Monday, July 27, 2009

what if's.........

I was contacted by someone from my past. I am still a little weirded out by it. Not in a bad way. He isn't a bad person, it's just that I haven't spoken to him in 7 or 8 years. We lost contact and our lives separated.
I guess it makes me think about What if? What if I had went to Greece in 2001. Where would I be now?
I don't think that I would have chosen Denver to be my home. I am sure of it. It was such a flukey decision. I found myself, homeless, in 2001. See, I was supposed to do a 6 month travel adventure in Europe. Everything was set up. I had my car and belongings at my sister's house in Kansas. I had set up a leave of absence with 4 Peaks, knowing that it was doubtful that I would return to Phoenix. I have fantastic friends that live there and I visit 2-3 times a year, but it isn't my home, nor will it ever be. Still, I wanted to leave on good terms with 4 Peaks and so I did it that way.
I was in Salina, of all places, when 9/11 hit. The universe completely threw a curve ball at me. I had no idea what to do, except, I knew that I wasn't staying in Salina. I entertained the idea of returning to Lawrence, working at Free State and going to Europe at a later date. I was in Lawrence, for 2 days, and knew that it wasn't a good idea. I knew too many people locals and would become an alcoholic since I couldn't go out without running into someone that I knew. Plus, there was the ex-factor, who had moved on, but still lingered in my mind.
I called my friend, Jan, and begged her to visit me in Kansas. She arrived, with a huge suit case and we drove to Denver for the GABF. Since then, Denver has been my home.
I met Brian in 2002. He changed my life.
I wonder where I would be had I went to Greece. It is just fantasy, since I know that I was supposed to meet him, in Denver, and have him in my life. That Europe Trip was supposed to be postponed. Funny how things work, sometimes.
So, yes, what if I had stayed in Kansas?
Again, nice to consider, but there is always a reason for why you make decisions or embrace change in life. If you could go back and change something, would you? Or, do you accept that you are exactly who and where you are supposed to be?


scarlethue said...

I'm a firm believer that things happen for a reason. I wouldn't change anything in my past, even if it would alleviate pain, because the pain along with the joy has made me who I am today.

Maybe now would be a good time for a Europe trip?

harmony said...

Too true.
Europe always sounds like a good idea. I am doing 12 trips, stateside, for 2009, and maybe a brief stint in the Bahamas. I think Europe will be 2010.