What are you thankful for today?

My friend, Melanie, gifted me a journal of sorts on notecards a few years ago.  I was in the habit of shuffling through the deck and choosing a question of the day.  I think I have ten left before reshuffling and beginning again.

I had been writing out my responses in a journal.  Since I took a break from blogging, I was actively trying to journal.  I have an assortment from gifts from friends and in all honesty, you can never have enough journals.  They are a remarkable gift.  

Back to the question--what am I thankful for today?

Hmmm...my health, first and foremost.  I am very thankful I can still go upside down and that I am healthy to build strength.  I have not had a serious injury for awhile.  My friend, Sara in Santa Fe, recently texted that she broke her ankle.  Ouch!  I had flashbacks to my last ankle sprain.  I remember how challenging my high ankle sprain was four years ago.  Two months of my foot in a brace before finally seeing a chiropractor.  I had tried essential oils, acupuncture, massage.  What can I say I am stubborn.  I knew it wasn't broken but what a mess!  I had started a new job when I first sprained it.  Working 10-12 hour days did not help with the healing.  I found a chiropractor that I loved.  He rehabbed my ankle.  I tried dry needling, cryo and a vascular flush.  I trusted his decisions.  He was exposed as a shaman for the Q conspiracy theorists.  I was shocked, saddened and in disbelief.  He never perpetuated any of that hate with me.

I am thankful for the majority of my life experiences.  😆  I have a bunch of stories that seem crazy and could only happen to me.  Ironically, I am mostly drawing a blank, right now, outside of the shaman.  Or there was a time in Chile where I met Shar at a hostel in Santiago.  It was an american run hostel--grand old home that had many fantastic amenities.  Family night where they made delicious food, an abundance of DVD's, a game room.  And an outbreak of bed bugs.  Awesome.

The owner refused to let people know about it and when I approached him he blamed it on peruvians.  Such a dick!  I relocated to another hostel in Valparaiso and met up with Sharleen.  Another american run hostel but completely different vibe.  We stayed at this location for 5 days and befriended a few of our fellow travelers.  Then, one day, we went to the Pablo Neruda house.  Shar and I walked to the house and it took about 45 minutes to get there.  Spent an hour touring the house and returned to our hostel.  Our things had been broken into.  My ipod was stolen, money taken and my bag slashed. I knew it was one of the guys who was staying at the hostel.  He avoided us for the next day until he departed for another destination.  The owner, this time, was more than willing to file a report for us.  He was mortified that there had been a theft in his hostel.

I did appreciate the chiropractor.  I am thankful for upcoming travel, seeing friends, and doing yoga in Santa Fe.  I will pick up more green chile from La Choza.  I may be gifting some to a few friends and clients.  

I am thankful for this beautiful day in Denver.  I need to get up and get outside.  I have been enjoying my morning coffee and being consistent with writing.  If nothing else, I keep moving forward.  Letting go of things I cannot control.  It is freeing.  

What are you thankful for today?  Contemplate it and put it down on paper.  

reflections and sleep

The mind is so powerful.  What do they say--if you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you won't.  Pretty basic but so true.

I have been in a reflection phase the last few days.  I can't help myself.  My conscious mind is always racing and the subconscious; well, that has a pulse of its own.  Seriously.  In the last three days, two of which, I have slept like complete shit.  The one night that I had no issues I had overindulged.  I should have completely woken up, hourly.

Last night was okay. I chilled on a heating pad for the majority of the night.  Eventually, I moved to my bedroom and slept a solid six hours.  I woke up towards the end.  But it wasn't terrible.  Wednesday night was worse.  Fear, anxiety, insecurities ruled that night.  I woke up after dreaming about experiences I didn't want to have. Or seeing friends that I have not spoken to, in months, appear in restaurants in Santa Fe in my dreams.  Very bizarre.

I can only do me.  I can only focus on what is healthy for me.  Good or bad.  Sometimes, I make terrible decisions.  Honestly, I can only continue to keep it moving forward.  Not obsess or analyze why or why I do not do something.  Be thankful that I am safe and present another day.

Yoga was great this morning.  I am thankful for Jordan who allows us to utilize his space.  It all is an investment.  Laying groundwork and building foundation.   I am appreciative.  As much as I sound like I am beating myself up (or so I think), I did have good news today.  One of my clients texted to say that he enjoyed his dinner at the compound. Meanwhile, a former colleague texted and updated me on her life and travel. She had some nuggets of good insight into my current situation.  I feel that I am leading with the bad but really, I am good.  One of my other clients brought me turkey pot pie and pumpkin pie.  It has been a grand day.

I feel better.  I feel more, at peace, and that I am on the right path.  Just need to keep moving forward and not get hung up in the energy around me.  Sometimes, it is difficult for me to just be.  I tend to take on more and then get resentful when other people step back.  I need to just work and not get hung up with other peoples stuff.  We shall see how it work tonight.

Enjoy your Saturday!

more contemplation

I was gifted the night off and I graciously accepted it.  I was thinking about a way to opt out of work but with my midwestern upbringing, I almost always work.  There is a tremendous about of guilt associated with taking time off.  I knew that I wanted the night off.  That traditionally, the Friday after Thanksgiving is not super busy. Still, I had agreed to work and would have went in had they not let me know that I had the night off.  Sometimes, you need it, though.  I know that I do.

I purchased a heating pad and am currently chilling on my couch. My lower back has been aggravated all day. The joys of getting older. A few months ago, I had a situation where I could have utilized a heating pad.  I lent mine to a friend when he was experiencing hip pain.  It is now his.  

I can give a little context to to the necessity of a heating pad.  I woke up around 3 a.m. and could not get comfortable.  I moved to my couch to try to distract the discomfort but it was not working.  My laptop is in my living room since I moved it out of my bedroom trying to have less distractions at night.  I could not sleep and thought streaming something might help. As I alternated between trying to lay on my couch and walking around my living room, I googled solutions that might help.  They recommended a heating pad, alleve and a few other options.  I put a towel in the oven to make a mock heating pad.  Thankfully, this helped!  I was able to relocate to my yoga mat, place the hot towel on my back and rest with my legs up the wall.  This was seriously the only way to get comfortable.  A few days later, I put the towel back in the oven and fell asleep.  I woke up to my smoke detector going crazy.  I would not recommend that!  It was annoying to wake up to the beeping!  I figure I should avoid a repeat at all costs.  

I am still contemplating and reflecting on life.  I wish I could travel somewhere to avoid my funk.  I know that it won't change anything.  I will still have to deal with my funk when I return.  I am considering a trip to see my friend, Sara.  I need inspiration, I think. Or a flip to my mindset.

Enjoy your night~

Wasting time, maybe?

Worrying is the misuse of imagination.

I saw that on IG this morning and it is perfect.  Especially for where I am at right now.  Yesterday was a great day.  I hiked at Matthew Winters Park, made lunch and caught up with some friends and family.  I had a conversation with someone that I have been wanting to talk to for some time.  It was okay, not fantastic by any means.  Of course, being me, I overanalyze how it went all day and all night.  I did a few shots of tequila and decided to leave a voice message which did not help.  My mind is constantly obsessing.

It was a nonstop loop until I woke up this morning.  I am thankful we spoke and now I can keep moving forward. I can't change how things went or where things are.  I can only know that I am in the right place, right now.  I can choose to move forward or stuck in the situation.  I choose to move forward.

The morning was a loss.  The couch was too inviting until I made myself get up and get outside. I am so thankful I walked City Park.  I managed to talk with my sister for almost and hour!  Typically, we chat on Saturdays bt I had a lot of mind and wanted to sort it out.  It felt fantastic to process and get a little fitness in.  

My health is a priority.  Sometimes, I get in a funk. In the last few months, I think I have been in a funk.  Putting energy into situations that are no longer serving me.  I really need to make myself and wellness a priority.  Speak softly and kindly about what I am doing or trying to achieve.  

The follow up of the IG meme was that two days from now you will realize that everything is fine and will work out.  Why is it normal to create stress by overthinking? I even considered relocating to a different state.  Ironically, my sister asked if I would move to another state today.  I have thought about it, a little.  I would move west.  She asked if I would ever move back to Kansas, lol.  Absolutely not!  That would be moving backwards.

I guess I miss travel and was confused by the current state of affairs with one of my friends.  Lack of communication will do that for.me.  It makes me crazy!  Regardless of the outcome of the conversation, I always feel better talking it out.  Yesterday, so much was left unsaid.  I always tread lightly with this person so that we can keep talking.  In all fairness to me, I should have pressed more for my own mindfulness.  Maybe next time.

I hope you have a fantastic day.  I feel healthier and thankful.

Friendsgiving

What a night!  I arrived at my friend's house.  I was uncertain as to how many people would be joining.  I knew there would be wine.  (and there was).  

There were about twelve people total.  We feasted on steak, shrimp skewers, green bean casserole, brussel sprout salad and mashed potatoes.  Of course there were appetizers and I provided dessert.  And tequila.  I think there were a few dips.  Pretzels, pickles and other snacky types of food.  The only downside was there was not enough seating. Gladly, I would have sat on the floor.  But there were two dogs that made me reconsider that decision.  I did not want to invite temptation to their pooches.  

I stood up at their island and dined on my plate of food.  I was fine and would not have wanted it any other way.  I was in close proximity to water and easy access to wine.  

We chitchatted how we all knew each other.   Most of the people worked with either Dan or Anastacia or knew someone that worked with one of them (like me.  Anastacia was kind and mentioned that she had heard a lot about me before meeting me.  It was kindness, lol.  Then, she recounted our first meeting.  A magnum wine party where we were one of the few women attending. She noted that this year she had not been invited to the limited magnum party.  I, too, was not invited.....lame!)

 I recognized a few people from an earlier luncheon.  There was one guy that had been at the previous summer lunch.  Immediately, he introduced me to his partner. It was lovely.  

I felt comfortable, at ease.  It was easy to fall into the rhythm of the night.  We had some wine and traded stories of service and driving through Kansas.  (never speed as tempting as that flat state is.  Refuse to invite a ticket is the lesson of the evening)

Truly, I enjoyed myself.  The majority of these folks worked at the airport and were younger.  I didn't envy their commute.  I knew it could be relaxing with a book but for the most part, it made for a long day.  I appreciated the inclusion and opportunity to enjoy the holiday.  Tomorrow, I will be working.  Eventually, I could enjoy the holiday but late.  

I'm enjoying a smoothie before heading out to hike.  Always the perfect way to celebrate holidays.  Sunshine, movement, oh and some bubbly!  Have a wonderful celebration!

Holidays

 Holidays are here.

I thought I had a grand plan. I had been assigned the task of bringing dessert to the friendsgiving.  I mentioned that I had little interest in traditional pumpkin or apple pie.  The hostess responded that she wasn't making turkey!  😂

At that point, I decided I could definitely go the unconventional route.  I considered my options.  There is a coffee shop with the best cookies in Denver (in my opinion) or Whole Foods was opening at 6 a.m.  Honestly, that sounded cruel and unusual. Yet, I still considered driving to Cherry Creek after my sunrise yoga class. With further thought, I knew there was a smaller market or greek restaurant.  Both of which offer great carrot cake.

So, I was leisurely this morning.  Taught a few classes and then showered.  I drove to Park Hill to pick up carrot cake. Apparently, I wasn't the only person with this thought.  I walked in, assessed the 30 people in line, and did an about face.  I just couldn't do it.  I couldn't stand in line for 25 minutes for one item. I could feel myself getting claustrophic. 

Instead, I drove to the coffee shop and looked over their baked goods.  Cookies, carrot cake and a few other options.  One person in line in front of me.  Then I could pick and choose what spoke to  me.  Carrot cake, three cookies and waldorf astoria cake (in honor my niece, Emma. I have a picture from her first birthday where she attacks a waldorf astoria cupcake.  That girl loved cake, lol).  Done! No more parking or interacting with people on the hunt for food.

I treated myself to lunch.  I had considered meeting up with one friend.  We had communicated in the morning and than she went radio silent.  Instead of fixating on that, I went to a nearby wine bar and treated myself to a salad.  She and her husband are hosting thanksgiving tomorrow and so I know she has an abundance of stuff to sort through.  However, she could have easily sent a text back.  Regardless.

It was still fairly early.  A good time to pop in and not be too distracted. Ample parking (thankfully) and plenty of seating at the bar.  Within an hour, it started to fill up.  They have a staging area where you can sit or wait for your table.  A group of 8 sat down.  Two ladies in arm chairs and six people across from them.  I watched as each of the six, grabbed their phones and started scrolling.  It was ridiculous.  And it continued.  They, individually, kept staring at their phones.  I watched for, at least, twenty minutes.  Nonstop phone distraction.

Please do yourself a favor--if you are spending time with friends or family during the next few days--be present.  Put your phone away.  Make eye contact. Have a conversation.  Have we learned nothing from the last year?  

We always want what we can't have...a year ago, people were upset about being locked down, isolated and unable to socialize.  This year, we can socialize.  So what is stopping you from being present with your loved ones?  It was interesting to watch.  The gentleman next to me had the same sentiment as I did after I made a point to say something about it.

Take time and enjoy your people!  On a side note--my godparents are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary on the 26th.  My dad brought it up on eight different occasions.  Don't worry. I sent a card.  It totally made me chuckle.

I suppose I am ranting about being present because we can never retrieve time.  So hold your people close, love your life and enjoy good food.

Urban living

 I have been semi-consistent with walking City Park.  It gives me the opportunity to listen to a podcast,get movement and vitamin D.  Multi-tasking at its best.

Today, I opted to walk to Argonaut instead of driving.  I thought I was smart in leaving my house early to head to the market.  It was not early enough!  Already, crowded parking lot and people unable to walk at a fast pace with their shopping carts.  I was a little claustrophobic.  I could not get out of the store fast enough.

To avoid another stressful situation, I chose to walk to Argonaut.  Beautiful day and I had ample choices in my podcasts listening enjoyment.  The way there was uneventful. I encountered a few people walking around the city.  

At Argonaut, I selected a bottle of tequila and a bottle of wine.  I am attending a Friendsgiving tomorrow night and wanted to bring a bottle of tequila to the meet up.  I had told my friend that I would pick out an unconventional dessert and her response was--good, I am not making turkey for the meal.  Tequila seemed like it should be in order.

At any rate, I began my return home.  I walked out of the liquor store and headed east along Colfax.  Immediately, I sensed my mistake.  There were people just hanging out on the street.  I tried to assess my best route--where to cut up to 14th.  Multiple side streets had groups of people hanging out.  I kept heading East with my head up and tried to avoid any conflict.  As I approached Downing, I saw a guy under an awning standing near a tree. His bag was up against the building.  I figured it would be better to walk outside of him instead of against the building.  I walked around the outside and realized that I had narrowly missed him urinating on the tree.  Urban living at its finest!

After that encounter, I veered up a side street and didn't care if I ran into a group of men or not.  I returned to 14th St and felt safer and more at ease.  Not to say that anyone approached me or made me feel endangered.  It just felt like there was an odd vibe on Colfax that I wanted to avoid.

The next day and half could be chaotic.  Be kind.  Try to avoid falling into road rage, grocery cart rage or unpleasantness of any kind.  Maybe bag your own groceries.  I have a new items to pick up in the next day.  Overall, I am ready to just enjoy being around friends and drinking good wine.

I am thankful I did not see the man peeing on the tree.  It did make me smile, still....urban living, lol

Therapy for the mind and body

Happy Monday!  What a glorious day.  I saw something yesterday and it resonated.

Exercising is therapy for the body

Writing is therapy for the mind.

Loving is therapy for the soul.

I agree with all of these sentiments.  Especially the therapy of the mind.  I have felt better getting some thoughts down on this blog and igniting my creativity.  Or I am trying to light that flame.  Focusing on being consistent is definitely helping!

And I am a huge proponent of movement and exercise. Yesterday, I woke up, sluggish.  I did not have coffee creamer in my house and I was too lazy to go buy some.  Or, at least, that is what I told myself in the a.m.  Eventually, I realized how foolish I was being.  The sun was shining and the weather looked amazing.  Why was I hibernating inside when I could enjoy some time outside?

I grabbed my phone and chose a podcast that I was interested in listening to.  I alternate between the Successful Mind, Millionaire Mindcast, Entrepeneurs on Fire and the Side Hustle Show.  All of them are thoughtful, inspiring and empowering.  Sometimes they get a little preachy and their politics creep in.  When I feel that that is the focus of the conversation I tend to skip the podcast for a while.  I enjoy listening to the podcasts but when politics filter in, I lose interest.  

Immediately, my mood improved.  It was like a rush of endorphins and happiness.  I forget how much I enjoy being outside or how it can reset my mood.  No longer did I feel sluggish or stagnant.  I received great news from a client and an invitation to a friendsgiving.  My first response was a resounding yes!  I am excited to celebrate with friends.  I considered canceling due to our association but then thought better of it.  I know them through a friend of mine.  I am focusing on gratitude, kindness and making new memories.

Keep moving forward and forging new collaborations.  Happy Monday!  Spread some kindness and joy.

Yoga indoors and other news

Happy Sunday!  Here is to another absolutely gorgeous day in Denver/ It's remarkable, truly.  How the weather has held up, inspiring me to get outside and enjoy it.

I taught yoga indoors at a local bar yesterday for the first time.  I had arranged this opportunity by chatting with one of the bartenders about the fact that I teach yoga.  Ironically,. he is not the bartender who hosts the sessions. That duty fell on another guy who is gracious, kind and does yoga.  

We planned on a 9 a.m. class.  I arrived fifteen minutes early with no sign of Jordan.  I was a little skeptical.  I don't really know him that well and I didn't want to hassle him.  I sent him a text then called.  I considered my options and realized that we could go back to the park if need be.  Seriously, the weather is that good.  No wind yesterday and the sun was out sharing its brilliance.  Thankfully, he answered and problem solved itself.  

All of my clients moved the tables out of the way to make space and we waited while Jordan set up the space.  He offered to play music and so we listened to 80's music.  He knew that I listened to Prince earlier in the week and was being respectful of my music choices.  

Three men and one woman attended the class.  I loved it!  The music was sort of all over the place but it worked and we created this fantastic energy and heat.  One of my clients commented that it felt like he was taking a heated class and that he wasn't sure he signed up for that.  Opening the front door alleviated stress of that.  I believe we will develop a following and eventually, I will need to find a new space.  Fun times and all because I finally acknowledged my dream.  Of course, there are challenges and hiccups.  I am committed to working through them.

Outside of that, my weekend has been chill.  I had no plans for Thanksgiving except working.  That is the default way of how to spend the holiday.  Seriously, holidays only exist for me after working at whatever restaurant I am working at.  It is fine and I am thankful for work.  I will be fed which is a benefit.  Less need for me to shop and prep.  I made the mistake of going to a market earlier and it has started.  Already people are scrambling to get the goods for Thanksgiving.  I was a little claustrophobic and annoyed.  Quick trip for me!

I hope you have a wonderful rest of your Sunday!  Mine was great.  Unexpected news, gifts and invitations.  I will be heading to a Friendsgiving on Wednesday.  I cannot wait!  Some of my other friends are hosting on Thursday.  I will figure out something to make for Thursday lunch and then head in to work.  I am hoping for good weather and kindness.

Enjoy your Sunday.  Cheers!

Friday, movement and ramblings

Happy Friday!  It is a beautiful day in Denver!  Sun is shining and there is so much possibility in the air.  I love seeing the sun shining bright.

I have a few classes today before getting outside and incorporating movement into my day.  My mood improves and I feel better when I get movement.  I know that I am my own biggest enemy.  The overthinking, constant inner monologue and doubt.  Wouldn't it be easier to return to what I know?  

Baby steps and remembering that each day is a new opportunity to be better.  Today is truly gorgeous outside.  I am trying to met my sandwich digest before heading out to City Park.  I am trying to cook more instead of ordering take out.  Take out is super convenient but I struggle with the portion sizes and ingredients.  I am trying to eat cleaner and dining out defeats that purpose.

I had been pretty consistent during the Pandemic.  I had a walking partner where we walked three to five times a week.  It was fantastic.  We would talk politics, current events and other occurrences in our lives.  I really appreciated those walks with Christine.  Sometimes we would conclude to her patio and enjoy some wine.  I suppose the pandemic enabled more focus on quality time and conversation.  During that time, I think, I saw maybe five people consistently.  And that could be a stretch.  I did have zoom yoga classes but the in person meet ups were confined to maybe five people.  And mostly geared at being outdoors.  Seemed safer to meet people and get movement.

I have kept up the habit, somewhat.  I always feel better when I am consistent with movement.  There is so much transformation going on right now.  I keep telling myself to continue on this path and not fall back into learned habits.  I know it is the right thing for me.  

Maybe I should be meditating more.  Could that help?  At least twice a week, I have restless nights.  Nights where my mind refuses to shut off.  I have listened to a few podcasts where people speak of being able to shut down the brain and enjoy pure sleep.  Like 9 hours of sleep.  I could use that!

Topics swing from finances, work stress, relationships.  All seems to create anxiety for me as of right now.  The work stress outweighs the others but each day, I wake up, and believe it's going to be a great day.  And I have had some fantastic opportunities and new clients in the last month.  I think the holidays are off putting me.  People's schedules are all over the place.  It can be challenging.

I do believe in what I am trying to achieve.  Working for myself and bringing yoga to people.  I hope you have a wonderful day. I am finally ready to get outside and enjoy the day!

gratitude and other reflections

 Gratitude....focus of this month.  

I think I am most thankful for my body scrub this afternoon.  It enabled me two hours of bliss and self-care.  When I arrived, there was one other woman in the facility.  We alternated between the dry sauna and cold splash.  Somehow we managed to avoid the other before my number was called for the body scrub.

I had a moderately productive day before letting it go. This evening was a loss. I dropped flyers off to the bar regarding yoga and then headed to pick up food at one of my favorite italian spots.  I showed up, early, to ensure that I would be able to get a seat at their bar.  Ironically, there were no spots.  The manager offered me a seat and I watched him carry a bar stool across the restaurant with a child in his arms.  The things we do, lol.

I ordered take out and went out fairly early.  I set up my activities to achieve and fell asleep.  I hope it doesn't interfere with my night of sleep.  The last week has been crazy.  Waking up, hourly, or every hour and a half. It is messing with my routine.  I think I am overthinking which is normal.  Typically, I can shut this off but the last few days it has run wild.  I need a switch or way to regulate this.  

Tomorrow there are a few classes and then work.  I am thankful for both.  The classes allow me to express my creativity and build on my dream. I want to share movement with people.  I was working, steadily, until the last month.  The holidays are proving to be a challenge.  Still there is opportunity out there as I am finding.

Working enables supplemental income.  I have struggled to make it work due to my own issues.  I want to work but I want it under ideal circumstances.  That is on me.  I will continue to work on myself as I navigate working.

Blogging is helping me be consistent and thoughtful.  I need both right now.  I am continuing on this path wherever it leads.  As noted, it is easier to fail.  I refuse to do that this time.  Gratitude for life, people, food and water.  I am hoping that yoga this Saturday will be a success!

Double up

 Two posts today.  I was doing well.  Then, yesterday I got a little sidetracked.  Lunch with Roxie, followed by a meet up with Jordan to coordinate Saturday yoga which derailed me.   Originally, Jordan and I texted about meeting at a coffee shop in the morning.  I walked over to the coffee shop at said time and waited.  

Eventually, I reached out to see if he remembered about our meet up. I didn't want to suffocate him but I had cleared my morning to be able to meet with him.  He called me and seemed discombobulated.  He said that he had been covering shifts and so his sleep schedule was off.  I can respect that.  I remember working at bars and getting off at 3 a.m..  You aren't quite ready for sleep and so you stay up.  Maybe have a beverage or two and wake up the next day at noon.  I cannot live like that anymore.  It is way too hard on my body!

He called me after I had arranged a meet up with Roxanne.  We were planning on walking in her neighborhood with their foster dog.  We could day drink at Postino and get Teddy more exposure.  I texted Roxanne that I needed to postpone for an hour or so. Jordan offered to come to my apartment with wine to chat about the Saturday sessions.  I told him I could meet him in 20 minutes and not to worry--I had wine.  I went downstairs to my front porch and waited.  I had my calendar, my phone and a book. Thirty minutes pass and he has not shown up.  I figure he fell back asleep.

I text him to suggest meeting later that I needed to run some errands and get stuff done.  He calls me to see where I am and when we can meet.  Seriously, I believe he was sleep walking.  I do get it.  Sleep deprivation is a real thing.

Eventually, we meet but it threw off my day.  It threw off my desire to write.  Instead, I met him, we ended up bar hopping in my hood (which was fantastic by the way).  We stopped by the Middleman and To the Wind.  I miss the impulsiveness of going to a random bar or restaurant.  I am conditioned to make reservations, post pandemic.  It ensures getting a seat, lol.  

Last night was fantastic!  We stopped into To the Wind and tried to get a seat at their bar.  They told us we had 10 minutes but to sit down and they would take care of us.  I miss that!  I love the spontanaeity!

I have some things to attend to.  I did manage to make my new flyers for Saturday yoga events.  I will drop them off and figure out the rest of my day.  I feel blissful and free.

definition of success

I listened to a podcast earlier and the guy was questioning how people define their success.  He laid out ten principles that made him feel successful.  Financially, family, health and wellness, etc...I can maybe think of five.  Perhaps more, but definitely five.  

It sparked inspiration.  How do I define success?  
I do not lead a conventional lifestyle. I suppose that would be a tenet for me.  The ability to navigate life without adhering to the traditional garb--marriage, kids, white picket fence.  Upon reflection, I realize that my first belief of success relates to being able to purchase a beverage with a meal.  I grew up in a family of six.  Rarely did we go out to lunch or dinner.  If we did, we could order water.  More often than not, we would share items (for example, chinese food) and our choice of beverage was limited to water.  Dining out was the treat. We didn't need to spoil it by having a soda.

When I went to college and was able to order a glass of wine with lunch ***when I was 21*** I felt like I had arrived.  I was successful.  I could rely on myself.

Second tenet of success--my health.  I have good health and can enjoy it.  I am fortunate in this arena and I work at it.  I wake up, hydrate massive amounts of water and try to eat clean food.  Of course, I have cheat days and meals.  I drink wine.  It doesn't contribute to my success but it helps with my stress level and overall well-being.  Drinking wine is social, connecting people and enjoyable.

The ability to travel has always been a way I measure success.  Travel has been and will continue to be essential in my life.  I have slowed down due to the pandemic.  I haven't flown since March of 2020 which seems strange.  Just haven't been that inspired to go fly somewhere and encounter restrictions of where to go or where to eat.

I am successful (I think) with my friends and family.  I try to communicate as effectively as possible.  Most of the time, it isn't easy.  Hard conversations have to be had though if you truly want a friendship and/or relationship.  You cannot gloss over things that are important to you.  

Financially, I am healthy.  I could be better.  I know this.  Still, I have the flexibility to choose the path I am on.  Currently, a touch of struggle due to the uncertainty of where this leads.  But isn't that what makes it exciting?

I listened to another podcast and the guy mentioned that we all limit ourselves when we allow doubt to filter in.  It is so true and difficult to not let it filter in.  It starts small and sort of festers.  This pertains to my financial health.  I need to recognize that I am in a good place and can get better.

I believe in giving back to the community.  It is more rewarding to give anonymously or so I think.  Doing it with no tit for tat.  

How do you define success?  What inspires you?  How are your tenets of success unique to you and your lifestyle?  I could think more on it.  I am a tad bit distracted by my event this evening.  I wanted to write.  My morning was incredibly productive and then it slowed down at lunch.  I have tasks to manage before hosting a happy hour.  I need to focus on that!

Happy Tuesday.  As always--celebrate, enjoy and taste life~

Gratitude and other reflections

 I love November.  I always have. To me, it represents gratitude and a reason to express gratitude.  Maybe even be kinder, nicer, more gracious.  

I wrote about consistency the other day.  In one area of my life, I have been consistent with my Monday Motivation posts.  I started them during the pandemic as a way to hold myself accountable for pursuing being my own boss.  I could share stories, ideas and thoughts every Monday.  As that has evolved, it has taken on a life of its own.  This month, for example, I am posting about things I am grateful for--friendships, my new metal butterfly and wine lunches with friends.  I feel I am finding my voice and feel more comfortable sharing it.  I am not so concerned about what other people think or what they will say.  I am trying to be honest with where I am at in life.

Sometimes it feels like one step forward, two steps back.  Why is it so much easier to self-sabotage than to keep momentum going?  Is it all related to fear?  Or doubt?  Or guilt?  I really don't know. I do see some patterns emerging currently.  I need to set healthy limits so that I do focus on what is important to me.  And I need to continue to be positive and honest about what I want.  If I need to say no to a lunch date because I don't feel going, I need to do it. Or, if I pick up a book and know that it isn't for me, I need to put it down instead of forcing myself to read it.  This current book I was gifted is awful.  Run on sentences.  Run on sentences and I still cannot get into the story.  I think I have slogged through forty pages.  I need to release it to one of free libraries in my neighborhood.  I just don't think I can do it.

I have gratitude to realizing my boundaries. Better yet, my need to establish boundaries.  Save my energy and focus.  I have my final yoga happy hour tomorrow and I cannot wait!   I went shopping for supplies this morning and will be able to do the prep work tomorrow.  I am relying a little more on dips and charcuterie than I had in the past.  I also had a partner that was creative and mindful about dishes he prepared.  

I am learning to be more confident in this arena.  The group yoga does not terrify me like it once did. I hope to teach more group classes as a matter of fact.  Something to focus on for 2021.  Finding a space to offer groups classes and happy hour.

 Now, I am worried about the appetizers I bring.  I am bringing foods that I think are tasty and a little diverse.  More cheese than I would like to offer but just because I don't enjoy dairy doesn't mean that other people do not.  I have my standard veggie tray and a few other easy creations.  Wine and tequila to distract if the food is not adequate.

Only time will tell.  Tomorrow will be fantastic. I am thankful for the place that I am in right now.  Thankful for the opportunity to reflect and be tranquil.  What are you thankful for today?

Sunday reflections

Each day, we choose how to spend it.  Positively or passively. For me, positively translates to being active, productive and mindful.  Passively isn't necessarily negative but it is more of an existence setting.  I tend to do an in between mix of the two some days.  This morning, for example.  I woke up with the intention of meditating, reading and reflecting.  I got sidetracked while making making my smoothie.  New smoothie combination--pineapple, blackberry, pear, cucumber, beet, kale, turmeric and yogurt.  Not the prettiest color but tasty.  

In the last few weeks, I have been utilizing my blender. I feel healthier when I begin my day with a smoothie as opposed to eggs.  I go through phases where I make the same things for breakfast.  For some time, I have been relying on scrambled eggs, corn tortillas and salsa or chile of sorts. I do love green chile!  However, I am trying to change up my routines and alter my caloric intake.  I have felt sluggish since my birthday.  Perhaps due to wine lunches or eating things I had cut out of my diet in an attempt to maintain my weight.  Almost five years ago, I found a trainer that I adore.  She is a great balance of nutrition and working out.  She inquired about eating habits by having me journal for five days.  I was surprised by how crappy I was eating.  I would make a salad with avocado, blue cheese crumbles and dressing.  I wasn't really concerned about the amount of cheese or oil I was putting in the salad either.  Courtney suggested being moderate and eating clean.  She also always harps on me about drinking wine.  I am unwilling to give that up so I made modifications with food.  I decreased dairy.  Initially, I thought it would be difficult to give up cheese but found it easy, surprisingly.  I hesitated to cut out half and half for my coffee.  I didn't like rice milk.  Soy milk was tolerable and I was having difficulty embracing coconut milk.  After a time, I found I enjoy almond milk and the combination of coconut and oat or almond.  

Cutting out cheese was easy.  I could make modifications while dining out with others.  If they wanted a cheese tray, I could graze on the almonds, fruits or whatever else was included with it.  Don't get me wrong, I still do eat cheese at times.  I like caesar salads--so there is that.  I cut out my love of lobster mac and cheese and other comfort food driven sides.  I feel better and do not feel guilty drinking wine.

I was making progress until the last few months.  I have eaten pizza, scalloped potatoes, mashed potatoes, etc. recently since that is what is being offered at the restaurant.  It is more convenient to eat what is made after working a shift then go home and try a healthier option.  Typically, I am tired and just need some fuel. The pizza last weekend was a huge mistake.  I woke up to a food coma!  I will not make that mistake again.  I will force myself to abstain.   Choosing a smoothie to start my day offsets (a little) if I do eat something that I normally wouldn't choose due to convenience.  And not every day does the restaurant make foods I don't want to eat.  Many nights, they will make a salad with salmon for me.  I love that!

I have some show on in the back ground and am uninspired to read.  My friend, Adriana, gifted me a book that she had read.  When I asked if if was good, she hesitated. I suppose that is all I needed to know.  As much as I want a new book to delve into if the writing isn't good, than I struggle to finish it.  I picked it up to read a few pages and I think I am not going to be a fan.

I am trying to reflect (be consistent, so far, so good.  day #4).  I think it is helping me reset my mindset and keep my energy up.  Keep moving forward and avoid being stagnant.  Money will always be there.  I cannot get back time.

Have a wonderful day!  Maybe do a mix of positive and passive.  It is Sunday!

Saturday musings

Good morning!  Happy Saturday.  Looks like it is shaping up to be a wonderful day to get outside and enjoy some sunshine.  I have about 45 minutes before I will be teaching yoga at a park. I am so thankful for this opportunity to teach group classes.  When I started teaching, I was hesitant to teach more than one person at a time.  It seemed easier to assess what the client was looking for.  I didn't have to meld styles or make too many modifications if I focused on one client at a time.

Over time, friends want to introduce you to other people that might be interested in yoga and so I expanded my classes.  I incorporated more people and got comfortable with that setting.  I enjoyed it and making it work for each individual.

My first group class of five people made me nervous.  I didn't know any of these ladies and I was terrified!  What if they didn't like me?  What if that I didn't like my music selection or style?  I was so nervous when I entered the classroom.  

It all worked out and I find myself here. I find myself looking forward to my Saturday session and have loved that I can teach outside.  There is something about laying on the earth during savasana.  That connection and absorbing energy.  Truly rejuvenating!  

This morning will be a small class.  One of my clients just texted that her new puppy woke up at 4:30 and they have been unable to sleep since then.  I am bummed on a few levels but I do understand how important sleep is.  I had a horrible night of sleep on Tuesday.  I woke up around 12:30 and was restless until I forced myself up at 5:30. I didn't want to miss another sunrise yoga session.  The opportunity to be outside and get movement is what I am bummed about for her.  It will be til next year that I am able to offer classes outside.

The class went well.  3/4 of the way through the wind picked up and made it a little challenging to balance. Instead of forcing something, I altered the sun C to make it more approachable.  

Since then, I am trying to be reflective and present.  I could have picked up lunch.  Ramen sounded good or posole.  I remembered that I have red and green chile from Santa Fe.  I should enjoy that!  

I keep seeing posts about being creative, singing, dancing or expressing yourself in ways that we sometimes forget.  We forget how to be joyful or youthful, almost, it seems.  Cutting loose without using a substance.  Listening to music and adding movement sounds amazing.  Yesterday, I had a personal training session.  This was the first time in over a year that multiple trainers were on site offering sessions.  The trainer with a different session was playing the worst music.  I really couldn't handle it.  Rage music.  Pure yelling with no beat or rhythm. Thankfully, it was only fifteen minutes of hell.  

I need to cut this short.  Get outside and enjoy the sun before working tonight.  May you have an excellent day~

Reading, making changes and reflecting

 My friend, Lindsay, gave me a book for my birthday.  Natural Causes, by Barbara Ehrenreich, and although I was intrigued by the title, I stuck it under a stack of clutter on my coffee table.  Folders, yoga prep, yoga journals, other books, etc. scattered around my work space.  I tried to get into a finance book but couldn't do it.  I think I am actually going to have to take a timer and force myself to focus on that task.  

I prefer reading fiction or subjects that interest me.  Finance should be of interest.  It is. Just not something that I set aside time to read about.  I struggled to get interested and considered my other options.  What other books do I have lying around?  I picked up Natural Causes and did not want to put it down.  It is interesting and most of it did resonate with my thoughts regarding health, the medical industry and pharmaceuticals. I am still reading it so I won't say much more on the topic.  Outside of the fact that I am enjoying it.  And it is helping me focus on some of the changes I hope to make.  Less watching, more doing. 

I recognized last week, I rarely walked City Park. The weather was not awful so there was no reason to not walk.  I think I was in a funk.  It was easier to be social to avoid dealing with some of the internal stuff.  I could meet up for a wine lunch to distract myself from being sad.  I hope to rectify a situation with a certain someone soon (as noted in an earlier post. However, I cannot rush this.)  Instead of reaching out to him, I tried to not think about it.  I believe that we will talk soon.  Patience is becoming a virtue.  

This break also allows me time to focus on my goals.  Health, wellness, investing, having a positive mindset, writing, doing more, thinking less.  I know my patterns.  It is always easy to return to what is known.  I have my entire life.  I can revert to this pattern of working for other people and take time off for me.  Rinse.  Recycle.  Repeat.  

I have benefitted from this, too.  The flexibility of my schedule enabled a life well traveled until the last year and a half.  But the service industry is hard on the body.  At least for me it is.  I am so thankful for my health and I continue to work on it.  

Ironically, the Natural Causes book eventually addresses smoking.  I have never been a smoker.  I know people find it relaxing.  It never appealed to me.  And I have worked with hundreds of people who never missed a smoke break, lol. The most apparent irritation with that aspect of that was when I worked at the airport. I would be done, ready to clock out and bounce but a few co-workers needed a smoke break before I was able to leave.  Always a 20 minute endeavor, at least.  I think I was probably the most resentful of smokers at that job.  

It is a beautiful day in Denver.  I am thankful to be outside, reflect and plan.  Making small changes daily does help. Day #3 of blogging.

Consistency

Consistency is essential.  I keep reminding myself of this.  So, here is to building a foundation and continuing to write, focus, reflect.  Day #2 of letting my thoughts flow.

Yesterday, I found out that a friend of mine from childhood passed away.  I was a little overwhelmed.  I had not seen her in years but it opened up so many memories.  I worked alongside Sally when I was in high school.  Her mother in law, Carol, was my boss and lifelong friend.  Carol passed away a few years ago and that is what was reopened.  The sadness of someone dying too soon.  

My last lunch with Carol was at the Swedish Crown in Lindsborg, Kansas.  I had arranged a meet up on my way to visit my niece and nephew.  I picked her up at the facility she had chosen to live at.  Up until that point, she lived by herself at this cute home in Salina.  She chose to relocate when she was unable to get into the bath tub.  Always a practical woman who refused to be a burden to anyone in her life.  I miss her.  And I will miss Sally, too.  Similar to Carol and how she lived her life.  Kind, gracious and practical.  She would share Mary Engelbreit sayings frequently on social media.  That artist was one I became familiar with while working for Carol and Sally.  

Losing friends is a reminder that I want to make peace with certain people in my life.  I don't want to regret waiting too long.  I need it for me.  In the last week, I have heard about two people that have passed away.  They were older but provided support and care for me in times of need.  Brian's grandmother passed away.  It had been years since I had seen Rita.  I believe it had been over ten years. She had retired and would travel to Minnesota to visit her family.  I believed I would arrange a trip.  There was always next year.   

So cherish the people in your life.  Reach out to someone that you have lost contact with or have allowed a misunderstanding to widen into a disconnect.  I am trying to make peace with a certain someone.  I remain hopeful.  

All I can do is try.  And hope, believe and remain on my path.  Refuse to return to the comfort of what I know.  I believe in choosing me and where this path is leading.  Make it a great day!

Current state of affairs. Am I on the right path and other reflections

Wow, it can be challenging to turn off the subconscious mind.  Last night was a doozy.  I woke up at 12:30 and struggled to calm my mind until I finally forced myself up at 5:55.  I had an early yoga session that I refused to sleep though again.  Typically, I am an early riser and have little issue with waking up.   Last Friday that was not happening.  I woke up 15 minutes after our scheduled session.  I didn't beat myself up too much.  This had been the third attempt at that particular session that kept getting pushed to another day due to migraines, children's schedules, etc.  Sometimes, your body needs a break!

That being said, I did manage to get up.  I reflected on what I was struggling with...am I doing the right thing?   Should I continue to grind, hustle--is it worth it?  Would it be easier to return to working for other people?  What should I be doing more of?  Am I annoying people?  

It was this nonstop stream.  I would wake, flip to my other side, and try to relax.  I think I attempted to count sheep which did not work.  

It reminded me of some of my past decisions.  Especially in college.  I had the opportunity to complete a thorough synopsis of an issue to Latin America that I was interested in.  I had a year to complete my thesis and it would be an honor.  We met once a week to discuss ideas and how our progress was coming along.  Early on, I knew that I wasn't too vested in it.  I found reasons to skip the session with the intention of making it up.  I barely completed the task and at the end of it, the instructor was disappointed in my lack of effort.  It was easier to fail then succeed.   I remember feeling that way back then.  I wasn't too broke up by it since I hadn't planned on going to graduate school.  It was a lesson.  

I see myself trying to repeat it.  Subconsciously I see doubts creeping in and it's hard to smother them.  It is hard to not acknowledge them.  I know that I want to continue on this path. That I am learning a ton of new skills that I never thought I would enjoy.  I actually don't mind putting together flyers, newsletters or other graphics. The admin aspect is something that I am still not loving.  I am trying to embrace that aspect and improve.  All of the financials are something that I tend to avoid, too.  I think it is due to the fact of how I raised.  With a limiting or negative idea about money.  I see that my parents did the best with what they knew.  Still, being told money doesn't grow on trees is hard to get past or consider an abundant lifestyle.  Or always being told pay things in cash or do not buy things you cannot afford is limiting.  I think I would be more comfortable had I had a better relationship with money when I was younger. 

 I want to journal more.  Hence, returning to blogging.  I have never been as disconnected with a situation than I feel right now.  I have support and friends who continue to encourage and assist me.  Still, sometimes, that is not enough.  There is still that doubt.  The dreams.  The indecision.  

It would be much easier to fail.  I now see how important finding your WHY is...because, truly, it would be fantastic to return to the comfort of what is known.  That does not aid me in doing my own thing.  I must work past my own limiting beliefs and choose to succeed this time.  Not take the easier path and disappoint not only myself, but others.  

Sorry for all of the reflection.  I needed to get it out, somewhere.  Out of my head and reflect.  I hope you have a wonderful day.  It is a gorgeous day in Denver!