Freeze, Flight, Fight or fawn

Sober January continues.  As it continues, I find myself drawn to learning, reflecting, assessing. I signed up for a wealth building seminar, a money mindset of abundance journaling and an energetic workshop.  Finding a balance of control and softness.  I woke up today with a laundry list of chores.  Multiple classes, seminar, meditation, facial, new smoothie and then a walk with Roxie.  It was a wonderful way to start my day.  I liked having a full day.

The energy seminar is interesting.  Innovative way to assess how I react to stimuli when I am in a situation of danger.  I do not know that I have ever considered this.  Do I fight?  Flee?  Freeze or fawn?  Or, simply put, how I have been reacting in the last two years.  How have I kept myself emotionally safe?

Controller, distractor, isolator or pleaser?  If I can control everything, I will be okay. If everyone would just do it right. Also known as a fight response.  Maybe sometimes, I sink into this arena of control  I do like everything to go smoothly.  Yet, in times of severe danger, I am not trying to control anything.  Distractor as a strategy puts attention elsewhere or jumping from thing to thing.  They are constantly moving away from something.  This sense of fleeing.  I see myself doing this to some degree.  Yet, it is not the dominant response.  Isolating is the third strategy. They retreat inward to disappear or remove themselves. Similar to freezing to feel safe.  Pleasers try to take care of everyone else.  If everyone else is happy, than I am happy.  Pleaser wants everyone to like them to feel safe.

I think I am a combination of all four.  In severe danger, I freeze.  That is where I have felt the safest.  Think, parallel universe to save myself.  Or I try to not be seen or disappear.  In regards to the pandemic, I think I isolated more than anything else.  It felt safe to retreat within my home.  And for the initial three months, it isn't like I had a choice.  Everything was shut down. Restaurants were doing take out if they were open and being inside was directed.  I managed to get outside, daily, to walk a park which probably saved me from being lonely or melting down.  

I tend to people please in social situations. Actually, it tends to be a combination of freezing and pleasing.  I do not enjoy being the center of attention and so I do what it takes to blend in.  In that way, I will go with the flow to keep everyone happy. Perhaps, I am overanalyzing.  

This has been an interesting evaluation.  I could be more assertive (controlling) and less of a pleaser in some situations.  In others, especially if I plan the outing or event, I have no problem taking control.  I suppose it is situational.

I look forward to the rest of this seminar.  The questions asked and all of the reflection I will be doing.  Happy Wednesday!