Monday, May 20, 2013

Back to childhood

Choosing happiness--that's my mantra today.  I experienced a no-win situation yesterday as my sister liked to point out.  It's always challenging to go against the inherent grain.  For example, as much as I would love to leave my work space the way I find it on a normal basis (without supplies, filthy, not stocked), I cannot.  I cannot not stock the straws when I see that they are out.  I have this need to make sure that it is clean, completely stocked, user friendly.
I have tried to leave it in poor fashion and it never works out.  It's a compulsion.  This inherent work ethic.  I suppose as I remember the 3+hour discussion my mom would have with us girls when she felt that we were slacking on housework.  It would start in an innocent way--there was dust on a shelf in the kitchen, the laundry had not been put away quickly enough, or the stairs did not appear to have been vacuumed; and balloon into how we were ungrateful brats that were being stripped of our privileges.  We never received allowance and so privileges meant being able to watch tv, play outside with friends, or just be a normal kid.  This happened every 5-6 months my entire childhood.  The intensity lessened and of course, we adapted to whatever was pointed out from the previous discussion.
It was ingrained, in all of us, that you left a clean space.  This has stayed with me at every job I've held.  So, it's frustrating when I find my work space trashed.  I like being prepared, ready to go and capable of adapting to whatever the night presents.  This is easy when the work space is stocked.
Sometimes, I wonder why I let it eat away at me.  It's just a job, right?  I obsess about what the motivation is to leave it in such a way.  Then, I think about how maybe if I could let it go (roll off of me), I would survive.  Others do.  Obviously as they have no problem leaving, clocking out and not thinking anymore of the job.  I suppose part of it goes back to knowing that it is much simpler to perform when it is stocked.  And, I think, it cannot work if only one or two people are actually stocking.  I am like a hamster on an endless wheel with this train of thought.
In other news...I had considered meeting a friend for a post-work beverage last night.  He was agreeable and I did not have a time frame outside of after 9.  By 9, I felt that meeting him would be unlikely.  I still had some stuff to sort though and the intensity of meeting him was lessening.  It would require some effort on my part to meet him.   A shower was mandatory.  I couldn't meet him in my current state of sweat, salt and beer.  I could meet a girlfriend of mine, my wine rep friend (Brian) or a host of other people.  They know that this is my normal attire/scent coming from work.
Anyways, I contacted him that I wanted a rain check and he concurred.  I enjoyed a few glasses of wine while chitchatting with customers.  It was really nice.  It reminded me of why I do what I do.  Why I am passionate about the service industry and why, yes, I will continue to be o.c.d. about how my work space looks.
I choose happiness.  I choose my dreams, myself and yes, I will continue to do my part.  I wouldn't have it any other way.

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