2025

Here is to an amazing new year.  I am absolutely ready for new energy, opportunities and travel.  No more meh year of 2024.  I feel that since 2020 each year has been its own type of shit sandwich to a certain degree.  2020 was a pandemic.  Loads of fun to reflect on.  2021 was a smidge better than 2020.  At least some restrictions were lifted and travel returned domestically.  2022 offered more yoga opportunities, growth and I met Tom.  An improvement over the former two years.  2023 was ok.  Not as solid as 2022.  I started getting depressed about my lack of travel.  That feeling has remained with me.  I never knew how much I relied on travel to provide happiness.

And I have been traveling.  To Santa Fe, Texas, Kansas, Arizona.  I am not traveling at the rate I would like to and that is the issue.  Tom and I have not taken a trip out of the country which is further depressing me.  Part of it is due to timing and health concerns.  Thankfully, we managed to make great strides in his health journey this part year.  We are currently waiting to have a consult for an endoscopy before his hip surgery can be arranged.  It is another example of why people are frustrated with health care in this country.  Some places won't take his insurance and now we will have to have it scheduled in Albuquerque which adds another layer of challenge.  I remain hopeful that he will have the hip replacement by March at the latest.  Fingers crossed.

We have discussed going to Mexico, Puerto Morelos, to be exact.  Five to seven days on the beach sounds terrific.  We just have not been able to do it because of health concerns until this year.  Or we have considered Las Vegas or Miami.  However, I think we will be focusing on western cities/states this year.  

Health, healing and communication will be focuses for me this year.  I have some things I need to release and let go of that I have carried with me throughout my life.  I am understanding how carrying that emotional baggage with me from relationship to relationship is a habit I need to break.  I need to have better coping mechanisms to deal with stress and conflict.  It is never fun to take a hard look at yourself and realize that there are things that need to change to improve yourself, life, relationship. Mostly, I want to be better and focus on what truly makes me happy.  End living in mediocrity and thrive.  

How will I be able to do that?  By making some small changes, daily.  Creating new habits and patterns which will inspire new energy and opportunity.  I am skipping dry January this year and changing up that focus.  I intend to be moderate to eliminate some of the crazy episodes I create for people in my life to contend with.  It can be challenging.  I strive to create new patterns, habits and routines to elevate my life.

Thank you for listening to my 2025 hopes of new energy and possibility.  It is time, for me, to make some changes to live my best life.

Moving towards the light

It's been a weird year.  Emotionally, career-wise, weather.  It does not feel like a week before Christmas in Colorado.  I don't know what else to say.  Global warming is a thing.   As much as some people want to call it a hoax, it is not.  We are experiencing the effects of it currently. There is no denying that climate change is a thing.

Solstice to celebrate the light.  Are we not all working our way towards the light?

Yoga.  Meditation.  Daily walks.  Hydration.  All habits I intend to maintain in 2025.  I want a better year than the last few years.  In spite of the potential chaos of the upcoming years.  Who knows what will happen?  

I feel overwhelmed by everything.  There are so many crazy things to obsess about it.  Tariffs.  Sales tax.  Lower taxes for the uber rich.  Slashing healthcare.  Women's rights.  Contraception.  Mass deportation.  Attacks on poor people, minorities, women.  Rape squads.   The list goes on and on.  

I finally acknowledged that I need to let it go.  I cannot stay in that vibe.  Not only was it not aiding my overall mental health, but I also wasn't sleeping.  I think that is some of the point of this onslaught of information.  It requires way too much effort to keep up to date on what is happening.  It is a distraction tactic and it's working.  No one is questioning or watching what is going on behind the curtain.  Moreover, being anxious leads to giving up and allowing things to happen.  I do not want to do that.  I refuse to be forced back into the home and be submissive.  What happened to the majority of Gen X white women that are my age?  How could you vote against your own interest and spew nonsense of letting your husband make the decision for you.  What was your upbringing like?  Mine reflected my mother working at random jobs that were offered while we were in school.  House cleaner, retail, Mary Kay, Avon--acceptable positions that didn't conflict with the responsibilities of motherhood.  

Yet, I watched her be giving more of herself and dimming her own light to ensure that we had a proper childhood.  She didn't travel.  She didn't meet girlfriends for day drinking lunch.  She didn't pursue financial independence because it wasn't an option.  

What kind of life is that?  Why do we acquiesce to being the homemaker and eliminate our dreams?  When did we decide that this was our only role to submit to men?

It is time to move towards lightness, unify and build community.  We need arts, creativity and likeminded individuals in our lives.  

DIY

I am taking the DIY to a whole other level.  Trying to fix things by sewing and cutting my own hair.  Hand sewing is one thing.  I know that it is not pretty or precise.  I am more concerned about the functionality of the item.  I borrowed a cooler from Tom.  The strap broke.  It was after the election when my mind was shattered.   I was trying to focus on things I could control and improve.  I needed to distract myself from the insanity I was feeling and the chaos I knew would come.

I sewed the strap back on and so far, it is holding up.  And it doesn't look too awful.  

Recently, I discovered a knot in my hair.  Or as Brie referred to it--you have a dread.  Unintentionally, but yes, I definitely have a dread.  I tried detangling, combing it out, anything outside of cutting it.  I have pulled my hair out as it is dry with split ends.  I am not consistent with seeing a stylist.  I never have been.  It doesn't rank high on my list of priorities.  As I struggled with what to do, a thought came to me.  What if I could cut my own hair?  Surely, there are videos out there to assist with this.  And there are.  I found a few that resonated and bought scissors.  I received a kit of tools and decided to open them up today to attempt the cut.  I picked up one of the tools thinking it was a detangler comb and it is a hair thinner.  I thinned out some of my hair and removed the dread from my other side.  I did not attempt to cut the length as I am still reacting to the thinning tool.  It seems like it was not too terrible of an idea, but we shall see.  I am telling myself it's just hair and it will grow back.  

Eventually, I will need to deal with the split ends.  They are becoming annoying and too noticeable.  I think, during times of stress, I want to fix things.  I want to figure out control of my life and livelihood.  Maybe even avoid going outside?

I know that is unavoidable.  I enjoy interacting with people too much.  I feel like hibernating due to disappointment from the election.  Acknowledging that people choose racism, sexism, misogyny over wanting equal rights for everyone.  Choosing the cost of gas or eggs to explain why you would vote for hate or eliminating rights is ridiculous and disheartening.  

I thought we had moved beyond it after the chaos of 2016, covid, nonstop crazy for four years.  I couldn't contemplate how someone would welcome that back into their realities.  And it will be worse.  There is more at stake this time.  I know that I need to find hope in this situation and the upcoming years.  Maybe I have been too complacent since the pandemic.  I have not traveled abroad or pushed myself to exceed expectations.  I have coasted along and been fine with how things are.  Why do I not embody the true entrepreneurial spirit?  I saw a part of an episode about WeWork and the guy dreamed way outside of his reality.  Until he made it work.  He created something out of nothing. 

I do not know enough about we work to make a judgment on it.  I admire this guy's ability to dream big and try to make it happen.

Embarking on more DIY projects and cooking at home.  Find what makes you happy and see the light at the end of this tunnel.  We will be experiencing many, many dark days ahead.  

Asian Cucumber Salad

I love cucumbers.  I do.  With tzatziki, hummus, avocados.  Recently, I have discovered many ways to utilize them.  There is a craze on IG all of the different recipes to utilize cucumbers.  I had tagged a few different ideas--Thai, Korean and Asian.  I settled for the Asian version.  Mostly since I had all of the ingredients and felt like the peanuts would add good texture.  

Rice wine vinegar, sesame oil, honey (I don't have maple syrup), salt, pepper and peanuts.  This was incredible and such a great addition to the happy hour last night.  Today, it was even better.  I guess that is why I enjoy hosting happy hours.  The leftovers that I benefit from.  And, no, I am not weird about utilizing leftovers.  There are times at caterings where I cringe when people choose to take cheese/charcuterie boards home.  

Consider how long these boards have set out being exposed to people breathing, touching, drying out?  That stuff freaks me out. I think I have some OCD when it comes to it.  I cannot/will not eat off of a buffet after it has been out for a few hours.  Tom was disappointed in me a few years ago when he suggested we could eat at a trade tasting for wine and chile.  I was like---what????  Absolutely not.  

As noted, I have some hard-core beliefs when it comes to food, preparation, etc.  Back to the cucumber salad, it is amazing.  I believe I will curate some next week while visiting Tom's family in Texas.  We need some healthier snacks, too.  I love parts of Thanksgiving fare but enjoy other offerings.  I think I will make the charcuterie in a mason jar and cucumber salad.  I want to see how it does with his family.  

Last year, Tom made the turkey and mashed potatoes.  So good.  I know it will be similar this year and the Kerp dip.  Always a tradition and one that I love.  One of his sisters or sisters-in-law will make it this year.  My clients like my version of it but I am not prepared to suggest that I tackle it with his family.  Instead, I will make the Asian cucumber salad.  I am excited to share it with his family.

There will be wine.  Plenty of wine, some football, yoga and time in Texas.  It might be last visit for a while.  I am making choices of travel based on commonalities and kindness.  No more supporting, financial or otherwise, places that are restrictive to women, minorities, others.  Perhaps only a small thing but effective.  

Find your own way to resist.  And to support what you believe in.  One of my friends is crocheting scarves for the refugees that will be deported.  I am committed to writing.  I enjoy it and it is my way of participating and providing truths.  Getting out of the nonsense of being gaslit or lied to.

I will comment on food, travel, yoga and community.  Join me if you are able.  

figuring it out

Still reeling from November 5th.  

I have been a hot mess of wow--how did this happen?  Am I an elite?  How are there so many stupid people voting against their interests?  White women, why?  Gen X women, why?  Why do you hate your rights as a woman?  Do you think you still have a seat at the kids' table?  Why do you think your man should choose your vote?  

Great, get deported for voting this regime in.  My initial response was, yea, fuck around and find out.  Do you think you are safe when they start deporting immigrants?  

How did they call this election almost immediately?  Why did this happen?  How did this happen?  Stupid people.  Fear.  

Nick Fuentes bragging about men winning again.  And then cowering at his mother's house when he was confronted for being a prick.  Typical.  Hide behind a woman.  That video he released, almost immediately on 11/5, was so gross.  So vile.  Repulsive.  Then, I think why people chose to overlook what they were saying all along?  Project 2025.  Mass Deportations.  Tariffs.  

What does this mean for me?  For other women?  Will I have control over my finances?  Will I have a job in 2025?  Insomnia.  Should I be buying canned goods to avoid leaving my apartment in January?  How did this happen?  Fuck around and find out.  All is lost.  This is worse than 2016.  Why?  How?  Is this a mandate?  Do people truly think 45 is better with the economy?  How is the tax cut for the 1% going to help me?  Or others? 

Did I mention that I haven't been sleeping?  That my mind races and considers all of the worst-case scenarios.  Ending up in a field, laboring for others since I am no longer viable as a vessel.  I mean, I am.  I still am ovulating but the chance of carrying to a full term is .000001.  Or something along those numbers.  Yes, I am experiencing the awesomeness of ovulation (weeklong cycles which is not what I experienced as a child).  Feeling like crap before and during the period.  Sounds amazing, I know.  

I have been deep in the rabbit hole of fear.  Until today.

I refuse to give in or give up.  I have choices.  I can do things to resist and push back.  As can you.  Do not fold and allow them to steam roll you.

I will continue to support local businesses.  I will discover new authors and share them with friends.  One of my sisters recently confided in me that she was unaware of the term white fragility.  I didn't even know how to respond to it.  I suppose I have been fortunate to live in a city, meet other cultures and travel.  I do know that I have a privileged life.  I have been offered opportunities because of the color of my skin.  I thought she saw that, too.  

I offered to send her books and recommend authors.  She can suss it out.  Instead of me telling her what I have seen.  Isn't that how we all learn?  Through our experiences.  Thru rose colored glasses.  Thru choosing to consider an alternative to what we think we know.

As such, I am leaning into what I know.  What I can offer and contribute.  No more fear, but what I can do to counter this chaos.  And it will be chaos.  Why consider Matt Gaetz, RFK, jr. or the other sexual predators that are currently be considered for the cabinet?  Shock and awe?  

They want a response.  They want to rile you up.  Instead of governing, they want you to be outraged to their choices.  Move beyond it.  Resist.  Resist.  Resist.  Do not roll over and take this.  I encourage you to seek out your community, find your niche, and build.  I will be writing more, building others up and planting seeds.  Do more of the same, please.

Productive day

Happy Sunday!  Happy return to some sense of normal.  No more political ads, asks, or texts.  

When did it become all financial?  Nonstop requests for donations?  Even if you block numbers, you still get texts requesting money or polling.  I am over it.  

To me, I would never run for office.  I would be tired of asking my "circle" for money.

At any rate, I am exhausted and ready for moving forward.  So ready.  

And I feel the pull of new energy.  New adventures and release of fear.  I cannot tell you how long I have struggled to let go of things and just let energy let my life.  In many ways, I know I am blessed.  I know that things will be okay, and that money will always be there.  

I say that.  And, then my subconscious takes over.  What a ride that is and can be.  It is time to release all of the fear of the unknown and embrace what is coming next.  More creating, curating and leaning into what makes me passionate about life.  Writing, yoga, traveling, eating.  I love experiencing new food and am so thankful that I expanded my palette outside of chicken tenders.  (I grew up in the Midwest.  That is something that is available on every menu.  With Ranch dressing).  There is nothing wrong with chicken tenders.  Only that I have expanded my palette to discover new foods.  I love sampling new fare.  When I was in Southeast Asia, I chose to eat pho for breakfast as opposed to bacon and eggs.  I wanted to venture off of what I knew and try new flavors.  So thankful.

Time to make time for what I am passionate about.  No more coasting.  Let's get serious about what we want to achieve in life.

Remain positive and know that you attract what you want.

vote

Please invest in yourself and vote.  If you have not already.  

Actually, just vote.  If you feel so compelled to vote republican, do it.  I cannot understand why you would want to do this, but I will respect the amount of people who get the vote out.  At least, I know you are vested in your rights.

On the other hand, of course, I am supporting women's rights.  I want control over my body, my healthcare decisions, my finances.  I have worked (my entire life) to enable what I want in my life.  My parents divorced when I was 12.  My dad was supposed to pay for 2/3 medical of myself and my three sisters.  I had glasses at a young age.  When I wanted contacts *at age 13* my mom wouldn't pay her third of acquiring that purchase.

I babysat, cleaned Schwan's trucks and ironed for neighbors to secure the portion of the contacts.  I wanted contacts so I could participate in basketball, volleyball and softball.  Since then, I have taken care of myself.  Paying for my first car at 16.  A junker and automatic but I managed to do it myself.  

I paid for insurance.  I figured out how to pay for college, housing, insurance.  Always taking care of myself and not relying on my dad or men. 

Do not feel guilty for voting for your interests.  

I saw this insane clip from a dipshit (I refuse to mention his name.  IYKYK...and YK).   Think small-minded podcaster.  Thinks he is smart.  Overqualified man.  

This idiot felt betrayed that a woman would vote for her healthcare, her body, her finances.  He felt betrayed that she would allow her husband to believe otherwise

There are so many women that have died after the Dobbs decision due to lack of healthcare.  Due to physicians being scared of treating women.  The ramifications they would receive if they helped a woman move forward with taking care of herself.  

Do not be afraid.  Vote for yourself, your interests, your rights.  Refuse to believe that we should return to the 1890's.  The Patriarchy refuses to acknowledge how much women have added to the workforce.  They want you to think you don't deserve equality or rights.

STOP BELIEVING THEIR NONSENSE.

vote for you.  Vote for your interests.  Vote for autonomy.