Friday, April 2, 2010

Flowers and why I buy them.....

Lately, in the last 6 weeks, I have been buying flowers. I know it sounds lame, but flowers sure do brighten up a room. This week, I bought roses. I wanted lilies but I didn't love the selection at my local Whole Foods. Instead, I sought out the crazy parking one in Cherry Creek and found the roses. They are lovely!
I wanted to do something, for me, and this seemed the most positive and beneficial to visitors.
The other night, I was explaining my theory to my ex, Casey. We dated 10 years ago. I met him while working at Free State in college. It was inevitable that we would break up, that go around; but, I was determined to make it work. I had "the" plan, at that age. I was running away from Kansas as fast as I could. While figuring out my destination, I met him.
Of course, I was enamored, but still knew that I must leave Kansas and begin my journey. He, being all of 22, couldn't contemplate the distance thing. I was stubborn and left. Still, that summer I adored him. I wondered why he wouldn't follow me to a different state or at least visit. Again, our age was a factor and we had completely different priorities. I wanted to travel and see the world. He liked his life in Lawrence.
This past summer, I saw him while in Boston and we reestablished our friendship. I kinda fell off of the grid after I left the midwest. Facebook aided our reconnection.
Anyways, we are definitely friends, now, but our timing/priorities have set us adrift once again. He lives in Kansas and I live in Colorado. He has two daughters and I am still solo. I wish him the best, but our timing is bad.
Back to the flowers...I told him that there are several people I know, currently, that are in crappy relationships. I seem to be attracting this, right now. I think partially to remind myself that it is okay to be strong, independent and not to settle for les--just to be with someone. For instance, I have a friend that is cute, social, fun. She was dating a man that said some extremely hurtful things to her. Here is one--I am not attracted to you...I had to force myself to perform.
I don't know if I would ever be able to get beyond that. Actually, I am fairly certain if some guy said that to me, I would walk, no run, the opposite direction. I mean, it was extremely malicious with no positive or redeemable thing coming out of it.
Funny, they are dating again.
I don't want that sort of abuse, for me, and so I have been being kind to myself and focusing on positive things. I.E...running, upcoming travel, coffee dates with friends, flowers. Making myself a priority.
Casey looked at me and said--Aren't your always nice to yourself? The way he said it indicated that he felt I was selfish. I don't know. I could be looking into that too much.
Maybe it appears that way, but no, not all of the time am I nice or sane in my head. I analyze, reanalyze, flip it upside down and analyze it again. I definitely need to be nice to myself with flowers. I hope to plant sunflowers this year since they are definitely my favorite.
How are you kind to yourself? It seems simple and it's definitely taken for granted but how do you express liking yourself? I know a lot of my friends who are mothers that never have time for themselves. I think it is essential to take time for you, everyday. I guess that is why meditation is so positive....