2025 Recap

What a shit year.  Disappointing and eye opening.  Recognizing that there are people in my life who support ICE raids.  Disgusting.  And their defense is that the people they are deporting or placing in alligator alcatraz are criminals.  

They are not deporting mostly criminals.  Instead, they are antagonizing immigrants that have sought asylum or are citizens.  Tackling pregnant women to separate them from their children.  Yes.  That is what this country should be known for.  Having masked men randomly discriminate against black and brown people.  Oh and somali's because they are antagonizing the streets of Minneapolis.  This year has sucked in so many ways.

The passing of the Big Beautiful Bill is yet to be understood how it will affect you and people within your community.  There is nothing good about this bill outside of giving tax cuts to the .000001--people who do not need a tax cut.  These people should pay taxes for their companies that utilize public services--streets, public transportation, etc.  For example, why is it okay that Bezos tried to pay the city of Venice to host his wedding back in the summer?  I feel like he paid an exorbitant amount thinking people would applaud him.  Instead, locals boycotted and had signs to illustrate how disgusting his decision was.  People do not applaud that abuse of wealth.   In addition, losing regulations and not feeling bad about it.  The amount of water it takes to cool down an AI center is out of control.  Instead of AI companies pay for the water, they are pushing these rising costs to consumers.  Why are these policies not being challenged?

In happier times, I have been more interested in my community.  I know all of my neighbor's names.  (not that I like them all, but I know who they are).  A few of them are genuine friends.  I share food with Lee and Courtney routinely.  I have connected with a few colleagues.  I take the bus.  I frequent my coffee shop with my reuseable cup.  I support small businesses along Colfax.  

I acknowledged things I can no longer control in regard to my family.  Instead of doing what I would normally do, I chose my own well-being.  I do not need to hurt myself in order to make my family feel better.  This has taken me years to understand.

I taught a yoga retreat in Santa Fe.  I was scared.  Again.  2023/2024, I wanted to host a retreat.  This year, I did.  It was great.  I recognize ways to improve and be a better host.  Isn't that what life is all about?

I feel better about my relationship with Tom.  More grounded, honest and open.  I cannot wait for tomorrow.  I don't know if it will be better.  Probably more bull shit from this administration.  It is nonstop.  However, I know I made it through another year.  

And that I wasn't wrong in 2015 when he won and how terrible he would be.  I never forgot the Grab them by the Pussy.  That should have been the red line for everyone.  Instead, the goal posts moved.  Again.  Again.  Again.

It made me lose so much respect for people that support him.  Support the narcissism.  The bulling.  The racism.  Misogyny.  Tout the religious line.  

I grew up Catholic.  In no way, shape or form would my priest promote what they are doing.  Or profit off this.  

This year has been crap.  Let's move forward an embrace community and togetherness.

Moving forward

Focus on your health.  Mental, emotional or physical.  Last night hearing that the healthcare subsidies will not be extended was a gut punch.  There was no reason to vote to fund the government without having any concessions.  I do not understand why we are paying taxes.  Taxes for what?  We are currently losing rights and services that benefit everyone.  Yes, we should be taxed to secure infrastructure.  But this healthcare loss is huge.  People will lose coverage and die.

As a result, my sleep was basically nonexistent last night.  All of this year I have struggled with sleep.  I realized today that I need to shift my perspective.  These people will do nothing to help us.  They are only interested in funding their own lives.  I cannot rely on them to do the right thing.  Clearly, they choose self-interest over community good each time.  Taking away SNAP benefits from states that have released them is ridiculous.  Truly, they hate poor people.  

I love the hypocrisy of being pro-life.  Pro-life to save every child.  But then you strip away food benefits, childcare, healthcare.  What is the point?  Setting up people for a life of servitude that only benefits the oligarchs.  It is gross.

I need to find a way to wrap my head around what will be coming.  I am healthy, physically.  Mentally, I need to make some changes.  I need to sleep and heal my body.  More meditation since I do not think I can sustain much longer.  Lack of sleep is a real thing.

There have been some positives this year.  I am more connected to my neighbors.  I know more than just their names.  I have shared food with several of them and next week I am co-hosting a dinner.  I have ways to give back to the community that keep me accountable.  I am matching funds from wine lunches and contributing them to the food bank this month.  Supporting local restaurants, coffee shops and walking along Colfax.  If you live in Denver, you know how difficult it is to drive on this street currently.  They are building a bus line in the middle of the road.  They keep changing lanes to build the lines.  I think the project will take two and a half years.  

The road construction is killing local businesses.  There are a few that seem to be thriving--a liquor store and take out Thai spot.  Due to proximity to corner lots and some parking.  I am thankful for the businesses that are open.  A few coffee shops, pizza parlors, sushi.  Support your local spot.  Build your community.  Stop funding convenience.  Be it data, chain restaurants or big stores.  They do not care about you or your needs.  They want your money.  Stop buying into the system that continues to screw you over.

Hope

Finally feeling a little better about life.  Yesterday was more than a glimmer.  It displayed that there are many people who do not agree with this administration or supporting the oligarchy.  That working class people want the government to represent their needs not only tax them to fund tax cuts for the billionaires.  I have attended a few protests in the last year and saw a rupture in the belief in the mandate of November 2024.  

I watched Mamdani's speech last night.  What an incredible human being.  Gifted orator and represents everyone.  I am thrilled that he won his mayoral race.  He will face many challenges, and it will be an uphill battle.  Still, I think he accomplishes more than is anticipated.  

Something about him and learning from other people's mistakes and inability to push through legislation.  I remember in 2008 when Obama won.  Where I was watching the election results and how hopeful I was for his presidency.  I voted for him twice and if he were to run, again, I would support him.  I think he would be able to achieve more now.  I don't know.  I am rambling but hopeful.  Hopeful for all of the women that were elected.  All of the diversity that is visible.  We need representation from each group of people, not only white men.  I am horrified by the number of white women who continue to vote against their own interests.  Not only their interests, but their daughters and granddaughters.  It makes no sense.  Still, my generation doesn't waiver.  There is still 45-49% support for this dipshittery.  The promotion of the Handmaid's Tale.  It doesn't make any sense to me.  Why would you promote stripping rights you have enjoyed from future generations or you moving forward?  Do women not understand the end game?  Putting us back in the home without any financial autonomy?  

Yesterday displayed that people are paying attention.  Denver voted to tax the rich to provide free breakfast and lunch to all students.  We should all be supporting this measure.  In every town and city.  We voted for a new direction.  Not more of the same by electing Zohran Mamdani.  By electing women to lead states.  Times are changing and people are willing to support different ideas.  It is not business as usual.  Finally, people are listening to AOC and Bernie.

I had the opportunity to attend their meet up in Denver.  30,000-35,000 attended.  It was amazing.  

Let's build on this.  Make politicians accountable for their votes.  Stop enabling tax cuts for the wealthy because you are afraid of someone you don't understand or know.  They pit us against each other.  They laugh at us for not pushing back.

Why is it that suddenly there is compassion if it affects you directly?  Let's build and be hopeful.

Gratitude

This is the month of gratitude in my opinion.  If you are able to donate to a food bank, please do.  If you are able to share with your neighbors, that is an option as well.  We should be building community instead of trying to remain individualistic.  

I forget that I am not alone.  This past year has proven that.  More and more recently.  There are more like-minded people who do not agree with this current administration or what they are trying to achieve.  Pushing a religious agenda on people.  Taxing the working class and not providing anything that supports the tax.  Why are we being taxed to fund billionaire tax cuts?  What is the end game?  People will stop buying stuff.  How do businesses make money when no one is purchasing?

Better yet, AI is the future, and it is overusing water and electricity.  Taxing the grid but these companies are not confronting this.  Instead, individual consumers are feeling that overuse.  Lack of water, rise of costs and no end in sight.  Who is benefitting from these decisions?  At what point do we stop?  Do we push back and say no?

Why are we allowing these tone-deaf people to continue to rub our faces in it?  Throwing a Gatsby style party while SNAP benefits are cut?  Demolishing the East Wing of the White House when no plans have been approved?  Doing things and not expecting any sort of push back?  When do people push back?  That there isn't support for this corruption.  That not everyone embraces white supremacy.  That diversity isn't rejected.  I drive through small towns that have a church, a post office and depression.  There is no livelihood in these places.  No accepting other cultures or unknowns.  In some ways, I want to be sympathetic.  Maybe you don't know because you don't know any other way.  But, why is that?  Why are you opposed to considering a different perspective, culture, religion?  Why do you think your way is the only way?  

Returning to gratitude, take time to consider how you can be thankful.  I am planning on matching my dining out this month and making a contribution to my local food bank.  Might keep me honest.  Definitely will keep me thankful.

Successful retreat

Yoga retreat was a success!  As much as I could have planned it better, in hindsight, there is never the ideal time to host a retreat.  Some of the feedback I was given was to wait to confirm a place until people have committed.

In theory, that is legit.  I do understand the reasoning, and I tried to do that last year.  However, if I waited for people to commit to it and watched the numbers, I would have convinced myself to wait, again.  I would not have offered the retreat. I do not know how to explain that to someone or justify it.  It only makes sense when you are in it.

Regardless, successful retreat.  Four ladies, Japanese spa, six yoga sessions.  All beneficial.  Terrific food prepared by Chef Tom.  I am so thankful for his presence in my life.  He made breakfast burritos, lox and bagels, sesame crusted tuna, frito pie and individual omelets for the ladies.  I changed up the yoga, offered some adjustments, breathwork and more core.  I think I will offer inversions in future workshops.  I am grateful for the yoga community that supports me.

More later.

Some positive news

Good for the ladies who spoke out today on the white house lawn.  They appeared confident, collected and ready to hold the line.  I was surprised to see MTG as a proponent of exposing the files.  I hope she stays true to her word and that it wasn't a publicity stunt.  To appear as an ally only to screw them over by voting to not release the files.  I am not a huge fan of her, Mace or Boebert.  Maybe this issue is finally the one that they resist the leader's siren call to fall in line.  I hope it is.  Mace is a survivor of sexual assault.  I don't know how she will look in the mirror if she doesn't push their agenda forward.  I'm unclear as to why Boebert is on the side of women, but I'll take it.  We need more congressmen to step up for their constituents.  

The women who spoke were abused and have faced trauma for years.  I applaud them for coming forward and demanding that the government takes them seriously.  That takes gonads.  They spoke their names clearly and told a little of their individual stories.  One of the women was recruiting for Epstein and I am sure that was difficult to admit.  She did it out of fear.  She was 16 at the time.  I am sure that she suffers from her actions of involving classmates to be abused/assaulted by Epstein.  She chose to involve other people to avoid further abuse of herself.  Doesn't sound great but I suppose at the time choosing to avoid abuse sounded like a life line.

They should release the Epstein files.  It is a nonissue.  

Calling it a hoax now is ridiculous.  There was a flyover during the press conference which also seemed interesting.  Trying to drown out the women from speaking.  Moving that monster, Ghislaine, and trying to reframe the narrative is disgusting and typical.  Anyone that was involved in that trafficking ring should be exposed for the predator that they have been and still are.  We should not be protecting people because they have money or power.  They should be held accountable for their gross actions.  There is no justification for taking the innocence from a child.  Or assaulting someone.  The I was drunk, I made a mistake is no excuse for sexually assaulting someone.  They said that one in five women are assaulted at some point in their lives.  I think it is more likely one in three.  I was assaulted when I was forty-one.  I never thought it would happen to me at that age.  And, yes, women are forced to endure unwanted attention on a daily basis.  But, I am not referring to that.  I thought I had escaped the statistics of assault until it happened.  

These women deserve the truth.  One of them stuck out to me that she couldn't remember everything that had happened.  That she had tamped it down as a way to move forward.  She is wanting to know what happened so she can move forward in her life.  

If you have time, call your representative and demand that they stand with these women.  It is time to expose this ring regardless of where it goes.  Follow the money, right?  

I am still hopeful and positive for more good things to come.

Memories

I am eating potato chips, drinking a tequila soda and listening to the Great Deluge--a book about Hurricane Katrina.  I have read Zeitoon, watched Treme and five days at Memorial Hospital, listened to several podcasts and another book about NOLA.  

My first visit to NOLA was in 1998.  I attended Mardi Gras with my friend, the bad Sarah (long story).  We left midterms at KU and drove the with no reservations.  We had a stop in Baton Rouge with my adoptive brother's family.  Malaysian cousins would welcome and host us.  They were incredible.  Three different families that offered us kindness, hospitality and karaoke.  Sarah was allergic to their cats and so we were moved, effortlessly, to one of the other cousin's homes.  The next morning, they followed us into NOLA to make sure that we were safe.  We did not have a hotel reservation or hostel.  Only a belief that we would figure it out.  Not to mention, Sarah's aunt would be in the city.  She attended Mardi Gras annually.  Unlike my adoptive family, Sarah's aunt shamed us for not having made accommodations.  She suggested that we would be sexually assaulted if we stayed in the truck or near the quarter without a hotel reservation.  Reluctantly, she offered us a place on her hotel floor after telling us it would cost her $50 per wrist band.  I told Sarah to handle it as my family had moved us seamlessly with no issue to accommodate Sarah's allergies.

We returned a year later with other friends of Sarah's.  This time we arranged accommodations and had a plan.  We would cab into the city and attend Mardi Gras.  I was with a few gals and few men.  We separated amongst the sexes and took on the quarter.  We arranged a meet up at 10:30 pm at Cafe Du Monde.  We went to Pat O'Brien's for hurricanes.  I remember being solo.  Sarah had grown up with Gina and I was the odd man out.  Cavalier, I thought I would be ok on my own.  They were hanging out and I remember talking to some random guy and him being a little suggestive/aggressive.  I became disoriented.  We had to meet up with the other guys at 10:30 at Cafe du Monde.  We arrived where I threw up crawfish all over the table.  Super classy.  One of my best moments.  Truly, I believe I was rufied at Pat O'Brien's.  To this day, I will not step into Pat O'Brien's.

I love New Orleans.  Always have.

I did visit NOLA in 2008 on a cross-country trip from Florida to Arizona.  My traveling companions were afraid of entering the city.  Freaked out by the visual destruction of the of Gulf Coast.  In 2008, it was still visible from Mississippi to Louisiana.  My friends could not wait to get to Dallas to somewhere we they felt safe.  We stayed between the Marigny and Quarter.  I felt fine.  My friends could not wake up fast enough to escape the city.

I think I am remembering where I was 20 years ago and being astounded by the lack of response for this city.  It is still disgusting how we treated the residents of New Orleans.

This book does not lack of details.  There is FEMA breakdown, communication breakdown between the local and state governments, lack of resources, government incompetence.  I do not think I understood the multitude of what the residents faced from watching the news.   Some of it was sensationalized at the Superdome.  That should not matter.  People were suffering.  No water, food, dry clothing, ability to move outside of where people found themselves.  

I know I am not doing this justice.  I am rambling.  Yet, this is the future of this country.  The climate denial and lack of aid to areas that are hit by hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, haboobs, etc.  Find your community.  Build upon it.  We are the saviors.  Proven time and time again.

Upcoming events

Why do some people tend to self-sabotage?  Or am I the only one guilty of doing this to myself?  I have ideas and plans.  Talk about them and then struggle to bring them to life.  Sometimes waiting too long or talking myself out of doing them.  I think I have been this way since childhood.  Definitely in college.  I was in a class, senior year, to write a thesis and dissertation.  The requirement was that I attend a nightly class to discuss my thesis and have support amongst my peers.  I hated the class.  Felt uncomfortable and did anything in my power to avoid going to this class.  I felt that I didn't belong with the other history students who seemed more committed to their beliefs.  

Instead of completing the class, I arranged with my advisor to write a paper and not be considered for the dissertation aspect of it.  He would grade my paper instead of the professor in that class.  I was embarrassed by my lack of effort, but I didn't feel I was good enough for that class.  That was a defining moment of my life.  Opting to fail instead of striving for success.  It seemed easier to remain in the bubble of my comfort zone.

I believe I am thinking about that time as I have been curating a yoga retreat for the last few years.  I talked about it last year but didn't put much effort into it.  Timing seemed off and then 2024 was over and a new year had begun.  I didn't want to host a retreat in the winter, and summer could be challenging due to people's travel schedules, then there are holidays, etc.  You understand what I am saying, right?  I was making excuses for not actually putting anything together since it would be easier to fail than try to succeed.

This year I was determined to be different.  I looked at potential dates in June and had an idea of what I wanted to put together.  Still, I hesitated to create the optics to share it with others.  I have clients that are interested but needed more information.  I finally put together a flier with information last Saturday.  I shared it with some of my closest friends to have them look it over and make suggestions to what information I was missing.  After a few back and froths I composed the flier and just released it on my social media.  I was hoping to share it here, too.  For some reason, I am finding difficulty uploading the graphic from an attachment.  I will need to look into that.  Tre yoga retreat is in Santa Fe October 9th-12th, 2025.  Accommodations located near the plaza/Ft. Marcy Park.  Yoga offered twice daily with some free evening to enable exploration of the City Different.  I love Santa Fe--the food factor, history, mysticism, galleries, culture.  Truly it is one of a kind.

Regardless, I am putting it out there and am ready to do some different.  Ready to believe in myself and see what is possible instead of what I have always thought.  Easier to remain in the comfort bubble.  Time to move beyond it.

Plants and other thoughts

My plants are blooming.  I am the proud owner of squash, a few beets, carrots, cucumbers, sweet peppers, ginger, and two indoor tomato plants.   Some are in Denver.  Others are in Santa Fe at Tom's house.  Both places the squash has overtaken whatever area it is planted.  I had no idea how squash would take over like mint. 

I have started talking to my plants.  They say it is good for you to talk to your plants and nurture them with words.  I have seen that if you talked to yourself the way you talk to your plants, you would bloom and reap in abundance.  It has only been a few days, but I am committed to testing out this theory.  And my plants are fierce, abundant and thriving.  The indoor plants specifically.

I find myself getting up earlier to ensure that the plants are watered and tended to first thing.  I wish I had taken up this habit years ago.  I would feel more confident in planting.  I would have been more strategic in where I placed things.  Squash definitely would have been further away from the basil, cucumbers and beets.  The leaves have created an immense canopy that is blocking the other vegetables from expanding.  

Lee has one watermelon that is trying to survive.  His corn did not take off.   

New opportunities and possibilities.  I am ready to live a different day instead of the curated life I have led the last few years.  It is time for me to move forward and test out new pathways.  I am fortunate for the life I live and want more.  More entrepreneurship and less working for others.  Maybe other gig work that would lead to other ways to create yoga clients.  Seeing the connections to move forward.  I am thankful.  Make it a great day.  I will have other thoughts later in the week.  I am trying to minimize my streaming and increase my reading/journaling.  It has been a fruitful six months of self-exploration and leaning more.  The aryuvedic approach has been enlightening.   

Yoga Retreat

Join me in Santa Fe October 9th-12th.  I am offering two classes daily, breakfast and lunch, an outing to explore the city and itineraries for you to enjoy.  I believe in yoga and the opportunity to explore cities on your own.  It isn't only the health aspect.  It is time for you, for your well-being, and your tribe.  

Santa Fe is the perfect place to test this out.  There is a mystical vibe, history, culture, food factor is off the hook, galleries and art.  

In the past, I have considered hosting a retreat.  Many times, I have allowed fear to get in the way of what I hope to offer.  I know that people will come and test it out.  Every week in Denver, I feel the vibe grow and expand.  People that believe in me and what I am offering.  It is time to offer a retreat.  The retreat that I envisioned five years ago.

The pandemic affected me more than I thought.  It has limited my desire to travel abroad which I used to do every year.  I have explored other countries, wine regions and foodie cities.  I do have some knowledge of places that yoga would fit right into.  I do not know why I have allowed myself to live the same way, daily.  I am good at the experience of that.  I heard some quote about it recently.  How we should not apply for a position because of lack of experience.  Some people have lived the same day, over and over, for fifteen years.  Does that make their experience better than yours or what you have to offer?  If you don't try, you cannot learn or improve.  I have listened to a ton of podcasts about the successful mind, manifesting the life you want, entrepreneurship, side hustles.  At some point, you have to act.  Take a risk.  See what happens.  

I think I am finally at that point.  Act instead of only researching.  If you are interested in the details about the upcoming yoga retreat, contact me here.  I am excited.  And I do not want to over plan it.  I want people to have flexibility in utilizing their time.  I have never been a fan of vacationing where everything is planned out.  I prefer spontaneity and chance encounters.  I have met lifelong friends from random encounters.  Or eaten at amazing spots asking bartenders where they like to dine.  

It is time to explore and expand.  Cheers! 

Tuesday Temptation

I have done Thankful Thursday.  Why not Tuesday Temptation?

I am tempted to book a trip somewhere, anywhere.  It has been too long.  I cannot wait on Tom to plan something.  He isn't focused on it.  He is more let it happen, when it does.  I am more let's plan something, so I have something to look forward to.  My intention for this summer was to take a road trip to see his dad in Tulsa, see my family in Kansas and Nebraska.  I mentioned it to him, multiple times.  I was hoping he would pick up what I was putting down.  

I know he had health concerns to contend with.  His right hip had been bothering him for five years.  Do not get me started on the stubbornness of men and how foolish they can be with health issues.  Some things will not just go away.  Contrary to popular belief.  So, I don't begrudge him for getting his hip surgery or focusing on his recovery.  However, I am ready for a trip or a road trip.  I know that I have overstated the importance of a trip.  I miss traveling.

Now, I am just taking it into my own hands.  I am planning a road trip to see the Littles in Kansas in August.  I am not waiting any longer.  I am leaning into temptation.  I am looking at 2026 as well.  I am considering a trip to Greece and somewhere else abroad for my milestone birthday.  I am still undecided about that one.  But, I know Sara Jo & Shari are game for attending.

In addition, I am giving into temptations into food.  I see tacos in my future.  Or some oysters.  It has been too long since I have enjoyed some delicious oysters.  Some of the best were in New Orleans for my 40th birthday.  There was a restaurant that is no longer in existence.  Maritza?  I cannot remember the name currently.  The oysters were amazing.  And they offered flights of Amaro.  That spoke to me as well.

I do not want to wait around to achieve things I want to do.  Yesterday, Malcolm Jamal Warner died.  He was 54.  It is a shock to the system.  Especially when I asked a few bartenders if they knew he was, and they were clueless.  I am getting older.  Ozzie died today.  They said something about Gen X being upset.  I do not know if I agree with that 100%.  Sure, I am sad but he is not a Gen X icon in my opinion.  There are others--George Michael, Prince, MJ, Whitney, Tom Petty (even) that were devastating to me when I heard of their deaths.  

Maybe that is the inspiration of my posting today.  I do not want to wait any longer.  I want to lean into what I enjoy doing.  What I am tempted by.  And what I want to do.  

Have a wonderful rest of your day.  Think about your temptations and how to lean into them....

Monday Motivation

Happy Monday!  I am grateful for my "green" thumb.  So far, it's been green.  Yet to be determined.  I planted beets, squash, cucumber and basil in Denver.  Squash, bell peppers, dill and carrots in Santa Fe.  The squash is thriving in both cities.  Some carrots and beets.  The peppers are emerging.  It is still too soon to see how they are taking.  My indoor lettuce is a dud.  Oh, and I have ginger I am trying to grow from another ginger root.  That, too, is a work in progress.  I follow a few influencers and am interested in growing ginger indoors.  I have seen a few techniques on how to prep it.  I am hopeful.

Find a habit and make it yours.  What area of your life would you like to improve?

Health?  Finances?  Relationships?  Communication?  

Personally, I need to restrict my podcast intake.  I tend to listen to political podcasts, and it is affecting me.  I am overwhelmed by the apathy of people.  The alligator concentration camps supported by the current administration and their base is disgusting.  Thirty-two people per cage.  Three toilets per cage.  I have heard accounts that toilet water is what is available to drink.  Can you imagine?  This is inhumane.  And, for what?  Because this administration deems you do not matter.  That you no longer deserve dignity, respect, humanity.

They are racially profiling people.  They are not going after criminals.  Women and children are not criminals.  Farm workers are not criminals.  Day laborers are not criminals.  Restaurant workers are not criminals.  Construction workers are not criminals.  

These are people looking to improve their lives.  

If you are Christian, remember the tenet of do onto others......I am a lapsed Catholic.  I do not apologize for it.  I know my dad is disappointed in me, but I don't care.  I won't follow this hypocritical religion.  Minimizing women.  Suppressing pedophiles in the church.  Tithing people who cannot afford to pay rent. 

I am committed to speaking out, sharing food and building community. 

Healthcare

Healthcare is a joke.  Pay in to the system until you actually need help.  Follow the pre-op procedures and instructions.  Arrive early to minimize delay or disruption.  Still have little control to what happens.

No one wants to hang out in a waiting room.  EVER.  It's irritating.  Having no control on what time or when you will be seen.  I had arranged a yoga session that I thought might interfere with me picking him up.  He did not say anything, but I sensed, that he was irritated.  Like he wasn't my priority.

I waited until 11:15 in the room with him.  Made my departure to teach a class at 11:30. Figured he would be available around 1:30 for pick up.  I returned to the hospital and was informed--I meant to text you to let you know that he hasn't started his surgery yet.  (Really?  You forgot to text me?)

I waited until they came to take him to the OR.  That was 2:45. We arrived at the hospital at 9:45 to check in for his procedure.

I returned at 4:45 to ensure that I could enter the surgical services until.  Sat in the recovery room.  Waited.  Waited longer.  Finally, a nurse came to collect me.

I almost leapt out of my seat.  I was so ready to be out of the hospital.  He looked great.  And lighter.  We did a few post Op procedures and then was talked thought the next few hours.  She was detailed about what pill to take and what time.  She expressed the importance of keeping track of when the pills were taken.  Staying on schedule.  She escorted us out to my car and helped me get Tom into Freya.  I started to leave and inquired about the medication.  Did he have them?  

Big shock.  No.  We did not have the tramadol or oxycodone.  He was told that he should pick them up on the day of the procedure.  Somehow that was ignored during the post-op discussion.  I tried to call the on-call nurse which was silly.  I have yet to be called to determine if we need help.  It is a joke.  Tom made it through to his surgeon.  He reiterated that the pills were available at the hospital.  But the pharmacy closed at 6 pm.  Super helpful, again.  Healthcare reminding me that the system is rigged against normal people.

The doctor called in the prescription to Walgreen's.  We were told it would be an hour before picking up.  I ordered take out and ate with Tom.  Absorbed a few hours before heading to Walgreen's.  The prescription was not filled, and they would only be able to fill two of the prescriptions.  I waited for 45 minutes.  Cherry on top of my shitty day waiting for the healthcare system.  

Now, we still don't have the pain medication two days later.  Walgreens has not filled the prescription, and Tom is hesitant to be an advocate for his health.  I am irritated since I believe he can be more forceful.  Call his doctor and figure out where we can pick up this stuff.  I am more than happy to pick it up at the hospital.

He is fine with waiting.  I cannot continue to force him to do things he is uncomfortable with, and I cannot be his advocate.  We have different styles.  I will respect his wishes.  

There has to be a better way.  People should not be in pain.  The amount of money paid into insurance should alleviate undue pain or waiting.  I cannot avoid my payment due date.  I would be slapped with a fine.  How are they ok with people not receiving their prescriptions?

New appetizers to test out

I want to be more capable in hosting yoga events.  I have a wheelhouse of appetizers that I feel confident making.  I know they are crowd pleasers, and I enjoy them.  That being said, I want to change it up.  I do not feel comfortable only offering the same snacks.  I looked at IG for inspiration.  Started my quest with seasonal appetizers.  Of course, squash popped up.  I have tried a squash salad in the past and it was popular.  This one relied on parmesan cheese and a lemon vinaigrette.  I added chives, basil and mint which helped the freshness factor.  Worked out really well.  I do not have a mandolin to slice the squash consistently, but my peeler works well. 

I like offering charcuterie but in a non-traditional way.  I have offered charcuterie in a mason jar with sun-dried tomatoes, bell peppers, garlic stuffed olives.  This time, I created skewers with bowtie pasta.  A slight change to a crowd pleaser and topped with hot honey.  The hot honey was a wonderful addition to the dish.  Terrific flavor.

The final appetizer was whipped feta with honey.  Definitely the star of the show.  I incorporated cream cheese, cottage cheese, yogurt (instead of sour cream) and a block of feta.  As I do not have a food processor, I was forced to rely on elbow grease.  In my mind, my grandmother and mother managed to create dishes without gadgets or appliances.  I could make this dip creamy myself.  I made it on Monday evening allowing an overnight for the dip to marinate.  It was delicious.  I think most were surprised by how much they enjoyed it.  

I try to balance richness with some light.  I did not want to go too heavy with the post session snacks.  We need healthy snacks to re-fuel the body.  Of course, there was wine and tequila.  That has not changed since I began the Detox to Retox yoga classes.  I love them.  They continue to build momentum.  Started out at a spot on Colfax.  I loved the vibe of the space but eventually moved to a jazzercise studio.  I miss the kitchenette of the initial space, but the focus is yoga.  The jazzercise studio has more space for yoga and better parking.  Especially now that there is road construction on Colfax.  It has been a mess and a daily irritation for me to navigate my commute.  I tend to walk more to avoid the hassle of driving and dealing with other drivers.

I am trying to my hand at gardening this year. Carrots, squash, cucumbers, bell peppers, beets and a few herbs.  There is a gardening plot that my neighbor secured for us to use.  He is growing corn, cantaloupe, peppers and some other items.  He tilled the soil and made it available to use.  I figure why not test out my green thumb?

I am attempting indoor ginger, too.  I have not been juicing for the last few months and found a small piece of ginger that I had overlooked.  The eyes of the ginger are ripe to root and grow new pieces.  I am curious as to how this will work out.  I want to do more domestic to diminish my needing to go grocery shopping.  I am too reliant on convenience instead of homegrown foods.  At least I would know where it came from, how it was treated and enjoy the fresh taste.

Next month, new snacks.  I might add them to my page and here.  I want to continue to grow and learn.  Diversify my skillset.  If you have suggestions, let me know.

Oregon tasting

Happy Saturday!  Reflecting on the previous week.  Some travel, great food and work.  First things first, travel.  I spent five days in Oregon with Tom.  The premise of the trip was to visit the Willamette Valley with the other board members for a research and development trip.  We toured four wineries and explored the valley.  I had no idea how substantial the valley was.  750 wineries.  Somewhat spread out or so it seemed.  One of our bus rides was about an hour from McMinnville.  Typically, it would not have concerned me, but the bus was hot, and the guide did not play music.  I think I was too aware of how bumpy the ride was.  I know that I was not the only one to feel car sick along that drive.  

But let me back up.  We arrived in Portland and resisted to renting a car.  Instead, we took an uber to the downtown area.  Quick bite to eat and a beer.  There was a food truck bonanza.  Offering 20 plus food trucks.  I considered arepas or chips but settled on sushi.  I was happy!  We boarded a bus with the belief that we could arrive in McMinnville in a few hours.  We missed one of the busses and jumped on the next one.  I should have looked into more.  We ended up in a different area of town and hired another car.

Once in McMinnville, we found a local brewery and a market.  Stocked up a few supplies and attended a meet & greet.  Thursday night was open to discover our own dining options.  We were not required to do any board outings.  Friday was all board, all day.  Two wineries, lunch and dinner.  The landscape was beautiful.  We began at Willakenzie Winery.  Outstanding views and great wine.  Small afternoon break and then dinner/tour at Willamette Valley Winery.  Again, gorgeous grounds.  Stunning.  They hosted dinner for us.  Afterwards, we returned to the hotel and enjoyed a night cap.  The opportunity to enjoy tequila continued to elude us.  The town of McMinnville feels boutique and intimate.  Translation, lots of wine and opportunity for beer but the bottle shops are on the outskirts of town.  As we didn't have a vehicle, we were beholdened to what was available to us.  No tequila or mezcal. 

Saturday was a few wine tours and lunch at Dundee Grill.  Dundee is a cute town, and I believe it will be a destination to stay at when there is more accommodations available.  It was kitschy and cute.  We had a lovely wine tasting at Domaine Drouhin and an afternoon tasting at Beaux Frere.  I loved the wines at the last winery.  Beautiful tasting.  

Saturday evening, we checked out a local mexican restaurant.  I liked the salsa, but the entrees were meh.  The margarita was not good.  However, I believe in supporting local and we would not have known if we didn't try it.  

We concluded the night with a gin and tonic at the hotel bar.  Spontaneous meet up with some of the board members to finish the visit.  Sunday morning, we hired another car to take us to Salem.  Jumped on an Amtrak and headed south to Eugene.  Met up with my sisters and had a splendid visit.  Truly thankful for the time with them.  

Reminded me how much I miss travel.  I need to just do it.  No more stalling or freaking out.  I know that there are resources and that money will always be there.

Make it a great day!

Gardening

For some unknown reason, I have decided it would be in my interest to take up indoor gardening this year.  Maybe since I keep seeing ads for gardening on social media.  Or that Tom gardens annually.  Typically, he plants basil, oregano, sage, peppers and sometimes, tomatoes.  I look on with envy as I always believed I did not have the space to plant anything at my apartment building.  This year I discovered indoor gardening with five-gallon buckets and a space nearby that is letting Lee use their plot of land.  He offered me use of part of the plot.  

I am excited.  I went to Dollar Tree to peruse their offerings.  I picked up carrots, summer squash, cucumbers, dill, basil and mint.  I think I will grow the mint outside with the summer squash and other herbs.  I might attempt the cucumbers and carrots indoors.  I have not full committed to this plan.  I went to Ace to pick up the buckets and look at their soil options.  I am no longer shopping at other stores that contribute to causes that I do not support.  Yes, I know that Ace Hardware supports both political parties and leans towards the conservative side.  It is a 55-45 split.  I am not in love with it, but I refuse to go to home depot.  I want to research this a little bit more too.  Is it best to put gravel in the bottom of the bucket before adding soil?  Are the drainage holes mandatory?  I do not want to half-assed this since I do want to have a successful harvest of goods.  I forgot to mention that lettuce I picked up, too.  

Tomatoes are a great option, but they seem to get demolished by the squirrels. I think having fresh herbs will be a nice touch.  I love adding dill to tuna salad and that is one item that I have as a staple in my pantry.  I don't have a black thumb.  I have managed to keep a peace lily alive since 2006.  I have a few succulents that could use some love and new soil.  I should look into gardening projects and see how I fare.

Yesterday was cinco de mayo.  Although not one of my favorite holidays, it is fun.  I decided to participate by going to a local spot that is in my neighborhood.  I entered their eatery and the place was packed.  I found a bar seat and tried to find the happy hour menu that is available according to their website and an A frame in front of the building.  I asked the bartender what the happy hour specials were and his response--we are not honoring those today.  WHAT?  

I told him thank you, but no thank you.  I was astonished that it was a Monday, and a holiday and they were unwilling to honor happy hour.  I returned to another Mexican spot that I broke up with a few years ago.  I had had too many subpar experiences.  I walked in and they, too, were packed.  I had about five minutes to order happy hour.  It was ok.  Not great.  I appreciated that they were offering happy hour and overlooked other annoyances.  I will find an ideal spot another time.  I am definitely breaking up with the first place.  They keep changing their hours.  It is confusing and makes me a little crazy.  I like routine spots and consistency.

The gardening will be helpful.  A new focus, emphasis and learning opportunity.  Plus, I can share my food with my neighbors and community.  Community is essential in 2025.  Make it a great day!

Steps forward things to consider

For the first time, ever, I have a stocked pantry.  It's wild!  When I moved out of my mom's house to go to college, I found myself purchasing less items than my mom had on hand.  Keep in mind.  She had a household of kids, and I would be relying on me.  Plus, I worked in a restaurant in college.  I was fed at the restaurant every time I worked.  There was little need for me to have a stocked pantry.  Sure, I had a few staples--pasta, coffee and spices.  Never an abundant or full stocked pantry.  

This has included most of my life.  I have worked in the service industry or in proximity to it.  It taught me to love dining out and rely on convenience as opposed to meal prep.   It is not fun to prep meals for one person.  I will eat leftovers, but I get bored after a few days.  I prefer having fresh produce on hand, too.   I like to juice fruits and vegetables.  Lately, I have been making kitchari frequently.  Kitchari is a one pot dish with lentils and basmati rice.  Spices and mirepoix minus onions.  I have been trying to reset my hormones with an Aryuvedic approach.  Basically, I am supposed to cut out dairy, coffee, alcohol, processed foods and a host of vegetables that are heavy on your body.  Garlic, too.  It is an attempt to reverse inflammation in the body.  Surprisingly, I have been able to avoid coffee for three months.  I never that I would be able to manage that.  Dairy has made appearances.  And chips, too.  Of course, wine.  I need to be better at this.  The current state of things is not making it easy.  The one upside of this approach is that I am relying on more pantry goods and less fresh produce.  

This will become more challenging as tariffs take effect.   

I need to pivot.  I stocked up on a few toiletries--toilet paper, dishwashing soap, trash bags, toothpaste.  I do not want to freak out and add more chaos to my already stressed-out self.  This year has been difficult.  Lack of sleep, self-medicating, anxiety.  I know that I am not the only person experiencing this.  

I encourage you to stock up on medicines you use and other staples.  Do not be caught unprepared.  However, do not hoard items.  We all need to be respectful to other people.  I continue to consider growing food in my apartment.  In an effort to become more comfortable with this idea, I repotted a succulent that needs new space.  Unfortunately, I had less soil available than I thought.  I will correct it when I go shopping this week.  Soil, contacts, some cleaning products.  I would suggest picking up cleaning products as well.

We are all in this together.  We only move forward with community.  Doing this alone with be increasingly challenging.  

Reflections

Happy Tuesday!  We are a quarter of the way into 2025.  What are your thoughts?  How are you feeling?  Is this new year blissful compared to 2024?  

I could not wait to move past 2024.  Truly it was a meh year for me.  Now, I miss the consistency of the meh feeling as opposed to the chaos and uncertainty.  The one thing the uncertainty is creating is ways to pivot and feel positive.  I have been hopeful about yoga and seeing more clients and opportunities.  I was offered the opportunity to teach a Park session through a client on June 1st.  Unfortunately, I had to turn it down.  Chef Tom has hip surgery, and I will be helping him with his recovery.  As much as I want to teach yoga (and meet new people/clients), I felt it would be selfish of me.  Tom needs help and I can provide it.  I know there will be other opportunities as well.  

I last left off in February with the aryuvedic lifestyle approach.  This has been challenging for me to perform or commit to.  I have been reading some of the books she recommends but the food is difficult.  The no drinking is challenging during this time of uncertainty.  Friends have visited which encourages social outings.  Most of February was fine until I met Shari and Jean in Washington State.  Then there was a visit to Santa Fe.  Sara Jo visited Denver for a couple weeks.  I have not been consistent with the lifestyle change outside of no caffeine.  Surprisingly that has been easier than I anticipated.  I have had one cup of detox tea that contains caffeine in three months.  A few times I have been tempted to drink coffee.  I have abstained.  

Dairy, wine and chips have continued to be invited to my diet, lol.  I notice how this is affecting my routine and how I am feeling.  I know that I need to fully commit to this to have a better result.  There are some physical unpleasantries that I would like to avoid.   

The upside to the aryuvedic approach is that I have been more present and mindful.  I do read more positive books--Heal your Life by Louise Hay and You are the Placebo by Joe Dispenza.  I have been finding myself drawn to other solutions of positive thinking and releasing things I cannot control.  Changing routines to change habits and outcomes.  

Building community has been important.  I know all of my neighbors' names for the first time in years.  Typically, there is one that I encounter the most and know their name but stumble with others that I rarely see.  Even during Covid when we were all in the building and toasting the healthcare staff for their work to save lives, I still only knew the guy that lived across from me Michael.  I would run into him on the porch or at the park.  Looking back, I should have made more of an effort to know my neighbors at the time.  

Thankfully, Chef Tom enjoys making soup and I share it with yoga clients, coworkers from the catering company, bartenders in the neighborhood and neighbors.  Connecting with people is helping me navigate the uncertainties of this year and minimize some of the doom scrolling.  There is plenty to doomscroll about.  Every day it seems that some absurdity is added to the mix.  If you have not heard of the 5 Calls App, check it out.  They curate scripts to use to call your reps if you are inclined.  They provide the contact information of your representatives as well.  It makes it convenient to be involved and make your voice heard.  The first time I called my representatives, I was nervous.  Having a script helped me remove some of my resistance to calling.  I hate looking stupid.  I think that is a theme from childhood, lol.

I am making some progress this year.  There are areas that require improvement and change.  I know that.  Still, I am feeling better about my decisions this year.  Must make lemonade out of the lemons I have been dealt.

Make it a great day!

Week in Review

 I was feeling fantastic participating in the six-month aryuvedic program.  I had eaten the one pot meals around the same time, daily.  I had minimized my water intake while eating and instead tried to focus on digestion and removing toxins from my body.  That is, until last Wednesday.  

What happened on Wednesday you ask?  Well, there is a gas leak in my building which I found out about at 1:45 pm.  (Of course, I had a catering in an hour and fifteen minutes to consider).  My landlord informed me that they would have to shut off the gas and hot water until the gas leak was fixed.  She suggested that I shower if I needed to shower.  That gas would be off for a minimum of two days.  

Sounds terrific, right?  Keep in mind the temperatures were hovering around twenty and on Thursday decreased to eight degrees.  No heat.  No opportunity to shower or cook food.  I asked her if she would be rehousing us since the current situation was inhabitable.   Her response--if you make me.  She is unaffected since she has a separate gas line to her apartment.  The rest of us tenants would have to freeze while the gas leak continued.  

In addition, she told one of my neighbors that he could go to good will to purchase a space heater if he wanted to.  He had requested some sort of relief to the cold.  He told her that it was her responsibility to provide space heaters or some sort of relief.  Think about that.... buy a used space heater.  What could possibly go wrong?  Instead of freezing in the apartment, electrical fires could burn the entire place down?  Smart idea?!?!  

Since Wednesday, I have been staying with a friend.  I need to be able to function as an adult. I need access to showers and eating.  And it is incredibly cold in my apartment.   My landlord offered her place as a remedy to the cold.  We could use a sleeping bag to sleep on the floor, use her shower and have some hot tea.  It is incredulous that she suggests this as a solution.  I feel like I am being treated like I am squatting when, in fact, I am paying rent.  Rent to her which qualifies me to certain protections.  Having access to heat, water, feeling safe/secure.

Due to that disruption of my routine and mental health, I have veered from the aryvdic program.  I drank some wine with my friend, Brie.  I have managed to heat healthy--some modifications.  But, for the most part, I have followed the program.  I have not drunk coffee in nine days which is huge in my world.  I love coffee.  Especially while working early morning events which happened on Thursday.  

I participated in a group call which is another benefit of this program.  Connecting with other women who are also attempting to reset their hormones with this program.  They offer daily calls hosted by former participants.  I was able to pop in but felt distracted.  I didn't realize how much being uprooted from my apartment would affect me.  I am fortunate to be at my friend's home, but I still lack the comfort of my routine or safety of the space I have created.  

I know there will be days and weeks that will go well and other times when I will struggle.  I am trying to be hopeful and realistic.  Feeling grounded will help.  I am hopeful that the gas leak gets fixed early next week.  On Friday, the inspection failed which extended my stay at my friend's home.  I wish I could do more for one of my neighbors.  However, I do not feel comfortable asking my friend to allow him to shower at her house.  And I don't agree with using the shower at my landlord's place.  That is not a solution.  She should be offering to put us up in housing until the gas leak is cleared.  We pay her rent to live in a safe place with heating, access to water and other basic rights.  This week proved challenging.  Yet, I made a few modifications and feel decent about where I am at within the program.  Sure, I could be doing more of the homework and eliminating wine.  I need to improve on that, lol.  

Day 5 reflections

I am still not sleeping great.  That is not due to the aryuvedic lifestyle.  Instead, it is stress.  Stress of what is currently happening in my world.  I know that I am not the only one suffering but sometimes I feel that I am alone in this.  That I am overreacting.  

Surprisingly, the no caffeine was less of an issue than I thought it would be.  I have drunk coffee since I was a wee child, lol.  My grandma Rita drank coffee every day.  I remember staying at her house during summers.  Typically, we would be dropped off at her house in Iowa for two weeks every summer.  She was strict, church going, loving and consistent.  Always drinking coffee out of the blue cups.  I remember her telling me that drinking coffee would stunt my growth.  Somehow that never deterred me.  I have been a lifelong coffee drinker.  

Most of the catering folk drink energy drinks.  Multiple times I have been offered an energy drink which I always refuse.  Now they know I solely drink coffee or hot tea.  

So, to give up coffee seemed unimaginable.  Yet, so far, I have done it.  Hot tea is a great alternative.  I have an assortment of teas to choose from or I have been curating my own.  I have cinnamon sticks, ginger, bay leaves, cloves, etc.  

The lack of alcohol has been manageable.  I know there will be breaks from that.  I will not give up wine for six months (which is required of the program).  There is a trip to celebrate Brian's 19th anniversary, a trip to the Willamette Valley with Tom and possibly other days of celebration.  Tonight, for example, I am hosting a yoga happy hour.  I had been on the fence about whether or not I would be imbibing with my clientele.  I decided yesterday that I would.  I believe in solidarity and community.  As above noted, I have not been sleeping and feel that I am all alone in this, at times.  I want to participate with my community.  Plus, I am making frito pie (which I love) and gougeres--both of which are not on my approved foods list.  

We will see how that food affects my body and how I am feeling.  I know that the alcohol and spicy foods will inflame my body.  

I have been waking up and feeling energized.  Productive and capable.  That is something that I can build on and see flourish.  In addition, aryuveda focuses on digestive health.  Meaning, it is suggested to stop drinking any liquids thirty minutes before the meal, no drinking during the meal and for sixty to ninety minutes afterwards.  Seems like a long time to not drinking water, but it makes sense for gut health.  I believe long term that will truly make a difference in how I am feeling.  

I feel that it will be more of a no buy six months focusing on creating meals at home.  Only buying what is necessary to craft meals that I can eat.  It will be interesting and something that I have never done.  I have worked in the restaurant industry forever.  I am very adept at getting takeout or dining out.  I love the social aspect.  There is about five places in my rotation.  I have cultivated relationships with some of the bartenders.  I love dining out.  I will miss that aspect of my life.  However, it's only six months.  I can make it work.

More reflections as I progress.  Make it a beautiful day.

Day 1 completed and thoughts

As noted yesterday, I am embarking on a reset of my hormones and metabolism (realistically).  For too long, I tried to handle the situation believing I could do it on my own.  I would do okay for a few days and then revert to the normal routine.  I was drinking lemon water, a hot tea tincture, juicing and coffee to start my day.  

The program suggests beginning your day with hot water and sipping it.  Four to five quick sips to activate the toxins start to release.  It will be weird to not juice since I have been juicing for the last three years and maybe I will reincorporate that to make up for the no caffeine rule that I am embarking on.  Still undecided on how that is going to work out.  Alcohol, of course, will be challenging to some degree.  I am a social being.  I enjoy having wine with friends.  I know that I can do it.  I have in the past taken months off.  It has never been attractive to me to feel reliant on a substance.  Any substance.

Aryuveda teaches a holistic approach to healing the body.  Meaning, no substances.  When you break it down like that, it does make sense.  I woke up, clear headed and with a productive vibe.  Hence this early morning post as opposed to when I typically get around to writing my thoughts down.  It is something about getting a good night of sleep and not waking up feeling foggy, heavy or sluggish.  

I bought a few books and a pair of body gloves to activate the lymphatic system.  I think they arrive on Tuesday (if not before).  The gloves will be added to the regime with the body scrub.  I love the service at Havana Spa in Aurora.  It is one of the best ways to embrace self-care.  Utilize the saunas, tubs and purchase a service.  They offer a variety.  I tend to enjoy the body scrub/massage combination the most.  It takes an hour.  About thirty minutes of body scrub, quick rinse, and then return for a full body massage.  Sometimes they wash your hair.  I don't know if they are offering that since it seemed to not be offered during the pandemic.  

At any rate, I am feeling rested.  I am feeling hopeful in spite of the chaos that wants to bring me down.  It is stunning what they are attempting to do and just see how people respond/react.  And, still, there are people not paying attention.  Ignorance is bliss.  

Try to find joy and peace.  My intention is to be informed and active.  There are ways to get involved and push back on the majority of what is trying to be jammed down our throats.  It is overwhelming and challenging.  I have struggled, immensely, trying to stay positive.  I think one of my sisters' fears talking to me since she knows that I am listening to podcasts and I have projected on her multiple times about the necessity of securing plan b's for her daughter, her daughter's friends, any other woman that might need it.  I can't help it.  I am passionate about protecting women's rights.  I am concerned about the endgame of where this is heading.  Women not being able to make any choice for themselves or their healthcare.

Still, I need moments to take a break.  I need to dance and remember that there is joy in life.  I have support.  I have access to clean water, shelter and the opportunity to cook for myself.  I am thankful for that.  

Testing out new recipes will occur as well.  That will be fun.  Not using garlic or onions will be difficult.  Not going to lie.  I love garlic but it is too inflammatory for me currently.

I will continue to reflect on the changes I am going through and how the program is affecting me.  Thank you for listening & Happy Saturday!

The beauty of aging

Approaching the dreaded menopause and seeing how my body is changing.  It is not for the weak, lol.  I have been trying to manage it with some moderation of drinking wine, exercising and have looked at a few schools of thought when it comes to dealing with this.  There are many people bringing forth pills or tinctures.  In moments of desperation, I have considered checking one of them out.

Recently, I found an aryuvedic practitioner on social media.  Her reel made sense and offered solutions.  Over the course of a few days, I seemed to come across Jennifer frequently.  I attended a virtual masterclass and decided to follow up with her on a zoom call to learn more details about her program.  Six months of resetting hormones, naturally.  Healing the body by removing substances.  I drink wine and other spirits, dairy, caffeine, chocolate.  In addition, there is my love of spicy foods, garlic and onions that seem to inflame my body.  This will be an interesting six months.  

Thankfully, she is realistic and knows that women will have some setbacks.  I know that I will.  There is the celebration with Shari that is upcoming.  This year marks the 19th year since Brian died.  In some ways it feels like yesterday and others, I cannot believe it has been nineteen years.  Plus, there is an upcoming wine trip with Tom and his board members.  Both of these will happen during the six-month window.

Years ago, when I was considering adding to my yoga repertoire, I reached out to one of my mentors in Santa Fe.  Paige felt it would benefit me, greatly, if I did a forty-day cleanse.  In addition, she recommended that I did not drink for a year.  I explained to Paige that that would be unlikely.  I enjoy drinking wine.  Looking back on what she was offering, it is very similar to what I just signed up for.  I am in a different place in my life which is what is motivating me to try this.  I am not enjoying having my hormones out of whack.  Stress is making it worse.  My sleep is nonexistent most nights.  Thankfully, my symptoms are minimal at this point.  I know there are some women who experience more of them and feel terrible.  I won't bore you with my cycle only to say that is has increased in days and volume.  

I believe this aryuvedic approach will be beneficial.  I might get bored of the food and similarities.  But I know that I cannot continue on this path.  I need to feel better in my body.  

Today was the first day I practiced this lifestyle change.  Then I realized that I should have prepared for this moment.  I cannot wing it and think everything will be okay.  I did have some supplies on hand--ghee, coriander seeds, turmeric, ginger, lentils and basmati rice.  I need to better prepare to actually make a go of this.  

I am hoping that my sleep will improve and that my other symptoms will minimize and decrease.  I want to age gracefully.  The stress thing needs to be addressed.  Although it seems that daily, I am pushed to the brink on my sanity levels.  I am confident that that will improve soon.  I feel the energy shifting.

Thankful Thursday

Trying to feel some sort of goodness and minimization of the amounts of stress and anxiety that I have been experiencing for the last three and a half months.  

It is insanity.  Crushing.  Intense.  

Designed that way.  I understand this.  Still, while living in it, it is overwhelming, discouraging, debilitating.  But I see cracks in this administration.  I see that people are unifying and uniting to say no to what they are proposing.  It wasn't a mandate.  It never was.  There were more people that didn't vote for him.  They stayed home to show their displeasure for Gaza and the choices they were presented.  

How is that working out?

Egg prices have increased.  Gas prices are up.  They want to take over the Gaza Strip which is insulting to every Palestinian.  Making it so cavalier to just go in and take it over.  ***This is insanity and not supported by what people voted for.  Yes, they voted to showcase their base needs (misogyny, racism, sexism) but they also elected this man to not enter war.  They raved about how he wasn't a war hawk during his first term.

Yet, now, the mandate is force the Palestinians to relocate, rehome.  Having no sympathy/empathy for these people who have endured immense pain, torment, assault for years.  It wasn't only 10/07.  There has been a conflict since 1948.  I don't think many people understand the amount of hatred that exists between the Israeli's and Palestinians.  Then, we come in to just act like a wrecking ball.  There is no sympathy for the Palestinians in the current administration's mind.  They want to profit off of this with no regard for all of the blood that has been split.  No regard that this is their homeland.  They only look to benefit off of the beachfront property.  Again, illustrating their hatred of people, they do not understand.  

I see protest, power and unity.  The halftime show was powerful.  I recognize that many people were tuned out since they didn't understand it.  It wasn't about being entertained.  It wasn't about placating Caucasians.  They were unwilling to delve into the messaging or consider being uncomfortable with what was being delivered.  Still there is a curiosity now.  Curiosity to see what the messaging was.  Maybe a way to connect, support, solidify.

Do what feels right for you whatever that lane is.  But do not remain silent.  Do not comply.  Do not willing fully give away your rights.  Your rights to feel seen, happy and able to choose liberty.  I know that sounds hokie and silly.  I get it.  I do.  I feel that liberty has been stripped away from us.  But, underlying all of this crazy is the knowledge that there is a movement being built.  A movement rejecting what the patriarchy is trying to retain.

Be hopeful.  Be bold.  Be YOU

refuse to accept this

 Hello.  I want you to understand that this is not normal.

We cannot resist in the normal ways of the past.

Even if you refer back to Vietnam.  It is a nonissue.  People do not respond or recognize that this war was unjust.  Unwanted.  RESISTED.

Instead, people voted for a man who said he resisted war.  He pulled us out of Afghanistan.  (yes, that was his policy that Biden's)

Now, we are be assaulted.  Every front.

Why?  To wear us down.  

They know if we are overwhelmed, we cannot focus.  We cannot group together or pledge allegiance to a common goal.   

They hope we are divided.  

RESIST.

They want us to avoid their focus.  

Power in numbers.   Solidarity.  

If you don't understand the Halftime show from Kendrick Lamar, google why it is relevant.  I am being lazy right now.

He performed.  He showcased.  He reminded people about colonization, resistance and solidarity.

Wake the fuck up.  Stop choosing oligarchs who care nothing for you.

Saying yes

Year of the snake.  The year of shedding skin, shedding former beliefs and moving forward.  Moving into new spaces that typically I would avoid.  

Never in my life have I reached out to my state representative or senator.  Either I have been disengaged with what is going on or I have been fine with policies in place.  Until now.  I have not felt this attacked on multiple levels in my life.  Approaching Inauguration Day, I had anxiety.  I tried to block it out with believing that since we didn't know, maybe it would not be that bad.  Perhaps they would not do anything that they promised to do in the campaign of 2024.  In the last week, I have called my state representative and senator for the last four days.  It felt weird on the first day.  I felt that I wouldn't know what to say and it might be easier to let other people do the work.  There are so many available scripts to help make people feel more at ease.  I am so thankful for that and becoming more confident with my own words.  Telling my own story with my words and how I am impacted by these changes.  By these policies that will affect me and everyone in this country.  Perhaps by varying degrees, but we will all be affected.  

I fear for my friends that are gay and lesbian.  I know that I am at an advantage as a white, heterosexual woman.  There is some discrimination that I will not endure because of that.  However, as a woman, I do experience misogyny and sexism.  It is abhorrent and annoying.   

People have no idea what we are endorsing. 

They think this return to Christian values is the way.

What does that Indeever?  

Specifically?

White men dictate what is acceptable in society.  They choose a wife.  They *decide* to follow Christian rules.  Only having intercourse to procreate.  Super sexy.

They forbid access to pornography.  It's dirty.  

(Yet, they all watch porn)

They take.  

They refuse to believe in any prochoice effort.  

Still.  They take.

Be aware,  Purchase plan B's

Happy Monday

New month.  New energy.  Or I trying to bring in new energy.  More positive and less fear.  It is super difficult to not have anxiety, fear or concerns.  Every day, every hour, there is something coming out that is concerning.

Currently, there is a bill to have a federal abortion ban, HR 722.  There isn't a lot of media coverage on this.  They are trying to sneakily pass it without notifying the American people.  They do not care that we have had several ballot iniatives protecting women's right to healthcare.  Abortion is healthcare for those of you who are unaware.  Or the HR 899 to dismantle the department of education.  That is insanity.  Another example that they want us ignorant, uneducated and stupid.  Stupid enough to believe they are interested in protecting our rights instead of picking our pockets.  There are ways to show your anger.  Contact your representatives and senators.  Call them.  Don't email or send a letter.  Instead, flood phones with your concerns.  Make them be inundated with how displeased people are.  There is an app to help you through this--Five Calls.  Or there are other websites that will direct you to your representative's information.  I called my two senators and representative.  Their local and national office in D.C.  I encourage you to follow suit.  Feel like you are participating in this instead of feeling like you have no control over how this will continue.  Do not lose faith.  You are not alone.

There are marches on Wednesday in every Capitol City at noon, in your time zone.  Consider joining and showing strength in numbers.  Do what you can.  It is a lot.  I know.  There is some reporting that these protests will enable the president to declare martial law.  That potential is terrifying but that is what it is designed to do.  Stop us from unifying out of fear.  You are not alone.

Take time to decompress.  I must incorporate more of that.  Have a gratitude journal or get outside.  I have been overwhelmed with how much I am on my phone looking at all of the insanity that is going on.  I wake up and rush to listen to my podcasts.  I very between pod save America, I've Had It, The Rational Boomer and the Reid Out.  The I've Had it ladies are hilarious.  I have found myself walking a park or on a street and laughing out loud at some of their commentary.  I have received strange looks as a result.  Imagine encountering someone bursting out in laughter for no reason.  

Do what makes sense to you.  But don't do nothing.  If you have a community of people, share information.  If you enjoy writing, blog, write, create newsletters to share information.  If you prefer donating money instead of action, consider contributing to Indivisible.  This group is reputable and taking action.  I donated to vote blue, once, and am now in their system and receive several emails asking for money.  Maybe I would be more inclined to donate to that organization if I saw action out of them.  We need more visible representatives and senators pushing back.  Someone needs to lead or act as if they are interested in standing up for the rights of the people.  

Thank you for listening.  Until tomorrow.

How to get involved and participate

We cannot sit by idly and watch this country continue to decline.  We cannot support eliminating policies that support the LGBTQI community, or immigrants, or women.  I don't understand the endgame.  Truly it is nonsensical.  Why would he crash the stock market, jack up inflation, increase tariffs, give tax cuts to the uber rich which will be absorbed the middle class and poor?  At some point there will be no way to sustain life.  People will not be spending anything because they will not be able to afford it.  Housing costs have not gone down, the cost of eggs and gas have risen.  How does this benefit the government if no one spends money?

I have written a few letters, sent emails and made phone calls thinking these would all be effective.  Then I saw something that most officials throw mail away or delete emails.  Phone calls seem to be effective and efficient. (but only if you are a constituent of the state representative or senator that you are calling).  I refuse to believe any of that.  Contacting your representatives is effective.  Taking to the streets is effective.  Sharing information is another way to combat the misinformation age we are living in.

For example, blaming the plane crash in D.C. on DEI hires.  Not only disgusting/offensive but so ridiculous.  Not being sympathetic to the families that lost loved ones.  Instead, being so insensitive and mocking the situation.  I don't think there has been an official statement on the plane failure in Philadelphia.  

The tariffs that he chose to place on our allies will affect all of us.  He doesn't care.  Actually, admitted that the middle class would hurt and have to absorb this but in the end it would improve.  What planet does he live on?  Choosing to fuck people over to destabilize and divide us.  It is appalling.

I haven't been able to sleep.  I am stressed out.  My cycle is all over the place and I think, some of my friends think I am overreacting.  I don't think that I am.  I don't know how to explain it.  I am concerned about the willingness to sleepwalk into autocracy.  

Continue to resist and do your part.  Whatever that looks like.  Showing up for someone, sharing information, joining a protest, donating your time/resources, blogging, writing, creating content.  Don't be silent.

Continuation of the recap

I forgot a couple of things that I managed to complete in January.  Two no spend days in January.  My goal was to complete three days of no spending.  It is one way I can illustrate my unease with what is currently happening in the world.  As noted, I am overwhelmed.  Stressed.  Anxious.  Not sleeping.  Monkey mind at 3 am.  Feeling heavy, bloated, unattractive.

I recognized today that I need to take mental health days.  I need to stop watching youtube and other social media outlets.  It is challenging to not obsess over some of the chaos that is being created. I want to look away.  I do.  Then I consider all of the damage being done.  Blaming DEI for everything.  It is terrible.  And false.  Creating a narrative that only white men have the answers.  Forcing anyone who isn't a white man to dim their lights.  It is insane.  I talked to a gal today to discuss the tragedy of the plane crash in D.C.  We both agreed it was terrible that it happened and then she went on to say it was because of the military.  I corrected her that it had been blamed on DEI.  She looked at me and said--what is DEI?

This is the problem.  There is so much misinformation being spread.  She thought it was due to military negligence.  It wasn't.

It wasn't DEI either.  Instead, it was due to firing people in TSA, FAA and air traffic control.  Why isn't that being highlighted or suggested?

That is the truth.  We need to be spreading truth, not fiction.  

These policies are intended to hurt everyone and enrich the current administration.  Asking for kickbacks or cuts is not normal.  It is not about enriching people.  It is solely to increase the wealth of a select few.

Refuse to buy into this bullshit.  Consider taking three to five days a month of no spending.  No online purchases, gas, groceries, wine.  We need to consolidate and do more.  Push back.  There is so much going on.  It is challenging to focus on what all is happening.  And that is the point.  Like I noted earlier, the one girl I spoke to about the crash in DC thought that blame was on the military helicopter.  It isn't.  It wasn't.  

Be aware of your surroundings.  Trust your tuition and vibes.  Be well

I can watch the news and be furious with some of the shit that is happening right now.  

That inspires not participating in society or contributing.  I chose to stop by one of my favorite wine bars this afternoon after dropping some tomato fennel soup off to my yoga client.  

Recap of January

It started off with fear and trepidation.  Uncertainty, too.  I didn't know what to expect.  I was hopeful that maybe they wouldn't attempt to fire off all of the executive orders.  Perhaps he would be happy to avoid going to jail and focus on golf.  

Midway through the month, I struggled greatly and am now slowly finding hope.  I know it doesn't feel like it if you have been reading my recent posts.  I have been freaking out.  I fear how bad it can get.  Not only for me, but for my friends that are in the LGBTQ community, immigrants, other minorities.  A girlfriend of mine in Santa Fe mentioned that she had been physically harassed last week since she is gay.  I didn't really know how to respond to this.  Knowing that it will only get worse.

Watching the response to the tragic airplane crash in D.C.  The blatant misinformation and lies.  The lack of sympathy for the victims and their families.  I think he responded to the question of if he would visit the crash site with why?  So I can go swimming?  It's astounding.  Truly, he does not care about anyone other than himself.  

To shift the blame to D.E.I. instead of acknowledging that this occurred from firing TSA, FAA and other government agents is gross.  It creates more division and hate.  It does nothing to heal this nation.  

Returning to the hope I mentioned.  I am finding other people to link up with and build not only community but a resistance.  I called several senators today to urge them to vote no to the the RFK, jr confirmation.  I am concerned about his lack of leadership.  I want these republican senators to know that there is a ton of people that do not support this nomination.  I want them to acknowledge the implications of agreeing with this man and how he will dismantle the department of health and human services.  I left voice mails for the ones that were available.  I found one mailbox was full.  One mailbox isn't an option, and I spoke to some man in Senator Rounds office.  He allowed me to say what I wanted but it was clear that he could care less.  That is the difficult thing.  Realizing that they do not care, at all, that people do not agree with this.  My immediate response was to return to being apathetic.  It was a hesitation on my part.  I will not let them win by remaining silent.  

I wrote letters to a few Democratic representatives to thank them for their service and ability to effectively communicate and push back.  We need more of that.  

Yoga in the mornings has been fantastic.  I committed to offering a session on Monday, Wednesday and Thursday mornings.  It has been fantastic.  I will continue to offer these classes.  In addition, I hope to offer a virtual happy hour once a month with my community.  I need to find commonality to decompress, share ideas and support each other.  For example, there are companies that I am no longer supporting for their lack of commitment to D.E.I.  Target (which hits home and is such a letdown will no longer be an option to shop at for goods).  Clearly, I knew that Walmart, Hobby Lobby and a few other companies were gross and places I didn't frequent for their company policies or religious views.   I will support and spend money at Costco, Trader Joe's, Shop Rite, Kroger, Gap, Old Navy, Banana Republic to name a few.  Kroger is challenging since they do donate more money to Republican causes, and they had a strike in Denver a few years ago since they didn't want to increase the pay of their employees.  Instead, their CEO took a massive salary bump.  Think about how much money grocery stores have profited since Covid.  We were unable to go anywhere during the pandemic and grocery stores made huge profits.  

Moving into February, I am determined to find some sanity and continue to find ways to participate.  I want to build a community of people.  Stay hopeful that you are not alone.  We can overcome this.

current thoughts

In many ways, I have always chosen the alternative path.  Choosing not to be married or have children. I am reminded, daily, of that choice.  I do not regret it.  And, honestly, I believe there are other women in my age range who agree with me.  Choosing to not have children because I could choose what was best for me.

I watched my parents' struggle.  Having four daughters, providing shelter and not really liking each other.  At that point, they didn't have a choice.  It was the way to live life.  Get married, have children, buy a home and be loyal to your job.  There was no deviation from what you were supposed to do.  My mom went from being a daughter to being a mother.  Her options were restricted.  She got pregnant and became a mother.  She couldn't pursue her dreams or desires.  She had to be a mom.

Eventually, they made the right decision to divorce.  It was a hard choice.  It was atypical.  The church definitely didn't support it.  You could be ostracized and cast out of your church and community.  Yet, it was the best thing my parent did for me and my sisters.  Instead of growing up in a household where there was resentment and hurt, we were shown that there were other options.  We, as young girls, could curate the life we wanted.  

My sisters all chose a different path than me.  Some went to college.  Others went to nursing school or a trade.  Some married.  A few of my sisters chose to have children while my older sister and I refrained.

I opted for the alternative path.  Choosing to be independent and self-sufficient.  I do not regret any of the choices I have made. I have benefitted, greatly, from my decisions.  Being independent, traveling, eating all sorts of food, creating joy, choosing to not shave the back of my legs since I was 15 or ever wearing makeup.  

Yes, it's true.  I have worn make-up, fully done up, maybe five times in my life.  Yes, I have worn mascara and eye liner more.  But, not in the last 8 years.  

I only note this since the current president looks ghoulish.  He wears makeup but it isn't blended.  It makes him resemble a raccoon, at times.  I don't know.  It is something that I have been thinking about after seeing him on the news.  

I am thankful for my decision to seek the alternative path.  I do not regret not having children.  I applaud other women who have made this decision as well.  Why are we the ones to sacrifice our passion?  Why are we supposed to stay home and raise kids?  Why are we supposed to be silent as our rights are stripped from us?  

Why is there this return to "trad" wives?  What did our generation do to these kids that would influence them to think that their best option is to create a home environment and allow their husband to make all of the relevant decisions?  I am flabbergasted by these 20 year-olds who think their best life is to stay at home and raise kids.

Why are we telling women to dim their lights?  To be submissive.  It is so gross.  It won't work.  It didn't work out for several generations of women before.  We are not content being suppressed.  Being submissive.  Or told what to do.

Today

Egg prices are still at all-time highs.  Pointing it out to remind folks that this still has not been addressed.  People chose to vote this current administration in.  Overlooking their plans to reconfigure society.  He said he didn't know anything about project 2025.  

Clearly, he wouldn't lie.  Politicians never lie.  

And now, we see the truth of this administration.  They fire people at will.  They gaslight daily.  They are attempting to strip us of our rights.  Rights that have been fought for and secured.  They aim to hurt people.  Children, disabled, poor.  They don't care if they take away your access to funds.  

I watched the current press secretary try to blame it on the former administration.  Typical gaslighting.  Politics, as usual.  Just know.  The egg prices were a campaign promise that people voted on.  They chose the price of eggs and gas over being decent human beings.  

I am concerned for my friends that are gay or lesbian.  I fear for any transgender person as there are some questioning their identities.  It appears to be a younger phenomenon than me.  Still, they deserve the right and opportunity to live their best lives instead of being ostracized, mocked, put back in the closet.  I fear for immigrants and what they endure.  I work alongside some of the hardest working people who happen to be Venezuelan.  They show up, smile and hustle.  They came here, legally, to avoid a terrible situation in their country.

I fear for women.  I fear for myself.  I have never felt vulnerable entering a restaurant by myself until recently.  I consider if I will feel welcome entering the establishment as a solo woman.  If the vibe isn't welcoming, I leave.  I do not intend to welcome any bullshit into my atmosphere.  

I encourage all women to stock up on plan b's.  

The current regime is relentless.  They will not stop at taking away our healthcare.  They want us pregnant and taking care of children.  Not working.  In the homes.  Sacrificing our dreams.  They will eliminate contraception in addition to allowing us to make decisions regarding our bodies.  They do not value you.  They want to act as if they are our protectors.  They are not.  Do not forget this.  

Collectively, we can stand together.  We are all witnessing women stand up to this dictatorship.  Mother Pence.  Kamala.  Michelle.  Caroline Kennedy.  The woman who stood up against Hegseth.  Several others.  Continue to push back and move forward.  We, the people, deserve to move forward.  To protect our rights.  To support equality and reject theocracy.  

I am finding my voice and way to protest.  What is your role in this?  How can you help?  Monetarily.  Joining a mutual aid group.  Creating art.  

Disrupt.  Be loud and bold!

Finding joy?

Cat videos are the best.  

This past week has been chaotic.  Designed that way to distract, overwhelm and destroy pushing back.  It is nonstop bullshit.  Overwhelming shock and awe.  

I am trying to sort through the crazy and stay sane.  It isn't easy.  Believe me, I get sucked into the echo chamber and react.  I don't know what to believe.  

I believe there are many people, like me, who want to push back.  To stay healthy, have access to facts, clean water, fair housing, and food.  To know what I am putting in my body and feel safe doing it.  Somehow, we are trying to eliminate access to these things.  We want people sick, depressed, poor.  Why?  So they will give in to what they are trying to achieve.  Blind walking into a fascist state.  Where you have no rights.  No opportunity to improve your life.  No access to education.  Just accepting the shit sandwich that they provide you.  It's nuts.

They hide behind religion.  Using the cross to indicate that they are bringing god's message.  Yet, they are eliminating programs to help the poor, needy, children.  Isn't that what Christianity is all about?  Isn't that a tenet of religion?  To be welcoming to everyone.  

Instead, they are completely creating chaos to instill fear and compliance.  Refuse to be compliant.  Recognize this for what it is.  Do not lie down and think this is the only way.  Know that you are not alone.  That there are many other people who do not agree with this.  That there is a way through this.  Find joy and gratitude instead of rolling over.  Also, eventually, there will be people standing up for themselves.  Yes, there are a lot of uneducated people that continue to support this man inspite of how it affects their lives.  How do you support someone who wants to get rid of medicaid?  Snap?  Or Head Start?  These programs are in place to help people.  Isn't that why we pay taxes?

No, I am not supporting socialism.  I am supporting being a human being.  Yes, we pay taxes that support a number of things.  Infrastructure, military, social security, etc....that all seems fine.  But when we want to support kids, programs for veterans, poor, or sick, we want to eliminate them.  How does this seem right?

I am struggling.  I do find joy.  Knowing I have a good support system and people in my life.  

Thankful Thursday

I am thankful for participating in no spend day number two and realizing I could improve on it.  I worked an event yesterday where I was unable to spend for 10.5 hours.  That helps minimize opportunity to purchase items.  Yet, I drove to the event.  For a full day of no spend, I think I should eliminate transportation, too.  

Still, I avoided spending and want to complete three monthly.  More, if possible.  I believe I can fulfill this pledge.  I am thankful for my support network.  It continues to evolve and grow.  I found out, yesterday, that one of my coworkers was born in a small village in Africa.  Her father was a minister, and they spent a fair amount of time traveling.  She is transcribing letters from her parents' past.  There was a love story between a European woman and her African husband.  She was given $10,000 when she was 35 years old as was one of her sisters.  Her mom asked them what they would do with the money.  Her sister said pay off debt while Martha said--take dad to Africa.  I loved that.  She had two small children at the time.  My coworker, Tyson, asked if she took her kids with her.  She said, no.  I left them home with my husband.  I also loved that, haha.  

Access to clean water and being warm.  I am thankful for that as well.  Always.  

I am thankful that I do not need prescription pills at this point in my life.  Super thankful for my health.  Health is directly tied to wealth.  Only to remind you that the current president just wrote an executive order to reverse prescription pills being lowered.  Basically, he is screwing over everyday Americans in favor of corporations.  It's nuts.  Sort through the chaos and focus on what is happening.  There is an attempt to distract and divide people.  Meanwhile, they are doing some shady ass shit to create more costs for working people.  Slashing regulations that protect our air quality, water, emergency services, healthcare.  Do not sit back and watch this happen.  We need to stay engaged and protect what rights we still have.  

Be loud.  Do not agree to take on more shit because you think there is nothing you can do.  And try to stay joyful.  That is something that I am struggling with.  It is easy to want to stay in bed and decrease interactions with people.  I do not have kids, but I have nieces, nephews and my friends have kids.  I want these children to thrive in a world that does not force a handful of beliefs of what is the acceptable way to live.  They should have the rights that I had, at least.  Access to making decisions regarding my body.  Being able to go to college, get an education and choose the unconventional lifestyle that I have always led.  I am so thankful for my life.