I think the best decision I made was to do the trip. I remember walking the runway at Nadi, Fiji, and thinking--what the fuck did I just do? I couldn't fathom that I was in a new country and only had three nights booked at some hotel that I didn't even know where it was. I slept soundly and then realized that my friends were freaked out since I hadn't communicated in a few days. I made the decision to fully enjoy my trip at that point. I booked the Fiji experience and was determined to go scuba diving at some point in Fiji. There was a possibility at Mango Bay which is on the southern part of the country. Bequa has shark diving, which I considered, but once I was at Mango Bay, it didn't feel right. The hostel that we were booked into was lame--bad food (lasagna similar to my grandma's spaghetti), being locked in the dorm room since the lock sucked and I wasn't a huge fan of the internet.
So, I jumped back on the bus and continued on until Voli Voli. The water was inviting, the people at the resort were helpful and they played Dr. Hook and Anne Murray. Right away, I felt a strong connection to Brian and it felt right. Diving was difficult since it brought up so many memories of him, but I needed it. It reaffirmed that I had made the right decision to do the trip. I was scared of the unknown and what I find out about myself on this journey.
During the trip, I felt at peace with myself. Returning to Denver has enabled me the comfort of what I had left in October. Denver, for me, is home and it will always represent Brian to me. I suppose I am rediscovering, again, that I must be present in the moment to grow.
Thank you for listening. I feel that I must be real in my thoughts to embrace the changes in me. I thought it was funny that I was sleeping next to a snoring, inebriated guy, similar to the circumstances in most hostels, but it is shallow. There is so much more to reflect on and find.