Today, we were supposed to go scuba diving. Everything hinged on that fact. The entire trip to Belize was planned with that idea in mind.
We would scuba, release Brian's ashes, celebrate his life and enjoy today.
I woke up and was anxious. I think I tend to be when it comes to celebrating the 28th of February. Not to mention the scuba diving. My last dive was not stellar. I panicked and only did one dive. Keep in mind that my "partners" left me while I was retrieving additional weights. Water choppy and I struggled against the current.
Anyways, this morning, we made coffee and found a little breakfast place open. Neither of us spoke about the upcoming day/tension, but we knew it was there. This day is hard. It's been five years. It still feels like yesterday.
Five years since Brian died.
We went to check into the scuba place and were informed that due to the weather---crazy winds--we would not be able to go today. I mean, we could. But, they highly encouraged us to reconsider. It would not be a pleasant dive/experience/day.
We talked about it and I realized that this was Brian's way of screwing with us. We will go tomorrow and if not, tomorrow, definitely on Wednesday. It forced us to adapt to what our expectation of how today should go. Now, there is no expectation outside of finding joy and remembering Brian.
I ask you to eat chocolate and drink wine to celebrate his life with us. We have reservations at a nice restaurant and Shari brought a bottle of Rutherford Hill Merlot from the States to drink.
Today is a good day. I feel him laughing at me as I type this.....