TGIF...well, all that means for me, is hydrating, rest, possibly ice, no fried foods and a nap. Long run day is tomorrow and so instead of partaking in normal debauchery associated with Friday nights, I rest and dream of running. I visualize crossing the finish lines. I figure the more frequently I run around Wash Park, the more likely I will delay my wall at the 20 mile marker. I hope it will be that familiar and I will be able to push on, make it up Logan to the hill back to Civic Center Park. Oh, the marathon. My life has changed.
It's positive. I think. Or, I would like to think. I am completely responsible/capable of/for my life changes.
For instance, I am moving from my ideal rental. Ideal in the sense that I have an off-street parking space, the location is amazing and the space is eclectic. My landlord refuses to maintain the place. He wants to do everything himself, to cut costs, but instead of fixing the problem, he creates yet, another phone call, a month or two down the road. The last straw was the locks. I know that he didn't change them when Marc and Megan moved out. He never gave me the new front door key. He insisted that he wouldn't change the locks, after the break-in, since it wasn't his responsility. He faulted the new tenants for the break-in. What kind of property owner does this? One that shouldn't be renting out his spaces.
I believe in principle.
Yes, he did change the locks, but reluctantly. If I lived in a broken down, cheap, place, it would be expected. But, our rent isn't cheap and I am capable of changing my location. I figure it is less rent for me, which equates to more food, wine and travel. Watch out world!
In other areas, I realize it is time to do with my mom. It is beyond ridiculous how much time has passed, but I know that as I continue to stubbornly wait for her apology, she is talking to my sisters and making them feel like it is my fault for the distance. It isn't. It's simple--apologize, mean it, understand that what you said was completely irrational and let's move on...I am tired of feeling at odds with her and the strain it is creating for my sisters, too. I love my mom, and I know that she knows this. In my life, she has never been wrong. As an adult, I am finding my voice. I am finding what I will manage and what I refuse to deal with--manipulation, guilt--and because of this, we aren't talking. It is sad, but again, I am principled. And, every time I overlook what happened, she hurts me, again...and the cycle restarts.
I know this is normal. I have many girlfriends that have interesting relationships with their parents, specifically, their moms. It isn't about lack or love, or a bad childhood, it's just our issues that continue to separate us...