I keep thinking of how wonderful it would be to have been homeschooled in the United States. Obviously in multiple cities which would prove difficult. Especially with three sisters. I would have wanted to go south, east, southwest, north and pacific northwest. I would have wanted my parents to travel. At the time, it wasn't really an option. My dad traveled for work and my mom did typical stay at home type of work while raising us. I think she would have gone crazy had we all been at home trying to learn. There is this great David Sedaris short story outlining what it was like to grow up in the 70's (yes, a little too early for my time). Yet, still relevant in the 80's. He talks of a time where they were snowed in. School canceled. YEA! He and his siblings were thrilled. Day 1, Day 2, Day 3...at which point, his mom kicked them out of their house. Locked them out so she could watch her programs, cocktail and enjoy her solitude. Yea, I can understand that for sure.
However, had I had the chance to do this, I would have. Meaning, had my parents been able to travel, shelter, educate and provide cultural stimulation...hell yes! I would have wanted this. I am envious of the little girls that I had the pleasure of meeting their parents on Monday.
I am thankful for my schooling in the heartland. And recognize how it has changed since I was a child. At one point, they got rid of evolution in schools. Thankfully, it is now being taught again. I think of how orchestrated my schooling was. What if I had wanted to venture to the south to taste some of their education? Or venture east to hear the differences in language. Or, west to see the ocean. Yes, I had the wanderlust gene at a young age. I yearned to learn, experience, taste life. The minute I smelled freedom, I was off. I don't think my parents had any idea what they had created. Now, they just accept that I am going to do what I want, when I want.
For instance, I am missing out on a ceremony celebrating my dad's upcoming wedding. Truly, I feel terrible about this and the timing of it. Still, it was my understanding that they would exchange vows and party at a later date. Suddenly, this changes and I am expected to attend the party in June. Yet, I had plans that I spearheaded to make happen. I think to myself...my dad knows that I have the wanderlust gene and that I try to travel 12+ times a year. Why is he surprised that I have plans on the weekend that he wants to get married? He must know that I am a complete junkie for travel.
So, I digress. I dream. I consider and make plans. I will head west for a bit this year and then abroad. I feel it. I know that I go where I feel sound.
Tomorrow, there is a celebration of life for a mutual friend of mine. He hired me for his catering company. I met Brian there or my heart as I like to think of it. I am saddened by this man's loss. It is a reminder of Brian dying and how I met him. Also, I know that he left behind a wife and three children and it is tragic. Horribly so. Mostly, because I could be selfish when Brian died and do what suited me. This man's wife must proceed and help her children. She cannot let go, grieve, find herself and move forward. She must be strong, able and capable for her kids. I remember many days where I barely ate. I could drink like a sailor (or no other) and sleep for 3 hours and go to work and feel fine. Looking back, I know, it was all adrenaline and that I was suspended between reality and a parallel universe of what I wanted but could not have. I could no longer have a present with Brian. As much as I yearned for it, demanded it or wanted it.
Could I have attended the celebration tomorrow? Yes,
Did I make it happen? No. I focused on myself and what I wanted.
Plus, I know that it will be well attended. Life will go on. This woman's life will stop for awhile. I remember this part of the process, too. It is the most difficult part. Figuring out that as much as you want to reflect, remember, talk....everyone else's life has moved on.
I am thankful for travel, culture, livelihood. I am grateful for my friends and my life.