Habits

When July started, I signed up for this tai chi walking challenge.  Figuring, why not?  What do I have to lose to try out this guided walking challenge?  Multiple ads had found their way to my social media.  I was inundated on instagram, facebook and youtube.  In route to a much-needed pedicure, I signed up.  Of course, doing this while driving is not the smartest or safest thing to do.  I can be impulsive and midway through the process I was doubting myself.  Yet, committed to the process with the promise of a discount.  The discount is also the hook that reels me in.

I have been struggling with the change, stress, cortisol build up and overall, not feeling great in my body.  I attempted an ayruvedic approach (which I stand by).  The main issue with this approach is the elimination of caffeine, alcohol, dairy, sugar, night shade vegetables.  Basically, anything that inflames your body.  For me, specifically, I identify as a Pitta.  I was given a recommended diet of cooked vegetables and spices.  Had I fully tried this approach, I believe, I would have been successful.  I see the benefits of eating warm food and slowing down while eating.  Creating specific times to eat and focus on the digestion.  It did not align with my life.  I work for a catering company and cannot tell them I need to sit down to focus on my digestion during service.  Ironically, I was able to cut out caffeine with ease.  I did not drink coffee for eight months of 2025.  I flirted with eliminating wine and tequila from my daily livelihood.  It didn't really stick.

I tried cutting out processed foods.  But I love chips and salsa.  And I want joy in my life.  I shifted my focus to manageable things that would make me feel better.  In that regard, the tai chi walking is a better fit.  Could I do more?  Yes.  I could minimize the said dairy, processed foods, wine.  I am working on the stress component.  Some days are better than others.  The most recent news of the disappearance of Nolan Wells is making that difficult.  There still are so many unanswered questions to what happened to that kid.  And so many inconsistencies that lead me to think that there is a cover up.  They do not want to be transparent about what happened on July 4th to that young man.  I feel terrible for his parents.  The lack of knowing what happened in his final hours would be heart breaking.  I remember when I was called and told that something had happened to Brian.  That there had been an accident and Brian was hurt.  The guy who called me had no other information and it was so frustrating to not be able to contact Brian or anyone who knew what happened outside of that there had been an accident.  I remember calling hospitals to see if he had been admitted.  Calling the police to see if they had him or knew what had happened.  It is horrifying to not be able to contact someone you love.

I cannot stop thinking about how his mother is feeling losing her child.  I feel that there is independent media following the story and a bunch of people who are making it visible.  They will not be able to cover up what happened.  The truth will come out.  And, regardless of if no foul play was a factor, his friends still left him on the island.  That is negligent to me.   Or that they do not appear that concerned that he was missing.  Why wouldn't they reach out to his family and say, we have his phone and car keys?  There is no reason to have his belongings and not let his family know.  I reiterate, when I was notified that my boyfriend had an accident, all I wanted to know was that he was okay.  That he would be coming home.  I remember trying to barter with God that I would be better if he would let Brian come home.  Completely irrational.  But I was grasping at anything to make sure he was okay.

So, back to the tai chi walking.  They suggest a number of steps to walk daily and offer multiple guided workouts to supplement some of the steps.  Lymphatic draining, walking indoors, boxing, light strength training.  I have been committed to the program with one exception.  My weekend in Aspen derailed since I did not have cell service at the Ranch.  I was unable to track my steps and so it looked like I was a couch potato for a few days, lol.  

The best outcome is that I am walking daily four to six miles.  I feel lighter in general.  No longer bogged down physically or emotionally.  So there is that.  

I am not perfect and I barely have answers for myself.  Yet, I want to continue moving forward with trial and error with the change.  I am finding more confidence in saying no, that doesn't work for me.  I like that factor.

Do what feels right to you.  Until later.....