2021 Recap

More me time....finally. This was the year of stepping out and seeing what is possible.  Not relying on others to provide for me.  Self-indulgence, throwing things at a wall, trying to make it work. That was 2021 for me.

I left my job in March.  Actually, in a way, it was before that.  I had not been happy for awhile. I tried to make it work but struggled.  I knew that I wanted more for me.  However, working for others is always easier.  It was what I was taught at home, in school, even college.  Why break out on your hold when all you know is how to work for others?

I figured that I would figure it out.  In some ways, I did.  I could get clients and retain them. It was more of the administration that I did not enjoy.  Looking back, I should have had better systems in place.  I did not know it at the time.  I went with what I was familiar with.   As time went on, I realized that I wanted to become better.  I worked at a restaurant to supplement my income and meet new people. That is the beauty of the service industry.  It is interactive and there are ample ways to meet people, discuss goals and potentially, new clients.  

I continued to grow my business and think about how to become more permanent with it.  I realized that this year was more safe than I intended to be.  I pushed boundaries but within the comfort of what I know.  I wasn't risking.   I was complacent.

Now I am considering how to build better habits.  I think I have a decent base after the last month. I have been consistent in blogging.  My Monday Motivation posts were consistent, weekly.  In the last two weeks, I have been reading more.  I see how I can benefit from small steps.  

I keep seeing repeating numbers. I believe in my situation and the person I will end up with.  This break has given me insight to work on myself which is important.  I suppose I never thought about this in the past.  

I had intended to walk today. Instead, I cleaned my house and planned for my night.  Took a leisurely lunch and am currently, chilling.  I need it.  Tonight will be long.

I hope you celebrate the conclusion of 2021.  If nothing else, reflect on things that went well.  Maybe consider how to improve your 2022. I am saddened by the news of Betty White's passing.  Still, she had a wonderful, rich life.  She made choices, helped others and there was a ton of laughter in her life.  What a way to live!

Enjoy tonight and the promise of tomorrow. Cheers to 2022~

More to ponder

In addition to cooking more, I also want to learn a language.  I have ample time to add another activity to my life and I want to.  Instead of streaming a new series, I want to decrease my time watching anything.  I got rid of cable four months ago since I was tired of paying almost $200 a month for cable and internet.  I scaled back but still utilize hulu, amazon and netflix.  Too much.  It is too easy.  I like the noise while I am decompressing and it is convenient.  However, it is a time suck.  I could be reading, learning or writing.

My favorite success this year was the addition of group classes.  I never thought I would enjoy teaching a big class.  It was terrifying to me.  I wasn't afraid of the sequence factor.  More about making it approachable to different people. Yet, I found when I was forced to do it, I truly enjoyed it.  I loved adding music to the mix and watching the energy grow and spread.  

I can trace this desire to teach back to being in Phoenix in 2011.  I was attending classes, regularly, til it became stagnant.  Some of the teachers were recycling sequences and I was uninspired.  There were a handful of teachers that always kept it fresh.  I tried to frequent their classes whenever possible.  I considered a certification but didn't make it happen until I relocated to Santa Fe in 2014.  Each city has a different style of yoga.  In Santa Fe, it was more spiritual than Phoenix.  Fewer teachers were into sequencing and I was forced to do more chanting which also was terrifying.  (Ironically, now I enjoy chanting and even have a client where we do chant).  

I digress.  I found myself in a situation where I wanted to do more with my life.  I thought about where I had enjoyed yoga the most and that was in Phoenix. And the majority of teachers that I respected and followed all had been certified at the same school. I reached out to the owners to inquire about their program.  Their studio offered a quarterly immersion program to bulk up on hours and complete the certification within a year.  I completed my certification in 2015 before moving back to Denver.  

I still felt the pull to the service industry and put this dream on the back burner.  I started teaching friends.  Classes were small and it was now and again.  Then the pandemic hit where I couldn't work for two months.  Suddenly, that was the spark that pushed me into full time teaching.  

That evolved into wanting to do more and thinking of ways to do it.  At one point, Maghan and I were discussing how to open our own spot (pre-pandemic) and he knew how important yoga was to me.  He wanted to ensure that I would be able to teach in our space.  I think the happy hours became what they were because of our collective backgrounds in the service industry.  

2022 presents many new opportunities for growth, travel and pushing boundaries.  I will continue on this path that started in 2011. Actually, it started in 2005 when I began practicing regularly.  Yoga changed my life.  It provided a way to do my own thing which has been beautiful.

Some things to consider before heading into 2022

Recently, I found this amazing podcast.  I don't know how I have not stumbled upon it before. I am familiar with the gentleman who hosts it.  He always provides thoughtful relationship advice.  As I scrolled through available episodes, one stood out.  Questions to consider when heading into 2022.

The first question to consider was what made you feel the most happy in 2021.  He suggested using your photo app from the beginning of 2021 til the current day.  It was effective.  As I scrolled though my year, I was most happy when I was sharing things I love.  For example, there is a photo from a Detox to Retox session where I am standing next to Maghan and I look ecstatic. I can feel the happiness from the photo.  We both look happy and we make a good team.  He always inspired me to do more, aim higher and increase my effort.  It was our first happy hour and epic. Nine of my clients attended and I was thankful for their support.  I was proud of Maghan for designing a fantastic appetizer menu. We offered avocado deviled eggs, tuna poke, and a vegetable tray with hummos.  I think there was one more appetizer. I cannot remember. I just remember how blessed I felt that day.  He always provided levity to offset my chaotic energy.  (Yes, sometimes, I am a little unsettled and all over the place.  I truly want everything to be perfect.  I can be intense, lol).

There were other happy hours.  We offered new and different food and each session was a treat.  New people, different energy and opportunity to expand community.  I loved that!  The remainder of the question was how would you plan on doing more of this in 2022?  More happy hours.  New locations and expanding my client base.  I need to continue to water that aspect of my life.  Cultivate what is important to me and watch it grow.

The next question was--what took energy away from your happiness?  Hmmmm....overanalyzing.  Falling into doubt, fear, shame.  Thinking about if I was doing the right thing by venturing out on my own.  That all created a bad spot for me.  There were days when I would be in a funk.  I doubted my decision and thought about returning to the service industry since I felt more comfortable working for someone else. Ultimately, I knew that area of my life was done.  I could do it temporarily but I didn't want to work for anyone else again.   That is one of my why's.  I want to be my own boss.  It is not the easiest path and I struggle.  Yet, I am committed to staying on this path.  I think the doubts reinforce that I must focus and continue.

I learned a lesson of letting go this year.  Letting go of expectations. Making time for what is important to me.  It is okay to say no and set boundaries. It is more than okay to respect what feels right to yourself.  Not force things.  Not apologize just so someone else feels okay.  I think I recognized how much I could see both sides of situations.  Taking things personally.  Rarely does it even have to do with you.  People are consumed by their own reality and not really thinking about you or your feelings.  That was a big one.  We all address things from the scope of our own perspective.

Next year, I want to make more time to eat clean.  In the last month, I have been terrible. It is so much easier to order take out as opposed to cook at home.  I want to be more aware of what I am putting in my body.  January 2-23, I am participating in sober January.  I haven't done it in a few years but I am excited to be productive and see how my sleep improves.  I also intend to spend more time journaling and blogging. I have missed that aspect of my life.  Some of it was fear to put myself out there.  Yet, I need to be doing that to grow my business.  I was consistent with my Monday Motivations (thankfully).  I need to put myself out there a little bit more.  I think it will make a difference.

Long post.  Sorry.  There were other things to consider but I want to conclude this for now.   I can reflect on the rest later or tomorrow.  Happy Wednesday!

question for the day

I figured I should write another post since the last few days I have been absent.  Frantically shopping (unlikely).  More likely, trying to plan the solstice sessions and set goals for 2022.

I cannot believe that we are nearing the end of this year.  And, believe me, I am ready.  This year was challenging.  More so than 2020 from my perspective. I struggled with a funk and I suppose I needed to go through it.  I needed to lose some things in order to find myself.  I needed to figure out how to do things on my own.  

Ironically, the question I selected today--is how have I become me?  What am I like?

From necessity.  I have become more capable.  I spent the majority of my life doing what is right and working for other people.  I have benefitted from this arrangement.  The pandemic changed things for me.  No longer did I feel compelled to what I thought I was supposed to do.  Instead, I considered how I could improve my situation by working for myself.  How could I incorporate yoga into my daily life?  How could I offer it to others?

I am evolving.  Aren't we supposed to continue to grow in life?  Otherwise, you start to die or so they say.  Some days, I am productive, confident, networking and busy.  Other times, I rest, reflect, consider.  I try to remain on the productive side but sometimes, I want to rest.  I want to replenish and not get jammed up with overthinking.  Seriously, I tend to overanalyze everything.  Maybe I should meditate more.  It could help.

I try to focus on being the best version of me daily.  If I have "off" days, I can do better tomorrow.  I make it sound easier than it is.  There are days of pure struggle.  Months of feeling off.  All I can do is try.

I hope you have a wonderful holiday weekend.  The weather in Denver is unusual and not christmas like.  I am inspired to get outside and enjoy sunshine.  I love it but it is scary to think that if this continues what the summer will be like.  Summer could be awful!

Solstice

Tuesday was a big day!  Started out with 36 sun salutations with Jenipher at 7 am.  We had arranged a session to honor the solstice.  A little ambitious as she wanted to attempt 108 sun salutations.  Achieving thirty-six was fantastic especially for her.  When we were practicing together we focused mostly on breathwork and creating strength.  She has improved her practice and 36 was a huge feat.  We celebrated with a little Veuve.

Afterwards, I had set up a 5 pm session where we would do 108 salutations. I knew that this group would hold me to it.  There would be no way to avoid doing the flow.  Even if it took us all night. We would do one hundred and eight sun A's.  One hour and twenty minutes later, we did it!

All, in all, one hundred and forty-four salutations.  It was awesome! I felt honored to lead the sessions and participate.  I offered dragon fruit, pineapple and strawberries to cleanse the palette before sharing kitchari.  It worked well.  I figured that we would want to replenish and kitchari is the best way.  Incredibly good for the gut and healthy.  I learned how to make it while doing yoga with Paige in Santa Fe.  She wanted me to eat kitchari two to three times a week.  It has been a minute since I made it.  Thankfully, I have my pressure cooker and a better blender.

I slept so well the last few days.  Something about that repetitive movement and breathwork.  And, I treated myself to a body scrub yesterday.  My last one for awhile.  It seems like every time I enter the facility they have a new rules and regulations.  It is stressful.  Plus, I have my infrared sauna now that I am enjoying in the mornings.  I have managed to wake up, daily, grab a hot lemon water and meditate for 30 minutes.  My skin feels incredible and I am seeing benefits from this purchase.  I bought books to inspire more learning and a vision board to utilize for 2022.  Fully embracing the energy of the solstice.  I feel that the last few months, I have been planting seeds for growth and working on myself.  Things are now coming to fruition.

A little late...

 What does "being" mean to me?

All of these recent questions have a common thread. Seems like they are asking the same thing in five different ways, lol.  It seems like the universe really wants me to be clear with my intentions.  Pushing me further out of my comfort zone.

I had an appointment with my accountant this morning to discuss quarterly taxes and all of that fun administration. It motivated me to delete some emails.  I have so many junk emails that I receive on a daily basis.  I have been better about unsubscribing to some of the things I have bought once.  And, I a over receiving political asks for donations.  So, imagine my surprise when I find an email from October where a contact had offered to meet to discuss utilizing a building for yoga.  I met this man in August who remembered me from working at the Palm  We caught up and I mentioned that I was teaching yoga, full time and trying to build my business. He had a space that was not being utilized and offered to discuss options.  We corresponded a few times and I never heard anything back from him after my last email in September.  Or, so I thought.  He emailed me a month after and apologized for not following through with our conversation.  I feel like a jackass for being lazy.  How did I miss this?
Possibly since I have multiple email accounts.  It does not excuse my lack of correspondence.  

Getting clarity on my goals and how I want to start 2022.  Sober January or at least three weeks of it.  I agreed to support the Goddess in her quest to complete sober January.  Andrea told me today that she also intends to do sober January.  I think a few more people will be participating.  It feels like a shift is happening.  More transitions.  Speaking of...the winter solstice is Tuesday, December 21st.  I will be hosting two yoga sessions to commemorate the occasion.  I cannot wait!  I think it will help me embrace what I am wanting to do.  

Have a wonderful rest of your day!

some advice

What kind of advice on life would my old self give to my current self?

I think my old self would tell my current self to follow the rules.  I know that seems simplistic but I have always followed the rules.  This was ingrained in me at a very young. The difference between right and wrong.  Paying bills before they are due.  Following systems in play.  I remember, vividly, making a budget for Brian and expecting him to follow it.  Granted, I was older than him and felt I had a better approach to getting out of debt.  We were on the verge of making a lifelong commitment to each other and I didn't want to take on his debt.  I made him pay his credit card bill before it was due and two days later, he died.  Paying that bill made no difference.  It didn't bring him back.  

I think that was the first time I questioned how I operated under the guise of doing what is right.  Sometimes, you do what is best.  You create what you want.  You are above fear.  I forget this though and almost always default to doing what is right.  I am fantastic at being accountable for things I do.  Ironically, other people in my life are never held accountable. Mostly, work related.  And it isn't specific to one job.  It's been this way most of my life.

I don't even argue. I just agree and try to do better. Until recently that is. I don't think doing what is right is always correct. And it doesn't work if you are the only one playing by these arbitrary rules.  All I can do is do better, daily.  

I picked up an infrared sauna blanket. I am still on the fence if I like it or not.  I want to make sure that it will heat up and make me sweat.  I hope to pick up a vision board for 2022.  There are a few options with cork board which I like.  I could set monthly goals instead of an annual focus.  

I do believe in avoiding debt.  I am just not so concerned about making early payments anymore. I wait til the day they are due and make a payment.  It fits my mood.  

I guess I am growing up, lol.

Hump Day

Happy Humpday!  Midweek check in.  Always a time to reflect and consider how you want to finish your week.  

I thought I would be preparing food at home this week.  Instead, I have been fairly social.  Take out on Monday from a greek restaurant after my in person session that night.  Yesterday, I met Brie for a walk around City Park.  Spontaneously, we went to lunch afterwards.  Impromptu sushi meet up.  I finally attempted to get my admin caught up and found myself distracted.  Uninspired to try to make dinner.  

Today, I was supposed to teach an in person session and then go to lunch.  The weather is not cooperating and so my client had to reschedule.  Again, I am uninspired to cook at home.  Is that terrible?

I find myself listening to a podcast while attempting to be consistent with blogging.  It has been consistent.  I don't know that the content is fantastic.  Still I want to continue on this path.  I want to pursue enlightenment and making changes in my life.

That being said, here is the question of the day--are there things I should let go of in order to move forward?  

Possibly. In terms of relationships/friendships, I know that I must forgive myself and move forward.  I cannot wait for a conversation or closure with some people.  Sometimes, energetically, you no longer align and that is okay.  What do they say--reason, season or lifetime?  

I have a few lifetime friends that I am incredibly thankful for.  But in order to achieve this, there has to be two people committed to cultivating the relationship.  Both have to agree to have the hard conversations.  There is so much forgiveness involved, too. If the expectation is that you are owed an apology without identifying your participation in it, you probably are falling out of alignment.

I have other friendships where I know I will talk to the person again.  I am confident that we will come to terms with the hurt and move forward.  Sometimes, I waiver due to impatience.  But, ultimately, when I look inside, I know that we will talk.  I believe it.

I need to let go of the judgment, fear, doubt that I have placed on myself.  I think I am supported by many friends and family.  And, perhaps, they think I am foolish but rarely, do they let on.  I place these limiting thoughts on myself.  I struggle, sometimes, to maneuver through them but I have to. Otherwise, I will be stagnant.

I truly believe I will be driving to Florida in February.  I need to figure out the timeline.  I could do it in three days but it would be painful. Instead, I would like to stop in Dallas for two days.  Drive to NOLA and spend two days and then head to St. Petersburg to spend five to six days.  Return to Denver a little quicker but essentially the same route.  Maybe stop in Santa Fe and soak at Ojo Caliente on my way back.  

I bring up the road trip because I want to do it but am afraid of requesting the time off.  However, I know that I need to let this go. This fear, doubt, uncertainty to keep moving forward.  I want to travel, experience life and continue to grow.

The pandemic helped me create a new life.  It also limited me in many ways. I have not traveled.  I have been to Santa Fe four times this year.  Last year, I went to Barcelona (thankfully) and a few times to Santa Fe.  Typically, I travel 12-14 times a year.  I miss it.  I am making a change for 2022.

Lengthy response today.  I think listening to the podcast while blogging inspired this.

Tuesday question

What does happiness mean to me?

Interesting question.  Sometimes it seems kismet how these questions occur.  I shuffle the deck a few times and then cut the cards in half.  Randomness at its best.  I have been watching Succession and was on the episode where they contemplate happiness.  When I chose this today, I felt it was appropriate.  Seemed serendipitous.

Happiness is being able to wake up and decide how I want to spend the day.  Meet a friend for a walk, do administration work, drink wine at lunch, plan a trip.  Do yoga. Bask in the sunshine.  Bond with nature.  Read a book.  Communicate with friends--old and new.  Eat carrot cake.  Or peanut butter cookies.  I managed to snag a few cookies for a friendsgiving last month.  I think my friends were surprised at how delicious the cookies were from the coffee shop I frequent.

Next week, for the winter solstice I have an early morning session to honor the day and a happy hour session.  It will be a day centered on meditation and movement.  Lots of movement. I am excited to see how I feel after completing sun salutations.  I think it will range from 108-150.  I offered to teach complete sessions--108 each time.  I don't know if we will fulfill it.

Happiness is even working at times.  It is social, interactive and exposing me to new foods.  Sometimes, it isn't fantastic. The food factor.  But, being fed is wonderful and for the most part, the current place I am working, provides great food.  They haven't declined to providing hot dogs on a weekly basis (not mentioning where that occurred) or punishing you for eating bread during service (not mentioning this place either).  

I created a new smoothie combination this morning. I woke up with the knowledge that I wanted to incorporate beets and spinach to whatever I threw together.  I needed to increase my iron this week.  I added avocado, banana, blueberry, ginger, basil and bell pepper.  It was delicious.  I have not had an avocado in my smoothie for the last month.  I have missed it.  It adds a lovely texture to the mix.  

Choosing happiness is happiness.  November was a difficult month for me.  I struggled to stay the course I set on earlier this year.  Then I tried to self-destruct with negative thinking and drinking wine.  I suppose I am growing since I am able to recognize my tendencies and ability to return to comfort.  

It is a beautiful day in Denver.  I am about to leave for a meet up/walkabout.  I have a yoga class later and perhaps some wine in the future.  Life is grand!

Comedy of errors

Yesterday was all about adaptation and going with the flow. I woke up, early, and prepped for my yoga at the St. Paul.  I checked the weather.  It was sunny but 22 degrees outside.  Thankfully, I grabbed more than my hoodie since when I arrived at the bar, it wasn't open.  I called Jordan but he did not answer.  I tried texting as three people arrived.  I started to freak out a little bit.  

I offered to have my clients come to my house to do yoga.  They agreed.  I worried that my apartment was not clean.  We started later than expected.  My spotify wouldn't work.  It seemed like everything that could go wrong was going to.  It was a comedy of errors.  Midway through the class, I opened some cava to provide some levity to the situation.  I think I was creating this story in my head about how awful it was.  I kept looking around my apartment.  It's spartan.  I have a tv that is decorative.  I have a few pieces of artwork in my living room that I love but that is eclectic.  My Frieda Kahlo might seem a little odd.  My mind was in overdrive as I attempted to teach the class.

Ironically, I think I was making it more of an issue. I don't think it bothered anyone else.  They were there to do yoga.  Overall, it went well.  My space can hold maybe five people if I make a few adjustments.  I explored the option of moving my tv to my room.  Yet, the cable jack is located in the living room.  I might shift my couch around to make more space.  

I told my clients that we would return to the tavern with my apartment being a plan B.  I am thankful for the flexibility of my clients.  It could have went sideways or been canceled for all I know.  Randomly, my spotify is still messed up.  I tried to use the platform this morning and it played three songs and then crapped out.  It shows a message about returning to music after these messages....hmmm....irritating!

2022, I think, will be more adapting, evolving and expanding.  I have learned, a lot, this year and it will continue. More marketing, admin and clientele.  It has been wonderful to roll with whatever happens.  Not be so stuck in what I think I should be doing.  

Friday's question

This might be a little tmi....the question today is how do I show love to myself? To others?

I think I should love to myself by self-care.  I try to get a body scrub, monthly.  Sometimes a pedicure, facial or massage, too.  I think that is one way that I try to show love to myself.  But in the last week of reflection, I realize that I could do a better job of loving myself.  I think I have isolated myself from others and family from past experiences.  It is self-protection.  Harder to be hurt if you don't allow others the opportunity to hurt you.  I think of my relationship with my parents.  Tenuous, at best.  

I know that they love me and I love them. However, I don't have the closest relationship with either of them.  I rely more on my friends for emotional support.  I think it has always been since way, too.  I wasn't the oldest, I wasn't the youngest and I didn't have health concerns. I was just there.  I think I have blamed some of my emotional hesitancies on my mom.  Many of them, actually,  Yet, recently, I realized that my dad is equally at fault.  Rare to recognize that and still processing what to do with the information.

I show love to others by feeding them, for one.  Spending time and listening to their concerns.  Sharing my love of yoga is another way I share love.  I believe we should all focus on nourishing our bodies.  We are inundated with information--good and bad, daily.  Overwhelmed, in fact, at times. It is easy to let our minds wander and distract ourselves from what is true for each of us.  Nourishment and healing are essential to our daily lives.  We need to replenish and stop giving so much of ourselves that lead to depletion.

How can you rejuvenate?  I hope to schedule a body scrub in the next few weeks. The Goddess mentioned meeting so I can pick up my vitamins and getting a pedicure together. I am all for those meetups!  

Today I woke up to snow.  The sun in shining brightly and it is beautiful today.  I am listening to a podcast about finance.  I am inspired to make some changes.  And I am considering a sober January or at least a good chunk of it.  I think it will allow me to clarify my goals and look inside.  We shall see.

I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day.

Thursday's question

What are those things that make me feel good while I'm doing them?

Question for today. I don't know how I feel about it. I talk about how much I enjoy traveling (almost daily) and so this sort of feels redundant.  Ironically, I posted on IG a photo of me siting in Lafitte's Blacksmith Shop in NOLA for my throwback post today.  I have been thinking about a road trip since my last conversation with Shari.  We are meeting in Florida for the annual celebration of Brian's life in 2022. It will be wonderful to celebrate there and with Sara Jo.  

The celebrations and travel started out as Shari and I, only.  Over time they have expanded to include friends, strangers and new accomplices. I think of the trip to Belize and how that created a new tangent of people and experiences. Connections that led to further friendships in Vietnam.

After talking with Shari, I felt I should consider a road trip.  I am hesitant to fly. I haven't flown since our trip to Barcelona in 2020.  For whatever reason, the opportunity to drive sounds more appealing. Maybe due to the fact that I know I could stop in a few spots to see friends and family.  I could explore regions that I typically avoid.  Namely, the South.  I could teach remotely and maybe discover more ways to improve my business.  I have found myself in a rut.  It's way too easy to return to what you know.  I enjoy the service industry but need to focus on what I am trying to achieve. Maybe a break would help me?

Teaching makes me feel great while doing it.  Seeing friends take to yoga and improve their practice.  I have become more mindful in my approach. People have different needs and wants.  In my practice, I want you to break my mind.  Over sequence and take me out of my zone. I have not found many people with that same desire.  I have learned more pre-natal, injury, breathwork and chanting. I love being exposed to all of these different approaches.

Eating food with others makes me happy.  Especially if wine is involved and we are able to enjoy the experience.  Food unites us all.  I love taking time to enjoy a meal with people in my life.  Specifically, those who make food with love. 

I could probably go on and on.  I feel very thankful today for my life.  I am about to teach an in person session followed by a lunch date.  Should be a lovely way to spend Thursday!!!

Make it great!

Hump Day

Happy Wednesday!  Mid-week assessment.  How are you doing with your goals this week?  Sailing along or finding hiccups?

I decided that I wanted to take a few days off from being social.  Translation--no wine.  Monday was easy.  I felt that I wanted to enjoy a night of pure sleep.  Typically, not drinking wine or any alcohol aids in this process.  I ordered take out (which was lazy/convenient).  I considered driving to a greek spot but the weather inspired me to stay home, order take out and pay ridiculous fees for convenience.  Basically, I spent $30 on a gyros platter.  

Not the best investment but I didn't feel like changing my clothes to go out into the world.  Yesterday, I made dinner and considered drinking wine.  I had opened a bottle on Sunday night and didn't want to waste it.  However, I kept thinking about how wonderful my sleep was on Monday night. I couldn't not recreate that experience.  

I focused on doing some business things that I had postponed.  I write a newsletter, monthly, with the intention of sending it out at the beginning of the month.  Some months I am on top of that task.  Other months, like this one, I manage to get it out a week late.  I start to compose it, walk away from it and then attempt to read through it a day later.  I need to take a break from my thoughts.  If I rush the process, I find I am not happy with the end result.

And there was a lot to cover.  Upcoming yoga happy hours, winter solstice, yoga on Saturday mornings at the St. Paul and a few other random suggestions.  I use graphics to compose the newsletter and then attach it to an email.  Eventually, I will figure out how to send out the newsletter directly.  

I am on the fence with whether or not I want to send out christmas cards.  I have in the past and I love receiving them.  I feel that I have veered from this habit since I send out cards throughout the year.  I don't like being told what to do.  I am just being difficult.  Of course, I love sending christmas cards!

What does your day look like for you?  I have more yoga to teach and then a facial.  I am still trying to take care of myself in the best way that I know how.  I listened to a podcast yesterday where the guest was discussing food and health hacks.  How the body can heal itself.  They had a bunch of good suggestions and then mentioned an infrared sauna.  Intriguing.  I looked into purchasing one and there are a plethora of options.  I am leaning towards the sleeping bag options. They are inexpensive and take up less space.  

I am still looking for a book to read.  Any suggestions are appreciated.  

Enjoy your Wednesday.  Think about how you can make it great!  Cheers~

Question for Tuesday

What would I do if I had enough time?  What do I do when I have time?

If I had enough time, I would travel more.  I should just make it work.  I can work remotely.  I spoke to Shari last night about our upcoming trip to Florida.  We are celebrating Brian's life in St. Petersburg with Sara Jo.  Originally, we had discussed Puerto Rico.  Puerto Rico would be great but with the uncertainties associated with what is going on right now, Florida seemed like a safer bet.

Shari is considering an extended road trip.  It inspired me to consider doing that myself.  I could travel east as long as the weather holds.  Yesterday was our first glimpse of winter in Denver.  I think it was 27 degrees.  So cold!  I am fine driving as long as there is no snow, sleet or intermittent weather.  More than likely, I will fly to Tampa and figure it out from there.

Still, the possibility of a road trip sounds amazing.  I tend to head west or southwest typically.  I do make it to Kansas to visit the Littles but rarely, do I head south or east.  Maybe it would be fun to drive to Florida.  I think it is 28 hours.  A little daunting.  Even if I broke it up over three days, they would still be nine hour days.  Not fantastic.

I will think more on it within the next few weeks.  It could work.  I would love to return to NOLA.  I could potentially make a stop in Dallas and see Hailey and her family.  The last stop would be St. Petersburg.  I would have to stay five days, minimally, before the return trip.  

When I have time, I daydream.  I hike, walk the park, listen to podcasts, do yoga, meet friends for lunch.  I wish I took more time to cook. I should.  I enjoy cooking and have a few tools to make it easier.  I purchased a pressure cooker a few years ago so that I could make kitchari--this delightful ayruvedic dish that is beneficial for gut health.  It utilizes turmeric, ginger, coriander, mustard seed, ginger.  I would add a jalapeno chutney to smooth it out.

I go in spurts of reading.  I need a new book to delve into.  A co-worker gifted me a book that I could not get into, at all. The writing was terrible and from the first paragraph I struggled.  It was awful.  Somehow, she managed to finish it.  I picked it up, many times, but just couldn't do it.  Since then, I have not found anything.  I stop by random free libraries, hopeful to find something.  Maybe today I will be lucky!

Maybe I should learn a language.  I could take 30 minutes a day or replace listening to podcasts with learning something new.  I do have time.  I can make time.

Tomorrow, I might just free write as opposed to the question method. It is helpful.  

Monday's question and a lazy day

What advice on life would I give to myself, if I was a mother and wished nothing but happiness for my child?  

Hmmmm....maybe, be kind always.  Do what makes you happy.  Resist the urge to please others and set off on your own path.  That one resonates the most.  Do the unconventional thing.

I do not know that we are supposed to do what we are told to do.  If I listened to what I am supposed to do I would be married, raising a family and putting most of my energy into providing a family.  For many people, that works.  For me, it never spoke to me.  I am thankful for my parents, my siblings and my nieces and nephews.  Motherhood just was not for me.   

I knew when I left for college that I wanted to travel.  I would not return to my hometown and make a life.  In fact, I had planned to travel for six months in 2001 after I graduated from college.  I had everything set up.  First stop, Athens and from there I would take the eurorail wherever I chose. I think I had arranged a hotel for the first few nights.  From there, the world was wide open.  

That trip sort of went sideways after 9/11.  I ended up in Denver as a result which is a whole other story.  Talk about the road not taken.  I do not regret one minute of the choices I have made.  I have incredible experiences as a result.  Or incredible to me.  I should clarify that.  Had I gotten married young, I honestly, have no idea where I would be.  I still believe I would have wanted to move out of the midwest.  My fantasy world would suggest ending up in Europe or Asia.  I loved spending time in Vietnam a few years ago.  I could see myself there.

Currently, I am in Denver.  And, I do love it.  Great support network and it has been home to me for the last 20 years, off and on.  If I leave, I always yearn to return.  I think I am projecting some sort of wanderlust vibe though. In the last week, four people have asked me if I am returning to Santa Fe.  

I am not.  Maybe later in life.  I do find refuge in Santa Fe.  It has always been an oasis for me.  A place to reset, reflect, rejuvenate.  When I lived there, it was a little too small for me at this point in my life.  I lived there for a year and a half before returning to Denver.  I knew that I would make my way home.

I would continue to recommend the unconventional life.  I am so thankful for where it has lead me.  I don't know that I would have traveled to South Africa, Cambodia, Cuba or Australia had I been more traditional.

That is all for now.  I figure I should move on to my next task.

Question of the day

What is everything is as it should be?  How would that make me feel?

Uncertain.  I am still sussing it out.  November was a challenging month.  I felt conflicted about my direction and that remained the entire month. I questioned why I chose this path, if I should remain on it and if I could do it alone.  

I had someone that had been helping me with the happy hours.  I enjoyed his energy and willingness to be creative with the food.  Plus, he is charismatic and can be incredibly charming.  It added some levity to the situation.  Then, I found that I would be doing it solo.  And it made sense.  I started on this journey on my own and committed to continue.  I would not be derailed without his support.  I would only be derailed if I self-imploded.  And, believe me, I am good at destructing my life.  

December has been more positive and feels lighter.  I feel I recognize my boundaries and how to navigate what I am trying to achieve.  I am getting better.  So in a roundabout way, reflection leads to clarity and moving forward.  I will continue to learn new skills and blog.  Some days maybe mundane and even oversharing.  I cannot feel bad about what I am putting out there.  It would limit my creativity and kill my momentum.  I have done this often in the past and with what result?  Repeating the same pattern. 

I want to move outside of this.  That is what I am realizing and feeling.  It is easy to remain comfortable.  To remain in a space that has already been navigated and established.  But it does not encourage growth.  I want to continue to learn new skills and challenge myself.  I am inspired to create and focus on my logo.  Perhaps have stickers, note cards and t-shirts made.  Maybe even dally with a utube channel.  Fully put myself out there and do yoga.  

I guess I am where I am supposed to be.  And it feels great!  This morning the weather is overcast which is a change. Still warm and manageable to get outside and enjoy the park.  I hope to do that after I have my headlight replaced.  Of course the low beam went out last night.  It is always something, lol.

Here is to consistency and continuing to build. Cheers!

Reshuffle

 I returned home. I am attempting to be as consistent as possible with blogging and figured I could use the deck of cards to aid me in the process.  I shuffled the cards and chose a new question for today.

What are you thankful for?  Too funny as I just drew this card in the last week.  Still it is fitting.  I am thankful for this beautiful weather in Denver. It is uncanny.  I think it will be 68 degrees today. Reminds me of my time in Phoenix. This time of year was always a blessing from the intense heat of the summer.  Some people will tell you Phoenix is only bad for four  months. I disagree. The minute it hits triple digits it is intense til November.  

I look at this as a blessing.  I love this extension to fall or mild winter. Although, it will eventually snow or get cold.  There is no way around it.

Today was a great day.  I met a client for lunch and am inspired by our conversation. This woman is amazing.  A lawyer, yogi, wellness practitioner, mother, wife, daughter, friend.  She always has about four projects going on in addition to a full time job.  I met her through her husband.  We started practicing yoga together and became friends.  I am motivated to begin a few projects myself.  I need to have some note cards made, my logo arranged, maybe some t-shirts/stickers.  I dream of these ideas but have not made much of an effort to make it happen.

I want to do this.  I just get distracted.  Wine lunches with girl friends, trips to Santa Fe, watching Netflix (not the best excuse or justification).  Still I know this is something that will help me improve my business.

I am thankful for opportunities to be inspired.  Thankful for Saturday and hopeful to enjoy the next 20 minutes before heading to work.  

Life is grand!

Is there something in my life that makes me forget time while I'm doing it? What is it?

I don't know if there is anything that makes me forget time when I am doing it.  Perhaps travel.  I suppose that would qualify.  Or planning travel would be more likely.  I definitely get in a zone where time doesn't stop, exactly, I just am not paying attention to it.  

Yesterday was a great day.  Taught yoga, live, with Carmen and then had lunch at Vinaigrette and dinner at the Compound.  Neither place ever disappoints.  I prefer the patio at Vinaigrette. Their inside dining room is sterile and lacks ambiance.  I didn't feel like doing take out so I sat inside after finding a parking spot. That parking lot is terrible!  I found a spot, thankfully.  

Carmen met me for dinner at the Compound.  We worked there, briefly, together.  It was a treat to dine a the bar and hang out with Mike. I have been enjoying myself and able to relax. I think I needed a break from what I have going on. I overanalyze--shocking, I know.  It can be overwhelming at times.  I just needed time and space to reflect, rejuvenate, relax.  Maybe gain a little perspective on what I want to be achieving.  

I always fare better when I have travel to look forward to.  This last year has been challenging.  It's been almost two years since I have flown anywhere.  I am so thankful for my trip to Barcelona with Shari.  It was fantastic!  I have remained in Denver. I think I have been uninspired to travel if that makes sense.  

In the spring, I hope to visit Sara Jo a few times.  Or, meet up with her somewhere if it is possible.  I need that for myself.  

I hope you have a lovely day.  I am about to leave for Ojo Caliente.  Day of soaking, relaxing and enjoying life.  It is stunning in Santa Fe today!  Make it a great day.

What is my instinct telling me to do?

Be patient.

Sometimes, things fall into place.  Or they seem serendipitous.  Kismet.  This question is ideal for my mindfulness today.  

Be patient.  

I heard from my mentor earlier. We had texted recently since I would be in Santa Fe and we could meet up for a yoga class.  I had hoped that Paige would attend my live class.  Life got in the way.  You know...family, work, etc...still we connected today to catch up.   

It's been a few years.  Still we were able to begin again from where we left off. Such a skill.  And she knows me and my concerns.  

Patience is essential.  As much as I want to rush things, I know that this is right.  I know that I need to be patient.  Be kind.  Focus on me and not rush interactions.

I feel rejuvenated here.  Santa Fe always does that for me.  It is a great reset.  Something about the quality of air and openness.  It is amazing.  I return here and feel at peace. And November sucked.  What a waste of a month for me.  Constantly showing me what I don't want or want to choose.

If you listen to your gut instinct, you are always right.  It speaks to you.  Mine, right now, is preaching about patience.   Everything else will fall into place.  I do believe this.  I feel it.  

Enjoy your day.  I will continue to live it up!

 Another question from the journal rolodex....who am I when I'm alone?

Hmmm....many things.  Currently, reflective and a tad bit sad.  Happy, getting better, feeling healthy.  Excited, anxious, stressed.  Is it okay to be all of these things?  I might be more.

I am traveling tomorrow.  I have most of it packed and have a few more items to put together.  I am taking a lot this time.  Food, my blender, swim suit, stuff for Ojo Caliente, things to read, yoga planner, clothes and a few other items.  Oh, and wine.  I picked up some wine this evening so that I could focus on arriving, going directly to La Choza and then teaching Melanie at 4 pm.  I am excited for this mini adventure and already planning my next one.  I feel drawn to flying to Florida.  I miss my friend, Sara Jo.  

I am expressive, creative, vibrant, crazy, intense, extreme.  All of these things make me who I am.  I remember buying a plane ticket to Greece.  My plan was to travel for six months and then figure out what I wanted to do.  Be it, stay abroad, or return stateside. Then, 9/11 happened and my life altered its course.  I ended up in Denver where I have been off and of since 2001.  I met Brian which encouraged me to stay here.  He died in 2006.  Another wrench in my life plans.  I traveled for 5 months hoping to find myself.  Maybe I found a piece of me during that time.  I was pretty okay with whatever happened.  Sort of melancholy and I think I freaked out the majority of my family.  I was not drawn to death but I was okay if I was done.  Grief does that.  I had no inspiration.  I was always sad about what I had lost.

Then, eventually, I grew out of that and found myself back in Denver.  Motivated to do something new and find a way to travel.  I started running which opened me up to a new friend group.  In some ways, I feel that I always find a new opportunity.  

Currently, I feel a little stuck.  Or maybe I think I am stuck because I am not seeing enough results.  As you can see, I am all over the place with this question.  Extremely reflective