Sunday, September 25, 2011

current thoughts

Last night, I was making small talk with customers when this couple walked down the stairs. Immediately, I sensed this man's discomfort. He seemed agitated and since I was semi-trapped behind the bar, I couldn't approach them to find out what I could do to make it better. He looked at his wife and said--they don't have the game on.....
At this point, I interrupt this couple and ask what they would like to drink. The woman asks me if I can put the ASU game on and I agree, too, once I find the correct station. I grab the remote and the guy keeps saying--it's on Fox. I tell him that we had been watching the baseball game which was on fox. He is furious that I don't have the game on. I find it on espn but they are broadcasting the end of another game. There is one minute left. Football minute that is. I ask the couple what they would like to drink and the guy turns to his wife and says--they don't have the game on.
Insane. He would miss the first few moments of the football game. Few minutes. The other people that watched the interaction felt he was irrational too. It wasn't just me being mean. Then, I considered what is currently going on in my life. My dad would give anything to have another clear, loving moment, with his wife. He would love to take her home and lavish her with whatever she wanted. Instead, he is watching her try to let go of life.
I made some comment about being embaressed for the woman and how I would hate to be in a relationship like that. Pure misery.
For the most part, last night, was extremely pleasant. Steady flow of interesting conversation. And, I reached out to someone from my past that I hadn't spoken to in months. My way of offering the olive branch was sending a birthday card. I thought he would text or e-mail and let me know that he had received it. He didn't. Casually, I asked a few people that I know are close to him. They seemed surprised that he had not responded and indicated that he probably didn't get it. I couldn't remember if I sent it to the right address. In hindsight, I believed that I had gotten the numbers misplaced. I had rushed to send the card and in my hurry, could not remember if I wrote the correct address.
Yet, he did receive the card. He said he felt bad for not telling me thank you and mentioned that he would treat me to wine next time I was in the area. Thankful for that. We can move beyond our differences and continue, I think.
Perhaps, I am emotional due to the nature of my last week. It prompted me to think about my own life--dealing with losing Brian, the people that helped me while I was grieving and what this now will mean to my dad. Being upset about a game that started two minutes ago seems so minute in the whole scheme of things. It is laughable. To rush off, spike your blood pressure and for what---missing two minutes of a game? How to deal with the things you cannot control? Illness, death, etc?
Today, I will take a deep breath and breathe when challenged. I will smile and give gratitude for being right here, right now. I will pray for peace for my stepmom and send love to my dad and sisters that are still physically there for my dad offering support. I will not be negative about things that truly do not matter outside of a moment of time.
And, I will dream of a wine date with old friends. Happy Sunday~

No comments: