Well, it's starting. I think, I am more in my head this February. A constant conversation of doubt, fear, irritability, restlessness, trying to be positive, dreaming of travel, seeing friends, family, etc. It is a nonstop cycle.
Yoga did provide a brief reprieve this morning. The instructor is confident and commanding. I do enjoy his sequencing and look forward to spending my Saturday morning with him. I think some clarity was established while I flowed through the postures. I might stop by my aunt's house this afternoon which will also help. She asks the right questions and I always leave enlightened.
And there were a few days in Santa Fe. It has returned to being my oasis as opposed to home. It was challenging, for me, to live there. I am a city girl and missed having proximity to a big city. I spent a couple days there and rejuvenated. It was lovely. Really lovely. Clear blue skies, massive amounts of stars, great food and seeing friends.
I had a great time. Exactly what I was looking for. A reminder that I am on the correct path and a way to reset. Refocus my priorities and clear some of the endless chatter. Part of it, I believe, is the time of year. Always questionable what will occur for me. Then, I have been unsettled and living in someone else's space. This man has been extremely kind, patient, generous. I realize, more today, that he has been the most patient with me. My charm can be a bit much at times. He might even refer to me as crazy as most men do find women crazy. I call it my charm. Thankfully, he has been patient and unwilling to engage me with the stream of chatter.
Lately, yes, I have been having a difficult time. I feel restless. Like I should be working or productive. I have not been too stressed out in terms of finding a job since I am heading to Vietnam in two weeks. It's hard to find a job and then leave for three weeks. I know this and my friends have been supportive of my decisions. Encouraging, even. That being said, I am critical of the fact that I am not being productive. I have been conditioned that work is inherent in my life. To continue my livelihood and do what I enjoy. Talk about creating chatter.
I am sure that I am not the only person that has ever experienced something like this or similar. I need to get out of my own way and remember that everything is going to work out fine. I am where I want to be. I chose to return home and I knew there would be some time before I became serious about what I should be doing. I only need to relax, breathe and smile. I am a fortunate girl. I have the opportunity to attend yoga on a daily basis at noon or before as well as hike on sunny days. Or there was that little trip to Santa Fe, mid week, which lit a fire in me. Some other customers asked me if I was planning on moving back. That was kind and Santa Fe will forever be an oasis for me. I have much gratitude for that.
I mentioned to my friend that I was irritable today and that I wanted to apologize for it. I can feel how irritated I am. Energetically, it is icky. When I am restless, I tend to want to run away. Santa Fe helped. It really did. And, Vietnam is in two weeks. I know that will also provide the opportunity to relax, reflect, let go. I am where I am supposed to be.