Saturday thoughts

Happy Saturday!  It is a beautiful day in Denver.  First Saturday of yoga at the St. Paul.  Last year, we moved inside in November.  This year, we were able to continue to practice outdoors with the kindness of one of my clients.  He has a backyard fireplace and heater.  Truly, it made yoga approachable and welcoming without practicing on grass.  We were fine until last weekend when it was 20 degrees outside.  We all bundled up--hoodies, socks, ear coverings.  We built heat, eventually, but my feet refused to stay warm.

I think it will be a great day.  Or I will smile through it.  No more complacency or waiting for things to happen.  Today, is the day to start.  Money will always be there, but time cannot be replaced.  We cling to this idea that we have to remain in situations that no longer serve us.  Be it, friendships, jobs, location.  Why?  How do we benefit from this idea?  Wouldn't it be preferable to try something different?  Challenge ourselves to do something greater than we think we are capable of doing.  

Put yourself out there.  Consider what your life purpose is.  Not what school or your parents told you.  Instead, truly reflect within and see what speaks to you.  I am working on trying to be more visible on social media.  I have attempted to create content and yoga clients by posting relative posts without illustrating why I want to share yoga.  Finally, I posted a video, and it is getting some traction.  I didn't have any bites on taking me up on the zoom offer, but it is a start.  Something I intend to build upon.  I wonder why it took me so long to discover that option?  Why I was so unwilling to utilize that platform with videos of me?  

I do not need to talk in the video.  It is mostly an opportunity to show a sample sequence and my style.  It was as if a light bulb went off, finally. I should be making the most of resources that are available.  I have been fortunate.  Word of mouth has been a fantastic tool to attract clients.   I am thankful for that.  Yet, I know that I could be doing more.  My service is to share yoga with others and continue to learn myself.  Forever a student on this journey.

I am finetuning my goals, habits, desires.  Becoming clear with my intentions.  No longer listening to ideas but taking little to no action. They say that you manifest where you are now.  Where do you want to be in six months?  Ten months?  A year?  

I want to be relying on myself as an entrepreneur.  Spending time enhancing my practice and business.  Supplementing to a certain degree but only if it encourages focus on yoga.  

I should conclude this for now.  It is mostly about being consistent and disciplined.  I am off to share yoga!

Reflections and habits

Taking a few days off from the social aspect (day drinking with friends) inspires me to return to my roots.  Reflection, writing, being mindful.  My sleep quality increases, and I wake up, energized.  

I think I get this way during this time of year.  Looking back at things that worked, didn't work and how to improve.  I can wallow in the complacency of the familiar or continue to evolve.  I feel so much more reflective, this year.  Truer to how things are instead of creating situations that make me appear better.  Does that make sense?

I keep returning to the conversation with the mechanic.  I wanted to choke him out but knew it would not accomplish anything.  I wanted to reason with him and give him the opportunity to do right by his product, ultimately me.  I was prepared to work with him on future projects and knew that if I could take the emotion out of it, I would be ok.  

As he sat across from me with his arms tightly crossed, it was apparent that not only was he defensive (emotional) but unwilling to see the fault in his work.  He could not separate the emotions.  Instead of continuing to deal with him, I left.  I didn't flip out.  Cuss him out or kick anything.  In the past, I think I could have reacted in that manner.  Maybe not kicking anything but lowering myself into the attack realm.  I am known to drop the CS frequently.  If you know, you know.

I think I am mellowing with age.  And no longer caring what other people think.  Why does it take years to recognize that?  That the majority of people are not thinking about you.  Instead, they are thinking about their own situation and issues.  Do not take things personally.  Isn't that one of the four agreements?  I try to stay in that zone.  Recognize that people's reactions are about them.  It does not reflect on what they think of me or what I am doing.  

I keep seeing posts on IG about frequencies, astrology, energy.  I allowed myself to follow a link that resonated somewhat with me.  It mentioned a shadow energy and how I can get caught up on thinking I know what other people are thinking if they are not responding to me.  I must stop doing this.  Truly.  They are absorbed with their own reality.  They are unconcerned with how things are affecting me.  

Moving forward, I want to think about improving daily.  Even if it is .000001%.  Compounding that enables change and progress.  A resolution in the making.  If you need a little more motivation to do this, read Atomic Habits.  I think I may re-read it in the next few weeks.  It reinforces that habits are easier to build as opposed to pursuing goals.  I had never considered it that way.  I can strive to attain a goal.  I achieve it and then I am let down about what to focus on next.  Ultimately, I return to poor habits after I achieve a goal.

Building habits=a routine.  Waking up and drinking lemon water or juicing.  Allowing the natural detox to rid yourself of toxins.  Meditating or moving.  A man that I listened to on a podcast wakes up, daily at 4 am.  From here, he meditates for an hour (minimally), then does 111 burpees and completes his routine with sun salutations.  Eventually, he turns on his devices but not until he has centered himself.  I am not that disciplined.  Slowly, I am building and attempting a purer start to my day.  Less technology/distraction and more focus.  I am all for sun salutations.  I even attempted to teach a sunrise class this morning via zoom.  No bites, yet.  But it will happen.  Next Thursday, I will roll out another video and opportunity to flow.  Hopefully, I will gain confidence with putting myself out there.

I am heading to see my trainer and continue this positive energy.  Make it a great day!

Smling through it

I listened to a podcast earlier where the host said, even in times of stress or anger--smile through it.  For example, someone cuts you off.  Instead of cursing the person, smile.  Or you miss out on an opportunity or in more severe cases, your job.  Again, smile though it.  I guess, with hindsight, sure, smiling though it could work.  Yet, how often is that the default response?

I am a little road ragey--I can admit it.  Sometimes, I refrain from completely losing it on someone.  Mostly, as I do not know how they will react.  Yell, flip me off, follow me or the worst-case scenario, try to harm me.  

He did have a few valid points still.  Instead of dwelling in that negative frequency, smiling, would promote moving forward quicker.  You might avoid depression, anxiety, problems with sleep by focusing on the positive as opposed to lingering in the negative, ultimately, being a victim.  That was my takeaway.  How can I improve my situation and not be overridden with fear, doubt, anxiety?  

I was in a hurry to return to Denver from Santa Fe.  I had to work at the restaurant and didn't want to get stuck along 1-25.  I suppose that thought lingered in my mind that my car was not safe and that I was uncertain to return in a timely manner.  Driving at night and getting stuck somewhere did not seem appealing.  

Since I rushed back, I lost sight of some of the positivity.  Allowed my emotions to lurk in the victim mode.  The mechanic wasn't honest about the car he refurbished (I still know this.  He was not honest about the condition of the car and made no attempt to correct the situation.  His karma, not mine.), it was unfortunate that I got trapped in New Mexico (which was ridiculous, as I was safe and had shelter.  Even encouraged to stay longer), and what would I do if I didn't make it back to work at the restaurant?  Would they understand my situation or be irritated?

The desires to return to work and my routine overwhelmed me.  I can work anywhere in the world. I have my phone and am able to teach with that device.  Of course, having my laptop would secure the likelihood of my working from wherever, whenever I choose. I forced myself to hurry back only to find out that they didn't need me.  I created this story.  No one else participated in it.  It was all very woe is me, negative and stagnant.  Perhaps, had I smiled through it, I would have rebounded quicker.

My car did pass emissions.  I am back in Denver--safe, healthy and teaching.  I have ideas for 2023 and opportunities today.  Maybe smiling through it is more productive.  I hope to try this as situations out of my control develop.  It truly is about mindset and how you choose to react.  

Productivity and positivity

Happy Monday!  It is a gorgeous day in Denver.  For some reason, I woke up feeling productive and have managed to continue this trend throughout the day.  Clean house, handle some business (unsuccessfully due to the other person's character, but I did try to do the right thing), finish graphics for newsletter, email newsletter, teach an a.m. class and afternoon session, walk city Park, print fliers and now blogging.  It has been a minute since I have felt so capable and inspired.

I did listen to a few podcasts, too. about focusing on the positive.  Perhaps that is why I have been productive.  I didn't allow the shitty energy of the earlier interaction to linger or suck me in further.  Yes, I am disappointed in the results.  Yet, I reiterate that it speaks more about the person's integrity than mine.  

One of the podcasts pointed out mindset, energy and focus.   Instead of dwelling in lower radiating frequencies--fear, anger, doubt, shame--flip your perspective and be positive.  I think the podcast truly helped me avoid a yelling match.  Don't get me wrong, I would enjoy punching this person in the throat.  But that is more of a fantasy and highly unlikely to happen.  I knew that walking into the establishment.  I wanted to be able to keep emotion out of it and reason with the person.   Unfortunately, some people are unreasonable.

Enough of that.  I plan on improving my situation by being positive and open to the universe.  And, I have a pretty good life.  I am supported as was obvious when my car broke down in Springer, NM.  It happened at a truck stop.  I contacted my mechanic in Santa Fe on a Sunday, and he called me.  The tow was arranged and taken care of by roadside assistance.  Tom picked me up and drove me back to Santa Fe.  The car was fixed or so I thought.  When I picked it up and headed north to Denver, I received a message on my dashboard about emergency service.

Again, I managed to make it back to Santa Fe without breaking down or being stranded.  Thankfully.  The car needed an alternator and a few other parts to make it drivable.  I could stay with Tom.  Supported, again.  We watched soccer, KU basketball, beer and many meals.  He made me feel very comfortable and not draining his life.

I did make it back, eventually.  I have shelter, clean water, my health....many, many things to be thankful for.  So, sometimes, I face obstacles and depending on my mindset create more challenges or difficulties.  I am finally understanding that.  I choose to be positive and focused on abundance.

Make it a great day and final month of 2022.  Choose your mindset, wisely.

choosing my life and possessions

I have always been a minimalist.  Possibly since cleaning my mom's house, weekly, was the bane of my existence.  She had numerous knickknacks, collectibles, etc.  So many things to dust and clean.  I knew that I would never have a home that had a ton of shit to clean.  I love my mom.  I do.  But, she had so much shit to clean that it scarred me for life.

As an adult, my home reflects the life of a college student.  I am spartan.  I have a wine cabinet that I purchased with Brian in 2003.  We purchased it from Cost Plus and it has moved from rental to rental, state to state.  My current dresser was a hand me down from a neighbor.  I painted it and made it mine.  I have a hand me down couch and end table from my landlord.  Tiffany gifted me a coffee table, random decor, coffee mugs and spices.  Lindsay gave me her guest bed and table.  Basically, I am given the decor in my home with the exception of artwork.  I take pride in my eclectic taste.  I enjoy Frieda Kahlo, Diego Rivera, Van Gogh and a local Santa Fe artist, Clayton Peshlakai who I have bought a metal butterfly from.  It is my most prized possession.  My last mid-decade birthday of note, I bought the butterfly and had a Van Gogh print framed.  I had no idea how much it cost to custom frame a print.  Brian and I went to Amsterdam in 2003.  After walking through the Van Gogh Museum, we came across the Crows at Auvers.  Such a beautiful painting.  I picked up a print in 2016 and it remained in my closet til I opted to have it framed.  

I only bring awareness to my habits since I have been hosting yoga sessions in my apartment.  Sure, I should probably be more accomplished in the decor.  One of my clients commented on this last night.  He was kind in his approach, but it was awkward.  Forced me to reconsider why I choose to live this way.  I told him that I was a spartan since I have moved a bunch in my life.  I pack my car and go.  This is true.  I moved from Denver to Phoenix, Phoenix to Santa Fe, and Santa Fe back to Denver.  I have never hired a U-Haul in my life.  

I refuse to apologize for my decisions.  It has enabled an abundance of travel, experiences and memories.  And, when I move again, it will be easy.  I never wanted to be bogged down with stuff.  I do believe it all goes back with the childhood home and having to clean it.  My mom's home was lovely.  We had a front room that was meticulously vacuumed.  White carpet.  It was where they would greet guests.  No one else ever went into that room.  Ever.  It was set up for show.  Not to be used by children.

I feel like a David Sedaris short story about growing up in the 70's and his mom kicked them out of the house when they had consecutive snow days.  Have you read that short story?  His mom was frustrated that her kids were interfering with her days when they were at school.  She couldn't cocktail, watch her programs or relax.  Instead, she was forced to handle her kids during the snow days until she kicked them outside.  This still makes me chuckle.  My mom wasn't a day drinker, but she did enjoy her days alone.  She could read, do chores, reflect.  Basically, have time to herself which we all relish.

I slept like shit last night.  Obsessing over my lack of things.  Silly, as I actively, have chosen this lifestyle.  I prefer experiences to stuff.  I would like a few more plants and can figure that out. In all honesty, I am happy with my choices.  Some doubts occur when I expose myself to people that do not know my choices.  I feel inferior, briefly.  Until I remember my around the world trip. 14 trips per year until Covid and even now.  My decision to road trip to Santa Fe often.  I have a great life.  I will not apologize for my lack of decor to make people feel at ease.  It has been my choice.  I am happy.

Staying the path. Choosing to

I hate waking up in the middle of the night.  Typically, I am able to fall back asleep to some degree.  Last night, it evaded me.  I woke up at midnight and struggled to fall back asleep.  I kept looking at my phone to see what time it was. 1:18. 1:45.  2:30.  3:15.  It was painful.  

This continued until 5:30 when I had set an alarm to wake up.  I had agreed to teach an a.m. yoga class at 6:15.  At this point, I received simultaneous text messages to contact me about not being able to do the class due to work and sick kiddo.  I got up and tried to get comfortable on my couch.  I put on a show to provide some noise and managed to sleep for about an hour and a half.  

I look forward to being able to sleep tonight.  A light nap, shower and lots of water.  For me, if I do not get adequate sleep or hydration, I tend to get laryngitis.  It has happened multiple times and each encounter seems to worsen and extend.  I am exhausted.  I attempted a few sleep meditations but to no avail.  It has been an awful 24 hours.

I think I am overthinking.  I try to relax and stop the racing mind.  Any suggestions on how to counter this?  There is a movie that recently came out that is similar to the Secret. I signed up to view it but almost immediately, realized that it was not speaking to me.  I read a few reviews and felt that it had received mixed feedback.  I tried to stay interested.  Truly, I wanted to be inspired.  Perhaps, I missed out on something.  I do not feel like I did.

Instead, it motivated me to reflect on things that have helped me in the past.  Journaling.  Meditating.  Blogging.  It is easy to get bogged down in a negative head space.  Believe me.  I have questioned my decision to pursue my passion.  Is it the right choice?  Am I doing the right thing?  What else could I be doing?  How do I not let my thoughts race at night?  Should I return to a more normal employment?  

I spoke to Shari about her decision to buy an RV and tour the United States.  She has had doubts of distress and discouragement, too.  I told her it was normal when we embark on alternative paths that do not make sense to others in our life.  I feel that I speak from experience as the last two years have been challenging.  Then, I remember my why.  Why I chose to embark on this path.  Why I will continue to stay on this path.  

I am hopeful for a full night of sleep.  I need it.  I know that I am unable to go to sleep before 9:30.  Otherwise, I will wake up, again, in the middle of the night.  I cannot have consecutive nights of lousy sleep.  Tomorrow, I see my trainer which will require energy.  The idea of being unsinkable can help.  Maybe the movie should have focused more on how to be unsinkable.  Maybe it did after twenty minutes.  There was no hook for me.  I saw my interest dwindling and so I returned to what makes me tick.  Journaling.  Meditating.  And, blogging.  

I hope you have a wonderful rest of your night.  Find your purpose and stay the course.

CELEBRATIONS AND PODCASTS

Happy Thursday!  What a beautiful day.  And, it is my nephew's birthday.  He is six today!  I saw him on a zoom call, last night, and tried to tell him happy birthday.  He was having no part of it.  He is such a stinker.

Life is grand, right?  I suppose it is what we make of it.  It can be inspiring.  Challenging.  Hard.  It truly is how you start that your day that determines how you will feel or what you may encounter.  

I have been listening to more podcasts lately.  Some political, some manifestation, inspiring and recently, Ear Hustle.  I have heard about this podcast in the past.  I think I wrote it down, somewhere.  There are so many podcasts out there.  I could go down the rabbit hole of the Daily, Vox, This American Life.  I know there are episodes that I should avoid as they will trigger the rabbit hole.  Still, I have been listening to more of the political podcasts to assess how we are at this current spot.  I have enjoyed watching some of the debates between candidates.  Watching how they react to the questions and trying to stay on message in spite of the others trying to force them into a spontaneous reaction.  You can tell a lot of prep work went into it to eliminate that chance.  They seem robotic.

I hope that you vote and that you aren't turned off by the proposed apathy.  There are several reasons to feel that way.  However, it is your right to have your voice heard.  

Tom is visiting me tomorrow and I am thankful.  At first, I wanted to venture down to Santa Fe.  Test out the new Volvo and see how Freya does on the drive down.  Then, I remembered it was his turn to explore Denver.  I see H Mart and a few other asian markets on the horizon.  Possibly a stroll down Federal or Alameda to discover more of the ethnic foods.  The other night, Brie and I met for a quick supper.  Instead of heading to Cherry Creek or downtown, we opted for a Thai spot near my house.  Even with a bottle of wine, it was still affordable.  I appreciated that we enjoyed fantastic food and wine and didn't break the bank.

There I go--speaking in limiting beliefs.  I am trying to retrain my subconscious mind to eliminate the negativity and limiting thoughts.  There are ample resources.  I know this and it helps me when I struggle to find the way forward.  Sometimes, working for yourself is not all that.  Most times.  It is challenging to not obsess on the why's or how to's.   Sometimes, you must believe it and allow it to happen.

I will celebrate this weekend with Tom.  I like showing him more of Denver.  Perhaps find some time for yoga, too.

Cheers to the 27th!  Celebrate, enjoy and taste life~