reflections and sleep

The mind is so powerful.  What do they say--if you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you won't.  Pretty basic but so true.

I have been in a reflection phase the last few days.  I can't help myself.  My conscious mind is always racing and the subconscious; well, that has a pulse of its own.  Seriously.  In the last three days, two of which, I have slept like complete shit.  The one night that I had no issues I had overindulged.  I should have completely woken up, hourly.

Last night was okay. I chilled on a heating pad for the majority of the night.  Eventually, I moved to my bedroom and slept a solid six hours.  I woke up towards the end.  But it wasn't terrible.  Wednesday night was worse.  Fear, anxiety, insecurities ruled that night.  I woke up after dreaming about experiences I didn't want to have. Or seeing friends that I have not spoken to, in months, appear in restaurants in Santa Fe in my dreams.  Very bizarre.

I can only do me.  I can only focus on what is healthy for me.  Good or bad.  Sometimes, I make terrible decisions.  Honestly, I can only continue to keep it moving forward.  Not obsess or analyze why or why I do not do something.  Be thankful that I am safe and present another day.

Yoga was great this morning.  I am thankful for Jordan who allows us to utilize his space.  It all is an investment.  Laying groundwork and building foundation.   I am appreciative.  As much as I sound like I am beating myself up (or so I think), I did have good news today.  One of my clients texted to say that he enjoyed his dinner at the compound. Meanwhile, a former colleague texted and updated me on her life and travel. She had some nuggets of good insight into my current situation.  I feel that I am leading with the bad but really, I am good.  One of my other clients brought me turkey pot pie and pumpkin pie.  It has been a grand day.

I feel better.  I feel more, at peace, and that I am on the right path.  Just need to keep moving forward and not get hung up in the energy around me.  Sometimes, it is difficult for me to just be.  I tend to take on more and then get resentful when other people step back.  I need to just work and not get hung up with other peoples stuff.  We shall see how it work tonight.

Enjoy your Saturday!