--old and new.  Eat carrot cake.  Or peanut butter cookies.  I managed to snag a few cookies for a friendsgiving last month.  I think my friends were surprised at how delicious the cookies were from the coffee shop I frequent.

Next week, for the winter solstice I have an early morning session to honor the day and a happy hour session.  It will be a day centered on meditation and movement.  Lots of movement. I am excited to see how I feel after completing sun salutations.  I think it will range from 108-150.  I offered to teach complete sessions--108 each time.  I don't know if we will fulfill it.

Happiness is even working at times.  It is social, interactive and exposing me to new foods.  Sometimes, it isn't fantastic. The food factor.  But, being fed is wonderful and for the most part, the current place I am working, provides great food.  They haven't declined to providing hot dogs on a weekly basis (not mentioning where that occurred) or punishing you for eating bread during service (not mentioning this place either).  

I created a new smoothie combination this morning. I woke up with the knowledge that I wanted to incorporate beets and spinach to whatever I threw together.  I needed to increase my iron this week.  I added avocado, banana, blueberry, ginger, basil and bell pepper.  It was delicious.  I have not had an avocado in my smoothie for the last month.  I have missed it.  It adds a lovely texture to the mix.  

Choosing happiness is happiness.  November was a difficult month for me.  I struggled to stay the course I set on earlier this year.  Then I tried to self-destruct with negative thinking and drinking wine.  I suppose I am growing since I am able to recognize my tendencies and ability to return to comfort.  

It is a beautiful day in Denver.  I am about to leave for a meet up/walkabout.  I have a yoga class later and perhaps some wine in the future.  Life is grand!

Comedy of errors

Yesterday was all about adaptation and going with the flow. I woke up, early, and prepped for my yoga at the St. Paul.  I checked the weather.  It was sunny but 22 degrees outside.  Thankfully, I grabbed more than my hoodie since when I arrived at the bar, it wasn't open.  I called Jordan but he did not answer.  I tried texting as three people arrived.  I started to freak out a little bit.  

I offered to have my clients come to my house to do yoga.  They agreed.  I worried that my apartment was not clean.  We started later than expected.  My spotify wouldn't work.  It seemed like everything that could go wrong was going to.  It was a comedy of errors.  Midway through the class, I opened some cava to provide some levity to the situation.  I think I was creating this story in my head about how awful it was.  I kept looking around my apartment.  It's spartan.  I have a tv that is decorative.  I have a few pieces of artwork in my living room that I love but that is eclectic.  My Frieda Kahlo might seem a little odd.  My mind was in overdrive as I attempted to teach the class.

Ironically, I think I was making it more of an issue. I don't think it bothered anyone else.  They were there to do yoga.  Overall, it went well.  My space can hold maybe five people if I make a few adjustments.  I explored the option of moving my tv to my room.  Yet, the cable jack is located in the living room.  I might shift my couch around to make more space.  

I told my clients that we would return to the tavern with my apartment being a plan B.  I am thankful for the flexibility of my clients.  It could have went sideways or been canceled for all I know.  Randomly, my spotify is still messed up.  I tried to use the platform this morning and it played three songs and then crapped out.  It shows a message about returning to music after these messages....hmmm....irritating!

2022, I think, will be more adapting, evolving and expanding.  I have learned, a lot, this year and it will continue. More marketing, admin and clientele.  It has been wonderful to roll with whatever happens.  Not be so stuck in what I think I should be doing.  

Friday's question

This might be a little tmi....the question today is how do I show love to myself? To others?

I think I should love to myself by self-care.  I try to get a body scrub, monthly.  Sometimes a pedicure, facial or massage, too.  I think that is one way that I try to show love to myself.  But in the last week of reflection, I realize that I could do a better job of loving myself.  I think I have isolated myself from others and family from past experiences.  It is self-protection.  Harder to be hurt if you don't allow others the opportunity to hurt you.  I think of my relationship with my parents.  Tenuous, at best.  

I know that they love me and I love them. However, I don't have the closest relationship with either of them.  I rely more on my friends for emotional support.  I think it has always been since way, too.  I wasn't the oldest, I wasn't the youngest and I didn't have health concerns. I was just there.  I think I have blamed some of my emotional hesitancies on my mom.  Many of them, actually,  Yet, recently, I realized that my dad is equally at fault.  Rare to recognize that and still processing what to do with the information.

I show love to others by feeding them, for one.  Spending time and listening to their concerns.  Sharing my love of yoga is another way I share love.  I believe we should all focus on nourishing our bodies.  We are inundated with information--good and bad, daily.  Overwhelmed, in fact, at times. It is easy to let our minds wander and distract ourselves from what is true for each of us.  Nourishment and healing are essential to our daily lives.  We need to replenish and stop giving so much of ourselves that lead to depletion.

How can you rejuvenate?  I hope to schedule a body scrub in the next few weeks. The Goddess mentioned meeting so I can pick up my vitamins and getting a pedicure together. I am all for those meetups!  

Today I woke up to snow.  The sun in shining brightly and it is beautiful today.  I am listening to a podcast about finance.  I am inspired to make some changes.  And I am considering a sober January or at least a good chunk of it.  I think it will allow me to clarify my goals and look inside.  We shall see.

I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day.

Thursday's question

What are those things that make me feel good while I'm doing them?

Question for today. I don't know how I feel about it. I talk about how much I enjoy traveling (almost daily) and so this sort of feels redundant.  Ironically, I posted on IG a photo of me siting in Lafitte's Blacksmith Shop in NOLA for my throwback post today.  I have been thinking about a road trip since my last conversation with Shari.  We are meeting in Florida for the annual celebration of Brian's life in 2022. It will be wonderful to celebrate there and with Sara Jo.  

The celebrations and travel started out as Shari and I, only.  Over time they have expanded to include friends, strangers and new accomplices. I think of the trip to Belize and how that created a new tangent of people and experiences. Connections that led to further friendships in Vietnam.

After talking with Shari, I felt I should consider a road trip.  I am hesitant to fly. I haven't flown since our trip to Barcelona in 2020.  For whatever reason, the opportunity to drive sounds more appealing. Maybe due to the fact that I know I could stop in a few spots to see friends and family.  I could explore regions that I typically avoid.  Namely, the South.  I could teach remotely and maybe discover more ways to improve my business.  I have found myself in a rut.  It's way too easy to return to what you know.  I enjoy the service industry but need to focus on what I am trying to achieve. Maybe a break would help me?

Teaching makes me feel great while doing it.  Seeing friends take to yoga and improve their practice.  I have become more mindful in my approach. People have different needs and wants.  In my practice, I want you to break my mind.  Over sequence and take me out of my zone. I have not found many people with that same desire.  I have learned more pre-natal, injury, breathwork and chanting. I love being exposed to all of these different approaches.

Eating food with others makes me happy.  Especially if wine is involved and we are able to enjoy the experience.  Food unites us all.  I love taking time to enjoy a meal with people in my life.  Specifically, those who make food with love. 

I could probably go on and on.  I feel very thankful today for my life.  I am about to teach an in person session followed by a lunch date.  Should be a lovely way to spend Thursday!!!

Make it great!

Hump Day

Happy Wednesday!  Mid-week assessment.  How are you doing with your goals this week?  Sailing along or finding hiccups?

I decided that I wanted to take a few days off from being social.  Translation--no wine.  Monday was easy.  I felt that I wanted to enjoy a night of pure sleep.  Typically, not drinking wine or any alcohol aids in this process.  I ordered take out (which was lazy/convenient).  I considered driving to a greek spot but the weather inspired me to stay home, order take out and pay ridiculous fees for convenience.  Basically, I spent $30 on a gyros platter.  

Not the best investment but I didn't feel like changing my clothes to go out into the world.  Yesterday, I made dinner and considered drinking wine.  I had opened a bottle on Sunday night and didn't want to waste it.  However, I kept thinking about how wonderful my sleep was on Monday night. I couldn't not recreate that experience.  

I focused on doing some business things that I had postponed.  I write a newsletter, monthly, with the intention of sending it out at the beginning of the month.  Some months I am on top of that task.  Other months, like this one, I manage to get it out a week late.  I start to compose it, walk away from it and then attempt to read through it a day later.  I need to take a break from my thoughts.  If I rush the process, I find I am not happy with the end result.

And there was a lot to cover.  Upcoming yoga happy hours, winter solstice, yoga on Saturday mornings at the St. Paul and a few other random suggestions.  I use graphics to compose the newsletter and then attach it to an email.  Eventually, I will figure out how to send out the newsletter directly.  

I am on the fence with whether or not I want to send out christmas cards.  I have in the past and I love receiving them.  I feel that I have veered from this habit since I send out cards throughout the year.  I don't like being told what to do.  I am just being difficult.  Of course, I love sending christmas cards!

What does your day look like for you?  I have more yoga to teach and then a facial.  I am still trying to take care of myself in the best way that I know how.  I listened to a podcast yesterday where the guest was discussing food and health hacks.  How the body can heal itself.  They had a bunch of good suggestions and then mentioned an infrared sauna.  Intriguing.  I looked into purchasing one and there are a plethora of options.  I am leaning towards the sleeping bag options. They are inexpensive and take up less space.  

I am still looking for a book to read.  Any suggestions are appreciated.  

Enjoy your Wednesday.  Think about how you can make it great!  Cheers~