Saturday, April 28, 2012

Early Saturday

Happy Saturday!  I woke up, startled (meaning frantic and confused).  Mostly due to the immense sunshine streaming through my window.  It seemed later than 6:25.  I thought it was ten a.m. and I was seriously having panic attacks at what that would have meant.  See, due to my creating the bar schedule while enjoying a glass of wine, I overlooked that I had not scheduled two bartenders for the morning shift today.  Then, one of the bartenders had a family emergency, yesterday, where there was doubt if he would be able to work today.  I checked the schedule to see who I could call on to assist if necessary.  At that point, I noticed, that there was only one person scheduled for Saturday.  WTH?  How had I overlooked it?  Not to mention the guy that checks it, after me, before I post it?  Plus, it had been posted for over a week.  How had that not been noted yet?
I sort of had a mini-freak out.  I tried not to be too obvious about it.  I was trying to figure out how I would be able to avoid working an open to close double.  I texted the other manager to see if he would be able to help out.  Meanwhile, I checked in with the bartender who had left due to an emergency.  Neither of these guys responded.  Eventually, I was able to persuade one of the newer bartenders to come in and that I would help her set up the outdoor bar.  I noted that there was a great possibility that I would be working inside as I had overlooked the necessary amount of bartenders needed for this given shift.  She seemed enthusiastic to help out.  And, in all honesty, she will do great.  I have faith that she will be a very capable bartender.  I am very grateful to her and that she is willing to help me out. 
So you can see why I woke up, startled, at 6ish thinking it was ten.  Had that been the case, I would have felt like a complete jackass for promising to help her set up and then leave her stranded.  I am the type of person where if I say I am going to do something, I do it.  Come hell or high water or so the saying goes....
Thankfully, the guy will be able to work today.  I am willing to help him out too.  I completely understand needing to work but not being in the right head space to do it.  I believe in being with family and/or friends when there is loss or an emergency.  I am compassionate.  I think of how awesome my old job was when Brian died.  They stepped in and covered my shifts until I was able to return to work.  No questions asked.  I am very thankful for that time to just be where I needed to be.
Anyways, there is a salsa fest in Tempe and I hope to check out with Jan.  Or, go running.  Maybe hit up yoga. I did laundry yesterday so there will be no repeats of fainting spells at the laundromat and trip to Denver is a GO.  Cannot wait to see friends and get a much needed massage at Izba.  Enjoy your Saturday~

Friday, April 27, 2012

Making time to be grateful

Yoga is essential to my livelihood and peace of mind.  I do miss some of the instructors in Denver.  They were more spiritual and provided the right energy for the reflective mood I was in yesterday.  My current studio in Phoenix is excellent in the physical sense.  I always leave knowing that I worked out.  The spiritual essence of yoga is neglected though.  That is one way, I believe, that practice could improve.  I would feel a little more centered--I think.
I was having a rough morning and craved a recentering.  I had plans with friends and put them on hold til I could go to yoga.  I wanted to reflect on life, have gratitude and be positive.  I was able to meditate before the class and when I left, I felt incredible.  It's sad that I need reminders (sometimes) that I should always fully live each day.  I know this from experience.  Still, I find that I get caught up with stuff that prohibits me from enjoying life. 
Until, I hear news that reminds me to enjoy life.  Tell people I appreciate/love them.  Smiling.  Smelling sunflowers and projecting positivity.  We all have opportunities (daily) to make choices as to how to spend our lives.  Of course, I could make some adjustments and be healthier.  I could make more time to see friends/family.  That is definitely an improvement I should make.  I have a new niece that is adorable and I still have not met.  I should make arrangements to see her and my sister, Jasmin.  My recent fainting spell did make me stop to appreciate my health and how quickly I could recover.  Still, I needed another reminder to stop and enjoy the people in my life.  So, today, I will make an effort to tell people that I appreciate them and I will consider a trip to Kansas to see my sister and her daughter.  Life is short.  Health scares should be taken seriously.  Being grateful for recovery is essential as well as making time to make changes to improve your situation.  Be it, eating more veggies, cutting out soda, sweets, smoking, etc,,,I know this list can go on and on.  Some might tell me to cut red wine out--that will not happen (ever), but I could be told to decrease my intake, I suppose.  Regardless, I am happy today and I am sending positive vibes to Tom.  Sunshine, love and sunflowers, too.  Enjoy your Friday as best as possible.  I am taking my new bike out for a spin, meeting Vegas for coffee and sampling wine prior to work.  Yes, today is going to be great!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

I finally received the bills for my recent visit to the Emergency Room.  The ambulance ride consisting of less than a mile to the nearest hospital cost $908.  Keep in mind, they did not put an i.v. in or anything.  I was on a stretcher and then taken to the emergency room.  They had taken my blood pressure and asked me about my medical history.  That transport ride cost as much as the surgeon and emergency room stay.  How is that possible? 
I returned to yoga yesterday, too.  It had been too long since my last class.  I was tentative as the last time I went to the studio I experienced vertigo and had to leave.  I suppose I was overthinking what my reaction would be.  I went in and the class started off well.  I was enjoying the flow and not too hot.  about midway through the class, I had a headache which is a sign that I am dehydrated.  I tried to breathe through it.  I wanted to finish the class but I didn't want to keel over due to being too hot.  I was over it.
Instead of staying, I showered, left and made a massage appointment.  Lovely.  I found a new therapist and (thankfully) found a good one.  Jessica is going to be my replacement for Brandon. Yea, she is great, but not that good.  Brandon is my first choice and then Jessica.
After massage, I drove home, made dinner and relaxed.  What a great night and way to spend a MOnday.  I do intend to call about the ambulance bill and figure out a way to make it work.  Honestly, there must be a way to pay that bill and not be taken to the cleaner.  I mean, in fact, in the way that I am supposed to be obligated to just pay for a mile ride.  There must be a better way.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Monday Memory

Yesterday, I took a nap and when I woke up, I finally, felt normal.  Able to safely feel like me without any residual affects of my recent fainting episode.  No hydration issues or whatnot.  I felt excellent. 
Finally.  I cannot tell you how relieved I am.  Fear, paranoia, hypochrondria all have vanished (finally).  It's scary when you are uncertain with your health.
Last night, I was reflecting back on my visit to the E.R. to a few customers/friends.  I had forgotten that when I went in for the initial questioning, the medics said--you are a runner, aren't you?  Followed by--do you do meth? 
What?  How would you make that correlation?  From asking me if I am physically fit to if I am a junkie.  Seemed odd at the time and I remember being angry about it.  Now, it's funny.  I suppose with my face with abrasions that could indicate meth use but after looking at my skin, complimenting me on my physique and still asking; well, it just seemed ridiculous.  Not only that, they asked me if I smoke.  I have smoked, maybe, three times in my life.  Once, when I was in 5th grade, my mom let me try one of her cigarettes since I was curious about it.  Curious until I had a coughing spasm and hated it.  My mom did have some good tactics to dissuade me from foolishness.  The smoking one stuck.
Lesson learned.  Well, almost.  I think when I was 21ish, I was living in Tempe, drinking and I opted to smoke a menthol cigarette followed by a clove cigarette.  The next morning I was so hungover that I threw up in people's yards on the way to work.  It was awful and forced me to reconsider ever attempting that habit again. 
I have smoked the occasional cigar.  It's rare and like previously mentioned, I have fear of repeating the hangover experience from my younger days.  I don't look like a smoker and my hair no longer smells from smoke since smoking is banned from restaurants.  Glory be!  I loved that day in Denver.  Smoking never really bothered me while bartending.  All it meant was that I had to clean out ashtrays (constantly) which was a necessary evil.  I didn't begrudge people that smoked and I definitely wasn't hyper about it.  (Live and let be is a motto of mine)  Still, when the banned was enforced, I did recognize how excellent it was to not smell like an ashtray or clean them out either.  Delightful. 
So, no, I am not a smoker.  While talking to the paramedics, I kept thinking my vice is wine.  I do that vice, justice, too.  It is my only true vice however.
I woke up, had coffee, granola, went to the laundromat and ended up in the E.R....not, at all, how I envisioned my day going. 
Tomorrow, I have a follow up appointment with the surgeon and then I believe I will truly return to normalcy.  I feel good and have a run scheduled tonight.  It is time to start moving and committing to training. 
I considered a photo memory but feel the smoking memory will suffice.  Happy Monday!

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Return to running?...

Cooler weather inspires more movie watching, drinking coffee and prolonging the necessary return to running.  Must return to running.  I signed up for the Vegas Full.  Granted, it's in December, but at this rate (no running) my showing will be lackluster.  I signed up for the 3rd marathon to improve my time and truly commit to running.  I couldn't resist a return to this event either in spite of how lousy the course was executed in 2011.  I ran the half with Shari and Jenn O and all of us were unhappy with how it went.  Cold as it was at night, surrounded by walkers/runners/and of course, full marathon runners who were unhappy with being blended with the mass of half marathoner's.  I completely understand their frustration with the event.  There was never a bit of reprieve from the mass of people.  Typically, in an event, it takes about three miles to create space to run.  It's difficult to not want to weave in and out of people to create space.  It feels claustrophobic, almost, and there is always possibility for falling down or into someone that has fallen.  I do not enjoy this part of the race.
So, imagine, their frustration, after running 13 miles to find themselves in another start of the race.  Having to reestablish their space and never truly being able to.  I walked away from the event with a sour taste in my mouth.  I did respond to the organizers of the event that I felt it should be reconsidered and executed in a different fashion.  A few weeks ago, I was contacted about the upcoming race and the possibility of a discount offered for previous participants.  This sparked the idea of a return to the full marathon.  Lingered, considered and finally, I committed to doing it.  Even without being able to train with the Goddess, I chose, to sign up for this event and run it.
One more day of avoiding running and then it's on.  Part of it due to the injury.  I know that I am okay but when I think about it too long, I create issues.  More dehydration, clots, heart problems....I am becoming a hychondriac. It's making me nuts, too.  This is no way to live and ultimately, I do know that I am okay.  I'm healthy and capable.  I must remember that. I am a healthy person and have been fortunate in life.  Few broken bones or run ins with doctors.  Granted, the run-ins have been substansial and made for a good laugh at my expense.  This latest injury, for example, is funny.  It's a lame story and most people assume I was either beat up or that I box or had a cycling injury.  They are too embaressed to ask me about it, however.  I let them keep assuming since it is funny to me. 
Regardless, I am going to return to running tomorrow night.  I texted my current running partner and arranged to meet up tomorrow night.  Great way to begin the week and embark on the running journey. 
Til then, I am watching documentaries, resting and being kind to myself.  I want to buy some sunflowers.  Ultimately, that is my favorite way to be kind to me.  Reminds me of home.  Brian and makes me smile.  I work later and am looking forward to it.  Lazy Sunday.  How are you spending yours?

Friday, April 13, 2012

Friday thoughts

Things aren't always what they seem.
I have been thinking about that since Sunday when I did a face plant.  I walked, away, mostly unscathed.  Meaning, no broken bones or teeth.  I have a few abrasions on my face.  I watch people's reaction to me when I walk into a room now.  Some people mention it, others, just avoid looking at my nose.  My boss, funny guy that he is, told customers that he knocked me around.  Keep in mind, this is after, some guys asked him if we were married.  What?  Why is that?  I couldn't understand why they thought we were together.  He sort of looks like my brother, if I had one.  He's blond, tall and maybe that is the resemblence.  The heighth issue.  Then, I think, why he would say--yes, I knocked her around.  I laughed.  I have that sort of friendship with my boss.  I have known him for years and so we sort of have that cameraderie.  He reminds me of my friend, Jonny.  Similar work ethics, personality and heart.  Yes, he gave me a hard time (and will continue to), but I know that he is genuinely concerned about me, too. 
Later, a few people asked me if I boxed.  They said, you look fit and I saw your nose...thought it was related to boxing, biking or maybe a fall from hiking.
Nope.  None of the above.  It made me consider other people that I run into on a daily basis.  How you never know what really is going on in people's lives unless they tell you.  It seems that we cannot help ourselves from wondering what happened.  We create stories as to why someone is rude, unpleasant, happy, have bruises on face.  I know that I do.  Or, did, until now. 
I know most people assume it is alcohol related.  If only that were the case. Then, I think of the times I have fallen while drinking wine.  I fell off of my porch at a house warming party in 06. Somehow, I was able to sustain that without a concussion or wound on face.  This time was completely sobering and
I have no shame with this either.  It was foolish but I am not covering it up and I will talk about it.  I suppose I could use a better story to sell it.  Maybe I should go with the boxing.  I like how that sounds.
Regardless, I am safe, I can laugh and it is a beautiful day outside.  Time to see the sun~

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Thankful Today

I am thankful for my new lap top.  Not that I started this week, hoping, that I would be purchasing a lap top anytime soon.  I had a perfectly good laptop.  Well, it was missing the z button from a slight club soda explosion while making enchiladas last summer.  That's another story, too.  Still, I was able to type and had full use of the lap top.  In a way, the lap top situation is similar to my affair with ipods.  I have had five of those.  Lost one, broke one, one was stolen (while traveling in Chile), gave one to my sister and currently am using #5.
My first lap top I used for almost, four years.  Lovely lap top for sure.  But, it outlived its ability to function.  Laptop #2 arrived, compliments, of Tom and Shari.  I loved the lap top.  It was faster, efficient and newer.  And with the exception of the z key, looked new.
I woke up Sunday, feeling, a little dehydrated.  I had a full day ahead of me.  Laundry, packing, work and then driving to airport to go to Denver.  I was so excited.  Couldn't wait to board the plane, see my friends and spend three consecutive days in the Mile High City.
Work called and needed me to come in sooner than anticipated.  I knew that I needed to do laundry and so I told them that I would be available after performing that task.  Innocent task and from here my life flipped upside down.  I fainted and came to with a busted lip, bruised cheek/chin.  I went to the Emergency Room and spent the majority of Easter in the E.R.
Thankfully, I am okay and recognize that it could have been much worse.  No broken bones or teeth. It was the most vulnerable I have ever been, I think.  It was scary to not know why or how I was going to get through the day.  Plus, they took a few unnecessary tests that I was unable to stop them from doing.  Pregnancy test, EKG, and then, I said, no, to the CAT scan.  I didn't understand why they would need it and I knew that I didn't need the extra radiation or scan.  I was scared, but, had my wits about me.  I believe it went back to being dehydrated.  I think of how I spent Saturday and how unable I was to ever feel sated with water.  I am completely aware of how often I urinate and what color it is. I know it sounds weird, but I observe that habit.  I had a dehydration scare in 2004, I think, but it was enough to make me note my peeing habits.  Seriously, being dehydrated is scary.
Then, I think of how it is warming up here.  I do drink a ton of water, but, I must be deficient with something.  Maybe iron or potassium?  I don't know.  The e.r. doc left me alone once I said that I wanted to be stitched up and on my way.  Yes.  I have a few stitches on my nose and lip.  I feel fortunate that that was all that was required.
I spent the night in the west valley with my friends, Jan and Tom.  We had easter ham and pineapple before calling it a night.  I think that also soothed my sister's nerves, knowing, that I wouldn't be alone for the night. 
I am a little bruised and sore, but, overall, I am great.  It goes to show that you should drink water and laugh. At one point, on Sunday, I understand what collagen injections could do to lips is all I am saying. 
Every day is a new day.  Be happy, joyful, grateful.  I am all of these things.  And, I am thriving with a new lap top....