DIY

I am taking the DIY to a whole other level.  Trying to fix things by sewing and cutting my own hair.  Hand sewing is one thing.  I know that it is not pretty or precise.  I am more concerned about the functionality of the item.  I borrowed a cooler from Tom.  The strap broke.  It was after the election when my mind was shattered.   I was trying to focus on things I could control and improve.  I needed to distract myself from the insanity I was feeling and the chaos I knew would come.

I sewed the strap back on and so far, it is holding up.  And it doesn't look too awful.  

Recently, I discovered a knot in my hair.  Or as Brie referred to it--you have a dread.  Unintentionally, but yes, I definitely have a dread.  I tried detangling, combing it out, anything outside of cutting it.  I have pulled my hair out as it is dry with split ends.  I am not consistent with seeing a stylist.  I never have been.  It doesn't rank high on my list of priorities.  As I struggled with what to do, a thought came to me.  What if I could cut my own hair?  Surely, there are videos out there to assist with this.  And there are.  I found a few that resonated and bought scissors.  I received a kit of tools and decided to open them up today to attempt the cut.  I picked up one of the tools thinking it was a detangler comb and it is a hair thinner.  I thinned out some of my hair and removed the dread from my other side.  I did not attempt to cut the length as I am still reacting to the thinning tool.  It seems like it was not too terrible of an idea, but we shall see.  I am telling myself it's just hair and it will grow back.  

Eventually, I will need to deal with the split ends.  They are becoming annoying and too noticeable.  I think, during times of stress, I want to fix things.  I want to figure out control of my life and livelihood.  Maybe even avoid going outside?

I know that is unavoidable.  I enjoy interacting with people too much.  I feel like hibernating due to disappointment from the election.  Acknowledging that people choose racism, sexism, misogyny over wanting equal rights for everyone.  Choosing the cost of gas or eggs to explain why you would vote for hate or eliminating rights is ridiculous and disheartening.  

I thought we had moved beyond it after the chaos of 2016, covid, nonstop crazy for four years.  I couldn't contemplate how someone would welcome that back into their realities.  And it will be worse.  There is more at stake this time.  I know that I need to find hope in this situation and the upcoming years.  Maybe I have been too complacent since the pandemic.  I have not traveled abroad or pushed myself to exceed expectations.  I have coasted along and been fine with how things are.  Why do I not embody the true entrepreneurial spirit?  I saw a part of an episode about WeWork and the guy dreamed way outside of his reality.  Until he made it work.  He created something out of nothing. 

I do not know enough about we work to make a judgment on it.  I admire this guy's ability to dream big and try to make it happen.

Embarking on more DIY projects and cooking at home.  Find what makes you happy and see the light at the end of this tunnel.  We will be experiencing many, many dark days ahead.  

Asian Cucumber Salad

I love cucumbers.  I do.  With tzatziki, hummus, avocados.  Recently, I have discovered many ways to utilize them.  There is a craze on IG all of the different recipes to utilize cucumbers.  I had tagged a few different ideas--Thai, Korean and Asian.  I settled for the Asian version.  Mostly since I had all of the ingredients and felt like the peanuts would add good texture.  

Rice wine vinegar, sesame oil, honey (I don't have maple syrup), salt, pepper and peanuts.  This was incredible and such a great addition to the happy hour last night.  Today, it was even better.  I guess that is why I enjoy hosting happy hours.  The leftovers that I benefit from.  And, no, I am not weird about utilizing leftovers.  There are times at caterings where I cringe when people choose to take cheese/charcuterie boards home.  

Consider how long these boards have set out being exposed to people breathing, touching, drying out?  That stuff freaks me out. I think I have some OCD when it comes to it.  I cannot/will not eat off of a buffet after it has been out for a few hours.  Tom was disappointed in me a few years ago when he suggested we could eat at a trade tasting for wine and chile.  I was like---what????  Absolutely not.  

As noted, I have some hard-core beliefs when it comes to food, preparation, etc.  Back to the cucumber salad, it is amazing.  I believe I will curate some next week while visiting Tom's family in Texas.  We need some healthier snacks, too.  I love parts of Thanksgiving fare but enjoy other offerings.  I think I will make the charcuterie in a mason jar and cucumber salad.  I want to see how it does with his family.  

Last year, Tom made the turkey and mashed potatoes.  So good.  I know it will be similar this year and the Kerp dip.  Always a tradition and one that I love.  One of his sisters or sisters-in-law will make it this year.  My clients like my version of it but I am not prepared to suggest that I tackle it with his family.  Instead, I will make the Asian cucumber salad.  I am excited to share it with his family.

There will be wine.  Plenty of wine, some football, yoga and time in Texas.  It might be last visit for a while.  I am making choices of travel based on commonalities and kindness.  No more supporting, financial or otherwise, places that are restrictive to women, minorities, others.  Perhaps only a small thing but effective.  

Find your own way to resist.  And to support what you believe in.  One of my friends is crocheting scarves for the refugees that will be deported.  I am committed to writing.  I enjoy it and it is my way of participating and providing truths.  Getting out of the nonsense of being gaslit or lied to.

I will comment on food, travel, yoga and community.  Join me if you are able.  

figuring it out

Still reeling from November 5th.  

I have been a hot mess of wow--how did this happen?  Am I an elite?  How are there so many stupid people voting against their interests?  White women, why?  Gen X women, why?  Why do you hate your rights as a woman?  Do you think you still have a seat at the kids' table?  Why do you think your man should choose your vote?  

Great, get deported for voting this regime in.  My initial response was, yea, fuck around and find out.  Do you think you are safe when they start deporting immigrants?  

How did they call this election almost immediately?  Why did this happen?  How did this happen?  Stupid people.  Fear.  

Nick Fuentes bragging about men winning again.  And then cowering at his mother's house when he was confronted for being a prick.  Typical.  Hide behind a woman.  That video he released, almost immediately on 11/5, was so gross.  So vile.  Repulsive.  Then, I think why people chose to overlook what they were saying all along?  Project 2025.  Mass Deportations.  Tariffs.  

What does this mean for me?  For other women?  Will I have control over my finances?  Will I have a job in 2025?  Insomnia.  Should I be buying canned goods to avoid leaving my apartment in January?  How did this happen?  Fuck around and find out.  All is lost.  This is worse than 2016.  Why?  How?  Is this a mandate?  Do people truly think 45 is better with the economy?  How is the tax cut for the 1% going to help me?  Or others? 

Did I mention that I haven't been sleeping?  That my mind races and considers all of the worst-case scenarios.  Ending up in a field, laboring for others since I am no longer viable as a vessel.  I mean, I am.  I still am ovulating but the chance of carrying to a full term is .000001.  Or something along those numbers.  Yes, I am experiencing the awesomeness of ovulation (weeklong cycles which is not what I experienced as a child).  Feeling like crap before and during the period.  Sounds amazing, I know.  

I have been deep in the rabbit hole of fear.  Until today.

I refuse to give in or give up.  I have choices.  I can do things to resist and push back.  As can you.  Do not fold and allow them to steam roll you.

I will continue to support local businesses.  I will discover new authors and share them with friends.  One of my sisters recently confided in me that she was unaware of the term white fragility.  I didn't even know how to respond to it.  I suppose I have been fortunate to live in a city, meet other cultures and travel.  I do know that I have a privileged life.  I have been offered opportunities because of the color of my skin.  I thought she saw that, too.  

I offered to send her books and recommend authors.  She can suss it out.  Instead of me telling her what I have seen.  Isn't that how we all learn?  Through our experiences.  Thru rose colored glasses.  Thru choosing to consider an alternative to what we think we know.

As such, I am leaning into what I know.  What I can offer and contribute.  No more fear, but what I can do to counter this chaos.  And it will be chaos.  Why consider Matt Gaetz, RFK, jr. or the other sexual predators that are currently be considered for the cabinet?  Shock and awe?  

They want a response.  They want to rile you up.  Instead of governing, they want you to be outraged to their choices.  Move beyond it.  Resist.  Resist.  Resist.  Do not roll over and take this.  I encourage you to seek out your community, find your niche, and build.  I will be writing more, building others up and planting seeds.  Do more of the same, please.

Productive day

Happy Sunday!  Happy return to some sense of normal.  No more political ads, asks, or texts.  

When did it become all financial?  Nonstop requests for donations?  Even if you block numbers, you still get texts requesting money or polling.  I am over it.  

To me, I would never run for office.  I would be tired of asking my "circle" for money.

At any rate, I am exhausted and ready for moving forward.  So ready.  

And I feel the pull of new energy.  New adventures and release of fear.  I cannot tell you how long I have struggled to let go of things and just let energy let my life.  In many ways, I know I am blessed.  I know that things will be okay, and that money will always be there.  

I say that.  And, then my subconscious takes over.  What a ride that is and can be.  It is time to release all of the fear of the unknown and embrace what is coming next.  More creating, curating and leaning into what makes me passionate about life.  Writing, yoga, traveling, eating.  I love experiencing new food and am so thankful that I expanded my palette outside of chicken tenders.  (I grew up in the Midwest.  That is something that is available on every menu.  With Ranch dressing).  There is nothing wrong with chicken tenders.  Only that I have expanded my palette to discover new foods.  I love sampling new fare.  When I was in Southeast Asia, I chose to eat pho for breakfast as opposed to bacon and eggs.  I wanted to venture off of what I knew and try new flavors.  So thankful.

Time to make time for what I am passionate about.  No more coasting.  Let's get serious about what we want to achieve in life.

Remain positive and know that you attract what you want.