For the last week, I have experienced shoulder pain. Specifically, irritation on my scapula/rhomboid region on the right side. At first, I chalked it up to sleeping on it wrong. I tend to sleep on my right side regardless of how I begin the night. Sleeping on my stomach is not really an option as it is not comfortable in my opinion. I have been trying to find comfort in this position for the last week, believe me.
In addition, I have taken salt baths, applied arnica cream, avoided yoga and instead did light stretching, complained about it and received some body work from my aunt. She is a massage therapist and last Sunday, I needed to have my shoulder worked on. She reiterated the importance of arnica cream, apple cider vinegar, salt baths and hydrating. This irritation has persisted and I believe that stress (returning to Denver, work, car problems) have added to this condition. I think about the emotions tied to the shoulder region and how I am carrying that stress on a daily basis. Ironically, I had arranged a reading with a medium prior to my shoulder getting all wonky. I wanted an idea of what the beginning of this journey would be like. I wanted confirmation that I had made the right decision in returning home. Of course, I felt confident that I had made the best decision for me in opting to move back to Denver as opposed to staying in Santa Fe or heading west.
Denver is where I became an adult. I found true love and it was a wonderful base for me to travel. I managed 10-12 mini trips annually and I always felt the rush of love when I returned to the city. I knew that I had made the right choice. Recognizing that it is important to identify the love aspect. I met the love of my life in 2002 while working at a catering company. I spent the next three and half years with this beautiful man who adored me and our life together. He was an old soul and always told me that he would die young. He was right. At 23 years old, he died and altered the course of my life. It's almost been ten years since that terrible night I received the news that Brian had died. I traveled and tried to grieve/heal in that way. Grief counseling did not seem like my way. I wanted to experience life and met many people along that time who had lost loved ones or directly dealt with sickness themselves. I was sad. Very sad for a long time. I missed my heart.
Eventually, I relocated to break up with Denver for awhile. Or that is how I like to look at it. I had become comfortable in my routine. Work, travel frequently, hang out with friends, repeat. I was not interested in dating in spite of the fact that time kept moving on and people questioned my decision to not date. I thought a new city would introduce me to something new, different and perhaps a desire to date. Or make myself available to date available men. I did go that route for some time. Seemed easier and protected my heart.
Santa Fe brought me closer to Denver if nothing else. It challenged me to grow and choose what I truly wanted out of life. Inspired me to learn more and get certified for yoga. Something that I had been thinking about for quite a while. It motivated me to identify what I think I am capable of doing. Which brings me back to Denver. I am home, thankfully. So grateful. But it brings back all of these emotions (sadness, hurt, grief) and I have managed to lock away.
Returning to Denver represents Brian, my life with him and the loss of him. It hurts and as a result I have this nagging pain in my shoulder blades. I do believe that is truly part of the equation. In addition to the sleeping on it wrong and work stress. Today is a new day and I will return to yoga and embrace life. I have a wonderful life and recently have been spending a fair amount of time with a great friend/companion. I am ready to be whole again.
Reiki might be in my future or some sort of yoga therapy. I brought up the medium as she touched on the grief aspect and suggested I speak to a counselor or someone. Since Tuesday, I have been reflecting on love, loss and seeing that there is some credence in what Paige suggested. From my yoga training, I sat through meditation, yoga therapy and chakra sessions. Energy work to be specific. I think I have been working towards this since choosing to become certified for yoga. I love the physical aspect of yoga and forced myself to attend some of the other classes dealing with other limbs of the yoga practice. I guess it is time to explore the energy work and meditative aspects associated with yoga.