Random recent thoughts

Is it only Tuesday?  Doesn't it feel like Thursday?  I don't know.  Perhaps it is the weather.  I feel lazy, uninspired, unmotivated.  I do not know where to start.  There is so much to be uninspired by.  The current state of the world.  And even there what are the top three things that are making you crazy?  I think there are possibly 30 things that are making me crazy.  I am finding it difficult to narrow it down.  My anger shifts day to day as I learn of new things.

For instance, the gutting of the voting rights truly pissed me off.  It incenses me that the supreme court lied again and did whatever they wanted.  In 2022 when they gutted Roe v Wade, I spit out my water and almost choked on it.  I couldn't believe that they would want to roll back women's rights.  And it didn't end there.  Of course, it didn't.  They continue to move the goal posts.  Same with the voter's rights.  They kicked over that domino and will continue to take away all rights of everyone that they feel do not deserve to be represented.

So there is that.  Then I started to see more information on the data centers that are popping up all over the states.  How are they even being approved?  The effect on the environment is devastating.  But politicians do not care.  They do not care if you have limited access to water.  If you lose your home to the data center.  It is appalling.  And they are rushing to put them all over.  Why?  What will they do for us?  Kill the environment, take water, eliminate jobs and screw people over.  What are we even doing?

The detention centers and forced labor of the inhibits also dire and ridiculous.  I read that in order to use the phone a person is required to work five days to make one phone call.  How is that even possible?  Not to mention the increase in racist attacks.  Just the blatant hatred that is exposed.  I suppose I have lived in a bubble that I created.  I was unaware or unwilling (if I am honest) to see how much people in my generation were hiding their racism.  I thought we had changed.  I grew up in the 80's and 90's.  My school was mostly white but there was a large vietnamese population, some mexican and black kids in my class.  Yes, they were the minority, but it didn't feel that forced hatred of someone that was different than me.  When I went to college, of course, I was exposed to more people that did not look like me.  Choosing to work in the service industry has always reflected an assortment of people, cultures and outlooks on life.  I am grateful for the melting pot.  I do not understand how people are still so hateful of other races.  I truly do not understand it, and it makes me furious that some people are spewing their hatred at other races to make themselves feel better?  We are all human beings first and foremost.  Instead of hating other races, we should be looking upward at the elite class that continues to pick our pockets and steal from us.  I do not want to work until I die.  I do not know anyone else that wants that either.  However, the pathway we are currently on, we are going to force 95% of the population to do that.  Living in a world where we are sicker, have less pathways out of poverty and less living the dream we were sold.  

Still I am hopeful as people wake up (finally).  The corruption is over the top!  Everyday some new story about our taxes being taken to fund a small group of people.  No oversight, accountability or proposed end in sight.  It is WILD!

It is my intention to speak to my tribe about the importance of voting and recognizing that we are human beings and in this together.  I want to live in a world where we can all thrive and enjoy the resources--clean water, food, travel, nature.  Am I naive to want this?

Recent thoughts

Happy Hump Day!  This year has flown by in some respects and in others it is stagnant.  We are inching closer to the midterms which is optimism overload (thankfully).  The nonstop daily barrage of bullshit is wearing me down.  It is exhausting and frustrating to see all of the headlines that are front and center and then be updated on things that are happening behind closed doors.  For instance, the recent Supreme Court ruling gutting the voting rights.  I had not been aware that that was even happening.  What do they say--focus on one thing so you are not overwhelmed.  I think that is why I was not paying attention to current cases in front of the court.

Check your voter registration.  If you are not registered, register to vote.  It is imperative to use your right to vote.  I am devastated by the court's decision to gut the voter rights.  I know that they will not stop by limiting the representation of people of color.  They want to return the voting rights where only white men are voting.  They do not value anyone but that component of society.  However, we are a multi-cultural society.  

We all deserve representation.  We are taxed and should have representation to reflect our individual rights.  Personally, as a woman, I should not have the government dictating what I can or cannot do with my body.  I shouldn't be told I have to have kids.  And there should be research into what menopause is.  There is so much unknown about that process.  Right now, almost every woman in my life, is struggling with changes in her body.  And it is all different.  I prefer to not take pills or medication to regulate myself.  I do take supplements--Magnesium, Vitamin C, Fish oil, black cohosh and Vitamin D.  I am still learning and trying to navigate this upcoming phase of my life.  The gluteal tendinopathy is a real thing.  It is forcing me to stretch out my hips, daily, or risk the dull achy pain that will not go away. 

Randomly over the course of two weeks, I encountered two people over 30 years old, who have never voted.  I was shocked!  The first one I thought I was being punked.  Truly.  I couldn't believe that this man would not vote.  He said it wouldn't matter as it didn't affect his lifestyle.  He was happy attending raves.  I understand that I do.  But things are progressing and it will affect everyone.  It already is.  The cost of fuel, groceries, travel, health insurance, car insurance, home insurance, rent.  When does it stop?  What is the end game?  

I alter between survival and elevating my life.  It is an odd balance.  I see the survival mode in some of my decisions and beliefs.  I am planning a yoga retreat, and I hesitate to book the accommodations.  I know that I can put it together and host another successful retreat.  I believe that.  Yet, somewhere in the back of my mind, I want to stay in the comfort of survival.  I don't want to see myself as capable.  It is the unknown and risky.  Everything is unknown and risky right now.  I know there are resources.  I believe in abundance.  I want to break up with the news but I cannot look away.  

What is the solution?  

Saturdays are the best

Some days, I know I could be more productive.  That I should be more productive.  I should do my administrative work instead of putting it off until the absolute last minute.  I start off with the best intentions and then derail it.  For instance, this morning, I taught yoga, took a walk and researched potential recipes for my upcoming happy hour.  Yoga was fantastic. I returned home and considered the remainder of my day.  Walking more seemed imperative.  I managed that after lunch and felt good about that decision.

I prepped a grocery list and headed to Postino.  A glass of wine before shopping on a Saturday at Trader Joe's is necessary.  I tend to want to dart in and out of the store.  I avoid using shopping carts and instead rely on the basket to do my shopping.  I feel that I am able to navigate the store easier without the bulkiness of the cart.  I really despise shopping carts.  I will make multiple trips to the market to avoid using a cart.  I hate wasting food.  I prefer shopping more times to avoid that factor.

I had a book to read and settled in at Postino.  Midway through my visit, a lady sat down next to me.  She seemed a little gruff and so I continued to read my book and glance around the surroundings.  I enjoy reading the vibes and watching people interact.

One of the server assistants broke glassware, loudly, twice.  Noticeably loud.  Stopped conversation.  I paid my tab and the lady asked me what I was reading and if I liked it.  We started chatting books--Wally Lamb.  I love Wally Lamb.  I have read multiple books by him.  He is a master of character development in my opinion.  Then moved into other territory.  Occupation, travel, family...I learned more about her situation than anticipated.  A reminder that as difficult as my family situation can be, I am mostly normal compared to other people.  From that encounter, I feel like people like to confide in me.  I do not know my exact purpose in life but after the last few days, I think part of my purpose is to listen and allow people to chat.  To discard the loneliness.  The gruffness dissolved and she seemed approachable unlike she had when she sat down.  

A guy I know from former days strolled through before heading to his current bar gig.  He gave me a hug and reminded me of when he works at this particular bar.  I walked to Trader Joe's and regretted it immediately.  Too many people with carts, lol.  I picked up a few items knowing that I would return at another time.  I do not have the patience to withstand the amount of people wandering around.  I really despise carts and how much room they take up.  

Returning home and intending to return to the task list.  I will do better.  I must do better.  I reflect on the day and am hopeful for more community and interaction.  The divineness of the chaos of today is not all encompassing.  There is hope and time.  Next time you are in a situation you are unfamiliar with, embrace it.  See where the conversation leads.  Allow it to move organically.

Finding balance

Every day is more chaos.  Challenging.  I recognize that it designed this way to inhibit resistance.  Distraction after distraction after distraction.  For instance, the recent video reminding us of the Epstein files.  Is it a distraction from the war?  

I thought there was a ceasefire, but it seemed to have been violated within hours of it being stated.  I do not understand how the continual bombing of Lebanon is supported.  Or Gaza for that matter.  Why are civilians being targeted?  Universities, hospitals, structures?  It is insanity.

It takes a lot out of me in spite of the knowledge.  Trying to sift through the b.s. and move forward.  Some days are easier than others.  I have been relishing the lego videos that are surfacing on social media.  They make me chuckle and sigh.  Specifically, the one regarding our secretary.  They do not hold back.  Call out some of my favorite words.  CS--IYKYK.... Seriously, I do love that word.  And it sums up his behavior handily.  Many of my friends are unaware of the videos which makes me think I am in a silo.  I see so much and am familiar with many moving parts.  If only I could walk away and place my head in the sand.  I cannot.  I will not.

Striking that balance is imperative.

Planning yoga is helping.  I feel more productive and capable.  I ran into a friend that is going through a divorce.  It has been a while in the making but it is happening.  Typically, this friend does not confide about his personal life.  In a way, I feel that he feels uplifted being able to discuss it.  He can sort through his relationship and what he would like to move forward.  Listening to him made me reflect on my relationship with Tom.  I could be more vested in his interests.  I, tend to get caught up in the politics, my stressors and work.  I cannot help myself (or so I convince myself).  However, listening to my friend was a gentle reminder that I should listen to Tom's needs.  I should show Tom that I love him not just say it.  Actions matter.

I utilized the library through Kanopy (streaming service) and placed a bunch of books on hold.  Some fiction.  Others non-fiction.  I picked up a mix and started a fiction one that was recommended.  Immediately, I knew it was not speaking to me.  I read a review and it was confirmed that it might not be approachable.  But the content of the location did happen in real life.  Girls were placed in correctional institutions and the conditions were terrible.  I read on to see that.  Unstable conditions, abuse, lack of cleanliness, poor nutrition, medicating people.  I do not agree with any of this to house people.  Girls were placed within these facilities with no structure, opportunity to rehabilitate or leave.  They were punished for being undesirable or unwanted.  

I do not love the book after 150 pages.  I will return it to the library with some knowledge of how women were treated and continue to be.  There is a better reflection of this specific situation with The Woman they could not Silence.  That book is incredible.  I should remember to place a book on hold for the author's other book--Radium Girls.  Rambling slightly.  It has been a day.  I need to decompress so I can shut off my mind.  Find balance and navigate the chaos.

Salud to Thursday~

Lentil soup

In an attempt to cook more at home, I have made lentil soup twice in the last week.  The first time I followed the recipe that I found.  It is based on a Greek grandmother's recipe (or so they say).  I found it on social media.  I am all for it and believe it is based on a grandmother's recipe.  The result was good, but I wanted a few tweaks.  More garlic, add some Greek oregano and maybe more onion.  I tested out my theory yesterday and I am pleased with the new results.  Still, I think I could improve it.  It is savory, wholesome and delicious.  And I enjoy taking the time to make it.

Isn't that what it is all about?  Enjoying what you are doing and not make it feel like a chore or job.  I believe I would have been more invested in preparing food had I felt more confident in my skills at an earlier age.  Instead, I relied on the restaurants that I worked in to feed more.  Or make it more convenient, lol.  I enjoy grocery shopping but tend to shop frequently and not doing the weekly trip.  I break it up into smaller runs.  This makes more sense to me.  Eliminates food waste which I despise.

For example, I bought eggs.  You know, the more expensive ones.  Organic, farm raised good life of the chicken.  My refrigerator opted to freeze 7 of the 18.  I was devastated.  I was not that surprised.  My refrigerator tends to do that. I have tried to manually alter the temperature to no avail.  Finally, I grabbed a screwdriver to adjust the settings.  Eureka!  It happened.  I could avoid freezing the interior of my fridge.

Super irritated.  Scrambling to avoid more waste, I boiled them and hoped for the best.  I had bought avocados on sale (I am a sucker for avocados).  I do not want to waste those, so I created an egg salad with the avocados, eggs, dill and mayonnaise I had curated a few weeks ago.  It is time to use food in house and minimize waste.  I am too reliant on what is convenient, unfortunately.

Six of the eggs remain in the carton.   4 of them are broken.  Two remain, intact.  But they do not want to budge out of the container.  It is frustrating.  I want to avoid the waste.  

My mind wanders.  Overwhelmed.  Overstimulated.  Distracted.  I say that knowing that I can still perform required tasks.  I might be exhausted but if I show up for a job, I do it.  Physically, I show up.  I perform and make the best of the situation.  Small reflection.

Focus on the good and what you can control.  Silence the distractions that do not do anything to elevate you as a person.  Make lentil soup.

Happy Hump Day!

Happy Hump Day!  What have you accomplished today?  This week?  This month?  

Are you creating new habits?  They say that small habits lead to life changes.  Or maybe you have heard that if you spend time with five idiots, you are the sixth.  I should not be negative.  If you spend time with five entrepreneurs, you are the sixth.  Truly, it is who we choose to spend time with that helps decide how successful we are in accomplishing tasks.  Energy takers and energy givers.

I need to strike a balance with some people.   And minimize my social media scrolling.  It's all war.  Ice.  Politics.  Random bull shit.  Dystopian futures.  I keep seeing things about the energy crisis and shut down and where it can lead.  I am trying to remain calm, but it is not easy.  The energy crisis where there will be energy rations and another shut down.  It is too much.  There will be no benefit to another shutdown.  People barely survived that last one which was not too long ago.  

Bad husbands or boyfriends seem to be on my feed on threads.  Some of the stories are comical.  Others remind me how grateful I am for Tom.  He is calm, patient and supportive.  I get frustrated when he doesn't take care of himself.  His hip, for example, took forever to address.  Before we began dating, he had hip pain.  Refused to go to a chiropractor or doctor to have it assessed.  In his mind, it would go away.

Til it didn't.  Which was a domino effect of health issues that he could have avoided had he went to the doctor when the symptoms presented.  Now, he has some Achilles tendon irritation.  I told him to buy some kinesiology tape and stabilize his ankle.  He said he has but I do not know if I believe him.  He tends to avoid health concerns which is so weird to me.  Currently, I have a shoulder tweak from a soft tissue injury.  I have been rolling it out with my lacrosse ball.  It is improving.  It feels a little out of place and I have popped it doing yoga.  I suppose there is that, too.

Mid-week, check in, for me.  My taxes are completed.  I taught a yoga happy hour last night.  Tested out new recipes and realized that recipes are good but adding your own flair makes sense (unless you are baking.  I would not recommend adding or subtracting from the measurements.  Baking is more precise).  I prefer a more flavorful fava bean dip.  The recipe I followed was too bland.  I added garlic powder, smoked paprika and capers as a topper.  Next time, I will adjust the yellow split peas and garlic ratio.  I think that will be more successful.  

Daily morning meditation number two.  Five minutes is doable.  I will increase my times eventually.  I hope this will benefit my overall day and sleeping habits.  It has been rough recently to sleep through the night.  I foresee more nidra in my daily life.  I need relief, rest and relaxation.  Enjoy the remainder of your week.

Tuesday thoughts

I woke up and did a five-minute meditation.  Repeated a mantra that made sense to me.  I think I will attempt to do this moving forward.  Perhaps build up to 20 or 30 minutes at some point.  Baby steps build a habit.  Habits lead to success.  

In the same fashion, 2026 I have been oil pulling, tongue scraping and then brushing teeth.  Listening to podcasts and stretching.  Increasing the time, I am capable of holding a yogi squat.  Juicing, hot lemon water and then starting my day.

It is time to be thankful and minimize the chaos.  That is my realization that I am too wrapped up in this.  Too far into my own echo chamber.  I spoke to my older sister yesterday and could tell that she couldn't wait to get off of the phone once I brought up the SAVE act. We were reflecting on our past weeks, and she was doing the being the older sister bit (truly, she is the best.  Always takes care of me).  After we exhausted the Greek trip, I brought up recent events.  Including the SAVE Act, War in Iran, genocide.  She concluded with--I need to go since I am walking into work or something to that effect.  Reminded me of how I conclude conversations with my parents at times, lol.  

I get it.  I do.  I know that I am overwhelmed by the crazy.  The fact that ICE is at the airports.  For what purpose?  They are unable to screen travelers.  They are being paid to intimidate people.  Meanwhile, TSA agents are working without pay.  Make it Make Sense.  We have unmasked agents (finally) but they are armed and known for their tactics.  How are they speeding up security?  We are pawns in this latest tactic of the regime.  They want to pass the SAVE act which will disenfranchise female voters.  It is a poll tax on voters.  It isn't about voter I.D.  We already provide either a driver's license or military ID to be able to vote.  Those are no longer enough.  It is a restrictive act that.  Why?  Because the majority of people do not agree with Project 2025, the Republican agenda or their proposed policies.  Not when you actually look into what they want to achieve.  The BBB which taxes everyone but the ultra-elites and corporations is not popular.  When you break down how people are taxed to death, they aren't happy.  In addition, fuel prices are increasing.  Groceries are increasing.  Housing.  Health insurance.  On and on and on.  

We are being taxed for policies that do nothing for us.  And everything around us is increasing.  At what point do people push back?  I do not know why people pay taxes.  Our roads are not improving.  Travel is becoming difficult.  Why do they think existence is enough?

Rambling but trying to process.  Heading to a happy hour which will be beneficial and wonderful.  Have a good day!

Fava bean dip

I loved Greece.  All of it.  Especially the food.  Not going to lie there is a huge difference when food tastes like it hasted been genetically modified or full of preservatives.  Simple, pedestrian food and I ate it up.  Greek salads, tzatziki and especially the fava bean dip.  I could not get enough of it.  Shari and I dined at the same lunch spot in Naxos for two days.  One day we sampled the octopus (exquisite) and the second day we chose a beet salad (equally delicious).  And, again, simple.

Due to that inspiration, I am attempting a fava bean dip for my yoga happy hour tomorrow night.  I did not realize that you can use yellow split peas instead of fava beans.  I headed to Sprout's Market as they have a great bulk food and spice section.  For everything else, I search out Kroger, Trader Joe's and Natural Grocers.  Primarily, I shop at Trader Joe's.  I like their objectives, employees and always have a good experience when shopping.  It can be somewhat limited on some things; hence, why I shop at Kroger and Natural Grocers.  At any rate, I did not find yellow split peas yesterday at Sprout's.  Natural Grocer's has a superior bulk aisle of dried goods and spices.

I used one recipe and will borrow from another.  A few ingredients--red onion, garlic, olive oil, water with the peas as a base.  Immersion blender to combine the ingredients.  Topping with capers, scallions, parsley and some paprika or cumin.  I have yet to decide.  In addition, I am making the crowd favorite, Kerp dip.  It is Tom's mother's recipe and has yet to disappoint my students.  I think each time I make it it varies a little.  I like to experiment with the amount of bacon and scallions.  I think I minimize the mayo since I do not love mayo, but it is a necessary component in this dish.  

I bought tzatziki from the Greek market.  I could have tried to make my own, but I know that I enjoy their offering.  Another time.  I found some Greek wine that Shari and I enjoyed in Naxos and Santorini.  All, in all, at great Sunday.  I watched basketball and my team broke my heart again.  I think it was especially difficult this year.  They came back ensuring that it would not be a blow out.  They had a good strategy on how to get to overtime.  They could utilize the time out to work the clock.  They did that but then it appeared they got ahead of the game.  Instead of defending the play, they watched it happen with 3 seconds left.  I watched in awe at the conclusion of the game.  It was unbelievable. I realize that things happen and of course, that was not their intent to lost like that.  Yet, they did and it was heartbreaking.  Kudos to St. John's for crushing 3's all game and advancing to the next round.  

For the happy hour, I will offer the tzatziki dip, Kerp dip, fava bean dip and a greek salad.  Some additional vegetables and an assortment of crackers.  Truly, I believe it will be a nice homage to my trip to Greece and way to honor the Spring Equinox.  Lighter fare, white wine and community.

Stay safe out there.  Protect your energy.  Stand up for what you believe it and share kindness.  Thank you!

More thoughts on becoming grateful and community centered

Trying to unplug from the current world events, I listened to music for 90 minutes yesterday afternoon.  It was pleasant and a reminder how soothing music can be.  Not only soothing but creates memories and associations.  I allowed Qobuz to make suggestions and found a plethora of cool new songs.  Artists that I am unfamiliar with that have some quality music.  I should dive deep into that rabbit hole instead of listening to political podcasts.  Only to update my post from yesterday, the other Heather that I follow is Heather Delaney Reese.  She also offers daily synopsis of the news of the day.  It is overwhelming how much is happening.  I know it is designed to exhaust and overwhelm us.  Try to carve out some joy in your life.  Do not let them win.

I have another yoga class at the Jazzercise Studio this morning.  I love the Studio and am very grateful for the space.  The owner is kind, gracious and accommodating.  Still, I could have returned to outdoor yoga late last month.  It has been that nice in Denver.  Today we will hit 88 degrees in March.  Normally, March is the snowiest month of the year.  Not this year.  We have had a lame winter and for that I am concerned about upcoming wildfires and how hot the summer will be.  Thankfully, my landlady finally got air conditioning for the building after six years of suffering.  It was a struggle each year to sustain those months.  And sorta ridiculous as she had air conditioning but refused to let me use my window unit.  Not to rock the boat, I didn't.  In hindsight, I absolutely should have.  Sometimes, I question my complicit nature of going along to get along.  Seriously, Midwest upbringing sometimes bites me in the ass.  

And other times mostly, I am thankful for my roots.  I recognize when people count money back to me.  Younger kids do not break down change.  If a beverage is $13.78 and you hand them a twenty-dollar bill, most people will hand you a five, a one and a quarter.  This makes me crazy.  Let me choose what I want to tip and no, I am not giving you a $5 tip for a drink.  Not all young kids do this, I know.  But a majority of them seem to do this.  Or going to the bank and withdrawing money.  Typically, they hand you a mixed bag of cash that is not faced.  In the past, it would all be faced.  When you deposited money, it was customary to face it.  Honestly, it is much easier to count when the cash is faced.  One of the tellers at my bank handed me my withdrawal and it was all faced.  I asked him where he was from and he said--California.  I responded with, wow, based on how you handed me my money, I thought you were Midwestern.  

He looks at me and said--actually, I grew up in Minnesota.....loved it.  Loved that I could recognize that wholesome quality.  

My yoga class was small but soulful.  I changed up my normal sequence to accommodate a new student.  I know that she has some physical limitations.  She doesn't complain about the chatarangas and modifies to make them make sense to her.  I love that she is showing up and doing what she can.  Instead of the physical emphasis it was stretchier and holding poses.  A reminder that it is good to change it up and curate classes for folks.

Take some time for you this weekend.  Read a book.  Drink some hot tea.  Soak in your tub.  Buy some flowers.  Take a walk outdoors.  Disconnect with the chaos.  It is worthwhile.

Gratitude

Trying to balance the nonstop fear mongering and chaos with a little gratitude.  I know I have struggled with this in the past and probably will continue to do so.  It is hard to remove myself from the algorithm of chaos.  I like listening to podcasts, daily.  I rotate between the Daily Beans, I've Had it, Pod Save America, The Rational Boomer, Fast times with Molly Jong Fast and the Bulwark.  Oh, and Joy Reid.  I do love her show.  

Typically, I listen to the Daily Beans.  I find it somewhat uplifting with their good news segment that they offer daily.  That inspires me and makes me hopeful that there are people out there that are just as pissed off at what is happening in the world. Plus, they offer creative solutions for resistance or finding joy.  In addition, I read Heather Cox Richardson, Jess Craven of Chop Wood, Carry Water and another Heather on facebook.  She also offers a daily synopsis of the barrage of shit being flung at us.  Unfortunately, I cannot remember her full name.  Recently, I found her and have read what she has posted due to it offering optimism and lack of bias.  She reports the news.  I listen to IHIP news, daily.  Those two gals are witty and do not give a fuck about cussing or telling it like it is.  Refreshing.  

In an attempt to balance out the nonstop chaos and fear, I am wanting to write more.  Journal.  Express gratitude for the beauty in life.  Practice grounding as well.  Getting outside and walking at a park is essential.  That connection with nature to calm the nervous system and decrease the stress/cortisol spike.  As I am navigating the early stages of the change, I need to decrease stress.  I can feel how my body is absorbing this.  I have a naggy shoulder and my hips are experiencing achiness due to the lack of estrogen.  Sexy topics, I know.  But we, as women, should be talking about the change and how we are experiencing it.  There is a definite lack of knowledge/research and how to maneuver this.  Dealing with aching hips is not sustainable.  I know this.  It affects my sleep and comfort.  Moreover, there are so many women in my life that are experiencing the same things.  But we have been taught to not talk about it.  We need to talk about this awakening and encourage openness.

In other news, I am concerned about the lack of awareness of the SAVE Act and what it is attempting to achieve.  Disenfranchising women.  Creating a poll tax and hoops to jump through in order to be able to vote.  It is voter suppression and aimed at eliminating women's voices.  Saying that, I know that I will have the right to vote.  I have not married so my legal name is reflected on my birth certificate.  I know where my birth certificate is and I have a passport.  I have had a passport since I was fifteen years old as traveling as always been in my blood.  

I spoke to one of my sisters and asked her if she was aware of the SAVE act.  She said no.  I told her to research it and what it means to women and girls.  I sent a video because I couldn't help myself, but I don't think she watched it.  I think she thinks I am being a conspiracy theorist like my mom has been at times.  My mother likes to send random messages which I ignore.  I am not going to apologize for it.  Some of the things that she has sent or believes, I do not agree with.  I question where she receives her news but then remember that she lives in a small town.  And I acknowledge that I am in my own echo chamber currently.  I am being propagandized, too.  And thrown a ton of fear, instability and lack of resources.  

I realize that we should all be curious and questioning decisions that this administration is making.  Specifically with the SAVE Act.  How is this beneficial to citizens?  We already have to show proof of identity to vote.  Why now the extra layers of security to prove citizenship?  A driver's license will no longer be adequate if your name changed due to marriage, divorce.  

I am trying to have more of my community seek out answers.  I posted a few items on facebook and apparently it irritated someone that I have known for almost thirty years.  He and I do not agree politically.  Nor have we ever.  I am not surprised by his stance only that why does he feel the need to comment on my page?  This isn't the first time he has made some jackass comment either.  I cannot remember the first one, but it was derogatory towards women.  It felt directed at me and choices that I have made in my life.  And it felt like he believed he should be able to tell me how to live.  Very dismissive and totally out of line with how I live my life.  I cannot change his perspective.  I know this from experience, but I will not engage with him either.  It is pointless.  I am never going to agree with minimizing women's rights or forcing women back into the kitchen.  For far too long, we have been expected to provide emotional support, raise children and dim our lights.  No more!

So I will journal, meditate and try to turn off the hyper focusing of the shit show of what is happening in the world.  Find some joy.  Hug your pet if have one.  Love your life.

More of the same

I was so hopeful for 2026.  In some ways, I still am.  There are cracks in the hold of the administration.  

I see them and sense it.  However, there is more violence and a ramp up of attacks on women.  I knew in 2016 that this would be a disaster for women.  When he was re-elected, I told my friends how terrible this would be.  I remember saying--they are coming for women.  These conservative men hate us.  They hate that there are independent women who are self-reliant, capable and autonomous.

I was told to calm down that I was overreacting.

While the daily chaos ensues, they are promoting some return to family values bull shit.  Their idea of family values is where a woman should be married and with children by the age of 30.  They are penalizing women who do not follow their game plan.  Taxing us for choosing to not have children or be married.  It is insanity and yet, here we are. I do not think people are paying attention.  Women are under attack.

There is resistance all over the world.  And I am seeing more people step into the game.  I encourage everyone to get involved.  Stand up for your rights and communities.  2026 started with a continuation of the absolute shit of 2025.  Only rapidly increasing.  The shooting of Renee Good and Alex Pretti is finally displaying the cruelness of the current administration.  They are now shooting American citizens in broad daylight.  More people are recognizing the callousness of anyone who doesn't support their ideology.  

Of course, it has always been this way.  They have executed and disappeared people of color for many years. It should have been stopped before now.  We should be standing up for all communities not only paying attention because it is happening to us now.  

There is awakening and hope.  I will continue to do what I can.  I have been calling representatives, donating to a food pantry and continuing to develop community.  Keeping it as local as possible.  I have been taking breaks too.  It is a lot to process and unbelievable that this is happening.  

I wish I had a barrel sauna or bathtub.  Seriously, I could use a place to decompress and submerge or sweat out my toxins.  

Try to stay hopeful.  Knowing there are more of us that are likeminded who do not support this madness.  

2025 Recap

What a shit year.  Disappointing and eye opening.  Recognizing that there are people in my life who support ICE raids.  Disgusting.  And their defense is that the people they are deporting or placing in alligator alcatraz are criminals.  

They are not deporting mostly criminals.  Instead, they are antagonizing immigrants that have sought asylum or are citizens.  Tackling pregnant women to separate them from their children.  Yes.  That is what this country should be known for.  Having masked men randomly discriminate against black and brown people.  Oh and somali's because they are antagonizing the streets of Minneapolis.  This year has sucked in so many ways.

The passing of the Big Beautiful Bill is yet to be understood how it will affect you and people within your community.  There is nothing good about this bill outside of giving tax cuts to the .000001--people who do not need a tax cut.  These people should pay taxes for their companies that utilize public services--streets, public transportation, etc.  For example, why is it okay that Bezos tried to pay the city of Venice to host his wedding back in the summer?  I feel like he paid an exorbitant amount thinking people would applaud him.  Instead, locals boycotted and had signs to illustrate how disgusting his decision was.  People do not applaud that abuse of wealth.   In addition, losing regulations and not feeling bad about it.  The amount of water it takes to cool down an AI center is out of control.  Instead of AI companies pay for the water, they are pushing these rising costs to consumers.  Why are these policies not being challenged?

In happier times, I have been more interested in my community.  I know all of my neighbor's names.  (not that I like them all, but I know who they are).  A few of them are genuine friends.  I share food with Lee and Courtney routinely.  I have connected with a few colleagues.  I take the bus.  I frequent my coffee shop with my reuseable cup.  I support small businesses along Colfax.  

I acknowledged things I can no longer control in regard to my family.  Instead of doing what I would normally do, I chose my own well-being.  I do not need to hurt myself in order to make my family feel better.  This has taken me years to understand.

I taught a yoga retreat in Santa Fe.  I was scared.  Again.  2023/2024, I wanted to host a retreat.  This year, I did.  It was great.  I recognize ways to improve and be a better host.  Isn't that what life is all about?

I feel better about my relationship with Tom.  More grounded, honest and open.  I cannot wait for tomorrow.  I don't know if it will be better.  Probably more bull shit from this administration.  It is nonstop.  However, I know I made it through another year.  

And that I wasn't wrong in 2015 when he won and how terrible he would be.  I never forgot the Grab them by the Pussy.  That should have been the red line for everyone.  Instead, the goal posts moved.  Again.  Again.  Again.

It made me lose so much respect for people that support him.  Support the narcissism.  The bulling.  The racism.  Misogyny.  Tout the religious line.  

I grew up Catholic.  In no way, shape or form would my priest promote what they are doing.  Or profit off this.  

This year has been crap.  Let's move forward an embrace community and togetherness.

Moving forward

Focus on your health.  Mental, emotional or physical.  Last night hearing that the healthcare subsidies will not be extended was a gut punch.  There was no reason to vote to fund the government without having any concessions.  I do not understand why we are paying taxes.  Taxes for what?  We are currently losing rights and services that benefit everyone.  Yes, we should be taxed to secure infrastructure.  But this healthcare loss is huge.  People will lose coverage and die.

As a result, my sleep was basically nonexistent last night.  All of this year I have struggled with sleep.  I realized today that I need to shift my perspective.  These people will do nothing to help us.  They are only interested in funding their own lives.  I cannot rely on them to do the right thing.  Clearly, they choose self-interest over community good each time.  Taking away SNAP benefits from states that have released them is ridiculous.  Truly, they hate poor people.  

I love the hypocrisy of being pro-life.  Pro-life to save every child.  But then you strip away food benefits, childcare, healthcare.  What is the point?  Setting up people for a life of servitude that only benefits the oligarchs.  It is gross.

I need to find a way to wrap my head around what will be coming.  I am healthy, physically.  Mentally, I need to make some changes.  I need to sleep and heal my body.  More meditation since I do not think I can sustain much longer.  Lack of sleep is a real thing.

There have been some positives this year.  I am more connected to my neighbors.  I know more than just their names.  I have shared food with several of them and next week I am co-hosting a dinner.  I have ways to give back to the community that keep me accountable.  I am matching funds from wine lunches and contributing them to the food bank this month.  Supporting local restaurants, coffee shops and walking along Colfax.  If you live in Denver, you know how difficult it is to drive on this street currently.  They are building a bus line in the middle of the road.  They keep changing lanes to build the lines.  I think the project will take two and a half years.  

The road construction is killing local businesses.  There are a few that seem to be thriving--a liquor store and take out Thai spot.  Due to proximity to corner lots and some parking.  I am thankful for the businesses that are open.  A few coffee shops, pizza parlors, sushi.  Support your local spot.  Build your community.  Stop funding convenience.  Be it data, chain restaurants or big stores.  They do not care about you or your needs.  They want your money.  Stop buying into the system that continues to screw you over.

Hope

Finally feeling a little better about life.  Yesterday was more than a glimmer.  It displayed that there are many people who do not agree with this administration or supporting the oligarchy.  That working class people want the government to represent their needs not only tax them to fund tax cuts for the billionaires.  I have attended a few protests in the last year and saw a rupture in the belief in the mandate of November 2024.  

I watched Mamdani's speech last night.  What an incredible human being.  Gifted orator and represents everyone.  I am thrilled that he won his mayoral race.  He will face many challenges, and it will be an uphill battle.  Still, I think he accomplishes more than is anticipated.  

Something about him and learning from other people's mistakes and inability to push through legislation.  I remember in 2008 when Obama won.  Where I was watching the election results and how hopeful I was for his presidency.  I voted for him twice and if he were to run, again, I would support him.  I think he would be able to achieve more now.  I don't know.  I am rambling but hopeful.  Hopeful for all of the women that were elected.  All of the diversity that is visible.  We need representation from each group of people, not only white men.  I am horrified by the number of white women who continue to vote against their own interests.  Not only their interests, but their daughters and granddaughters.  It makes no sense.  Still, my generation doesn't waiver.  There is still 45-49% support for this dipshittery.  The promotion of the Handmaid's Tale.  It doesn't make any sense to me.  Why would you promote stripping rights you have enjoyed from future generations or you moving forward?  Do women not understand the end game?  Putting us back in the home without any financial autonomy?  

Yesterday displayed that people are paying attention.  Denver voted to tax the rich to provide free breakfast and lunch to all students.  We should all be supporting this measure.  In every town and city.  We voted for a new direction.  Not more of the same by electing Zohran Mamdani.  By electing women to lead states.  Times are changing and people are willing to support different ideas.  It is not business as usual.  Finally, people are listening to AOC and Bernie.

I had the opportunity to attend their meet up in Denver.  30,000-35,000 attended.  It was amazing.  

Let's build on this.  Make politicians accountable for their votes.  Stop enabling tax cuts for the wealthy because you are afraid of someone you don't understand or know.  They pit us against each other.  They laugh at us for not pushing back.

Why is it that suddenly there is compassion if it affects you directly?  Let's build and be hopeful.

Gratitude

This is the month of gratitude in my opinion.  If you are able to donate to a food bank, please do.  If you are able to share with your neighbors, that is an option as well.  We should be building community instead of trying to remain individualistic.  

I forget that I am not alone.  This past year has proven that.  More and more recently.  There are more like-minded people who do not agree with this current administration or what they are trying to achieve.  Pushing a religious agenda on people.  Taxing the working class and not providing anything that supports the tax.  Why are we being taxed to fund billionaire tax cuts?  What is the end game?  People will stop buying stuff.  How do businesses make money when no one is purchasing?

Better yet, AI is the future, and it is overusing water and electricity.  Taxing the grid but these companies are not confronting this.  Instead, individual consumers are feeling that overuse.  Lack of water, rise of costs and no end in sight.  Who is benefitting from these decisions?  At what point do we stop?  Do we push back and say no?

Why are we allowing these tone-deaf people to continue to rub our faces in it?  Throwing a Gatsby style party while SNAP benefits are cut?  Demolishing the East Wing of the White House when no plans have been approved?  Doing things and not expecting any sort of push back?  When do people push back?  That there isn't support for this corruption.  That not everyone embraces white supremacy.  That diversity isn't rejected.  I drive through small towns that have a church, a post office and depression.  There is no livelihood in these places.  No accepting other cultures or unknowns.  In some ways, I want to be sympathetic.  Maybe you don't know because you don't know any other way.  But, why is that?  Why are you opposed to considering a different perspective, culture, religion?  Why do you think your way is the only way?  

Returning to gratitude, take time to consider how you can be thankful.  I am planning on matching my dining out this month and making a contribution to my local food bank.  Might keep me honest.  Definitely will keep me thankful.

Successful retreat

Yoga retreat was a success!  As much as I could have planned it better, in hindsight, there is never the ideal time to host a retreat.  Some of the feedback I was given was to wait to confirm a place until people have committed.

In theory, that is legit.  I do understand the reasoning, and I tried to do that last year.  However, if I waited for people to commit to it and watched the numbers, I would have convinced myself to wait, again.  I would not have offered the retreat. I do not know how to explain that to someone or justify it.  It only makes sense when you are in it.

Regardless, successful retreat.  Four ladies, Japanese spa, six yoga sessions.  All beneficial.  Terrific food prepared by Chef Tom.  I am so thankful for his presence in my life.  He made breakfast burritos, lox and bagels, sesame crusted tuna, frito pie and individual omelets for the ladies.  I changed up the yoga, offered some adjustments, breathwork and more core.  I think I will offer inversions in future workshops.  I am grateful for the yoga community that supports me.

More later.

Some positive news

Good for the ladies who spoke out today on the white house lawn.  They appeared confident, collected and ready to hold the line.  I was surprised to see MTG as a proponent of exposing the files.  I hope she stays true to her word and that it wasn't a publicity stunt.  To appear as an ally only to screw them over by voting to not release the files.  I am not a huge fan of her, Mace or Boebert.  Maybe this issue is finally the one that they resist the leader's siren call to fall in line.  I hope it is.  Mace is a survivor of sexual assault.  I don't know how she will look in the mirror if she doesn't push their agenda forward.  I'm unclear as to why Boebert is on the side of women, but I'll take it.  We need more congressmen to step up for their constituents.  

The women who spoke were abused and have faced trauma for years.  I applaud them for coming forward and demanding that the government takes them seriously.  That takes gonads.  They spoke their names clearly and told a little of their individual stories.  One of the women was recruiting for Epstein and I am sure that was difficult to admit.  She did it out of fear.  She was 16 at the time.  I am sure that she suffers from her actions of involving classmates to be abused/assaulted by Epstein.  She chose to involve other people to avoid further abuse of herself.  Doesn't sound great but I suppose at the time choosing to avoid abuse sounded like a life line.

They should release the Epstein files.  It is a nonissue.  

Calling it a hoax now is ridiculous.  There was a flyover during the press conference which also seemed interesting.  Trying to drown out the women from speaking.  Moving that monster, Ghislaine, and trying to reframe the narrative is disgusting and typical.  Anyone that was involved in that trafficking ring should be exposed for the predator that they have been and still are.  We should not be protecting people because they have money or power.  They should be held accountable for their gross actions.  There is no justification for taking the innocence from a child.  Or assaulting someone.  The I was drunk, I made a mistake is no excuse for sexually assaulting someone.  They said that one in five women are assaulted at some point in their lives.  I think it is more likely one in three.  I was assaulted when I was forty-one.  I never thought it would happen to me at that age.  And, yes, women are forced to endure unwanted attention on a daily basis.  But, I am not referring to that.  I thought I had escaped the statistics of assault until it happened.  

These women deserve the truth.  One of them stuck out to me that she couldn't remember everything that had happened.  That she had tamped it down as a way to move forward.  She is wanting to know what happened so she can move forward in her life.  

If you have time, call your representative and demand that they stand with these women.  It is time to expose this ring regardless of where it goes.  Follow the money, right?  

I am still hopeful and positive for more good things to come.

Memories

I am eating potato chips, drinking a tequila soda and listening to the Great Deluge--a book about Hurricane Katrina.  I have read Zeitoon, watched Treme and five days at Memorial Hospital, listened to several podcasts and another book about NOLA.  

My first visit to NOLA was in 1998.  I attended Mardi Gras with my friend, the bad Sarah (long story).  We left midterms at KU and drove the with no reservations.  We had a stop in Baton Rouge with my adoptive brother's family.  Malaysian cousins would welcome and host us.  They were incredible.  Three different families that offered us kindness, hospitality and karaoke.  Sarah was allergic to their cats and so we were moved, effortlessly, to one of the other cousin's homes.  The next morning, they followed us into NOLA to make sure that we were safe.  We did not have a hotel reservation or hostel.  Only a belief that we would figure it out.  Not to mention, Sarah's aunt would be in the city.  She attended Mardi Gras annually.  Unlike my adoptive family, Sarah's aunt shamed us for not having made accommodations.  She suggested that we would be sexually assaulted if we stayed in the truck or near the quarter without a hotel reservation.  Reluctantly, she offered us a place on her hotel floor after telling us it would cost her $50 per wrist band.  I told Sarah to handle it as my family had moved us seamlessly with no issue to accommodate Sarah's allergies.

We returned a year later with other friends of Sarah's.  This time we arranged accommodations and had a plan.  We would cab into the city and attend Mardi Gras.  I was with a few gals and few men.  We separated amongst the sexes and took on the quarter.  We arranged a meet up at 10:30 pm at Cafe Du Monde.  We went to Pat O'Brien's for hurricanes.  I remember being solo.  Sarah had grown up with Gina and I was the odd man out.  Cavalier, I thought I would be ok on my own.  They were hanging out and I remember talking to some random guy and him being a little suggestive/aggressive.  I became disoriented.  We had to meet up with the other guys at 10:30 at Cafe du Monde.  We arrived where I threw up crawfish all over the table.  Super classy.  One of my best moments.  Truly, I believe I was rufied at Pat O'Brien's.  To this day, I will not step into Pat O'Brien's.

I love New Orleans.  Always have.

I did visit NOLA in 2008 on a cross-country trip from Florida to Arizona.  My traveling companions were afraid of entering the city.  Freaked out by the visual destruction of the of Gulf Coast.  In 2008, it was still visible from Mississippi to Louisiana.  My friends could not wait to get to Dallas to somewhere we they felt safe.  We stayed between the Marigny and Quarter.  I felt fine.  My friends could not wake up fast enough to escape the city.

I think I am remembering where I was 20 years ago and being astounded by the lack of response for this city.  It is still disgusting how we treated the residents of New Orleans.

This book does not lack of details.  There is FEMA breakdown, communication breakdown between the local and state governments, lack of resources, government incompetence.  I do not think I understood the multitude of what the residents faced from watching the news.   Some of it was sensationalized at the Superdome.  That should not matter.  People were suffering.  No water, food, dry clothing, ability to move outside of where people found themselves.  

I know I am not doing this justice.  I am rambling.  Yet, this is the future of this country.  The climate denial and lack of aid to areas that are hit by hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, haboobs, etc.  Find your community.  Build upon it.  We are the saviors.  Proven time and time again.

Upcoming events

Why do some people tend to self-sabotage?  Or am I the only one guilty of doing this to myself?  I have ideas and plans.  Talk about them and then struggle to bring them to life.  Sometimes waiting too long or talking myself out of doing them.  I think I have been this way since childhood.  Definitely in college.  I was in a class, senior year, to write a thesis and dissertation.  The requirement was that I attend a nightly class to discuss my thesis and have support amongst my peers.  I hated the class.  Felt uncomfortable and did anything in my power to avoid going to this class.  I felt that I didn't belong with the other history students who seemed more committed to their beliefs.  

Instead of completing the class, I arranged with my advisor to write a paper and not be considered for the dissertation aspect of it.  He would grade my paper instead of the professor in that class.  I was embarrassed by my lack of effort, but I didn't feel I was good enough for that class.  That was a defining moment of my life.  Opting to fail instead of striving for success.  It seemed easier to remain in the bubble of my comfort zone.

I believe I am thinking about that time as I have been curating a yoga retreat for the last few years.  I talked about it last year but didn't put much effort into it.  Timing seemed off and then 2024 was over and a new year had begun.  I didn't want to host a retreat in the winter, and summer could be challenging due to people's travel schedules, then there are holidays, etc.  You understand what I am saying, right?  I was making excuses for not actually putting anything together since it would be easier to fail than try to succeed.

This year I was determined to be different.  I looked at potential dates in June and had an idea of what I wanted to put together.  Still, I hesitated to create the optics to share it with others.  I have clients that are interested but needed more information.  I finally put together a flier with information last Saturday.  I shared it with some of my closest friends to have them look it over and make suggestions to what information I was missing.  After a few back and froths I composed the flier and just released it on my social media.  I was hoping to share it here, too.  For some reason, I am finding difficulty uploading the graphic from an attachment.  I will need to look into that.  Tre yoga retreat is in Santa Fe October 9th-12th, 2025.  Accommodations located near the plaza/Ft. Marcy Park.  Yoga offered twice daily with some free evening to enable exploration of the City Different.  I love Santa Fe--the food factor, history, mysticism, galleries, culture.  Truly it is one of a kind.

Regardless, I am putting it out there and am ready to do some different.  Ready to believe in myself and see what is possible instead of what I have always thought.  Easier to remain in the comfort bubble.  Time to move beyond it.

Plants and other thoughts

My plants are blooming.  I am the proud owner of squash, a few beets, carrots, cucumbers, sweet peppers, ginger, and two indoor tomato plants.   Some are in Denver.  Others are in Santa Fe at Tom's house.  Both places the squash has overtaken whatever area it is planted.  I had no idea how squash would take over like mint. 

I have started talking to my plants.  They say it is good for you to talk to your plants and nurture them with words.  I have seen that if you talked to yourself the way you talk to your plants, you would bloom and reap in abundance.  It has only been a few days, but I am committed to testing out this theory.  And my plants are fierce, abundant and thriving.  The indoor plants specifically.

I find myself getting up earlier to ensure that the plants are watered and tended to first thing.  I wish I had taken up this habit years ago.  I would feel more confident in planting.  I would have been more strategic in where I placed things.  Squash definitely would have been further away from the basil, cucumbers and beets.  The leaves have created an immense canopy that is blocking the other vegetables from expanding.  

Lee has one watermelon that is trying to survive.  His corn did not take off.   

New opportunities and possibilities.  I am ready to live a different day instead of the curated life I have led the last few years.  It is time for me to move forward and test out new pathways.  I am fortunate for the life I live and want more.  More entrepreneurship and less working for others.  Maybe other gig work that would lead to other ways to create yoga clients.  Seeing the connections to move forward.  I am thankful.  Make it a great day.  I will have other thoughts later in the week.  I am trying to minimize my streaming and increase my reading/journaling.  It has been a fruitful six months of self-exploration and leaning more.  The aryuvedic approach has been enlightening.