April newsletter

 

Live your best life

Live your best life.  What does that mean to you?

For me...it means self-care, positivity, visualization.  I think about this often.  Dream about it.  I have been experiencing vivid dreams.  One in which my accountant called me an entitled bitch.  WTF?  If anything, I gave her a wide avenue to conduct my taxes.

Another where the Warrior Prince reached out and held a sign that said he missed me.  Yes, my subconscious mind has been all over the place.  In the last two days, I have run into acquaintances from a former friendship and experienced wildly different situations.  In one, the tension could cut a knife.  In the other, I was invited to sit with the acquaintance and his friend.  It is interesting.

I can only do me.  I can only focus on living my best life.  Reading, contemplating, honoring the food I ingest and allow in my body. I can send healing vibes to people that need it.  But, I cannot and will not discredit where I am in my journey by backsliding or not acknowledging that I am on a new path.  No more listening to overwhelmingly negative people to make them feel better.  I just won't.

It is crazy.  I can maneuver through my day, feel confident, and then go to sleep and my mind races.  Fear, doubt, shame.  Mostly uncertainty.  It is insane.  I wake up, feeling fine and know that I am making right decisions for myself.  At night, the fear overtakes everything else.

My best life always will be doing what I want.  Taking care of myself and proceeding as needed.  I do hope to journal more and make that more of a habit.  I believe I am on the right path.  I doubt myself, at times, but honestly, know I am being true to myself.  I will always be okay.

The yoga class in the a.m. is something I look forward to weekly.  I am hoping to incorporate a few additional classes.  Maybe a midweek class.  I think that will work out nicely. Even if it is only me attending the classes.  I need to do this for me.

Why limit what I am able to do?  It is insane but likely.  When you go against the grain, it is easier to reform to what is acceptable.  College.  Marriage.  Kids.  House.  I have done one of these things.  One.  I never feel bad about it either.

Find peace with where you are at and thrive!

Detox, basketball, taxes and life

Detox cleanse went well.  Provided insight on how to attempt a balance between eating clean and enjoying life.  Enjoying life.  Meaning enjoying wine and not feeling guilty about it.  

In the last few months, I have had several conversations about alcohol. I have had a few acquaintances die from their reliance on alcohol and a few others come to the edge of it.  It seems accessible in your twenties. If you are hungover it is more manageable than being in your 30's or 40's.  As I have seen friends decide to stop drinking, it is something that is on my mind. I enjoy the socializing aspects of it.  In addition, I enjoy wine with dinner.  That being said, I also enjoy breaks from it.  Maybe to prove that I am not reliant on it.

The last week has been interesting. Lots of celebrating March Madness.  RCJH!  It was an epic game.  I watched it at Elway's with friends.  Then, I watched it again.  And loved it.  I think I floated around my life for three days this week.  

I try to patient and considerate.  If not, compassionate.  My current accountant is frustrating me.  I sent her my information before I left for Florida with the hope that she would address the paperwork in February.  Instead, after reaching out tonight and expressing my need to mentally prepare for the taxes, she asked me two questions that could have been addressed immediately.  Actually, had she reviewed her notes to me, she could have referenced one of the questions she asked.  It was definitely on the irritating side.  I want to be understanding.  I am frustrated and basically waiting to hear back.

I have a trip to Santa Fe on Sunday.  It should be great and necessary.  A little break to reset and identify what is important.  I struggle at times with how to navigate my direction.  Ultimately, I know that everything will be fine and work out.  I question the means.  But, I know I am okay.

I hope to return to cooking more at home and being mindful in some of those decisions.  It is easy to rely on convenience.  However, it is like compounding the calories and maxing out the day. I need to be more mindful of that.  I want to continue to be doing donkey kicks when I am 70, lol.

Life is what you make of it.  If you put your mind to a task, you complete it.  If you focus on distraction, gossip or negativity you stay in that zone.  I want to be moving upward and onward.

Yoga in the park or not

Beautiful day now.  When it started, overcast, chilly and unmotivating. I considered how Saturday might look.  Some of my clients are pushing me to move the Saturday session back outdoors.  

There are many pro's to this.  Start on time instead of ten, fifteen or sometimes thirty minutes late. This has only happened one time but it definitely made an impact on my clients.  I get it.  I do.  They all work during the week and so weekends are a precious commodity.  Not to mention, they are focusing on their health and so starting on time is essential.  Enjoy the sun as you enjoy your savasana.  Take in fresh air as you move from pose to pose.  

The downside to being outside.  Weather is unpredictable.  We have practiced when it was 40 degrees.  Manageable and not terrible until the wind kicked up.  The wind can make or break the experience.  Sometimes there are porta potties available.  Sometimes, there are not. Seems like it would be a minimal issue unless you drive to do yoga and find yourself in a position to need to urinate.  Geese can be aggressive. And we are a little more exposed to the public.  

Doing yoga at the bar enables people watching for me.  I love watching the randomness of Saturday morning folks on Colfax. There is a mix of people.  People walking with coffee who appear productive and making their way to the park, people looking for a place to rest, sit or ask for money, and people with dogs. I never know who I am going to encounter.  It is remarkable and contributes to the beauty of the overall experience.  And, Jordan is a fantastic host.  I appreciate his friendship and the levity he provides.  He always rolls in without a care in the world.  Regardless of the timing, he will sweep to ensure that the space is clean.  An admirable trait, I would say.

I am conflicted because as much I recognize the need to start on time, I cannot predict the weather.  As noted, this morning, the weather was crap.  Yesterday was the complete opposite.  Gorgeous day and I walked City Park and basked in the sunshine.  Today, I walked to my gym and wished that I had worn more clothing instead of capri pants and a hoodie.  

I am considering how to incorporate more group classes.  Maybe small in person sessions in my apartment.  Perhaps, an opportunity to do a midweek class at the park around 4 or 4:30.  Or, offering a class both Saturday and Sunday morning.  I want to be doing more.

The detox cleanse is going well.  I checked my weight today and feel incredible.  Progress and opportunity to continue.  I think I may enjoy a beverage tomorrow while watching the KU games.  the detox is set to conclude on Sunday.  Moving forward, I want to think about how to continue good habits regarding my food intake.  I see how much I rely on take out due to convenience and being lazy.  I could meal prep and benefit.  This week has displayed that. It isn't that much more work either.  It just takes commitment and time.  

I was invited to Spokane for a birthday celebration in July.  The end of June I will be in Kansas for a vow renewal. I see how my year is shaping up.  More travel and celebrations.  I have friends in Peru currently and it is inspiring me figure out an international trip. Stop hiding behind the pandemic and purchase a ticket and just go.

I believe that everything will work out for the best.  I will figure out where to practice tomorrow morning.  Until then, I will focus on how to continue this journey of health and wellness.  There is a balance.  Sometimes, I flirt with the overindulging a little too much. Then, I find myself in this spot.  Needing to detox, reset, reflect.

Name associations and reflections

I have been thinking about this all week.  Ironically, I cannot even remember who said this to me.  

Let me back up.  Recently, I went into a situation where I had to introduce myself.  I said my name.  The person responded that it was quite the name to live up to....who says that?  I remember feeling uncertain with how to respond.  What response is acceptable in this case?  You are making me defend my name and I don't even know you.

When I was a kid, sure, I did not love my name.  I wanted a more normal name like some of my classmates.  Although, not Jaime, Jenny, or Amy. Those names were already saturated in my age group.  As I got older, though, I loved that my name was unique.  Actually, all of my sisters and I all had nontraditional names when we were named.  Now, Michaela and Jasmin are definitely more mainstream.  Perhaps, Jade is still atypical.  

And, I consider my partner's name, too, when thinking about names I want to be associated with.  I am that weird.  I reflect on that from watching something recently where the father asks his daughter the name of her date.  She tells him Chad.  The dad, is like--what kind of normal name is that?  I don't know.  I am overthinking.

From not drinking, I am productive.  Overanalyzing.  Reflecting.  Contemplating.  Reading a little more and listening to a slew of podcasts.  I am a fan of the wondery series but am finding that I have listened to a fair amount of their offerings.  I attempted one today that dealt with cancer and sex. I just couldn't get into it.  

Discouraged, I returned to my love of music.  Lately, I have been listening to Leon Bridges.  Soulful, sexy and easy to listen to.  Sara Jo introduced me to him when I was in Florida.  Sara Jo always has great music and book recommendations.  She confers with her brothers and I have benefitted greatly from their taste in both music and books.

I walked City Park this morning and had a little bit of time this afternoon to do another small loop. It was a gorgeous day in Denver and I wanted to absorb more vitamin D. I dropped off flyers for the upcoming Saturday morning sessions.  We will alternate between the bar and City Park.  It is all weather dependent.  And, timing wise, I know that my clients are wanting to start closer to 9 then 9:30.  A few times this has happened.  Damn, that Jordan!  I kid.  Jordan has been wonderful to me.  Faithfully, getting up early on Saturday mornings to open up and bar so that I can teach yoga.  He's a young man and has Friday nights off.  I know he has an active social life and yet, he still manages to show up and allow us to do yoga where he bartends.  

It has been fantastic.  I was able to transition from the outdoor space to a spot that was incredibly welcoming.  Meeting a few new people from my association with that bar.  All, in all, very positive.  So, maybe it is time to return to the park.  

I embrace my name and how I choose to live up to it.  Still, makes me laugh the assumption that I need to illustrate to someone that I do not know that I am worthy of my name.  

Day Six takeaways

So far, so good. I manage to get up, make celery juice, maybe have a smoothie and then lunch--soup (homemade mostly) and salad for dinner.  Last night, I made blackened salmon and it was successful.  I used my cast iron skillet that I never use.  It was Brian's and has moved with me from Denver to Phoenix to Santa Fe and back to Denver.  I have never used it.  Maghan would.  He made delicious steaks for us early on during the pandemic. I let him do the clean up, too. 

I suppose that has been my resistance to using it.  The clean up factor.  Last night, I overlooked my fears and made a delicious blackened salmon filet that I will have for dinner again tonight. I bring this up since I recognize how much I am enjoying cooking for myself. Whereas in the past, I would have relied on take out for that particular protein, last night, I decided to cook.  I hoped that I would not over cook it as I have done to halibut many, many times.  Nope, last night was perfection.

I feel better and have more clarity.  I see my path and want I what I would like to accomplish.  It is only a matter of deciding to do it.  Simple.

Create the life that you want.  Saturday, I was gifted the night off.  I hesitated to take it off. Yet, realistically, I want to watch the KU game.  Any time the games fall on a day I am working, I become frustrated since I cannot watch the game.  I can catch scores and glimpses of plays.  If they are losing, then I am further irritated.  It can be a vicious cycle.  

So, I took the night off with the promise of watching basketball.  My conflict now, is do I break my cleanse to enjoy a beverage with the game? With the celebration? I have been making steady progress and hope to continue.  I guess that is what will motivate me to refrain from imbibing.  The progress I have made.  Even when I do take a break from the cleanse, I plan on returning to cleaner eating to reign in how I am feeling currently.  I do not like feeling bloated or unhealthy.  The accountability--knowing a few of my other friends intend to detox, too--is helping.  Although, a few people have found ways to avoid starting.

Tomorrow, I will make plans to enjoy a healthy meal for dinner.  I may need to restock some items.  For the most part, the only item that I seem to purchase frequently is celery.  Otherwise, I have mainly fruits and vegetables in my house to sustain.  I should be journaling a little bit more.  I am more productive and have clarity with what I would like to achieve.  Again, simple.  Choose what you want and make it happen.  Create the life you want.

Maybe that should be my new mantra.  Create the life you want or that of which you desire.  Make it a great night.  Reflect on how you want to spend April.  This year is already a quarter of the way over.  Where did the time go?

Reset

Day number four of ten is complete.  It is easy to fall into a rhythm when you prepare for the cleanse and decide to do it.  I worked on Saturday night and while the others were enjoying a mini beverage, they made the comment--oh you are not drinking tonight, right?  I was not even remotely interested in joining.  I think making the decision to spend the next ten days--eating clean and no drinking--has been easier than I anticipated.  I'll be honest, I have put together cleanses in the past.  Varying from five to ten days. The first ones always went well. I was committed to the decision.  However, as I became more accustomed to these cleanses and not altering the cleanses, I was less motivated to stay true to it.  I would drink half and half until I found better plant based alternatives.  Drinking wine, well, that would happen at least one day out of the cleanse.  I was going through the motions but not committed to my decision.

This year, something feels different.  I want to form new habits.  Maybe that is it. If I say I am going to do something, I truly want to do it.  Not half-ass it.  But, really truly, try it out.  

I planned out some of my meals tomorrow.  Begin with celery juice and lemon water.  Then an almond strawberry smoothie.  Lunch will be roasted broccoli soup and dinner is a salad.  I have had the option of baking chicken or salmon for dinner.  Only, I have not felt like putting in that much effort.  A salad has been more than filling and delicious.  Overall, my energy is rising and I am more productive.  I taught at my apartment tonight which I believe, will become a thing on Monday nights.  We had been meeting in Green Valley Ranch.  My client rented out her place and has relocated to Littleton to be closer to her daughter's school.  It was fantastic to not deal with rush hour traffic and instead of driving to them, they drove to me.  I was able to read.  I waited on the front porch and enjoyed a little me time.  No music to distract me.

The only issue I think I will have is that I must keep my house clean.  Each week, I will have to be consistent.  Sweep and mop, clean the bathroom, have candles lit, my diffuser going and fresh flowers.  I cannot not take care of my living space when clients are over.

The ten day cleanse is a great reset.  And, I want more.  I want to slim down and be serious about my health journey.  When the pandemic first started, I was teaching multiple classes, daily, and doing all of the chatarangas.  Then, I started skipping some of the chatarangas to save my arms.  First non-negotiable.  Never again skipping that aspect of my day.

I stopped paying attention to what I was eating.  I leaned into what felt good.  I kept thinking, I can start again tomorrow.  Or next Monday.  Or a few days before I see my trainer.

While in Florida, Brianne and I spoke about our respective health and wellness journeys.  She brought up the juice detox cleanse and I glommed on.  I knew it would be my way to reset.  Til the reset, I kept on digging a deeper hole for myself.  Eating pizza, bread, late night food....all things I have managed to cut out in the last six years.

Looking back, I think I have been heading this direction for awhile.  First with purchasing the metal butterfly. Illustrating a transformation.  Figuring out how to make it my own.  I will expand on this later.  I must retire to bed.