Sunday, August 9, 2009


I don't know if I should call it trust, being naive, loss of innocence or gullibility.
There is a person that I am ex-communicating from my life.
I knew that he had a crush on me.
I told him that it would NEVER HAPPEN, on more than one occasion. For awhile I felt guilty that I had to be so blunt. Then I realized that he didn't understand it. Any possible vulnerability on my part, and he was taking a mile from me. This past year, I have been more communicative about my interest in men, or feeling again. Most people are happy for me. They want me to feel again.
Never once, have I indicated that it would be okay to date him or even think of him as anything but a friend.
True, I know that his intentions were not pure. I thought we had gotten beyond the awkwardness of him liking me. I thought he understood that we were friends, only, and that would be all that was possible.
I am stupid. Instead of confronting him, when he says this to me--One day, you will let me kiss you and think why didn't I do this before now--I ignore it, hoping that it will go away.
I quit hanging out with him for awhile and then, somehow, find myself having wine with him at Elway's.
Last night, was the end.
I trusted him because we were friends.
He took advantage of me. I won't go into details, but I won't allow it to happen, either, ever again. If I can't trust you, you are not my friend.
I think of all of the people that I have encountered in my life. The times when I have said no to another drink or no to a dance, or no to a conversation. No means no and for the most part, it is respected.
From a friend, you would think your boundaries would be appreciated and taken into account. Not violated and for what purpose?
Lack of integrity is not easily forgiven. Trust, is earned and respected. I no longer trust or respect or value this person in my life.

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