Saturday, October 15, 2011

Insomnia related to too much thinking

Insomnia.  Instead of tossing/turning another round, I decide to go on-line.  Not a solution for the insomnia as I find myself thinking more.  Nonstop analyzing.  Mind racing.  What is the deal? 
I suppose there is a lot going on in my life--car, work, travel, pursuing wine, wanting nonstop travel, food, running.  Not necesssarily in that order or even order of importance.  My car is problematic to a certain degree.  I am frustrated with the mechanics and the fact that I need to have this problem fixed.  I love my car and really it isn't that big of a deal.  It's just money.  That is what I need to remember.  Let it go and move on.
Running.  I went hiking on my birthday and twisted my ankle.  I did not recover the way I normally do.  Perhaps since I didn't baby my ankle like I had in the past.  I worked and then decided to ice it.  Foolish.  As a result, I have been gingerly walking on it the last few weeks.  Delaying the return to running, hoping, that my ankle will feel better.  I have stretched, iced, and increased the frequency of yoga.  Last Tuesday, I went running and it felt okay.  A little tight in the beginning but then I was able to enjoy the activity.  I think I will tape it to stabilize my ankle and run the 1/2 that I signed up for in November.  This half is going to be epic.  The Goddess is running it with me and it benefits breast cancer awareness.  That issue is close to my heart.  I am thankful to be able to run in honor of my stepmom, Dori.
My dad sent me a tribute that was shown at the service for her.  It was a nice photo array from her life.  I enjoyed seeing Dori as a child and most of the photos of her travels with my dad.  That is something that they definitely enjoyed.  I noticed several photos from their trips to Oregon and a few from Denver and Estes Park.  I don't know who chose the photos of me, but I was thankful for the one which illustrated our Race for the Cure in 2009.  My dad, Dori, Bryn and I walked together.  A beautiful memory for sure.
I continued watching and thought, I wonder if they included any photos of Brian in the arrangement.  The video continued and there he was with Dori and me in front of a coffee shop near the Platte River.  I remember, that day, fondly.  It was the first time my dad and Dori spent any time with me and Brian.  They visited us in Denver and we were trying to tour guide and show them a pleasant time.  When I saw the photo, my heart ached.  Maybe that is the reason behind the insomnia.  Sadness for loss.
I knew it would be difficult to watch and believe that is why I delayed it. There was a photo of Michaela, her whippet, Pete, and Dori on Michaela's red couch.  That photo made me chuckle, even now, I am smiling at that photo.  I guess I miss Pete, too.
I believe that everything will be fine and that soon, I will be able to sleep.  I have upcoming travel, more running, and always wine.  After making a few adjustments in my schedule, the next few days will be interesting.  No car which motivates me to be interesting.  Should I bike to work or take the light rail?  Cab?  Walk?  What is my best option?  I suppose I will figure it out at some point.
Til then, I hope to experience a night of pure sleep.  Sweet Dreams!

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